If You Don't Like The NFL Draft, You Can Suck It: Your NFL Draft Jamboroo

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo has been off since the end of the NFL season. But now, with Saturday's NFL draft looming, it returns, for one week only.

It's here? It's finally here? OH THANK YA SWEET JESUS, IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!! Every year, March rolls around and I think to myself, "Goddammit, where is the fucking draft already?" Yes, I know it's on the same weekend every year. But man oh man, does it take fucking forever to arrive.

The Final Jamboroo And The Art Of Being A Sports Fan Without Watching Sports

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon. Well, until today, anyway.

Well folks, this is the end. It's now the offseason again, and as much as I'd like to piss and moan about the desert stretch of seven football-free months that lay ahead, it's hard to complain much when the NFL gave us such a rewarding, pants-dampening sendoff. I said to the Maj after the game that it would take at least a few days for the end of that game to truly sink in, and I still don't think it ha...

Jamboroo XXII: The Super Bowlaroo, Featuring Queens Of the Stone Age, Kix, Guacamole, New Drinking Games And Stolen Porn

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon. Even when there are no games.

No tedious buildup here. This is the longest, most needlessly overwritten Jamboroo yet. Let's get right to the fucking game.

The Super Bowl Bye Week Jamboroo, In Which Drew Pauses To Make A Serious Point About Blogging As Journalism, Then Makes Chili

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon. Even when there are no games.

Well, here we are. It's the Super Bowl bye week. Fuck. The first whole weekend without real football since September. This is the weekend where I sit around in my living room in the middle of Sunday afternoon, look around for something to do and begin crying. Everything about this whole shitty ass bye week business sucks, but I'll get to that in just a moment.

The Championship Games And Phone Sex Anticipation

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

There are three football games left in the NFL season, but this week, championship week, always feels like the last real week of the season. It's the last doubleheader. It's the last weekend of multiple games. And, since the NFL insists on having that tortuous, stupid fucking bye week in between the title games and the Super Bowl, next week feels like the beginning of the offseason, with a three-hour Super Bowl oasis the following Sunday. And even that game feels like an awards show with a game tacked on. It's your last chance to see football unadorned until eight months from now.

Divisional Playoff Cranium!

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

The Divisional Playoff weekend is always the most exciting round of the playoffs. And this year, the four divisional games are uncommonly good. I can hardly wait. In fact, sitting here with my thumb up my butt just waiting for them to be played is excruciating. I need something to occupy my time between now and kickoff on Saturday afternoon. And nothing makes time fly by quite like Family Game Night™ (Family Game Night™ is an exclusive trademark of the Hasbro corporation. If you and an undetermined number of kin play a board game at night without the expressed written consent of the Hasbro corporation, the Hasbro corporation reserves the right to come to your house and hang your dog.)

These Ones Only Go To Eleven: Your Wild Card Jamboroo

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

The NFL playoffs are a bittersweet time for fans such as myself. Nothing beats a good playoff game, but I know in the back of my mind that this 2007 season is now officially living on borrowed time. It won't be long now before football is gone once again, and I am left alone, bereft, with only a wife, a daughter, and an extended network of family and friends to comfort me. And that blows.

Jamboroo, Week 17: Your Holiday Hangover, Featuring The Dreaded Nanking Special

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

There is a phenomenon unique to being an NFL fan that can really, really, really fuck up your holidays. I call it the Nanking Special, wherein all your fantasy teams lose, AND your favorite team loses, all in a single weekend. Now, is it fair to compare a lousy day of football to the systematic bayonet gang rape of Chinese schoolgirls during a particularly brutal Japanese occupation during World War II? I say yes. I mean, we're talking about one incredibly shitty weekend here. I don't think it's an inappropriate analogy at all.

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

Ho Ho Ho! Welcome to this very special Christmas edition of the Jamboroo. Now, I've made my wishlist, and I think it's in pretty good shape:

Jamboroo, Week 15: METALLICA WEEK!

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

Hit the lights, motherfuckers! As we near the playoffs, it's time to dial up the intensity. That's why I'm busting out this special Metallica-themed Jamboroo this week, complete with Dan V's kickass new NFL logo. Dan, you make Picasso look like that elephant that paints refrigerator art. Metallica Week also means-AH! I'm putting on-AH! My best-AH! Fuckin-AH! James. HETFIELD VOOOOOOICE-AH!!!!!

Jamboroo, Week 14: College Overtime? In The NFL? F--k Yeah!

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

Over Thanksgiving weekend, I watched two college games that went into overtime. One was the LSU-Arkansas game. The other was the Tennessee-Kentucky game. There was nothing about either of these games that was not beyond fucking awesome. At one point, I totally thought LSU was gonna win. Then I totally thought Arkansas was gonna win. And then I went BACK to thinking LSU was gonna win. And so on. I was riveted. And I don't even give a shit about Louisiana, Arkansas, Tennessee or Kentucky. Those are retard states. If an asteroid destroyed all of them, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be sad, especially if Emeril Legasse were killed in the blast.

Jamboroo, Week 13: Where The F--k Are My December NFL Saturdays?

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

This weekend marks the end of the college football regular season. College Football: Where Momentum Goes To Die!™ For years, after the end of the college regular season, the NFL would broadcast two afternoon games on Saturday in December. But starting last year, when the NFL Network began broadcasting its own Saturday night game, those two afternoon games suddenly, and inexplicably, disappeared.

Jamboroo, Week 12: A Special, Comprehensive Breakdown Of Thanksgiving From An Experienced Fat Person

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon. Except for today, because we're off tomorrow, because it's Thanksgiving.

God dammit, I loves me some Thanksgiving. It's awesome. It's nothing like Pieces of April. That movie was gay. Thanksgiving combines four of my favorite activities: eating, drinking, watching television and sneaking a quick jerk in the shitter before dessert is served. It's a real solid day like that. I take great pains to plan my Thanksgivings for optimum enjoyment. But this year, I'm going one step further. That's right. I'm breaking this shit down, THROWGASM-STYLE. Dan V, bust out those special Thanksgiving graphics for that ass.

Jamboroo, Week 11: A Quick Tribute To The Strongest Motherf--ker In The NFL

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

Larry Allen plays for the 49ers these days. And even though he's on the downside of his career, toiling away for an absolutely putrid team, Allen still holds the title of the NFL's strongest man. And this isn't some anecdotal bullshit. He won the NFL's Strongest Man competition at the Pro Bowl last year by benching 225 lbs. 43 times. In other words, it was a good toning exercise for him.

Jamboroo, Week 10: Featuring Marmalard, A--hole Doctors, Depressed Bunnies, Goldfish, And Lots Of Other Stupid S--t

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

It's a jam-packed Jameson-fueled Jamboroo this week, so I'm not wasting any fucking time. I've got puds to pull and douchebag quarterbacks to insult from the safety of my home like the gutless coward that I am. This week's installment also features 40% more gratuitous profanity, which I'm really fucking jazzed about. So let's dive right into the games, shall we?

Jamboroo, Week 9: The Budding Legend Of Derek "Horse Balls" Anderson

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

Yeah, yeah. I know there's a big fucking game this week. I read all about it. Gregg Easterbrook has already prepared for The Tribulation. Peter King has stocked up on extra baby wipes and Keri lotion. Cris Collinsworth has spent extra time watching game film and less time at Central Park having old people feed him very small pieces of bread. That shit is already well-covered and then some.

Let us, instead, turn our attention to the best story in the NFL this year: Derek Anderson.

Jamboroo, Week 8: Joey Porter's London Itinerary

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

Say, who's up for an afternoon of gridiron and playful stammering? Yes, the NFL heads to England this week in Roger Goodell's first attempt to force American football down the throats of the international viewing public. I could spurt clotted cream onto a fresh scone, I'm so fucking excited.

Jamboroo, Week 7: Where We Explore The Idea Of The NFL As Hangover Cure

Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon.

I went to New York last weekend to spend some time with a few friends. I did not bring my wife and kid with me. Any time I have an opportunity to have an evening (or in this case, a whole weekend) alone to myself these days, I take great advantage by abusing the ever-loving shit out of my body: food, alcohol, drugs, hour-long masturbathons, etc. It's the kind of weekend I start off looking forward, and then, once in the throes of it, I immediately begin to regret. That dipshit in the corner of the bar at 3AM who's drooling and rambling on about how much he misses his family? That's me.