The local news in the slightly larger home town of the Shock's opponent—San Antonio—tracked down 'Da Mayor in order to inform of the most important sporting event in his city since the 2007 Mid-American Conference Gymnastics Championships.

Q: Is Ypsilanti ready for WNBA fever?

A: The Convocation Center (capacity 8,824) is a huge place and a great facility. We’re certainly ready.

Q: So you’re the mayor of the town with the world’s most phallic building?

A: Oh great. You heard about that. That water tower still works, by the way. You can laugh about it all you want, but I respect a building that was built of stone in 1890 and still works.

Scintillating! By the way, the reason why the Palace of Auburn Hills is not available to the Shock this weekend? Because it was already booked ... by Disney On Ice. Now that is just Goofy.

• For Stars: yip, yip, Ypsilanti! [My San Antonio]
• Detroit at San Antonio: Game 2 Preview [Yahoo]

"It was a mistake, a bad mistake," he adds of the picture, which showed the Spanish national team pulling back the corners of their eyes. "We weren't meaning to do anything hurtful, I take that like a lesson. ... I wanted to tell the people what I am, I've never had that problem before in my life and it will never happen again." Calderon says he sent emails back to about 100 fans who wrote to him to say how hurt they were by the picture. "I wrote to the people who really cared about it, the people who emailed me and people who really thought I was saying something bad. It was a bad mistake, I wanted to tell them."

"I felt so bad about it, I needed to think about it for a long time," Calderon says. "I didn't want to answer every time they were saying something, I just waited for the best moment."

Of course this apology has nothing to do with pressure from the Spanish government, which wants the games in 2016.

Jose Calderon Says 'It Was A Mistake, A Bad Mistake' [MyHogtown]

"I am very sorry for my inability to return to the club in a timely manner due to personal issues," Kemp wrote in a letter posted on the team's Web site Saturday. "I'm very sorry that these unforeseen circumstances have resulted in the club's understandable decision." The 38-year-old Kemp had not played since 2003 and was arrested in 2005 and 2006, both times in drug-related matters.

Kemp's college career was similarly aborted when he left the University of Kentucky after being accused to trying to pawn some jewelery stolen from a teammate. So now we have matching bookends. The Reign Man's reign has officially ended.

Seam Kemp's Return To Pro Basketball Cut Short [SI]

From the New York Times' Play Magazine:

After the league cut Jaime from the boys’ team, Williams called the Portland media. A local TV station aired Jaime’s story, and a couple of weeks later she and her family were featured on “Good Morning America” and “CNN Headline News.” Through the summer, Jaime received an outpouring of support — text messages from her former male teammates and notes from total strangers, including a 55-year-old woman who said she’d hoped to play basketball in the Olympics, but by the time women’s basketball became an Olympic event, it was too late. To date, however, the Hoop has not reversed its decision, and Williams is considering a civil claim. (Hoop management did not return phone calls for this article.) “Sports brings out the best and worst in us,” Williams says. “For me, it begs the question of how we do sports at the beginning. Particularly before puberty, why do we separate boys only, girls only? We say boys are stronger, faster, but that’s a generalization.”

Read on for a pretty fascinating article about how the world is reacting to a women's basketball prodigy.

Scary, isn't she? [Play Magazine]

Writes Potter on his President's Blog:

Nightmare Ant seemed to go viral and became so popular that Deadspin nominated it to its hall of fame. For the Mad Ant to have made it, he would have had to have 75% of the vote. Sadly, like other great and worthy hall of famers (Art Monk, Andre Dawson, Hideki Irabu), he did not make it. An intense debate raged, as evidenced by the hilarious (and possibly offensive — depends on the reader) comments which followed, but Nightmare Ant could only gain 56% of the vote. Somewhere, Nightmare Ant weeps.

All is not lost for the Mad Ant, however. First, he has a season coming up where he gets to show once again that he is the hottest mascot out there right now. Second, he can — as Nightmare Ant — exact his revenge upon all those who failed to vote for him. This will make those think twice of ever voting against him again.

Fun fact: The Mad Ants are actually not named for the insect at all. The name derives from General "Mad Anthony" Wayne, who achieved fame in the French and Indian and Revolutionary Wars, and for whom the city of Fort Wayne, Indiana, is named.

Nightmare Ant [D-League Blogs]

I'm not certain that Palin will select "body man" with basketball experience a la Obama with Reggie Love, but I assume that Trajan Langdon and Carlos Boozer are the early favorites.

Image via Time

This gold-medal final had a dress code: defense optional. The U.S. couldn't quite seem to remember that floating jumpers and second shots defined the Spanish offensive arsenal, allowing Marisa Gasol's womb to score 31. Spain... well, we're not sure there's an equivalent word in Spanish to "defense". The U.S. hit 60% of their shots; Spain 50%.

If anyone fusses at you that the United States failed in any capacity in this contest... well, that pick-and-roll matter is up for discussion. Otherwise, know that Spain reached up to the best and not the other way 'round.

In Nike's USA Basketball commercial for these Games, Marvin Gaye's brilliant 1983 NBA All-Star Game rendition of the National Anthem has been trimmed for space considerations and to emphasize the unity (through clapping) at the end. Most people forget the boos at the beginning of his version, though. By the end, though, those that cast stones were drowned out by those that loved it.

Here, those that felt the need to absolve these multimillionaires of perceived sins can no longer be heard over the beauty of the game played and those that love them for it.

Also of note: David Beckham can find cheerleaders anywhere in the world. He managed to make it to the game and the Chinese cheerleaders managed to entertain him at halftime. It's a symbiotic relationship.

Finally, If you want to know who's the top in the NBC-IOC alphabet soup love affair, Doug Collins (noted medal ditcher) is allowed to attend Olympic events in an official capacity.

Regardless, we'll be up for the gold-medal match between the US and Spain because NBC has finally deemed us worthy of a live event shown at roughly the same time the event occurs. (We had assumed this was a core tenet of the phrase "live television", but The More You Know, we guess.) Therefore, we will stay up to see it out here in the Western hinterlands at 11:30 pm. (Yes, 2:30 am in the East.)

After all, it sounds like we've got as good a chance of getting lucky in the middle of the night with the team as just about anyone. (Except José Calderón. He's not even playing.)

NBC to Show Gold Medal Game Live Across the Country [Awful Announcing]
Nike asks Chinese government to identify Yahoo blogger [Technically Incorrect]

“There was no showing off,” Krzyewski said with an edge in his voice. “You dunk when you have to dunk. They have 7-footers. If you don’t take it hard, Yao would block it. He did block one. … I don’t know your definition of showing off, to me that’s hard basketball. I thought we played very hard. I thought we took it to the basket hard. Don’t confuse hard with showing off.”

You see, those Chinese are sneaky; you never know where they could be lurking. So Dwyane Wade's 180-degree breakaway dunk with his team up by 20, was completely warranted. You never know when Yao is going to appear and block it! From the bench!

You stay classy, Redeem Team.

U.S. versus Angola, as we speak. Where there will certainly be no running up of the score.

UPDATE: Final, United States 97, Angola 76.

Give Coach K An F For Diplomacy [Kansas City Star]

Spain, patron saint of the New World, land of low-priced cerveza, Sergio Garcia's homeland, and where slant-eyed jokes by the Spanish national basketball team leave the entire country rolling on the floor with laughter. Those were the fourth grade days. Just imagine what would have happened if they'd followed up this team photo with bunny ears behind every player's head.

The above photo was actually included in a Spanish newspaper according to The Guardian: "Spain's Basketball Federation has published a good luck advert for their men's team, the world champions, in which they stand pulling at the sides of their eyes in a slit-eyed gesture."

The Spoiler reports that this photo ran on a full page in the Spanish sports daily, Marca. Yep, this ad ran in Spain and not a single person had an issue with it.

Wait, is it slit-eye or slant-eye? I've always gone with slant-eye. Am I wrong? Regardless this will really help Spain's quest to host the Olympics in 2016 and 2020.

Spain basketball team pictured in controversial pose [The Guardian]
Spain brings racism to the Olympic games [The Spoiler]

There are a couple of surprises here, first, Shawn Kemp is only 40. Surprising only because Kemp has a daughter who's 32. Second, an Italian basketball team called Premiata Montegranaro has offered him a contract. Of course this report comes via Ball Don't Lie (via The Sport Count) who claims that this article reports that. Only the article is in Italian. And my mom's basement doesn't have a pocket Italian translator.

So I'll just assume all this is true. Which is awesome. Because Shawn Kemp has been no stranger to the ladies in America—a country with sexual harassment laws. Can you imagine what Kemp can do in Italy? A country where sexually harassing women is the national past-time? Only good things can happen from this. Well, assuming the pasta isn't unlimited. Only good non-pasta things. Thank you Italy.

Italian MetroNews [Italy newspaper]
Has Europe gotten it right for once? [The Sport Count]
The NBA euro exodus continues... [Ball Don't Lie]

What happens when a chunky kid tries to dunk on a 7 foot goal? Six seconds of pure bliss. There are 19 more of these inluding a refresher on the trampoline dunk attempt that became a Deadspin HOF nominee. Cease all work. Immediately.

You can't dunk. I can't dunk. Somebody in the comments will say they used to be able to dunk but he will be lying. Or one of those guys who considers it still to be dunking on a nine foot adjustable height rim. Dunking is rare for regular people, extremely rare. Some accountants don't believe it even exists.

But those of us who can't actually dunk are fond of coming up with ways that we can dunk. Be that dunking on a trampoline, on short rims, or on any type of goal that allows us, just for a moment, to feel the supreme confidence of throwing a ball through a metal hoop. Without further ado we bring you the greatest collection of 20 dunking videos heretofore collected on the internets. As you can tell, making dumb decisions while attempting to dunk knows no national boundary and no ethnic division. In the spirit of the Olympics, enjoy.

20 ways to die while trying to dunk a basketball [Athlists]

According to the Wall Street Journal, Nike acted because the new Hyperdunk ads were deemed by some to be offensive to blacks and gays. Which is, in two words, patently absurd. It also raises an interesting question: why can't a sports company just say that their ads are meant for non-idiots?

There has never been a basketball player of any persuasion who wants another man's groin to end up in his face during a dunk on the court. Never. Not gays, not blacks, not Asians, not women, not any player who has ever played the game. That was the idea behind Nike's advertising slogan created by the Wieden and Kennedy advertising agency. The company was proud of their work and posted congratulatory messages on their blog. (If you feel like a little entertainment, go read the comments. Watch as they move from self-congratulatory to angry. You can literally watch the wheels come off as those who are professionally offended swoop in. )

Go back and look at every top dunk of the past fifteen years. A large percentage of those ended up looking exactly like the imagery used in this advertising campaign. It's an iconic image, one that's neither homophobic nor racist. And every single person who got upset about this should go stand in a public park and get dunked on repeatedly. Gay or straight, sweaty balls to the face ain't fun.

Look, we all know that taking offense is our new national pastime. But what should the corporate response be when the people who take offense don't even understand what they're offended about? Not kowtowing to public "outrage", for one thing. But Nike buckled. Welcome to America in 2008: where even getting dunked on has to be tastefully done.

Nike withdraws dunk adds amid flurry of complaints [Wall Street Journal]
Hyperdunk Y'all [Weiden-Kennedy]

Sydney Moss was talented enough to play basketball for Ryle High School (Kentucky) as an eighth-grader last season. Knowing who her father is makes her even more of a curiosity. The 5-foot-10 forward is expected to be one of the top 100 players in the Class of 2012 and says she already has received letters from the University of Louisville, University of Kentucky and Purdue.

Plus this amusing tidbit, from Northern Kentucky Sports World:

Apparently some of Moss' children live in Boone County but he doesn't. He also has a son playing Pee-Wee football in Boone County and sometimes shows up at games and watches from his Escalade.

As Kige Ramsey will surely tell you, that is the only way to watch a Pee Wee football game in Kentucky.

Randy Moss' Daughter Could Be A Great Catch [Louisville Courier-Journal]
Randy Moss' Daughter Is A Baller [Larry Brown Sports]
Randy Moss In The Tri-State [Northern Kentucky Sports World]

Entering the camp, McGrady was a 17-year-old mystery from central Florida, unmentioned on most top-500 recruiting lists. So everyone in the gym took notice as he slowed at the top of the key to wait for the much-hyped Felton. When the big man caught up, McGrady stared him down, then took off a couple of strides inside the free throw line. Felton jumped too, but just as his fingers grazed the ball palmed in his opponent's right hand, McGrady whipped it down to his waist. In the next instant, he grabbed it with his left and windmilled it through the hoop so fiercely that it should have dented the floor. By the time the unheralded prep landed, he was the next big thing. Dozens of fans and players tumbled onto the court, yelling and high-fiving, temporarily halting the game. All Felton could do was shake his head, scratch his cheek and try not to look the victim. But the damage was done. The country's most-sought-after big had been owned. "It was one of the best basketball moments of my life," recalls Odom. "An I'm-ready-to-get-drafted type of move. I'd never seen anyone do something like that, not even in the NBA."

Feldman’s story ends sadly. McGrady goes on to be a multi-millionaire All-Star while James Felton’s life falls apart. Feldman traces their career arcs from this moment and while the construct might be artificial, the central concept, that some dunks are big enough to change the way we think, is not.

In much less maudlin terms the story left me thinking about the dunks I remember most from my life as a sports fan. We all have these moments stored away in our minds but we remember lots of them from television viewings. Which, to be honest, is not the way a dunk was truly meant to be experienced. With a catchphrase or an attempted witty quip from a desk-bound anchor. It strips away the primordial fury of the dunk. The soaring through the air, the unexpectedness of it, the sheer power. When you’re watching highlights on television you’re expecting to see the otherworldly. Watching a game in person when something spectacular happens, that’s when the true impact of the dunk is felt. So here are the three dunks I remember most.

The first wasn’t during a game or any particular athletic event. We’d just come back from summer break and were freshmen in high school. My best friend, Ian, had spent the summer refining his dunk attempts but none of us had seen him be successful so far. Then, during lunch break, he took a basketball and dunked. Having a friend your same age who could dunk suddenly makes you realize that you’re getting older. An actual friend who could dunk? Wow. Sex was sure to come soon. Even if, you know, it wasn't. I know the first guy able to grow a mustache gets a lot of pre-adolescent tail, but the first guy who could dunk in your high school? All of a sudden the sky was the limit for Ian. Chicks dig big verticals.

The second also happened in high school. My school, Martin Luther King, was playing Shawn Marion’s team from just up the road in Clarksville. During warm-ups Marion’s head almost touch the rim on the lay-up line. He was very thin and gangly and his arms and legs seemed a bit disjointed from the rest of his body. Even now when you watch Marion play on television there’s something a bit awkward about the way his body moves. So imagine this same movement during his junior year. It was a summer league game and a guy on the team, Jamie, was supposed to have the back side of the rim covered. Then, out of nowhere, it happened so quickly I could barely tell what was happening, a lob was in the air and Marion came soaring from what seemed like the roof of the gym. It was unbelievable. The most explosive athletic move I’d ever witnessed up to that point. Jamie never saw it coming. Which was probably fortunate because at least this way he only ended up with Marions nuts on the back of his head instead of his face. Marion hung on the rim and straddled him for a moment before coming back to earth. Every player on both teams just stopped playing. Except for Jamie who was trying to run back up to the court.

During the next timeout he said to my friend D.J., “How come you didn’t yell backdoor?”
And D.J., whose mouth was still agape, said, “Because I wanted to see what happened.”

From that day forward everyone knew that there were good athletes and there were great athletes and there was a tremendous line between the two.

Finally, during my sophomore year at George Washington University, GW and Xavier were locked in a very tight game that would decide the outcome of the A-10 West. There was a breakaway and then-sophomore James Posey of Xavier got the ball. Only GW’s 6’7 brute Spaniard, Antxon Iturbe, stood in the way. Iturbe had a vertical leap of about 24 inches on a good day so he had no hope to challenge Posey at the rim. Instead of fouling him as hard as he could, Iturbe decided to set up in the middle of the lane and take a charge. Only Posey never slowed down. Instead Posey took flight just inside the free throw line, cocked the ball behind his head, slammed into Iturbe and never stopped going. It appeared he might float all the way into the white retaining wall behind the basket. Instead he reached the rim and slammed the ball with such force that a raucous Smith Center crowd went completely silent. You could hear a pin drop all of a sudden. Even the white kids from parochial high schools who had been taught to take charges their entire lives didn’t speak. There was no foul called because I think the referee was too shocked to call the charge. But I’ll never forget that moment of complete silence that followed the dunk. I’d never before, and never have heard again, a home arena go so silent in an instant, all in awe over the awesome power of a dunk. To this day, every dunk I’ve ever seen is compared to that one single dunk that doesn't even exist in cyberspace anymore. And all have been found lacking.

The Wrong Side of Great [ESPN]

Three experienced handlers were working with the bear at Randy Miller's Predators in Action facility when the bear bit 39-year-old Stephan Miller on the neck, said San Bernardino County sheriff's spokeswoman Cindy Beavers. Stephan Miller is Randy's cousin, she said. Sheriff's Sgt. Dave Phelps said the bear was a 5-year-old male named Rocky. The Predators in Action Web site says Rocky is 7-feet tall, weighs 700 pounds and appeared in a scene in "Semi-Pro'' in which Will Ferrell's character wrestles a bear to promote his basketball team.

I'm not sure who it was who first thought that bears in captivity would be funny, but it's a notion we've retained for hundreds of years, and it rarely ends well; for us or the bears. Yes, this is tragic; but of all the misfortunes that can befall us in this world, this is one of the most avoidable. Rule of thumb: Person in bear suit, funny. Real bear, may kill you. Why do we keep forgetting this?

Semi-Pro Bear Kills Trainer [Variety]

Williams, who now sells his own brand of salsa and who later this month starts hosting a Phillies pre-game show on The Big Talker 1210 AM, told us yesterday that he was sorry for using the f-word while yelling at the ref. "I'm emotional when it comes to my kids. What I saw happening was completely unfair," Williams said, referring to his daughter's team being fouled repeatedly with a lack of calls from the refs.

The assigner of officials for the league said that if Williams "is going to appear at any games next year, we will not officiate them. If he enters the gym in the middle of a game, we will stop officiating." No way! That's BOGUS, man! (Throws shoe).

Dan Gross: Mitch Williams Still A Little 'Wild' [Philadelphia Daily News]

Sons of Nev (URL link button not working):

http://sonsofnev.wordpress.com/2008/03/10/and-judging-by-the-attendance-you-havent/

Parents and children were shocked when an elementary teacher and another woman got into a fist fight Saturday morning at a Little Dribbler's basketball game. Van Police Chief Kelly Smith said he had an arrest warrant for Jeannette Hughes, a first-grade teacher at Rhodes Elementary. "Yes there will be an arrest made," he told the Tyler Morning Telegraph Monday morning. "She was punching the other woman in front of everyone including her own kids," said one woman who did not want to be identified.

Yeah, important to stay anonymous here. Don't want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder for that first grade teacher bent on revenge.

UPDATE: "You call that fingerpainting, Tommy? You're a $%&#@!& disgrace. Call your mom and get her down here so I can beat her ass for giving birth to a loser like you!"

Van Teacher Involved In Brawl At Ball Game [Tyler Morning Telegraph]
Texas Female Teachers Brawl At Kids Basketball Game [Busted Coverage]

Scotland forced 32 turnovers in the game, scoring 34 points off them. The Cadets also harassed York into a dismal 8 percent shooting (2 of 24) night from the field. After Snell's basket, Scotland scored the next 30 points to swell its lead to 67-3. The Greyhounds' only other field goal was a layup by Joe Gross with 4:54 remaining in the game. YCD was held scoreless in the first and third quarters and did not attempt a free throw.

Quote of the game: "Our bench played very well," Scotland coach Randy Taylor said. The York Country Day individual totals:

Joe Gross 1-6 0-0 2, Levi Snell 1-7 0-0 3, Brad Schaffer 0-0 0-0 0, Yann Potier 0-6 0-0 0, Joe Slonaker 0-5 0-0 0, Hunter Moylan 0-0 0-0 0, Josh Klinedinst 0-0 0-0 0. Totals 2-24 0-0 5.

Luckily Levi Snell lit it up from beyond the arc, or it really could have been ugly.

Meanwhile, this kid had much better results.

'Fire Isiah!' 76ers Fans Chant In Rout Of Knicks [MSNBC]
Cadets Start Districts With 74-5 Tuneup Over York Country Day [Public Opinion]

I have to say that watching him on tv does not do him justice. He has such an amazing presence on the court and affects the game in so many ways. I don't think I ever truly appreciated his greatness until tonight. His near triple double may have something to do with it, but even still, he's one of those players that you just can't take your eyes off. Everything in basketball comes to him so easily. No look behind the back pass in traffic? No problem. Silky smooth. Hustle back on D to prevent a fast break layup? No problem. Heck he even puts on a show during warm ups with some dunks and alley oops.

LeBron had 24 points, 14 rebounds, nine assists and three blocked shots. Baron Davis had had 29 points and 10 assists for the Warriors, who are playing so far as if the playoff win over the Mavericks is good enough to hold them for a couple of years.

• Houston Wins At Home? Yao Ming had 28 points and 13 rebounds to lead the Rockets over San Antonio 89-81. The Spurs dynasty is dead! (Just chiming in so I won't feel left out).

• Peja Makes It Rain. Just when he thought he had things figured out, Kobe Bryant took only 20 shots and scored 28 points in a 118-104 loss to New Orleans. Leading the winners were Peja Stojakovic, who made a franchise-high 10 3-pointers, and Chris Paul, who broke the franchise season mark with 21 assists. Oh by the way, if you thought gas prices were high ...

• Presenting Your Undefeated LA Clippers. Cuttino Mobley scored 33 points and Corey Maggette had 18 points, 10 rebounds and five assists to lead the Clippers over the Bulls 97-91. Frankie Muniz says shove it, Nicholson! (Then runs).

For the record, I was against moving Jason Terry to the bench from the very beginning. But he seems to take to it; scoring 31 points to lead Dallas over Houston. "He just had that look in his eye and his shot really looked good,'' coach Avery Johnson told AP. "We are very surprised when he misses; we're kind of spoiled these days.'' Terry scored seven straight points in the third quarter, then he opened the fourth quarter with a 3-pointer, giving Dallas the lead. Nowitzki had 19 points.

And dear tiny infant Jesus, we thank you for Mavs Moneyball, which provided us with the above excellent NASCAR report.

• Wade Right In. Dwyane Wade reported no problems related to his left knee or left shoulder — both of which were operated on May 15 — after his first full contact practice on Monday. But the Heat (0-3) still doesn't know when he'll be ready to return to the lineup.

• Kobe Bryant Is Bulletproof. NBA beat writers took a day off from predicting a Kobe Bryant trade as the Lakers stopped the Jazz 119-109; which included 33 points from Bryant. The game also featured Kobe's block of a dunk attempt by Utah's Andrei Kirilenko with about seven minutes remaining. That's block No. 470 of his career, bringing him within three of Hank Aaron's all-time record.

• They Did The Nash, They Did The Monster Nash. With Amare Stoudemire suffering from sore kneeitis, Steve Nash scored 30 points and had 10 assists as the Suns beat the Cavaliers 103-92. LeBron James led Cleveland with 27 points; 21 the second half.

• There's One Thing You Do Not Know: The Celtics Are Not Left-Handed. Ray Allen hit a 3-pointer with less than 3 seconds remaining in overtime, finishing with 33 points in the Celtics' 98-95 win over the Raptors. T.J. Ford tied it at 95 on a 3-pointer with 4.4 seconds left. Kevin Garnett scored 10 points in OT, as Toronto made the decision not to double-team him. Um, not wise.

Sure, I took Serbian in high school — who didn't? — but it's really rusty. So let's leave it to AOL Fanhouse to translate the worst bit of this Darco Milicic tirade against the refs following Serbia's loss to Greece in the European championships. Fanhouse surmises that one of the lines is:

"I will find the referees, murder them and then [expletive] their daughters"

Just as Cary Grant would have put it. Some Serb speakers out there are starting to weigh in, and it seems the commenst are even worse than we thought. From the Detroit Free Press message board: "FYI 'Kurats' refers to the male appendage and the other affectionate word that he used about 100 hundred times is 'pichka' which refers to the female genitalia." ESPN.com reported that Darko was fined 10,000 Euros (about $13,000) for the tirade, and there are rumors that FIBA will suspend him. Darko: Charming in any language.

Darko's Venemous Tirade [AOL Fanhouse]

Of all the refs I heckled last year there were only two that could really piss me off. One was a dick (Steve Javie) and the other was either the most incompetent referee alive or a soulless shell of humanity with mob ties. I have no idea whether he had money riding on any of the seven Wizards games I watched him work this season, but it sure would clear things up a bit.

Now that people have begun digging for information on Donaghy's past it's become apparent that I wasn't the only one put off by his nonsensical decision making. Quite a few websites have gathered some transplendant tidbits on the disgraced zebra. I'll bring you some of the highlights forthwith.

We're older now, and so are the Globetrotters. These days, they're more a legitimate traveling team than a stunts and Washington Generals roadshow. And they even have their own draft. They took a few familiar names.

• Anthony Atkinson, the guy who scored all those points to help Barton College win the Division II championship.
• Sun Ming Ming, that 7-foot-9 Chinese guy who doesn't really known how to play basketball but is nevertheless obscenely tall. We doubt he does many dribbling tricks.
• Brent Petway, a Michigan player who was not good, but could dunk.

Not selected: Sebastian Telfair. Yet.

The Other Basketball Draft [The Feed]

This was posted less than 24 hours ago on Break.com, and it already has more than 200,000 views. (That's better ratings than "Quite Frankly" ever earned.) It might seem faked, but we're not so sure. It's amazing what Gilbert Arenas will do to win money from his teammates.

Could Larry Bird Do This? [Simon On Sports]

And hey, why not? The original decision to put the baskets 10 feet off the ground was not some agonized-over decision. In Dr. James Naismith's gym, the balconies happened to be 10 feet up, so that's where they nailed the peach baskets. Engineers and physicists were not involved in the decision.

And somewhere along the way, basketball players got bigger, and the game relied on sheer size and athleticism more than anything else. Tom Newell doesn't care for this. He'd rather see the emphasis on teamwork, spacing, passing, and working for open shots.

Eleven-foot rims, in theory, would help. Settling for a quick three would be a worse decision (to everyone but Larry Hughes, I assume), and no longer would blowing by your man for an easy dunk be so ... well, easy. So they played a game yesterday in Washington on 11-foot rims to see what would happen.

Sixty-five percent of the fans polled said they'd like to see the switch made ... but I'd imagine that many of people who would vote against just stayed home dunked on their 8-foot rims. It sounds appealing to me, but I'm a bit of a purist when it comes to basketball. All I can tell you is that if someday, someone says to David Stern, "Hey, we have an idea that will decrease highlight dunks and three-point shots," I don't think his reaction will be a positive one.

(Photo: Dean Rutz, Seattle Times)

11-Foot Rims | Taking hoops to new heights [Seattle Times]
Making Useless Unnecessary Changes 101 [The Angry T]
More On 11-foot Hoops [Seattle Times]
Taller rims top trash-can dunks [The News Tribune]

I was drug tested on the first day of the season and the last day, and I must say that you never really get used to having another grown man watch you pull down your pants and piss in front of him into a cup. I mean, I guess this is how it has to be because of people who try to fake the tests. I honestly had no idea what a "Wizzonator" was until I had an NBDL drug test. A "Wizzonator" is a fake penis that I guess you somehow fill with someone else's piss and it does the pissing for you during the test. I can only imagine how ridiculous Ontario Smith felt being caught using a coddamn Wizzonator. He must have used the white one instead of the black model. Either way, because of past cheaters, now the guy who does the testing has to watch you pull down your pants while you sum up the energy to piss for him. I swear I had to go real bad before I went in there, but the pressure got to me. I mean, it's not just the pressure to go, but I mean, another man is about to stare at your penis for hella long... it's not very comfortable.

What was worse for me was, there was another guy in there who was talking with the tester right before I had to go. He says to his buddy: "Last week I had to test Amare Stoudemire and Tim Duncan, now I'm here with these guys." Hmm, really? Great. Now I have to measure up to the big boys. I have gotten good reviews in the past...I mean, I am Rod Benson and everything...you know... TOO MUCH... but this is about a lot more now, now I'm going one on one with big Timmy. I feel like the guy is staring right through me. He is just sizing me up thinking to himself: "Yea, this guy isn't NBA Caliber...I wouldn't give him a call-up based off this," or he's saying "Wow, get this guy a 10 day right now." Either way, it's bad. I mean he probably isn't thinking that, but the fact that he could be thinking that is really bothering me. You don't just name drop the last two guys you saw naked then close me into the coddamn bathroom stall.

There are so many brilliant things about these two paragraphs that we can't ... take ... it. Our three favorites:

• The guy whose job it is to stare at other men's penises while they urinate complains about having to perform this function on less-than-world-caliber players.
• We never considered the possibility that Onterrio Smith was busted for his Whizzonator because he chose a white one. This has made us giggle for the last 15 minutes.
• "Going one on one with Big Timmy."

No offense to Paul Shirley ... but Rod Benson is the guy who deserves the book contract.

We Got It Done [Too Much Rod Benson]
Too Much Rod Benson ["Official" Site]
The Dakota Wizards Know How To Party [Deadspin]

The contest was also highlighted by a grotesque elbow injury to Wisconsin center Brian Butch early the game that left his arm looking like something other than an arm. Later, cameras caught Ohio State coach Thad Matta screaming at a ref, having his gum pop out of his mouth and onto the floor, and then re-inserting his gum into his mouth. Also, it was Billy Packer's birthday, so I hope you sent a card.

It was a very closely-contested game... the kind of game which doesn't give you a whole lot of insight as to who would win a rematch, should they meet again. Alando Tucker has 12 points and 8 boards for Wisconsin, while Greg Oden had 11 and 5 for Ohio State.

Ohio State vs. Wisconsin [CBS SportsLine]

"Dear Editor: I would like to apologize for streaking during the homecoming basketball game (Feb. 2)."

You see, it's one thing to get busted for streaking. It's quite another to be sentenced to write an apology letter in the freakin' town newspaper for it, and then going ahead and writing it. That letter is going to follow you forever, son. We would have just done the time in solitary. Well, it's too late now. We won't reprint the entire thing, instead just concentrating on the highlights.

"I would also like to apologize to the homecoming attendants, specifically Heather Selman, Samantha Casey and the new homecoming queen, Jovonna Clark."

"I would like to ask the community and school district to forgive me and give me a second chance at becoming a positive person toward our society."

"I'd like to apologize to Coach Jones and the basketball team who have worked countless hours preparing for their games."

"There are two questions that I get frequently asked, and those are: "Why did you do it?" and "Was it worth it?" To answer these questions, I did it because I thought it would be a funny little school prank that people would get a good laugh about."

And now to move on to the week's other delicious regret.

• "Sorry I attacked your kid with a flying suplex." — deranged youth wrestling parent.

• "Sorry we cheated by using everything but rocket fuel ... oh wait, we did that too." — Michael Waltrip NASCAR crew.

• "Sorry for all the stupid football rules. We were just kidding." — NCAA

• "Sorry, everyone." — Dreamworks Pictures.

'Streaker' Apologizes For Recent Incident [Neosho Daily News]

We love the Dodge City Legends' motion offense; the one in which their center sets picks at the top of the key. Because it's important to keep the tallest player in the history of organized basketball as far away from the basket as you can at all times. You've probably heard of Sun Ming Ming, a native of China who, at 7-foot-9, makes Yao Ming look like Porky from the Our Gang comedies. Sun has been in the U.S. for a couple of years now and was just signed by the Maryland Nighthawks of the American Basketball Association. He isn't very athletic and has only been playing the game for five years (hello, New York Knicks!), but he's recovering quickly from recent health problems and hopes to one day play in the NBA.

Nighthawks coach William Rankin expects Sun to be able to play about 28-30 minutes a game; his debut comes Saturday. That will also be Rankin's debut with the Nighthawks — he was hired about a week ago from a junior college team. "When I interviewed for the job, I asked, 'Do we have a 7-footer?"' Rankin recounted. "And (Doyle) laughed and said, 'We have someone who's almost an 8-footer."'

We love watching the video above because it reminds us of Nerf basketball in our room on rainy afternoons, and of course this. Oh, and if Sun is looking for a little female companionship, the Connecticut WNBA team has possible dating material.

7-Foot-9 Chinese Player Joins ABA Team [MSNBC]

And suddenly, "Malice at the Palace" seems so childishly innocent. Several police officers and fans were injured Wednesday during a huge brawl at a Serbian professional basketball game, as rival fans went at it before tipoff. The Serbs; they know how to party.

About 100 Partizan fans and a few dozen PAOK supporters fought several hundred Red Star fans in the stands and on the court at the Pionir Sports Hall in the Serbian capital. Fans also tossed flares and plastic seats.

Two things that are absolutely great about this. First, after all of this they actually ended up playing the game. And second, notice the guy in the photo above, in the middle in the black t-shirt? As pandemonium rages all around, he's looking for his seat after returning from the snack bar. Bet he didn't even spill his family sized Dr. Pepper.

Six injured in wild basketball brawl in Serbia [MSNBC]

One of the parents is a judge, of course.

The parents got thier way, the panel made their choices, and ... none of their daughters made the team. But this hasn't ended the controversy. The San Francisco Chronicle reports:

Nope, the parents continue to insist. It was a conspiracy. They wanted Nibarger fired this year, and if they couldn't get that (and they couldn't after formal complaints to the principal, district and school board), they were going to make her life miserable.

It's clear that we're in a quagmire at Castro Valley High. NBC has officially called it a civil war, and pulling out our troops immediately seems to be the only option.

Castro Valley Hoops Coach Can't Win [SFGate]
Swiftboat Veterans For Truth In Girls High School Basketball [Deadspin]

Upset that Castro Valley High girls varsity basketball coach Nancy Nibarger was not coaching the team to their standards, a group of disgruntled parents banded together and got an attorney, forcing the school to let them attend tryouts and choose the team by committee. Nibarger, who played at Kansas State and was an assistant coach at Cal and Kansas, must also have an "ombudsman" at each practice to report back to the parents. The actual charges against Nibarger? She is accused of forgetting to show up to picture day. Um, that's about it.

The leader of the Parental Revolt is rumored to be Alameda County Superior Court judge Larry Goodman.

The swashbuckling judge — who pilots a 32-foot gunboat as a "homeland security maritime specialist" for the Alameda County Sheriff's Department — is certainly deeply involved. Goodman was an assistant coach for the junior varsity team two years ago whose daughter, a guard, will be a senior this season.

Of course if these girls had started out in child beauty pageants like normal kids, none of this would have happened.

Parents Vs. Coach: Battle Goes Wild [SF Gate]

In January 2006, PETA contacted the National Basketball Association (NBA) and requested that it switch from leather basketballs to cruelty-free synthetic balls ... Along with the request, PETA sent information on how the leather industry tortures and kills millions of cows, including the fact that it takes the skin of an entire cow to make just four basketballs ... In June 2006, the NBA announced that it would switch to synthetic basketballs beginning with its 2006/2007 season.

My only question is ... if I'm going to be eating the rest of the cow anyway (and I damn sure will be), why not use the skin to put together a few basketball? Do we went to use the whole animal, like the nice Native Americans in "Dances With Wolves," or do we want to be like the bad white men who kill the buffalo for their tongues? Think about that, Pam Anderson.

The NBA denies that PETA had anything to do with the switch, saying that it's "a better ball with a better grip and feel and more consistency from ball-to-ball." Ignoring the words "ball-to-ball" for a second, pretty much everyone in the league agrees that the new basketball does not have a better grip, feel, or anything else. Everyone from Shaq to Mark Madsen hates it.

I think the NBA caved in to PETA. For a dress code that the players hate, the league stands up like they're Corleones. PETA applies a little pressure, though, and they fold like little girls.

About PETA - Victories [PETA]
PETA likes "cruelty-free" ball [ESPN Insider]

Team USA looked a little bit like a one-trick pony last night. When they're forcing steals and getting into transition, they look great. But their halfcourt offense and their halfcourt defense both look pretty shaky. High screen-and-rolls kills them, dribble penetration kills them, and there's almost no flow to the offense when they're forced to slow things down. When they play a team with experienced guards that won't turn the ball over, they're going to have to be a lot better than they were tonight.

Of course, the upside is that the 10-point margin of victory leaves Chris Sheridan plenty of room to continue with the Gloomy Gus routine. To be fair, he's absolutely right about much of what he's written, but he's been about as bright and cheerful about Team USA's chances as a Sylvia Plath novel. At this point, he almost has to be rooting for them to lose, because if they do happen to get on a roll and romp through the tournament, he's going to look like a doofus. But check out #9 from his list of ten reasons that Team USA won't win the gold, from ESPN Insider:

9. The smell factor. This is a little disgusting, but it's true: Some of these teams stink, literally. Players on international teams travel to and from the arenas in their uniforms, and many players forsake showers as a result. I got a really close look at Argentina during the Worlds in Indianapolis, and I do not believe Fabricio Oberto, Luis Scola or Andres Nocioni bathed during the entire tournament. BO may be repulsive, but it also keeps defenders a few extra inches away.

We'll have to get Chris Bosh to confirm it for us, but yeah, Peter John Ramos looks pretty stank.

U.S. shows up late to World party, survives Puerto Rico [ESPN.com]

This video is pretty old, by the way; but we've never seen it. A sweet bit of nostalgia for the kid in question, who is probably around five by now. And playing on an AAU travel team.

Basketball Is A Young Man's Game [College Humor.com]
Hey, Coaches, Ledave Those Kids Alone [Deadspin]
The Direction Recruiting's Obvious Going [Deadspin]

We find this a trend in sports that we could potentially get behind; particularly well constructed, almost artistically so, equipment and constructions. We would love to see a crocheted soccer net, for example. Or maybe a particularly well-painted, Dada-esque team logo at the 50-yard line. Maybe some nifty etchings in a bat. We dunno: Has to be something.

Because all we know is that net looks like one of our great aunt's wigs. Do they hire someone specifically to do that? We hope that's not intern work.

What's Up With The Macrame Nets? [Need4Sheed]

But a closer look at the Team USA roster, like the one the folks at Old Skool Sports have done, reveals that the roster not only isn't radically different than the Team USA's of old, it's almost exactly the same as the original Dream Team.

Dwight Howard is Charles Barkley, Elton Brand is Karl Malone, Brad Miller is Christian Laettner and Bruce Bowen is Chris Mullin. And that's just the role players.

We remain disappointed that Allen Iverson is not on the team. Little would make us happier than seeing Coach K and A.I. interacting.

We Got Game [Old Skool Sports]