Moron USA Today Columnist Thinks The Cardinals Poop Vanilla Sprinkles

You know, we usually wait until October here to dump on the Cardinals and have the entire city of St. Louis send us polite death threats. But Bob Nightengale … oh, Bob Nightengale … you forced my hand early, you abominable fucking hack. I guarantee, right now, that there won't be a worse piece of sportswriting this… » 3/05/15 11:25am Yesterday 11:25am

You've Got To Be Superman To Swing Like Jose Abreu

When the Chicago White Sox signed Cuban defector Jose Abreu to a six-year, $68 million deal, the expectation was that he would be worth his money, and the hope was that he would be be the next slugging first baseman/DH in the line of team greats Frank Thomas and Paul Konerko. It turned out to be a pretty solid bet. » 3/04/15 3:28pm Wednesday 3:28pm

Report: Man Who Told On Jackie Robinson West Arrested For Assault

The man whose whistleblowing—or snitching, depending upon your perspective—led to the Jackie Robinson West Little League team losing their national title has been arrested for assault, DNAInfo reports. Chris Janes is alleged to have drunkenly tried to enter a neighbor's home at 1 a.m. Tuesday, and is charged with " » 3/03/15 8:03pm Tuesday 8:03pm

Vladimir Guerrero Had Hubris, And He Had Balls

The following is excerpted from Jonah Keri's Up, Up, & Away: The Kid, The Hawk, Rock, Vladi, Pedro, Le Grand Orange, Youppi!, The Crazy Business of Baseball, and the Ill-fated but Unforgettable Montreal Expos, a wonderful and definitive account of Montreal's much-lamented baseball team. The book will be released in… » 3/03/15 11:07am Tuesday 11:07am

Alfredo Despaigne Has The Slowest Home Run Trots Ever

Cuban left fielder Alfredo Despaigne is one of the best baseball players not currently playing in Major League Baseball, and he's going to celebrate home runs however he damn pleases. Today his Alazanes de Granma took on Cazadores de Artemisa, and Despaigne mashed two homers. To celebrate, he busted out the two… » 3/02/15 8:38pm Monday 8:38pm

The Bizarre Spring Training Injuries Are Out In Full Force

The greatest spring training tradition—baseball players injuring themselves in weird-ass ways—has arrived early this year. First Michael Saunders stepped on a sprinkler head and tore the meniscus in his knee, and now Tampa Bay Rays reliever Ronald Belisario has fractured his (non-throwing) shoulder while getting out… » 2/28/15 12:44pm 2/28/15 12:44pm

Greedy Dad Wants Free Stuff From MLB Teams Just Because He Has A Baby

There are many dads in America, and every day there are more. Many of these dads feel reasonably entitled to certain things—the right to put on their slippers and read the paper after work with their loyal hounds at their sides, for instance, or to just have a few minutes of peace and quiet, for Christ's sake. One… » 2/19/15 11:47am 2/19/15 11:47am

Danny Almonte On Jackie Robinson West: It's Not The Kids' Fault

For all the shock and controversy over Jackie Robinson West being stripped of its U.S. title for using out-of-district players, there has never been a better Little League scandal than that of Danny Almonte, the star pitcher who turned out to be two years older than any players were allowed to be. Almonte commiserates… » 2/19/15 9:55am 2/19/15 9:55am

This Big A-Rod Profile Might Actually Make You Feel Bad For A-Rod

J.R. Moehringer has a huge feature about Alex Rodriguez on ESPN.com today. It's a well-reported, in-depth look at everything Rodriguez has been up to since being banned from baseball for 162 games for using PEDs. There's a lot going on in the story, and you should really read the whole thing, but perhaps most… » 2/18/15 10:42am 2/18/15 10:42am

A-Rod Apologizes To Fans With Dopey Handwritten Letter

This is wonderful. Alex Rodriguez has released a handwritten(!) letter in which he apologizes to all of his fans for, uh, whatever it is we've all decided he needs to apologize for. This idea was surely thought up by some overpaid brand consultant. "Alex, our data shows that baseball fans associate handwriting with… » 2/17/15 1:31pm 2/17/15 1:31pm

The Yankees Will Sell Their Past Until There's Nothing Left Of It

The Yankees announced yesterday that they will retire the numbers of Andy Pettitte, Jorge Posada, and Bernie Williams, and that all three—along with Willie Randolph—will receive plaques in Monument Park in four different ceremonies spread across the season. No American sports team has made such an art of monetizing… » 2/17/15 10:48am 2/17/15 10:48am