Deadspin
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olympics
Olympians Still Failing Drug Tests A Year Later
Remember the Beijing Olympics all the way back in the simpler time of late-summer 2008? Well, I don't mean to shock you, but everyone there was on drugs. [Steroid Nation]
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Comment by wonderlic---myballs: Overheard shit talking from winner to the purple ghost behind him: YOU DARKNESS, YOU BLACK - LATE NIGHT - EVIL... 5 Responses | Other threads
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gymnastics
Shawn Johnson Stalker Manages To Make 'Dancing With The Stars' Interesting
Duct tape, two loaded guns, a cross-country journey in a dilapidated car; yep, spring is in the air. And that's when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love, and Shawn Johnson. More »
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Comment by Matt Sussman: Maybe he was just an amateur Ortega taco shell salesman. + Watch video 8 Responses | Other threads
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michael phelps
Phelps Bong Hits Feed The Homeless In San Francisco
Kellogg's recent dumping of Michel Phelps as its spokesman had at least one unexpected consequence: The sudden appearance of about 3,800 pounds of cereal at the San Francisco Food Bank. More »
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Comment by Weed Against Speed: I bet Barry & Levon would know what to do with 3,800 pounds of dry cereal. 3 Responses | Other threads
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beijing olympics
Actually, That Bronze Isn't Looking So Bad Right About Now
Sweden's Ara Abrahamian, who tossed away his Olympic bronze medal in disgust because he thought he had been cheated out of the gold, now, um, wants the bronze back. [The Local]
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Comment by FirstDerivative: He wants to know where the Gold is at. /mobile'd 2 Responses | Other threads
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Wake up deadspin!
One Final Olympics Retrospective, If We May (With NSFW Jumpness)
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap. More »
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Comment by Doyle McPoyle: Someone named Benitez choking in a crucial spot? You don't say! 9 Responses | Other threads
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michael phelps
Michael Phelps' Sacred Mission: To Sell Japanese Cars In China
Michael Phelps Inc.™® is returning to Beijing, this time to provide every man, woman and child with a brand new car. Expect gas here to be $9 per gallon by next year. More » -
The Best of 2008
The Year In ... The Olympics
So, the next few days will be chock full of end-of-year retrospectives. We'll do our own as well. Today: The Beijing Olympics. More »
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swimming
CSI: Beijing
Came in fourth in the 100 butterfly at the Summer Olympics? There's still hope for a medal. Oh, and if you already have one, we'd suggest hiding it. [NBCSports]
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Comment by Jews For Purple Jesus: Chinese Gymnasts should try to hide the medal somewhere other than their leotards, just in case they mistakenly give someone... 1 Responses | Other threads
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jose calderon
Jose Calderon Would Like to Apologize Personally For That Whole Slant-Eyed Team Photo Thing
Remember the tempest over the Spanish basketball team photo at the Beijing Olympics; the one where the players all pulled back back the skin at the corner of their eyes to make them look slanted? Jose Calderon is overcome with remorse over that. He's apologizing in the press, but not only that; He's personally replying to everyone who emailed him about it and apologizing to them as well. Holy Hochuli! More »
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Comment by Triple B: So when will the Chinese in TO apologize for their bad driving? 7 Responses | Other threads
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mst3k
A Little Olympics Snafu Down In The Control Room. Push The Button, Frank
One of my favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 lines came during the movie City on Fire, when, as a woman is gong into labor, Crow T. Robot yells: "Get a catcher's mitt!" It's hard to believe that it's been eight years since MST3K was canceled on the SciFi channel; but for about four hours during the Olympics, it was back. Kind of. More »
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Comment by Rick Chandler: The best MST short ever. + Watch video "She's evil ..." 4 Responses | Other threads
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taekwondo
Oh Fidel, You Crazy Nut
Fidel Castro may be on death's door, but he's not going to miss Olympic tae kwondo. And our favorite father figure in fatigues says that Angel Matos was perfectly justified in kicking one of the other judges in the face after a disqualification on Saturday. More »
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Comment by IchiroSuzukiSamurai: Gives new meaning to the phrase "Cuban Sandwich." more » | Other threads
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michael phelps
Michael Phelps Making It Rain With Endorsement Loot
Michael Phelps, not even unpacked from Beijing, has already purchased a $1.69 million condo in Baltimore, complete with rooftop terrace, private screening room and robot butlers. (The latter wasn't in the online listing; I just threw that in there). Of course Speedo has already promised him a $1 million bonus for his efforts at the Olympics, and he may earn as much as $40 million more in endorsements, according to the New York Daily News. And by all accounts he's spending it like Vinnie Chase. More »
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Comment by Stet Sports Blog: @Signal to Noise: But is swimming really a job? Eastern Motors requires that to be your credit, you know. more » | Other threads
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alicia sacramone
Conclusion Of Olympic Games Includes More Baffling Insanity
It all began when five terrifying mascots were introduced to the world in November of 2005, and now, with the extinguishing of the Olympic torch, the games of the 29th Olympiad have concluded. Whew. OK China, you've got some sweeping up to do, so we'll leave you to it. But before we depart, may we just say that your closing ceremonies were just as overblown and nonsensical as the ones that opened the proceedings? Just look at the photo following the jump. WTF? Why are the men suspended in midair banging on wheels of cheese? And what exactly are "lucky cloud yarn strips?" But in addition to the many, many hours of nightmare fuel you have provided, there has been so much more. Let's review. More »
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Comment by acer: @RonZookonRedBull: If Chicago gets the Olympics in 2016, expect to see a closing ceremony in London where they pass the... more » | Other threads
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beijing olympics
If The Snaggle-Toothed Ping Pong Player's Gettin' Some, Everybody Is
Or so that's the statement from Matthew Syed, whose eye-opening Penthouse forum-style article in the Times of London titled "Sex And The Olympic City" makes it seem virtually impossible for any athlete not to get laid while they spend time in an Olympic village. Syed is a former British table-tennis champ who participated in the Games in Barcelona and Sydney and is now a full-time sports journalist whose coverage of the Olympics so far has been positively Baylessian in its contrarianism. More » -
michael phelps
Beard Apology Not Enough For CNN, The World
Amanda Beard apologized on Thursday for her recent comments about Michael Phelps, but not before she was raked over the coals by a crack panel of highly-respected journalists on CNN. OK, actually they're three D-list characters I'd never heard of. But it was CNN, which promises to get back to that whole Iraq War thing the minute that anything interesting happens. More »
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Comment by NovakAintNoJokovic: @Gourmet Spud: I totally recall seeing that in a movie a few years back... more » | Other threads
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tiki barber
Tiki Barber, The C Word, And You
My favorite Tiki Barber moment will always be that time he appeared on the Discovery Channel game show Cash Cab. When asked what Steinbeck novel included a character named Tom Joad, Tiki answered, "Lonesome Dove." Your favorite moment may vary. Perhaps it was Tiki criticizing Michael Strahan's holdout when they were teammates with the New York Giants, or maybe it was Tiki as an ex-player blasting Tom Coughlin's coaching style, just before the Giants went on to win the Super Bowl. Or maybe it was this latest controversy, where it appears that he called NBC colleague Jenna Wolfe a "total medal c—-" live on the air. For the record, he denies that one.
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Comment by SeaSalt: @SantaBarbaraWahoo: There... right fucking there... jesus- Maybe I'm lacking a sense of textual sarcasm, but that... fuck... I mean.... that... more » | Other threads
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china sucks
China Continues To Seduce Us With Its Quaint, Draconian Charms
Two elderly Chinese women who had applied for a permit to protest at the Olympics have finally had their request reviewed by the Beijing police. The verdict? Of course it's re-education at a labor camp for both. Thanks for writing in! Also, as I understand it, at their hearing one of the women was replaced with a more attractive old lady who lip-synced her defense. More »
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Comment by DC Flyer: @Slothrop: Or that the Democratic nominee doesn't know how many states there are... more » | Other threads
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beach volleyball
May-Treanor, Walsh Grab Gold, China Grabs Something Else
She's already got Dubya's handprints all over her ass, so Kerri Walsh hardly notices this, one would assume. Walsh and Misty May-Treanor brought home the gold for the good ol' USA once again, beating the People's Republic of Cop-A-Feel 2-0 (21-18, 21-18) early Thursday morning in Women's Parking Lot Volleyball. The American duo became the first in their sport, male or female, to repeat as Olympic champions. It was their 108th consecutive win dating to August of last year, and not even a Chinese government-ordered rainstorm could prevent the local pair, Tian Jia and Wang Jiefor, from losing.
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Comment by Lonestar21: Turns out that black stuff on her shoulder was Chinese. more » | Other threads
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usain bolt
Usain Bolt Is The Fastest Man Alive. Your Move, Lindsay Lohan
So is there room in the same Olympics for both the best swimmer and best sprinter of all time? Jamaica's Usain Bolt showed what he can do when he decides to run the entire distance, grabbing his his second world record and his second Olympic gold medal, winning the 200-meters in 19.30 seconds to break Michael Johnson's 12-year-old record. So he's the first man to break the world record in both the 100 and 200 at the same Olympics, and the first since Carl Lewis in 1984 to win the sprint double. More »
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Comment by Jubar: "...grabbing his his second world record..." I didn't know stuttering was common in writing too. more » | Other threads
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michael phelps
Introducing The Smart Look For Back To School
Notice to any women who are hoping for hot multiple gold medal sex with a certain big-eared swimmer in the coming weeks; Michael Phelps' sperm are not to be trifled with. As this T-shirt by The Hotness Factory clearly illustrates, his boys can swim; they are pretty much the Navy Seals of spermatozoa, so don't harbor any illusions. This means you, Lohan. More »
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Comment by Laser Guided: Stay tuned for Troy Patterson's next columns: "That puppy isn't cute, he's fucking pretentious!""Who does this 3 year old think he... more » | Other threads
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michael phelps
Michael Phelps Getting Him Some Lindsay Lohan (OMG, LOL)
When it comes to Michael Phelps, Lindsay Lohan is apparently willing to postpone this whole lesbian thing. While interviewing Michael's mom Debbie on Monday, Hobbit-like Access Hollywood correspondent Billy Bush received a text message from Lohan, which he proceeded to show Debbie while on the air. Mom's reaction was pretty great. More »
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Comment by Derek Jeter's Taco Hole: Come now, Michael. Do you really want to be in the same spit web as Samantha Ronson? more » | Other threads
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asain bolt
Some More Mustard On That 100-Meter Gold Medal, Mr. Bolt?
So, what if Michael Phelps had a huge lead in the 200 meter freestyle, and as he approached the finish he flipped over and started doing a lazy backstroke, spitting water up like a fountain? Or the U.S. women's basketball team, ahead by 30 in the gold medal game, running around making Harlem Globetrotter moves? Hard to speculate how that would go over. Reactions were mixed regarding Usain Bolt's win in the 100 meters on Saturday, as the Jamaican won so handily that he eased up over the last 20 meters, looked around and gestured to the crowd, still breaking his own world record at 9.69. More »
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Comment by Bos'un's Mate: Hmmmmm. NFL? A 6'-5" WR running the 40 in 3.5 intrigues me... more » | Other threads
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gymnastics
Robots In Spandex, Sleeping Until Noon And Falling On Your Ass
Once upon a time, a site called The Black Table had a regular feature entitled Waxing Off, in which women gathered in an online roundtable to discuss issues of the day, and also to make fun of Will Leitch's shoes. And so we got to thinking: With so many great female sports bloggers out there, why not import the idea here? It's just crazy enough to work. So behold: The second edition of Deadspin's Waxing Off. We found five terrific female writers who were willing to pen short pieces on a hot-button Olympic issue: Women's gymnastics.
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Comment by Come a little Miroslav Klose You're My Kind of Man: @MoonZeroTwo: My major quibbles, as stated Thursday, with the ONION a/v club are with Kyle Ryan & Amelie Gillette. To... more » | Other threads
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poop
Beijing Opening Ceremony Performers And American Astronauts Have Much In Common
Say, remember those Opening Ceremonies from Beijing the other night? Pretty awesome, right? There was a globe! And glowsticks! And a scrim! And all kinds of crazy shit! As we now know, many of the elements from the ceremony were faked (or as fake as something involving a staged presentation can be). The fireworks were fake. The cute child singers were fake. Pulling back the curtain further, now comes word that many of the performers from the opening ceremonies were possibly forced to perform while wearing diapers. Hope they didn't have extra spicy Szechuan Triple Delight for lunch that day. More »
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By Drew MagaryComment by theblackdog: @UpstateUnderdog: Ask folks on Deadspin's sister site, Consumerist. more » | Other threads
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michael phelps
Behold, The Power Of Cheese: Phelps Wins No. 6
The surgeon general is frantically trying to keep a lid on the latest story out of Beijing, in which Michael Phelps has revealed his daily diet. He won gold medal No. 6 on Friday — in the 200-meter individual medley — leaving him one away from Mark Spitz' record with two races to go. And he has 12 golds overall, a record. But what powers this God of the sea? Surely a diet of kelp, raw fish and the occasional Jamba Juice with energy boost. Um, no. Phelps' daily intake is more what you'd expect Jack Black to be eating. More »
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Comment by Come a little Miroslav Klose You're My Kind of Man: @BigTenObsession: Phelps is ADHD. I imagine he's a bit like Mike Myers's Hyper-Hypo (also, Mike Myers's last funny recurring character). more » | Other threads
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gymnastics
Andrea Joyce Got Off Easy
The video below made the rounds a couple of months ago, but considering recent events, it really needs to be revisited. It purportedly shows slippery-footed American gymnast Alicia Sacramone punching some dude and knocking him out (following the jump). As you can see, Ms. Sacramone has a pretty dynamic left cross. Now, notice above where NBC's Andrea Joyce is standing as she relentlessly questions Sacramone following her Olympic balance beam failure on Thursday. By my calculations, Joyce was about three seconds from having her lights turned out. More »
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Comment by Shawon-O-Meter: BC doesn't have frats. It's probably just your garden-variety douchebag. 1 Responses | Other threads
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gymnastics
Andrea Joyce Makes Tiny Gymnast Cry; Enjoys It
Problem: We want captured terrorist suspects to talk, but conventional torture methods are morally troublesome and politically dangerous. Solution: Andrea Joyce! Judging from the way that the NBC correspondent interrogated emotionally brittle gymnast Alicia Sacramone on Wednesday, I'd guess that Al Queda troublemakers would be begging for the naked pyramid within minutes of her arrival. Poor Alicia. She wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition. More » -
baseball
She Bangs: South Korea Beats Us In Baseball
I was unaware that the Mets' bullpen had even made the trip to China, but every day you learn something new. In an upset of William Hung winning American Idol proportions, South Korea made Kim Chee out of the U.S. relievers to take an 8-7 win in an Olympic opener. Lee Jong-wook hit a sacrifice fly with one out in the ninth, with Lee Taek-keun sliding home (pictured) for the winning run. And they're celebrating in the streets of Daejon tonight! Snuppy approves. More »
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Comment by MyFanJustLiedToMe: Actually, Brandon was happier losing to South Korea than he would have been riding the subway home from Shea, "next... more » | Other threads
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swimming
We Welcome Our New Michael Phelps Overlord
The goggles, they do nothing! Despite leaky specs in the first race of the morning — the 200 meter butterfly — Michael Phelps claimed his fourth gold medal of the Beijing Games. He then went on to capture No. 5 as the U.S. became the first team to crack the 7-minute barrier in the 800 freestyle relay. That's 11 golds overall in two Olympics for Mr. Phelps, breaking the record of nine held by four others, among them Mark Spitz and Carl Lewis, and, I believe, Aquaman. Note to Chinese: Phelps' wins were not digitally enhanced, nor was lip-syncing employed in any way. And now that he's the most decorated swim veteran in world history, let's take a closer look at our watery hero. More »
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Comment by Ickenham: "When she finished sixth in the 200m butterfly final...'It left a scar on our family.'" Future scars on the Phelps family: 2026--Michael... more » | Other threads
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abhinav bindra
Sub-Continent Rejoices: India Has Their First Gold Medalist After 80 Years of Competing
It's kind of difficult to put into words how unbelievable it is that a country of 1.1 billion people had never won an individual gold medal before. Especially since India has been participating in the Olympics since 1928. In the ensuing 80 years they'd won only four individual medals. None of them gold. That all changed when Abhinav Bindra nailed a perfect shot in the 10m air rifle event. More »
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By Clay TravisComment by lefonceobscure: You assholes make the Spanish Basketball team look tolerant more » | Other threads
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mark spitz
No, Mark Spitz Will Not Go Quietly. And Why Should He?
Good line by a commenter on last night's DUAN, "Mark Spitz is printing 6-1 t-shirts as we speak." And it wouldn't surprise me to peak into Spitz's basement and see said shirts actually in production. If he wasn't rooting against Michael Phelps before, he most likely is now that he's been snubbed by the Olympic swimming powers that be. Spitz — perhaps the greatest Olympic athlete ever — will not be in Beijing to see Phelps attempt to break his record of seven gold medals.
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Comment by decoitous: Is anyone else old enough to remember the Doonesbury comics back in the 70's, when Spitz would creepily show up... more » | Other threads
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olympics
Dirk Nowitzki Has Olympic Fever
Getting things shaved into the side or back of your head has become popular again. 1985 rules! First black basketball players brought it back and now it's crossed over to white basketball players. Albeit German ones. Nowitzki's new 'do is appropriate considering he'll be the flag-bearer for Germany at the opening game ceremonies. More »
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By Clay TravisComment by Ralph Wiley, in sock form: That's actually a signal from an advanced form of ringworm that they've achieved self-awareness and want to communicate with us... more » | Other threads
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beijing olympics
Tattoos And Boner Pills = Olympic Gold
Apparently there's a new method of taking performance-enhancing drugs so that pesky IOC testers will be none the wiser: By tattoo. Inserting the drugs through tattoo needles means that smaller doses pack a bigger punch, evidently, and athletes can "fly under the radar" in doping tests. And if you put the tattoo in the right place, no one will ever see it. Of course the men's basketball team can't do it, because most of them have no more space. More » -
team usa
So How Much Trouble Is Team USA In, Really?
Is Team USA doomed? Should an 87-76 win over Australia on Tuesday in the final tuneup before official Olympic competition be considered a good thing, or a harbinger of doom? Is this shaping up to be a debacle like 2004, when we could only manage a bronze? When Argentina asks you how their ass taste, you know it's time to refocus. But the grumbling coming out of Beijing indicates that may not be happening. More »
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Comment by Magnakai Haaskivi: @Shorty: Lately...yes. But on the positive side, the Netherlands team looks good! more » | Other threads
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kobe bryant
Chinese Nicknames For NBA Players Are Confusing, Fun
From now on, Damon Stoudamire will be referred to on this site by his Chinese nickname: Little Flying Mouse. Likewise Steve Francis (Special Rights), Carmelo Anthony (Sweet Melon) and Manu Ginobili (Argentina's Flying Man). Finally, something fun from the Beijing Olympics. Guess whose nickname is Little Emporer? Hint: He scored 20 points on Thursday as the U.S. beat Turkey 114-82 in a practice game in Macau, the U.S. team's first game in China. More »
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Comment by The Jim Sorgi of Commenters: correction: Kobe's "Kuange" should read expensive, white broad source: Vanessa's apology diamond more » | Other threads
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beijing olympics
Surprisingly, All The Porn Comes In Fine
So, you're in Beijing right now, still waiting for Fire Joe Morgan to load? Don't hold your breath, comrade. As we mentioned earlier, some web sites which members of the foreign media are attempting to access in China are mysteriously failing to show up. Censorship? Surely not. Except that the International Olympic Committee has just admitted that's exactly what it is. And they're complicit. More »
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Comment by ACMEsalesrep: Hey, it's just a little censorship. It's not like the IOC awarded the games to Nazi Germany or anything. more » | Other threads
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bob costas
Queen Quedith Earth Harrison Is Beijing Bound
Meet one of the youngest members of the U.S. Olympic track and field team; Virginia Tech's Queen Quedith Earth Harrison. In addition to being a talented runner and having a name that sings, the 19-year-old has another thing going for her: A large rooting section. Harrison has 22 brothers and sisters, and their names get even more interesting. More »
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Comment by Fire Scott Armstrong: @Dan Daoust: Arsenio should never have let Farrakhan on his show. more » | Other threads
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true crime
Old People, Keeping The Streets Of London Safe
Now we know where Simeon Williamson — Britain's best hope for a medal in the 100-meter dash now that Dwain Chambers has been banned for doping — got his speed. His grandmother, 78-year-old Pearline Williamson, ran down a mugger in North London after her purse was snatched. More »
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Comment by Wild_Horse_of_the_Osage: Granny Williamson sez, "Oi, yer nicked!" more » | Other threads
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balls deep
The Official Communist Party Quick Travel Guide To The 2008 Beijing Olympics
Drew Magary’s Balls Deep column runs every Thursday afternoon. Drew’s new book, “Men With Balls,” featuring 100% new material, is available for pre-order here. You can email Drew here. Read him during the week at KSK.
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By Drew MagaryComment by norealsportsinchina: 睾 gāo Balls (testicles) 深 shēn deep; profound 毬 qiú ball (basket..., base..., bowling...,teather...) more » | Other threads
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beijing olympics
Beyond Beijing: Your 2008 Olympic Co-Hosts
The Olympics begin in August, and they're in China, so, you know, it should be a rather fascinating world event, if you're into fascinating world events. And we are proud to welcome back our Deadspin Beijing Bureau, our own trio of correspondents living in China and reporting on everything they see, Olympics related and otherwise.
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By Deadspin Beijing BureauComment by Bullet_Tooth_Tony: @PeteJayhawk: Had a wang? Looks like she just got through with two wangs... more » | Other threads
beijing olympics
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