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"How's Your Dick?": The Rise And Fall Of An Alleycat Race

"Stupor Bowl is dead," Gene Oberpriller pronounced after the 18th annual alleycat bike race. The fact that you—hopelessly mainstream as you are—are reading this is proof. As any nightclub owner will confirm, underground cachet is a fragile beast. It's only minutes, or entries in this case, between the insiders who… » 2/07/15 4:13pm 2/07/15 4:13pm

Newspaper Tweets, Deletes Perfectly Good Aaron Rodgers Penis Joke

The St. Paul Pioneer Press has a quick story on Aaron Rodgers's good-luck charm--the beard of a Lambeau communications technician, which the QB gives a playful li'l fondle during games. Above is how the paper sent it out on Twitter this morning; it was quickly deleted, because Americans just don't appreciate a good… » 12/30/14 5:47pm 12/30/14 5:47pm

We Have Reached Peak Beard and Science Says the Hairy End Is Nigh

Ramp up production at the Gillette factory, because sooner or later, ladies are going to run out of patience and demand that the straight fellas, at least, show their naked chins once more. And so, a new study predicts, the great beard flowering of the 2010s will begin to wilt. » 4/16/14 10:53am 4/16/14 10:53am

Jaromir Jagr's Playoff Beard Is Way Too Much

There are some things Jaromir Jagr is unmistakably great at. Playing hockey, for instance—which Jagr does especially well, even now, at the age of 41. When he puts his hips out and leans forward, with his body between the defender and the puck, no one can dream of filching possession. He may have been the greatest… » 6/11/13 5:45pm 6/11/13 5:45pm

Goodbye, Dirk Nowitzki's Out-Of-Control Beard

The damn thing lasted almost three months. The Mavericks swore to grow beards, bushy, unwieldy beards, until they got to .500. It wasn't easy, but with last night's win, the Mavs have crawled all the way back to respectability. As soon as the buzzer sounded, Dirk Nowitzki, the mountain manliest of Dallas's mountain… » 4/15/13 8:51am 4/15/13 8:51am

Pittsburgh's Brett Keisel Will Shear His Neptunian Beard For Charity

Brett Keisel of the Steelers will be de-bearded for charity on Thursday, Feb. 24 at the Diesel Club Lounge in Pittsburgh. The $25 tickets will benefit the Children's Hospital at the University of Pittsburgh's Medical Center, and if anyone feels the need to truly commemorate the occasion, there will be… » 2/18/11 3:10pm 2/18/11 3:10pm