• Slash and burn: Here's some truly awful hockey tattoos. Also known as: hockey tattoos. [Bangin Panger]

• Union Jack: A business class taught by Donald Fehr? I heard it doesn't start on time and costs twice as much as you budgeted for it. [SimonOnSports]

• Let it out, man: The 49ers aren't interested in Matthew Stafford, because he doesn't want to talk about his mommy and daddy issues. Yeah, you definitely need a QB who will open up about his feelings in the huddle. [Lewp's Weblog]

• DNP - Sleepy: I think I could use a fake excuse for not playing right about now. [Not Qualified To Comment]

• Panther swiped?: Would Jamie Dixon really leave Pitt? I wouldn't put anything past that hair. [PSAMP]

I bet Patrick Chewing gets more: There is actually a prop bet on how much facetime Rollie Massimino will get at the Final Four this weekend. [The Big Picture]

How? Grow weed in the outfield?: The Giants are trying to makePacBell SBC AT&T Park more eco-friendly. Fuckin' hippies. [San Francisco Giants Examiner]

Bryant is cool with it though: Greg Gumbel will sue your ass if you try to make him recorded something for your lousy infomercial. [Online Sports Guys]

If only Grant Hill were alive to see this: You know your season has turned out the way you hoped when Grant Hill is the healthiest person on your team. [Josh Q Public]

• Old Style Milwaukee: Opening Day is coming so dress appropriately. That's right—no Zubaz. [Miller Park Drunk]

• A bargain at any price: You couldn't pay me to coach Mississippi State. Wait, they want me to pay them? [Friends of the Program]

• Hint: A lot: How much booze do you have to drink to get kicked off the Scottish national soccer team? [Slowbreaker]

• The perfect crime: Someone one stole Jose Reyes' stolen base. Try to wrap your mind around that one. [Home Run Derby]

• That's no lady, that's my blogger: Are you a lady? Can you type? How did you end up here then? [Ladies…]

• Be gentle: Pretty nifty shootout goal from a Swedish youngster. Either that or his slap shot is just really weak. [Total Pro Sports]

• You were serious about that college thing?: Mike Leach punishes his players by making them do homework on the 50-yard line in the snow. That sounds like the worst frat ever. [Dr. Saturday]

• Dirty bird: Have you humped a mascot today? [Dirty Tackle]

• Business up front: Would you like to workout inside Derek Jeter? You wouldn't be the first. [A Helluva Town]

• Who's the wise guy now?: A soccer linesman in Romania packs a gun in his shorts to protect himself from fans. The sad thing is, he actually needed it. [The Spoiler]

• Zip guns: The Akron Zips are your 2009 Division I air rifle champions. I assume they will pop something in your ass. [Cleveland Frowns]

• Glass Pixel: Wow, Atari Boxing really was a lifelike simulation. [Gadjunk]

• Wise: B.J. Mullens is going "pro." You sure about that? Maybe you want to sleep on it for a year? [WaitingForNextYear; College Sports Examiner]

• Jose Lima would never hurt you like that: The Long Beach Armada has won a $250,000 lawsuit against Jose Canseco. Yeah, good luck collecting on that. [Ballpark Digest]

• Or Bu-urns?: Calling out your fellow fans for indiscriminate booing. Maybe they were saying "Bruce"? [Four Habs Fans]

• Too easy, I know: Shaq is now picking on Greg Oden. You really shouldn't disrespect your elders like that. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

• Depressed yet?: Just a reminder; Gary Matthews Jr. is the fifth-highest paid outfielder in baseball! [Rumors and Rants]

• He died as he lived: The guy who invented BASE jumping on skis has died ... while BASE jumping on skis. [Outposts]

• What is this, a rugby scrum?: Hey, Toronto soccer fans! You call that a riot? [BigSoccer]

• A pitch is a pitch: It is sort of embarrassing for a player to show up for his game at the wrong stadium, but they do all look alike. [Dirty Tackle]

• The power of none: Denver fans rally around Chris Anderson. Yes, an internet petition will solve everything. [Denver Stiffs]

• I call him Gamblor: Want to take bets on which is most excited about extra NFL games? [The Hazean]

• I got nothing: MMA fighters have signature moves? Which one uses the Camel Clutch? [Cage Potato]

• No more games: Alex Ovechkin continues to needle Don Cherry. Why can't these two see that they're in love with each other? [Total Pro Sports]

• Scrum'd: A women's rugby team has released a sexy lingerie calendar, because they are required to. [South Carolina Rugby Examiner]

I hear it's the hardest part: Why do sports people just love to make you wait? [Pyle of List]

Reserve power: Pushing a ref? That's an ejection. And that's why you have Curtis Joesph on your team. [FanHouse]

Even Crockett and Tubbs wouldn't have tried that: Wow, Miami really got hosed on that stadium deal. But I'm sure a Marlin based economy will work out fine. [Above The Law]

No level jumping: Don't worry (good) Yankee fans. The plebes from the bleacher will not disrupt your batting practice routines. [New Stadium Insider]

• You're gonna need a bigger penalty box: Could Patrick Roy be the next coach of the Avalanche? How many fist fights can one team handle? [Colorado Avalanche Examiner]

• Stand your ground: Hey, Coach, get your head in the game. [Online Sports Guys]

• Jerky boy: The prankster behind "Colin Matta" explains himself. Haven't we all wanted to be adopted by an Ohio State coach? [Cleveland.com]

• What will we do without you?: Seth Curry is transferring to a conference that doesn't suck quite as hard as the Big South. [George Mason Basketball]

Two Habs to go, please: Would you like to buy the Canadiens? No, just the hockey team, not the whole country. [Sports Biz Blog]

Angry, angry young man: It's the backlash to the Eric Devendorf backlash. Call me in a couple backlashes. [Bleacher Report]

SBD: It's not like the guy ever farted in someone's face. (We don't think.) [Syracuse.com]

What? Another Syracuse link?: Hey, remember that time Ray Allen lit up the Orangmen? Yeah, no one else does either. Troy Nunes Is An Absolute Magician]

• The Boomin' System: Be glad you don't live on Alfonso Soriano's street. [Home Run Derby]

• Ice ice baby: Cowboy and Packer fans share a tender moment on the highway between Phoenix and LA. There were no survivors. [No Joshin']

• The loser now will be later to win: Sports talk radio guys will argue about the sun coming up if it will fill 30 minutes of airtime. [Me Gusta!]

• What did they do to deserve Antoine Walker?: Cedric Maxwell thinks that Len Bias was God's punishment to the Celtics because Red Auerbach wasn't nice to Gerald Henderson. Makes sense to me. [kenneth in the (212)]

More like the devil's accountant: Scott Boras is not the devil. But I bet he could get old Beelzebub a six-year deal in the $40 million neighborhood. [Nationals Enquirer]

Service with an insult: Bengals owner Mike Brown needs some help with his customer relations. And maybe his football team. [WhoDeyRevolution]

Beatdown: I guess ESPN's boxing efforts leave a little something to be desired. Kind of like boxing's heavyweight division. [BC Beat]

"Ed, Edd, Eddy Meet David Stern":The cartoon Network is partnering with the NBA to create "basketball themed" programming. No WNBA jokes please. [The Live Feed]

• It was a bad call: Providence Bruins goalie Tuukka Rask is a little upset that the refs don't understand the rules of a shootout. Watch out for the flying milk crates. [Total Pro Sports]

• And this effects me how?: Hey, the U.S. lost at the World Baseball Classic. Again. Try to contain yourself. [Rumors and Rants]

• I kid, because I don't know anything about soccer: You mean TV networks actually have to pay to broadcast European soccer in the U.S.? I thought they couldn't give that stuff away. [Unprofessional Foul]

• The shot heard round first base: Remember the guy who got the hit right before Bobby Thompson's legendary home run? Well now he's dead. [Josh Q Public]

• Don't bother: Upper Deck is having a promotion where people can submit inscriptions to Kobe Bryant and he will autograph the winners on to special cards that will go into packs. I'm going to go out on a limb, and say none of your ideas get chosen. [The Beckett Blog]

• I prefer muttonchops: These people want David Wright to grow a mustache. I would advise against that. [The Wright Stache]

• The legends are true: A reporter unearths video evidence of the first actual dunk in a women's college game. Women's hoops and video cameras in West Virginia? Now I've seen everything. [WSJ.com]

• No summer rules: Golfers find an unexploded grenade buried on a course. I would let it play through if I were you. [Oob Golf]

• Twhat?: I don't know why we were looking to the news media for updates on Jim Calhoun's health, when we could have just checked Charlie Villanueva's Twitter. [SbB]

• Shooter?: An Indiana high school basketball coach gets arrested for a DUI, so the cops gave him a ride to the game. Hey, a police escort is still a police escort. [The Slanch Report]

• Could have been worse: At least he didn't shoot up a brothel. [The Spoiler]

• Next week, the hat trick: When you think about it, it really isn't that difficult to score on your own goal twice in one game. It's a great move, actually, because the goalie never expects it! [Total Pro Sports]

• One angry man: Kobe Bryant got called in for jury duty this morning. Don't bother with the joke—somebody already beat you to it. [The Crime Scene]

• Samson and Samson: The secret to any good lacrosse team is flowing locks of golden hair—and maybe some good lacrosse players. [Bro Bible]

• Stick with the program: The Redskins have a formula for success and they're sticking to it no matter how badly it fails. [Hogs Haven]

• Why do you hate freedom?: Kevin Youklis would like to remind you that if the U.S. doesn't win the World Baseball Classic, it's 100% your fault. [No Guts, No Glory]

• It's also illegal, you know?: Here's a nice rundown on the Vegas odds for the tournament—as if anyone has any money left to gamble after sinking it all into 37 different office pools. [The March to Madness]

• Maybe next Christmas: Buffalo would never make a trade to unite Jay Culter and Terrell Owens, because what could we possibly have done to deserve such a tremendous gift? [Rumors and Rants]

• Can't we go to arbitration?: Are you looking to change teams via fan free agency? Sit down, Lions fans. You're not going anywhere. [Central Maine Sports Blog]

• You Ride With Your Mom From Now On. Woman coming on to David Beckham at a traffic light is forced to apologize when Beckham's son becomes visible in the passenger seat. Oops. [Dirty Tackle]

• Gael-Force Whining. Before St. Mary's does any more complaining about not making the NCAA men's Tournament, perhaps it should concentrate on filling its 3,500-seat arena for a first-round game with Washington State. [CougCenter]

• Mimi Designed The Uniforms. And speaking of the Seattle Sounders, meet their minority owner, Drew Carey. [The Offside Rules]

• But That's One Damn Fine Looking Soccer Team. Turns out that AIG wasn't just wasting money on executive bonuses. They also blew $112 million on Manchester United. [CityFile New York]

• Dunk me, I'm Irish: Hey, it's St. Patrick's Day! Otherwise known as "everybody dress like the Celtics day" in the NBA. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

• Do you feel lucky?: I hope Packers DB Jarrett Bush never Googles himself, because according to the search engine he stinks at football. [The Bucky Channel]

• Busted: These are the people in your bracket pool, the people that you meet when you're walking down the street and want to punch in the face because they took all your money. [Three Idiots on Sports]

• Pass: All the hopes of the U.S. baseball team rest on the arm of Ted Lilly. So what else is on tonight? [Rumors and Rants]

• Bizzaro: In the N.I.T., the visiting team hosts you! [Friar Blog]