•On the strength of Illinois rallying to top Clemson, Ohio State knocking off FSU, and of course, Wisconsin toppling Duke, the Big Ten took the Big Ten/ACC Challenge for the first time in its 11-year history. Does this mean the Big Ten is tops in the nation? Don't count out the MAC, because Toledo put quite a hurting on non-NCAA, not-even-NAIA Rochester College.

•The Blackhawks will announce today that they've signed Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews and Duncan Keith to long term deals. So their core of young stars will remain intact well into the next decade. Plus, you know, Marian Hossa until 2021.

•The NFL released new concussion guidelines, preventing players from returning to action if they show signs of a concussion. It's not like the rough-and-tumble old days, when a player had to be literally unconscious before they would be given the day off. Oh wait; that was the rule up until yesterday.

•Because everything in soccer has to take for-fucking-ever, FIFA yesterday announced the procedures for the World Cup draw to be held on Friday. Hard to figure out what it means, but people who know say it's not good news for the U.S. Also, the fact that it's soccer, not good news for the U.S.

•Juan Marichal and the family of Johnny Roseboro will attend the opening of a play based upon the former's famous beating of the latter with a bat. The two became good friends, so there's still hope for Mike Piazza's one-man show about his bat-throwing nemesis, "Roger & Me: The Musical!"

•••••

I've got nothing pithy to say. I'm a broken man. Don't ask me to liveblog a Nets game ever again.

The Knicks (who probably shouldn't be this bad) got a 27-10 out of Danilo Gallinari and dropped 126 points in all on the Suns (who probably shouldn't be this good). New York is still a mess. Donnie Walsh looks at Brandon Jennings and sighs, and D'Antoni turns his every press conference into an extended comic monologue on the wretchedness of his own team. But last night, at least, the Knicks finally did a serviceable impression of the Suns and in the process earned a standing ovation from a crowd that generally only rouses itself when a Yankee appears on the Jumbotron.

Honorable mentions: Boxing, which, as Barry noted earlier, might be getting that coveted title bout between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather after all. And Big Ten basketball, which is no longer playing slow and dull and which finds itself tied 3-3 in the ACC-Big Ten Challenge with a passable chance of actually winning one of these things.

Other Big Ten game results: Indiana barely skirted by Western Michigan 23-19, Penn State handled Syracuse 28-7, and Iowa beat Iowa State 35-3.

Outside of the exceedingly shitty Big Ten, Florida destroyed Troy 56-6, North Carolina slipped by UCONN 12-10, Wake Forest beat Stanford 24-17, and Pittsburgh beat Buffalo 54-27.

Again, it can't be stressed enough...nice conference Big Ten. Nice freakin' conference.

Photo via AP

“There weren’t any girls from the Big Ten who were hot enough to be on the cover, so they had to pull someone from the SEC."

Carrington/Hemberger is currently lounging in LA, doing the Bunny House-thing, playing with monkeys and posing with other hefty-chested blond floozies in Hef's castle. This is an important time in Carrington's career, and depending on how the tit-showing works out for her, she may have to relocate to the West Coast permanently and transfer to USC. They have a much more challenging public relations program out there.

UF Student makes Playboy Cover [Gainesville Sun]

That opening paragraph either made your pulse quicken or it didn’t. I get that everybody doesn’t love college football. Believe me, I know. I went to school on the East Coast where, at the time, CBS split telecasts between the Big East and the SEC. I can’t tell you how many times in college I sat cursing at my television screen because a game like Rutgers-Virginia Tech was pre-empting Tennessee-Alabama. I’ve sprinted through the streets of Georgetown, gotten on the damn Metro to ride to shady sports bars in Virginia, then gotten out and walked down the side of a busy highway to find an elusive sports bar that was showing my team.

Freshman year, we didn’t have televisions in our dorm at George Washington. There were few Southerners and there was one big screen in the lobby. Invariably the Southerners would make sure the television was free for football. Because, to be clear, college football is the greatest sport in America. I say that as someone who has experienced everything from English premier league soccer to NASCAR, a tennis major to the Masters, there is absolutely nothing in sporting life that compares to being on campus for a big-time college football game. Nothing.

That’s why I always find it so lame when people who’ve never experienced a college football game trot out excuses for why college football is overrated. Nine times out of ten those excuses will lead with, “There’s nothing else to do in (insert college football town here). That’s why people go.” First of all, that’s incredibly elitist and stupid. Do people go to Knicks game or Jets games because there’s nothing else to do in New York City? Of course not. They go for the same reason that everyone goes to sporting events; because we’re fans. And fans go to sporting events. It just so happens that Lincoln, Nebraska on a Saturday has a better sporting environment than any sporting event in New York City. And big city folk can’t handle that. Tough luck, it’s true.

Second, the fans are all dumb, rednecks, illiterate, (insert judgment here). Also, wrong. The average person attending a college football game has a college degree. Many have advanced degrees. Somewhere along the way college football fans have been inaccurately typecast as dumb in a way that NBA, NFL, MLB and college basketball fans never are. I’d put the average fan going to college football games in an intelligence test against the average fan going to any other American team sporting event. And I’d feel pretty comfortable that college football fans would win.

Third, the NFL is better than college. I’ve been to lots of NFL stadiums. The environment, the excitement, the vibe just doesn’t compare. Not even close. Oftentimes I’ll double up on a fall weekend, Vols on Saturday, Titans on Sunday. The NFL game is a pale shadow of college football’s fun. But you don’t have to take my word for it. If you’re a sports fan and you haven’t traveled to the SEC, the ACC, the Big Ten, or the Big 12 for a game, then you’re wasting your sporting life. Seriously, you are.

Notwithstanding all of this, as the leaves are falling down around us, as the short season sprints—with SEC speed— all too rapidly by, you like to think that there’s a timelessness to college football and that you're not getting any older. But you’re wrong. Here are 11 things that are guaranteed to happen to you this fall

1. Back in college you used to handle a loss to a rival with grace and dignity. You figured that losing would get even easier with age. Then you graduated went to work for five years on asbestos document review and are angrier now after a loss than you ever were. Lesson: beer and parties with attractive women make everything better.

2. You’re getting one year closer to being the old guy who hits on fat college chicks at your tailgate. Remember when you were in college and it always astounded you how the old guys would, without fail, hit on the most mediocre chicks when they walked past? Last year your buddy pointed out a fat chick and you guys all ogled her. Don’t bother denying it.

3. You'll refresh your debate about which college quarterback had the most sex with the largest collection of attractive women. Yet again, for the 8th consecutive year, you'll acknowledge the answer. Tim Couch. Seriously, Tim F'in Couch laid the pipe like the pipe has never been laid since.

4. Suddenly, one season, somebody is going to have a kid. And send out an email to all his friends saying he needs to go to a sports bar that doesn’t allow smoking so he can watch the opening college football games this Thursday. Because Comcast doesn’t carry goddamn ESPN U. That person is me this year. My seven-month old son is in good hands.

5. You’ll want to get in a fight with a rival fan. You probably won’t do it. At least you shouldn’t. Not if you value your job, your teeth, or your ability to explain to your wife why you should be allowed to go on the road with your buddies. But you’ll really, really want to.

6. Someone is going to suggest going by his old frat house. You really can’t do this. Fight, hard. Especially if you’re 30 or more and your own son isn’t a member there. But, you know what? You’re going to end up there. And ask them to sneak you into the KD house too.

7. If you're in the South, and you go to enough tailgates someone will offer you legit moonshine out of those jugs with four XXXX's on them. I kid you not. Some stereotypes are true. Drink more than a sip and risk your life.

8. One of your friends is going to turn down more to drink because, "I just can't handle the alcohol like I used to." Rage, rage, against the dying of the drinking light. Marshal all of your derisive skills until he continues drinking. If you must, spike his water with vodka. He knows not what he does.

9. Someone is going to send you a forward of a hot, naked girl from your school. And, for just a moment, you'll think, "Please Lord, don't let this be my daughter." Then you'll save the picture, email it to yourself and hide in on a shared computer with your wife under "2003 tax information."

10. Flush with the ability to magically walk around outdoors with a beer can in hand, you’re going to get into a debate about why there’s an open container law. You will be able to come up with no justification. Flush with this lack of justification you will claim that you’re going to start walking around with open containers everywhere. And then turn into a wuss when you get within 500 yards of a squad car and pour out your beer on a girl in a sundress.

11. As an apology to the girl in the sundress, you’re going to propose a national party for the start of college football season. It will be called, The Sundress Party and take place on open farmland somewhere in the South. Woodstock meets college football. Everyone will agree this is genius. Then it won’t happen…again.

But that will all be in the future. Because, in less than 24 hours, the greatest time of the year arrives. College football is back.

Today's preview is brought to us by Matt from Buckeye Commentary. We're just two days away from kickoff. Is your blood not pounding at the thought of Oregon State-Stanford?

STRENGTHS

Stiff-arm delivering running back? Check. Best cover corner in college football? Check. Sick linebackers and the nation’s top sweater vest. Check, check. Throw in the greatest stadium in the country and the ability to spell while holding musical instruments and you have the nation’s finest overall program. We have won a Heisman or two recently, as well.

STRENGTHS

Stiff-arm delivering running back? Check. Best cover corner in college football? Check. Sick linebackers and the nation’s top sweater vest. Check, check. Throw in the greatest stadium in the country and the ability to spell while holding musical instruments and you have the nation’s finest overall program. We have won a Heisman or two recently, as well.

Beanie Wells: He runs angry. You know that feeling you get when you are embarrassed after falling down steps at a party? You just want to hit the first thing you see. He is more powerful than Big Ten linebackers and faster than SEC safeties (gasp!). He will be the best player on the field in every game (yeah, you heard me Maualuga). His stiff-arm will almost certainly test the applicability of Ohio’s assault statutes to in-game football injuries.

Malcolm Jenkins: The senior from New Jersey was initially notable for his blanket coverage, then known for vomiting at the Playboy All American party, and now seeks to regain singular football recognition. The Buckeyes churn out cornerbacks like Tennessee does criminals and Jenkins is the best of the lot.

The Sweatervest: Some say the shine is off JT, but those people suck. Little known fact, Tressel finished as the I-AA Runner-Up twice while coaching Youngstown State. He won four national titles during the other years. Obviously, Tressel was just interested in getting those second place finishes out of the way so that he can start winning titles again. It starts this season.

WEAKNESSES

Well, in case you have not noticed, we cannot seem to beat an SEC team for a title. We have no problem beating one of the best teams in college football history (Miami, 2002), but a two-loss LSU team proved too much. [Insert plummeting scream] Oh yeah, and we could use some serviceable defensive tackles.

Defensive tackle: The coaches love to talk about the depth and rotation on the interior of the defensive line. That is coachspeak for “we might as well keep ‘em fresh since no one is good enough to play all game.” That is to say nothing of the fact that two Des have been moved inside (Doug Worthington and Robert Rose). Cameron Heyward and Lawrence Wilson are animals on the edges, but teams will just run straight ahead.

Special Teams: “I thought Senator Tressel always has great special teams,” I just heard you say. Well, you’re wrong. Last season, Ohio State ranked 117th in kickoff returns. Granted, they had the few number of returns (34) but an elite program needs to crack the top 25. Punt returns were not much better. And, then there is the field goal unit. [See 2008 BCS Title Game for discussion of crippling, game-altering play.] Ugh.

WHO WE HATE

Dick Rod for starters. Lloyd Carr could not coach his way out of a wet paper bag, but he was half of the classiest coaching rivalry in the business. Now, RR shows up with the shit-eating grin, country swindle, and back room personality, and ruins it for everyone. Let’s see, so far he has faced a multi-million dollar lawsuit, player mutinies, and the wrath and taunting of conference coaches without having coached a game. Nice work. We are not sure what Michigan was thinking, but this is not going to end well

Last week we linked the news that CBS signed a 15 year deal to carry a single SEC game a week. Effectively CBS purchased the right to make a first pick each week to nationally televise just one game. For this right CBS paid $55 million a year. But, as is usually the case, ESPN has gone and upped the ante. Buying the rights to every other league game for—wait for this— $150 million a year for the next 15 years. Or $2.25 billion total. That's a tripling of the SEC's current television deal and will amount to $205 million in television rights each year. For comparison's sake, CBS pays $622.5 million to carry every AFC game. Most importantly for Southerners, however, the final nail has been driven in the coffin of JP/LF/Raycom. Praise to the Lord.

ESPN’s aggressive bid is part of a strategy to secure high-quality programming for its networks and broadband platforms, while keeping the SEC from launching its own cable channel that eventually could compete with ESPN.

And Raycom, which had been in talks with the SEC to the end, likely lost out because it was not able to match the size of ESPN’s bid or the number of platforms it can use.

Every SEC fan wanted the league to found their own network but, admit it, you were sort of terrified of what that network might look like too, weren't you?

What this means for the longer term is an interesting duality between the two largest conferences—the SEC and the Big Ten. The SEC has elected to stick with established television partners for more guaranteed money while the Big Ten has created its own network to carry content and develop value for their respective members. Which decision will ultimately prove more successful over the next decade? Should be interesting to see. The SEC has avoided the squabbles over networks carrying their channel (although, to be fair, any cable company in the South that didn't carry the SEC Network would have been burned to the ground), but isn't gaining any national distribution for anything outside of men's football and basketball. Meanwhile, the Big Ten continues to feud with cable companies but has launched a very well received channel focusing on their own conference and all its sports.

The ultimate question becomes: Is there more money to make in the sports media landscape of the future by producing and distributing your own content or by continuing to allow that content to be distributed by established television partners? In the end, both conferences may reap more money by taking divergent paths than they would have if they'd taken the same path. The Big Ten's removal of their games from bidding makes networks like ESPN clamor that much more for the remaining content and the SEC's choosing not to start their own network probably makes carrying the Big Ten network more palatable for national cable companies because they don't have to worry about being extorted by each league. At least not yet.

ESPN pays $2.25 billion for SEC rights [Sports Business Journal]

1) Wisconsin's tight end is Travis Beckum, a 26-year-old taxi driver who's recently been discharged from Vietnam. As Beckum drives the dark, dirty streets of New York, the crime and squalor cloud his judgment and send him into a tailspin of violence, insonmia, and perversion. The ex-Marine trains himself as if he were readying for battle, and he plans to assassinate President Palatine, whom he once told he was his biggest supporter. Beckum's experiences with Iris, a young prostitute, eventually lead him to—

Wait, we're being told that the above story isn't about Wisconsin TE Travis Beckum, but is rather a plot synopsis from Martin Scorsese's classic 1976 drama Taxi Driver, where a young Robert DeNiro plays Travis Bickle. Travis Beckum, on the other hand, is the best tight end in the BXI. He has no evident plans to rid any city of any city sleaze, though, making him part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

2) Yes, Bret Bielema has an Iowa Tigerhawk tattoo on his ankle. Bielema was a walk-on-turned-captain at Iowa in the late 80s and early 90s. No, that doesn't affect his ability to coach a rival football team.

Nor is this his worst tattoo from a professional standpoint. Bielema also got the infamous belly-button-turned-monkey-colon tattoo in Cancun in '91, and both coaches and players are very upset about the graphic depiction of Joe Paterno violating a dolphin's blowhole that graces Bielema's left shoulder blade.

3) PJ Hill is perpetuating fraud on the NCAA by claiming junior status, when it's plainly obvious that he has been playing there for at least 5 years under that name, and for four years prior as "Ron Dayne." Hill is behind five giant Wisconsin-born coeds with cankles the size of Texas very good offensive linemen, and Wisconsin's running offense looks as good as ever. Fortunately for the elite in the Big Ten, their QB is Allan Evridge, a fifth-year Kansas State transfer who hasn't put in any meaningful minutes since high school. Shaky QB play and a brutal October slate (FACT: Wisconsin has never won at Iowa!) ensure that while the Badgers will undoubtedly win at least nine games on the year, they don't have a prayer of winning a championship.

An analysis of state records found that while state, county, and local officials buy the tickets, the bulk have gone to state lawmakers. Ohio State tickets go for $62 a game, or $434 for all seven home games. Elected officials are allowed to buy four season tickets, and staff or cabinet members may buy two.

Ohio State fans just got really interested in electoral politics. Now that this story is out maybe Mike Cooper needs to toss his name into the legislature hat. Hell, you could probably fund most state legislature campaigns by scalping four Buckeye tickets that you got to buy for face value. Oh well, at least Ohio hasn't had any recent scandals involving misappropriation of state funds. Wait...

Ohio politicians use campaign war chests to buy Buckeye tickets [Chronicle of Higher Education]
Trading campaign funds for college football [College OTR]

Way back in 1997, student managers brought it to Lloyd Carr's attention that those witty rascals at Northwestern were stealing signals from the Michigan offense. Well, okay, maybe not so much stealing signals as noticing what a single player was doing. Perhaps this explains the memorable Northwestern upsets of Michigan in 1995 and 1996. But, three years later, come 1997, Michigan was on to that trick.

"In 1995 and '96, Hansburg said, all he had to do was watch U-M center Rod Payne, a one-handed snapper who apparently placed his opposite hand on the ground for a running play and on his thigh for a passing play.

When the Northwestern coaches pointed at the ground or the sky, All-America linebacker Pat Fitzgerald spread the word on the field."

Wait, that's it? When I heard Northwestern and stealing, I was picturing the Manhattan Project of thievery, the Patriots of college football. Maybe some whale sonar, a few pink dolphins on the sideline, Wilbon from the press box via morse code, something. Meanwhile all Michigan had to do to was stop Rod Payne (one-handed snapper is right up there with putting from the rough in terms of sporting term awkwardness) from not giving away the play for, I don't know, one time in three years? Write it down folks, attention to detail like this is how you end up the winningest program of all time in college football.

Anyway, in glorious detail the Detroit Free Press manages to lionize the student managers who got to the bottom of this complex mystery. It's every slow white man's dream to be affiliated with a national championship and be photographed in the Heisman pose while holding a coaching headset. Trust me, I know why the student manager sings.

This story reads like young adult fiction.

"At home games, Datz and Mike Youtan, a senior from southern California, worked the opponents' sideline as ball boys, keeping their mouths shut and staying out of the way.

Until the fifth game."

Dum, dum, dum.
How 2 ball boys stopped opponent's signal stealing, saved U-M's 1997 title [Detroit Free Press]

And by “go to college” I mean commit felonies. Well, Mike Detellier has broken down NFL starters by their college conference. And while there is no big surprise, the SEC leads with 137 projected starters, there are some really surprising positional breakdowns. Coming in second after the SEC? Shockingly, BCS whipping boy, the ACC with 121. Followed by the Big Ten with 105, Big 12 with 72, Pac 10 with 70 and the mighty Big East clocked in with a robust 33. Yeah, but Ray Rice is awesome (and not starting)!

For the record, the entire Big East had fewer NFL starters than Tennessee and Georgia (a combined 39).

Which speedy conference has the most starting wide receivers? The plodding Big Ten of course with 13. Interestingly the SEC most outclasses the collegiate competition at defensive end with 17 NFL starters. But pass rushing in college is overrated. Don’t believe me? Ask Troy Smith.

What conferences are the NFL starters coming from? [HoumaToday]

Looking at the pairings, it doesn't look pretty. Wisconsin looks like the most likely winner, with Indiana, Penn State, Northwestern and, yes, our Illini, whose best two players are hurt and aren't particularly strong this year anyway. We're still stuck on the ultimate ACC/Big Ten Challenge from two years ago anyway; if Luther Head would have hit that late 3-pointer, we're convinced they would have won. They would! They would!

Anyway, we know this is an ESPN-created event, but, jeez, these days, what isn't? It means college basketball is upon us, and, as you might remember from our NCAA Tournament orgy last year, we kind of love the college basketball. Just remember to hit mute: Vitale's still alive, after all.

Michigan: The Defense Rests [Big Ten Wonk]

• 1. Dem Bones ... . Indiana guard Adam Ahlfeld is the son of former Hoosiers guard guard Steve Ahlfeld, who has been IU's team orthopedic surgeon for the past 20 years. Ahlfeld lettered for the Hoosiers from 1972-75, strategically missing Indiana's national championship season of 1976.

• 2. Strange Visitor From Another Planet. Michigan's K'Len Morris is not from Krypton, but he is enrolled in the Division of Kinesiology.

• 3. Illini Guy. Illinois sophomore guard Calvin Brock finished in the top seven percent of his academic class at Simeon High and joins Simeon alums Nick Anderson, all-time scoring leader Deon Thomas Bryant Notree, Ervin Small and Kevin Turner who all attended Illinois. Oh, also ... I - L - L!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• 4. I Like You, Do You Like Me? High Five! Northwestern has three players from Croatia; Nikola Baran, Ivan Peljusic and Ivan Tolic, and one from Luxembourg, Jean-Marc Melchior.

• 5. Gopher The Gold. Minnesota junior guard Ryan Saunders is the son of former Minnesota Timberwolves and current Detroit Pistons head coach Flip Saunders.

• 1. Hardware Wars. The Big Ten probably has more trophy games than any other conference in Division I-A.. Seriously, on any given Saturday, the following trophies are up for grabs: The Little Brown Jug (Minnesota-Michigan), Floyd of Rosedale (Iowa-Minnesota), Paul Bunyan's Axe (Minnesota-Wisconsin), The Governor's Victory Bell (Penn State-Minnesota), The Paul Bunyan-Governor of Michigan Trophy (Michigan-Michigan State), The Sweet Sioux Tomahawk (Illinois-Northwestern), The Old Oaken Bucket (Purdue-Indiana), Illibuck (Ohio State-Illinois), The Purdue Cannon (Purdue-Illinois), The Old Brass Spittoon (Indiana-Michigan State), The Land Grant Trophy (Penn State-Michigan State), The Heartland Trophy (Iowa-Wisconsin). (Thanks to Craig D. Barker).

• 2. Holy Toledo. The Michigan-Ohio State matchup was ranked as the greatest college rivalry by ESPN in 2000; the schools have met in football 102 times (the Wolverines holding a 57-39-6 edge), predating the Big Ten itself, which was formed in 1918. Battle lines are clearly drawn, except in Toledo, Ohio, which is considered right on the border, with an even split of Michigan and Ohio State fans. There is even a combination Buckeye-Wolverine souvenir shop there. The most famed Michigan product at present would have to be Tom Brady. Jack Nicklaus and Jesse Owens both attended Ohio State, and Mike Cooper wore the sweatshirt, although we're not sure if he attended.

• 3. Hoosiers Still Working Out The Buggs. How long will Indiana last in this conference? The Hoosiers (1-7, 4-7 last season) haven't had a winning season since 1994, have not been to a bowl game since 1993, and have not won a bowl game since the Copper Bowl in 1991. But it wasn't always so bleak for Indiana. Trent Green went there, and before him, in 1967, the Hoosiers won the Big Ten and made it to the Rose Bowl. Fun Indiana Fact: Junior long snapper Tim Bugg is backed up by his brother, freshman Brandon Bugg.

• 4. The Man Who KO'd Woody. The man who fired Woody Hayes died on Monday. Former Ohio State president Harold Enarson, who canned the legendary Ohio State football coach for slugging an opposing player in the 1978 Gator Bowl, was 87. Hayes had punched Clemson guard Charlie Bauman, who had intercepted a pass thrown by Art Schlichter, ending up out of bounds near the OSU bench, where Hayes smacked him.

(NOTE: Illinois is making a bowl this year, by the way. YOU WATCH.)

From an internal memo distributed around Bristol yesterday:

Jim Delany, the Commissioner of the Big Ten Conference will be on the Bristol campus tomorrow and Thursday. It is important for us to show him and his associates that "Bristol is Big Ten Country".

As you have noticed, we have put pennants, banners, and Big Ten flags on campus. In addition, we have had buttons made proclaiming "Bristol is Big Ten Country". These buttons are available at the following locations:

Building 2 Lobby
Building A Lobby
Building B Lobby
Cafeteria

Please pick one up and wear it tomorrow and Thursday.

It is good to know that all employees of the Worldwide Leader are all wearing buttons of flair this fine Wednesday morning. Everybody get your buttons!

If you plan to attend a Big 10 basketball game anytime soon, please just be careful. These people have no scruples.

(Edit: A sharp commenter tells us this is a photoshop job. In fact, there's a thread about it here. Oh well. Damn convincing photoshop work, however, and still worth a post.)