We remember hearing rumblings that now-axed Dolphins coach Cam Cameron could be up for some other NFL jobs, and we can only so: Please, no. Not because Cameron is inherently a bad coach — though he might be — and not because he's a bad guy or anything, but because a lifetime head coaching mark of 1-15 is the stuff of which legends are made. How do you not admire a guy who spends one season in the NFL, goes 1-15, and then never coaches again? It's freaking epic. Cam, you owe it to history to retire. Your name will never be forgotten.

Dolphins Fire Cameron [Ft. Lauderdale Sun Sentinel]

It looks like we're having an encore this week, though, as Florida coach Billy Donovan continues to play footsie with Kentucky and its open coaching job. Some reports say they've already offered him a contract, and there's no question he's their top candidate. That might be all fine and good — though we don't understand why he'd want to leave a school he could lead to two consecutive titles — but certainly now's not the time to be discussing it? Donovan could have eliminated this whole storyline with a well-placed "I'm coaching the Final Four this week, and that's all I care about," but instead he pulled that "well, I don't know where Kentucky stands, so I can't worry about that" ploy that set everybody off and will surely increase his price tag.

It is frustrating that much of a Final Four this potentially amazing will be tied up in discussing the bank account of Billy Donovan, but we fetishize coaches and probably always will. Even ones as scary as Billy Donovan.

Coaching Search Breakdown [Kentucky Sports Radio]
Bad Form [Yellow Chair Sports]

(UPDATE: A Lexington TV station says the Donovan-to-Kentucky deal will be announced after the Final Four.)

"I did consider one other [network offer]," said Parcells, without identifying it. "But at the end of the day, I just thought ESPN was best for me. I really like the people there. I have personal relationships with seven, eight, nine of them already."

In addition to hanging out on ESPN GameDay — most likely with upcoming hire Emmitt Smith — Parcells will also be hosting a Friday night radio show with Chris Mortensen, whom he will beat up. We always liked Parcells on ESPN, so we're happy to see him in Michael Irvin's spot. We just hope nobody sticks a cheeseburger in between him and Berman; that would be a very dangerous place to be.

Parcells Climbs Into Broadcast Booth [Ft. Worth Star-Telegram]
Parcells' Tits To Be Back On Camera [Girls Gone Sports]

"How'd you like to coach Terrell Owens?" Knight said. "Terrell Owens would have gotten me out of coaching a hell of a lot quicker than he got Parcells out of it."

For the record, we'd not only buy season tickets to Texas Tech basketball home games if Owens played there, we'd also be at every practice. No doubt the resulting carnage would one day be recreated a very special episode of CSI: Lubbock.

Knight Delivers Thoughts On Tuna's Retirement [Daily Torreador, via NBA Fanhouse]
TO Claims He Didn't Rip Parcells, Report Says [MSNBC]

The Dallas Cowboys blog just reported the news: Bill Parcells has retired as coach of the Cowboys.

"I am retiring from coaching football. I want to thank Jerry Jones and Stephen Jones for their tremendous support over the last four years. Also, the players, my coaching staff and others in the support group who have done so much to help. Dallas is a great city and the Cowboys are an integral part of it. I am hopeful that they are able to go forward from here.

"I am in good health and feel lucky to have been able to coach in the NFL for an extended period of time. I leave the game and the NFL with nothing but good feelings and gratitude to all the players, coaches and other people that have assisted me in that regard. "

While we'd never quite consider Parcells "in good health," we wish him well and beg him to stay retired. Because Terrell Owens will follow you around, man.

The last play of Bill Parcells' coaching career? Tony Romo. Yep. Good luck coming back to THAT next year, Tony.

Parcells Retires [The Rant]

Bill Parcells is having a hard time with this whole business.

I'm ashamed to put a team out there that played like that. I apologize to the people who came out to watch that."

Considering this was the "win-it-all" season for Parcells and the Cowboys, we legitimately wonder if this might be the last time we ever see Parcells coach. This can't be much fun, and he has already sullied whatever "legacy" he had — that legacy being man boobs, Gatorade baths and Lawrence Taylor — and they're obviously not going to win the Super Bowl. It's really the perfect scenario for those who hate the Cowboys; they're imploding, they have no real plan and they're this close to blowing it all up and starting over. Hell, Redskins fans could rejoice ... if they didn't have plenty of problems of their own.

But yeah: Terrell Owens didn't need to destroy this team; they're doing just fine on their own.

Has He Lost His Winning Style? [SBS Sports Blog]

Okay, he didn't really say that. But you know he wants to. And that might be the most amusing thing about the whole situation; seeing Bill Parcells' hands tied. He walks on eggshells because he doesn't want an Owens blow-up, and he can't speak out on it, because Owens is 100% a Jerry Jones product, and he doesn't want to create any friction with the owner. He's really a spectator in this whole thing.

But as you know, the fine is totally media-created, because those muckrackers are just digging for stories that aren't there. They blow things completely out of proportion! The hamstring injury, the cycling outfit, the refusal to practice, the missing team meetings, the fine... media fabrications, all of them. Move along. There's nothing to see here.

So, Dallas... How's That New Guy Working Out? [Fortress of Pillows]
T.O. going too far? WR reportedly fined $9,500 [ESPN.com]

• 1977: Quincy is born.
• 1996: Quincy signs a letter of intent to play football for Georgia Tech, but decided instead to play baseball. He is drafted by the Chicago Cubs.
• 1998: Realizing that life couldn't possibly be worse than it is in the Cubs organization, Carter quits and wins the starting job at the University of Georgia.
• 1999: Has an outstanding sophomore season for the Bulldogs.
• 2000: Despite a difficult junior year, Quincy declares for the NFL Draft, where he is considered a third-or-fourth round pick.
• 2001: Jerry Jones shocks the NFL world by picking Quincy with the 22nd pick in the second round. Somehow, he ends up starting, and isn't quite as awful as everyone thought he'd be. Nevertheless, the Cowboys still sign
noted guitar artiste Chad Hutchinson in the offseason. It is most likely this is when Carter decided drugs were a much better option than life as a Cowboy.

Get the rest of Quincy's odd career after the jump.

• 2003: Carter, under new coach Bill Parcells, has an unexpected resurgence and leads the Cowboys to the playoffs. Some herald Jones a genius for recognizing Carter's potential before anyone else did. They say this quickly to Jones and scramble away, lest glancing on his face turn them into stone.
• 2004: Out of nowhere, Parcells releases Carter before the season begins, saying he "could not be trusted with the leadership of the team." Carter also fails a drug test. He ends up playing for the Jets, and isn't half bad. He suffers a "drug relapse" during the playoffs, however, and is again kicked off his team.
• 2005: He moves to St. Louis and officially retires from the NFL.
• 2006: He accepts an offer from the CFL's Montreal Alouettes in April. He lasted one month before QB Carter Released From Als' Camp [TSN]
Quincy Carter [Wikipedia]

The Cowboys currently lead their must-win game against the Panthers, 17-13. Julius Jones has 186 yards on the ground for the Boys, and stud rookie defensive end DeMarcus Ware has 3 sacks and 3 forced fumbles.