•Charlie Davies shattered his leg and fractured his face and arm. A doctor says recovery will take 6-to-12 months, making the World Cup an improbability. But things could have been a lot worse. For another passenger, they were.

•The Yankees are leaning toward going with a three-man rotation in the ALCS, keeping Joba Chamberlain in the bullpen. Considering ESPN actually put him in their Bodies Issue, the less exposure for Joba, the better.

•It's clear now that the real Gilbert Arenas is dead, and has been replaced with Bizarro Gilbert. He was fined $25k for refusing to talk to the media.

•Billy Wagner might hang it up, saying "[he's] got nothing left to accomplish." I agree. Fourteen September innings for a team that gets swept in the first round is truly the pinnacle from which to retire.

•Billy Gillispie settled with Kentucky for $3 million over his dismissal, even though he was working without a contract. Wonder where your donations are going, alumni? It ain't building new dorms; it's stuff like paying millions to someone who was legally owed nothing.

•Is a Greek basketball team sending death threats to the agent of an American player clamoring for unpaid wages? Sounds fair, if we can threaten Jake Tsakalidis for overpaid wages.

•Finally, it's like a BCS meeting, but with monkeys! So...it's like a BCS meeting.

Which married journeyman pitcher tries to make up for his lack of height and size in other fun ways? He claims to be 5' 10 but in reality is no taller than at least 5'6, apparently prefers blowjobs to all other forms of sex and regularly offers his "services" to just about every woman whom he encounters. He even went as far as to approach the long-term girlfriend of a teammate. Within minutes of her boyfriend leaving the room he gazed deeply into her eyes and uttered the phrase that every girl longs to hear... "God, I'd love to eat you out right now." It seems that his wife is simply "not into that kind of thing" so the poor guy is forced to put his skills to work on other women.
The teammate's girlfriend was somehow able to stop swooning long enough to decline the offer. However, another lady, who knows him a bit more intimately, confirms his claim of prowess in that particular department but observed "he has to be good with his tongue because the rest of his body is in proportion to his height."

Downtown [OnTheDL]

• 1. Vicious Cycle. Jose Reyes wasn't sure what type of hit would win it for the Mets, so he gave them one of everything. But even though he hit for the cycle, it wasn't enough, because Billy Wagner blew the save in the ninth. The Reds ended up winning 6-5. Brandon Phillips' two-out, two-run single won it for Cincinnati. Reyes became the ninth Met to hit for the cycle; the last to do it being the immortal Eric Valent in 2004.

• 2. But We Kid The Twins Fans ... Received an e-mail last night: Hello, I am a Twins fan. Lately, they have been playing great baseball, and I feel as if they deserve a spot in your next edition on the Closer. Sincerely, Twins Fan. We agree, so here it is. Shortstop Adam Everett (career average: .251) had two doubles and two RBI to lead the Astros over the Twins 5-3, snapping Minnesota's eight-game winning streak.

• 3. The Two Days That Never Were. Ever stick yourself with a toothpick to make sure you're not dreaming? Our variation of that last night involved a wooden stake and a mallet. In a game we can only categorize as "an improvement on Tuesday," the White Sox collected 16 hits in a 13-5 win over the Cardinals. For Chicago, that's 33 runs on 40 hits over the two days. Man, it's a good thing these interleague games don't count.

• 4. For Whom The Beltre Tolls. The Mariners were becoming disatisfied with their latest purchase and were about to start complaining, but it looks like everything's going to be all right. Former Dodger Adrian Beltre drove in the go-head run with a two-run double in the eigth as the Mariners beat Los Angeles 8-5. Beltre signed a five-year, $64 million contract with the Mariners in 2005 and had been struggling, but has now hit safely in 18 of his past 20 games.

• 5. Ten Minutes To Wapner. The Braves endured their ninth straight loss — their longest losing streak since 1988 (top grossing film, Rain Man) — as the Blue Jays took a 6-3 win. Atlanta has lost 19 of 22, including a 2-17 mark in June. It trails first-place New York by 14 1/2 games in the NL East.