• Here's a hint; it's grey: Do remember the famous Grey Cup "Mud Bowl"? Do you remember what sport the Grey Cup is awarded for? [MyHogtown]

• Can you do any less?: Brush up on your Japanese baseball players now, because you don't want to be caught off guard when your stadium's sushi bar names a crab roll after them. [Walk Off Walk]

• Do you know me?: Here's an excellent guide for athletes to determine where they rank on the sports endorsement ladder. If you have to wear your jersey in order for viewers to know who the hell you are, you need a better agent. [Wrigleyville23]

• No actual sister kissing?: Some interesting ideas on how to settle NFL ties. My favorite arbitration method remains "country style." [The 700 Level]

• What did the doctoral student say to the particle accelerator?: See, it's funny because I don't understand physics! [College Game Balls]

• Walk it off: Brady Quinn hurt the finger on his throwing hand? Isn't he like ... going to need that? [Waiting For Next Year]

• Call it a tie: Welcome to the ACC, the conference no wants to win. Or watch. [4th and Fail]

• Baseball been very very good to him: More than you ever wanted to know about Dayan Viciendo. Who? Exactly. [Luol's Dong]

• Vogue this: Aaron Ward makes Sean Avery look like Ralph Lauren in a clown costume. I think that's a clothing-related insult, but I don't even know. [The Two Line Pass]

• You got your free taco, didn't you?: An angry Red Sox fan is suing a furniture store, because Boston failed to win the World Series, so that means she had to pay for her own couch. Why don't you go ask Pedroia for the money? [Vent About Sports]

• Go stick your head in a drift: The Colorado Buffaloes are not doing so hot right now. And that's why they invented skiing. [Slushy Gutter]

• That's like asking who is handsomest Manning: The 2008 New York Giants: Good offense or the greatest offense? [Bluenatic]

• That's not a joke. That is a severe behavioral disorder: I think someone is having a laugh at the expense of the Steeler Nation. [Who Dey]

• Gee, I wonder why it wasn't a bigger hit: I didn't know this until just now, but "Saved By Zero" is an actual real song by The Fixx. So please make sure your murderous rage is directed at the proper parties. [Stereogum]

He is a snappy dresser: Someone really wants Joe Maddon to be the Sportsman of the Year. Believe it or not, it isn't Joe Maddon! [Bugs and Cranks]

What a shocker: Hey, Mercury Morris is back. Awesome. [Brown Is The New Black]

A Bird Song for Ricky: Loyola (MD) head coach Jimmy Patsos spent sometime at his last game sitting in the stands, hiding from the referees. That's some sound leadership right there. [Rush The Court]

No escape: Are you ready for more Norv Turner, San Diego fans? Too bad, because he's not going anywhere. [Rumors and Rants]

• It's called "managing expectations": We don't know how to break this to you Vanderbilt, but ... you ain't going to the Rose Bowl. [Hot Dog and Friends]

• Blog fight!: Shaq totally did so hurt Rodney Stuckey. Did not. Did so! Well, maybe he hurt his feelings. [It's Just Sports]

• There goes the streak: Cal Ripken was forced to flee Nicaragua—and his baseball skills camp—due to political unrest. Looks like those Tom Emanski Instructional Jungle Warfare tapes finally paid off. [Machochip]

• What's next? Dating a pop star?: Tony Romo takes homeless guys to the movies. Yeah, that's normal behavior. [Cowboy Blog]

Available in bulk!: Did you know that you can get discounted Knicks tickets at Costco? I guess that explains why I was able to buy a 55-gallon drum of mayonnaise at Madison Square Garden. [Vent About Sports]

It's a two-way street: Is ESPN stealing jokes from lowly bloggers? Well, their unintentional jokes keep us all in business, so we guess that's fair. [Barstool Sports]

It's the size of the fight... : Barack Obama's Attorney General pick is the same lawyer who led the NFL's investigation of Michael Vick. Our nation's dogs have never been safer. [Examiner]

I Grock Brady: Nobody combines 20-year-old SNL references with obscure Wolverine trivia like our old friend Yostal. [Hoover Street Rag]

• Tough, but fair: Baseball writer Tom Haudricort thinks Albert Pujols is the 50th best first baseman in Georgia. [Wrigleyville23]

• Jim, Jimmy or Jimmie: It's good to be named Jim Johnson. No, the other one. [Ride Buyer]

• "Canucks" isn't that clever either: The Canucks need to try a little harder when it comes to making logos. Or they should at least steal the Wonderbread color scheme. [Orland Kurtenblog]

• We're No. 1: How to understand O.J. Mayo's various hand signals. What's the one for "give me a sandwich"? [The Sports Culture]

• LASERS!: The helmet visor! It does nothing! [Dr. Saturday]

Blogdome@deadspin is a vampire.

• Mercy is for the weak: Tony Olivia schools his grandson in Wii baseball. It's funny he's because he's older than me. (Tony, not the kid.) [Home Run Derby]

• ____ Bank Field: Will Citigroup even still be in business when Citi Field opens next year? This is the worst fall collapse since ... oh ... right. [Always Amazin']

• It was a pretty good game actually: When two of the saddest franchises in sports meet on the national stage, how else could it end except with a missed field goal? [Rumors and Rants]

• How's the pasta primavera?: If you go to Mackey Arena to eat ... well, you didn't hear from me, but stick with the consommé. [Kornheiser's Cartel]

• So very 'Now': Another blog yearns to take down the World Wide Leader in Sports. Do you have someone picked out to start your car for you in the morning? [ESPN is Weak]

• Suck it, Balto: Gene therapy can make dogs stronger, so it's only a matter of time before a human starts using it and wins the Iditarod by pulling his own sled. [Steroid Nation]

• Not exactly Nostradamus here: Are the preseason basketball polls at all accurate? They can correctly count to 25, if that's what you mean. [Rush The Court]

• A fitting end: You know ... some games deserve to end in a tie, because let's face it ... your sister has kissed a lot of dudes. [Dave's Football Blog]

And by "sit down," I mean, "emailed them questions and waited for them to respond." You know how online journalism works. Anyway, here's my chat with Michael Schur (Ken Tremendous), Alan Yang (Junior) and Dave King (dak). And yes: I did try to talk them out of it. They're hilarious enough in this interview that I feel even worse that I failed.

You guys have gone on somewhat extended breaks before. Why now? Did you guys have a big meeting about it, or did it just sort of naturally drift to that conclusion?

MIKE: No big meeting. A few months ago we were all lamenting the relatively small number of juicy articles we had turned up. That led to lamenting the feeling we were all having that we had begun to repeat ourselves. There's no worse sin to commit as a comedy writer. So we all agreed that we would wait until after the World Series, talk one last time to make sure, and then shut it down. Alan (Junior) and I [last week] suddenly realized we should have announced it in the middle of Game 4 of the World Series, the way Boras announced A-Rod's opt-out. We were mad that we had missed that one last dumb joke.

ALAN: Shockingly, pseudo-sabermetric baseball journalism metacriticism may not be an infinitely sustainable comedy premise. But we'll see. We plan on making at least seven ill-advised Magic Johnson-style comebacks, including one where we return to coach an FJM writing team made up of lovable but underachieving fifth graders.

DAVE: Yeah, it naturally drifted there. We were just posting less, and running out of ways to say Bill Plaschke shouldn’t have a job. We’ve had this problem since, I guess, day two. Hard not to repeat yourself on a hyperniched blog. Also, there were things like jobs and a baby, but stuff like that is never that important.

One of the things I've always found interesting about your site is how accidental it all seemed. This was something that you clearly started out just to amuse each other, and you seemed almost surprised it found an audience. How much did actually, you know, having readers change the original intention?

MIKE: I hope it didn't. We still wrote whatever we wanted, really. There were some moments when we would lazily not post for a few days and a flood of emails would come in — scary, nasty emails, Will — and we would be shocked back into the realization that there are actually people who care whether we write or not.

ALAN: I think it might have made the writing a little better, actually. It's great motivation knowing that there's an audience for your writing, even when that writing aspires to nothing higher than calling Skip Bayless a poo-poo head. You take a little more pride in that poo-poo head insult, you craft it lovingly, and you make sure that you spell poo-poo correctly.

DAVE: It kind of scared me. Suddenly I felt the compulsion to triple check Kevin Kouzmanoff’s WARP3, knowing there would be a small army -– of awesome dudes, mind you -– ready to correct me if I got it wrong. I don’t think it changed the intention of the site though. We were really blown away, especially in the early days, when people started writing in supporting us. The best e-mails were from people who said things like “I’ve been watching baseball for 45 years and until I read FJM I thought batting average was the only stat you needed. You have changed the way I look at baseball. Love, A Beautiful Woman.”

You guys have been doing this forever. Did the site become more fun, or less, when this whole Bissinger/Blogs Are Ruining Everything business started happening?

MIKE: It stayed almost exactly the same amount of fun. That whole thing — and I sure don't have to tell you this — was so overblown and stupid (The MSM does wonderful things the internet cannot. The internet does wonderful things the MSM cannot. Why is everybody yelling?) Ironically, the big unfinished FJM project of my life was: a few years ago, I read all of 3 Nights in August, and was going to post a like 10,000-word review, essentially FJM-icizing the entire thing. There are cryptic references to this Manhattan Project-style project scattered through the site. It just became too unwieldy. But I'm glad I didn't do it, because Buzz might have come after me with a hammer or something.

ALAN: I think if Mike had continued with this project his own baby might have come after him with a hammer. It is a strong baby.

MIKE: Baby? He's like nine years old now. He runs CensureEdWerder.com, which gets like 3.6 million unique page views a day.

DAVE: For about four days after that Buzz nonsense, everything seemed less fun. Not just the site. I mean like eating food and being with friends.

I know a bunch of people who, this month, are being forced to do things they never imagined they would because of a bet they made a decade ago. Specifically: "If Chinese Democracy ever comes out, I'll eat a pile of dog feces." Something like that. Is this why you're quitting the site? The impossible has happened?

MIKE: Yes. In 1991, dak, Junior and I said, "If we ever have a baseball journalism meta-criticism broadsheet," (remember— the internet wasn't around back then) "and then, some time after that, a baseball player wins an award for being the best hitter in the A.L. but somehow doesn't win the award for being the best hitter at his position, we will quit our meta-critical broadsheet/eat dog feces." And lo and behold, Kevin Youkilis wins the Henry Aaron Award but somehow loses the Silver Slugger to Justin Morneau, and now here we are.

DAVE: Murbles has bet me $1,000 that Will Smith will win his party’s nomination for President of the United States by the year 2032. This has nothing to do with FJM, but it seemed like a good opportunity to get it out there in writing.

It's clear more baseball teams are using sabermetrics — or, as a layperson might put it, "trying to make more good decisions than bad ones" — than when you started the site. Do you think the media's gotten any smarter in that time?

MIKE: I would hope that everyone who cares about baseball has gotten smarter. The thing that always drove our faux-righteous anger on the site was how gosh darn common-sensical this stuff is. You don't have to be a genius to understand why OBP is a better measure of a hitter's worth than BA, or why OPS+ is more valuable than OPS. You just have to care enough to learn why. Which takes about eight seconds.

I should add here that we seek no credit for "making people smarter." We're comedy writers with a decent understanding of very basic SABR stuff. There are many, many people who are far smarter than we, and who have been writing about this for far longer. They deserve the credit for any kind of measurable uptick in national baseball intelligence.

ALAN: I think there's less obviously terrible, absolutely infuriatingly dead wrong stuff out there, mainly because Rob Dibble's blog hasn't been updated in two years.

MIKE: I actually haven't checked Stephen A. Smith's Internet/Web Web-Blog Internet Blog in a while. Wonder how he's doing with that.

DAVE: It has absolutely gotten better, not just in the media but even at the ballpark. Every time I go to a different stadium and see OBP displayed on a giant scoreboard, my baseball heart gets a boner. Again, we had nothing to do with that, but I don’t remember seeing that very much when I was young.

There are some dudes who are just never going to change their mind. I worry that in twenty years, we will be those dudes. It’s just like that song “The Circle Game,” I think.

Seriously, you're gonna come back occasionally, right? Please?

MIKE: We are just going to leave the site lying there, and we have the notion that every once in a while we will meander back ... or maybe start something entirely new in a while. As always, we have absolutely zero in the way of planning skills.

ALAN: The site will become a Palin 2012 booster site on December 1.

MIKE: And will be shut down by a joint FBI/ATF task force on December 3.

Did the site become less fun when you stopped being anonymous?

MIKE: It stayed almost exactly the same amount of fun. The only difference was that I would get emails that started, "Yo Mose," instead of "Yo Ken."

DAVE: Certainly didn’t change anything for me. I think oddly it became a little less fun for some of our readers.

While I have you here, Mike, can you please bring back Amy Ryan?

MIKE: She's amazing, isn't she? Unfortunately, her schedule only allowed her to do six episodes, and the premiere was an hour long, so that counted as two...I'm officially off working on the new show, the Amy Poehler project that will debut in April, so I can't say anything definitive, but I know that if it were up to the writing staff of The Office she would be back ASAP.

Do you love baseball as much as you did when the site started? How much do you plan on missing it? I can say this: You'll miss it more than you think you will, no matter how busy you are.

MIKE: Please. What the hell do you know about starting a sports-related website and then deciding to leave it to work on other things and then? How dare you, sir.

I'm 100 percent sure you're right, because I already miss it. As for baseball, as soon as I knew what baseball was, I loved baseball, and I have never finished a year loving baseball less than I did the year before. Even 2003, with the Boone HR. After the cursing and crying and misery, the next day I thought: God Dammit, what a game.

ALAN: Personally, I love baseball more now. I came late to the sport, and I think my appreciation for the game is still growing. I will definitely miss the blog being the premier place on the Internet where jokes about Marcel Duchamp and jokes about Darin Erstad meet and hold hands. Also, food metaphors.

MIKE: Oh, food metaphors. I will miss you most of all.

DAVE: Baseball is and always will be the best thing ever. I will miss reading Ken and Junior’s posts on FJM. (u guys rock fjm crew 4-eva!!) It just comes down to: there was really nothing else to say that hadn’t been said before. But, yeah, food metaphors. That does hurt.

Now that it's over, if you could talk to Joe Morgan today, what would you tell him?

MIKE: 1. Sorry for naming the site after the idea of firing you. That was short-sighted and dumb.
2. You should read "Moneyball." It's really good.

DAVE: And sorry the layout was so terrible.

• Everybody stay calm!: It looks like Timberwolves fans are starting to lose it. You know ... more than usual. [Jalen's Draft Suit]

• The horror: Remembering the Greg Robinson Era at Syracuse ... that you've spent three years trying to forget. [Rumors and Rants]

• Perfect for a Monday morning: The NBA's most depressing players? Geez, is anyone out there happy? [Empty The Bench]

• I know from experience, dude: If your team's season reminds you of an Adam Sandler movie, that can't possibly be a good thing. [Niner's Nation]

• Burn!: The secret to the Vancouver Canucks success this year? They're finally getting enough sleep. They must have got the idea from the fans in the seats! [MyHogtown]

• Some facial hair wouldn't hurt: Be a leader ... the Kevin Millar Way. In other words, hit .230 ... with authority. [Goat Riders]

• Thissucks.tv: Watching a game on NFL.com is actually worse than watching a game on the NFL network. We assume. No one has ever done the latter. [Vintown]

• Doggone it: Should Michael Vick get paid for helping to sell all that wine? Did they use his "fremented grapes stolen from the mess hall" recipe? [Sports Climax]

• Bo-ring: Wait, a college basketball post that's actually about like ... basketball? This won't do. [Storming The Floor]

• Never surrender: Cincinnati Bengals fans persist in a completely futile effort. What did you expect? We're talking about people who voluntarily root for the Bengals. [Who Dey]

• Don't get us started on the fans: J.J. Redick is not happy with his playing time. Yeah, I don't think the Magic are too thrilled with your time on the court either. [Rumors And Rants]

• The Ghost of Kerry Collins: The Giants-Ravens game on Sunday is an excellent opportunity for New York fans to re-live the horror of Super Bowl XXXV. If Ray Lewis still makes you wet your pants, you might want to look away. [NYGMen]

• Right where he breathes: Tennessee wants former Vol (and former Dallas Cowboy) Bill Bates dead. They want his family ... dead. They want his house burned to the ground. They want to go there in the middle of the night and pour Jack Daniels on his ashes. [Chomped and Screwed]

• What are you doing, Dave?: First, I don't think it's possible to have a "trick" play in soccer, and even if were, it would help if you could actually get a goal out of it. [The Offside]

• Not begin in jail helps Is Matt Ryan the MVP? It's kind of sad when "he hasn't knowingly abused a defenseless animal" is a legitimate selling point. [SportsPolitik]

• I am nonplussed: Congratulations to these players for being the most statistically average players in all of Major League Baseball. They should be very content with their mediocrity. [Mouthpiece Sports]

• Mark Brunell is your new bicycle: Simply thinking about the Don James Era of Washington football has been known to cause brain tumors to spontaneously heal. [Sports Northwest]

• Hey, there's a baby on the table!: Is it hypocritical for the NBA to denounce gambling and then take advertising from casinos? I say we let this next spin of the roulette wheel decide. [Slam Online]

• Blasphemer!: Wait, someone is predicting that North Carolina won't win the national championship? Is that allowed? [Amphibious Sports Duo]

• Heretic!: Wait, someone thinks the SEC is not the best conference in the country? Is that allowed? [You Guessed It]

• And maybe give him your car, too: If San Francisco is still not sure what to do with Barry Zito's albatross contract, this is a pretty ingenious solution—just give it to Tim Lincecum. [Home Run Derby]

• Brainy Approved: Do you miss the NHL Closer and also have an unhealthy obsession with Smurfs? Today is your lucky day. [Melt Your Face Off]

Photo via here

• That wasn't supposed to happen: Niagara College scored three shorthanded goals on one penalty kill against Canisius. To be fair, the penalty was for actually killing the other team's goalie. [Two-Line Pass]

• Are they counting Ronnie Woo Woo twice?: News flash: The Chicago Cubs might not be worth $1 billion. Maybe they should have saved some of those home run balls instead of throwing them back. [Walk Off Walk]

• The shot clock makes a great morning alarm: The New Jersey Nets are offering free game tickets to unemployed fans, which is perfect because those folks really need a nice warm place where they can get some sleep. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

• This changes everything: Holy shit! The Orioles will have slightly different uniforms next year!! The bird has more white in it!!! Try and stop us now, you Blue Jay motherfuckers!!!! [Examiner]

• And his mother's nose: You know, now that I think about it ... Al Horford does have nice eyelashes. [Sports Culture]

• Genuine Class: Sean Avery is not afraid to make fun of a fellow player's speech impediment, even if the guy is on his own team. At least you can usually call someone a dick without lisping. [Fanhouse]

• Shoot to score, score to win: Nuggets shooting guards seem to have trouble remembering the "shooting" part of their job description. It's even right there in the name! [Denver Stiffs]

• Endangered species: If a young star plays for an NHL team in South Florida and no one is there to see it, is he still a star? This a pure hypothetical, of course, because we're not even sure that the Florida Panthers still exist. [New Times]

• Do you believe in whatever this is?: Mike Eruzione shoots and scores all over that canvas. Man, I really do not understand modern art. [Goose's Roost]

• Next time write a letter: A man named Charlie Engle ran across the Sahara Desert to raise awareness of people who die from dehydration while running marathons in 120-degree heat. [Palestra]

• It's a lost cause: Bengals fans initiate Phase 2 of the Mike Brown Humiliation Project. The man owns the Bengals. Do you really think he has any shame left at this point? [Who Dey Revolution]

• Ya think?: This just in—the people who give out baseball's season-ending awards often behave like boneheads. Sky blue, grass green, etc. [Bugs and Cranks]

• Pride of the Serie A: Why have 41 former Italian soccer players developed Lou Gehrig's Disease? Maybe someone should ask the 41 Italian soccer players named Wallcenzo Pippuzzi. [Asylum]

• Float like a butterfly, crack like a old vase: Would you pay $7,000,000 for a cast of Muhammad Ali? You could probably rent the real thing for half that price. [Steady Burn]

What about my pair of souvenir balls?: Someone (or someones) is scamming collectors and fans with fake Brett Favre game jerseys. This seems like a victimless crime to me. [Sports Collectors Digest]

I don't understand your confusion: Sports have stopped making sense? When did they ever start? [Rumors and Rants]

We laughed, we cried: Remember when South Florida was ranked No. 2 in the country? Oh man, that was a classic! [Examiner]

As the world turns: A shady doctor named in the Mitchell Report has been busted for—surprise!—steroids. Oh, and a little insurance fraud thrown in for good measure. [Steroid Nation]

• O boy: The Orioles know exactly how to get their fans fired up for baseball—a rally and "major" uniform announcement at high noon. In mid-November. That's quite an organization you got there. [Orioles Hangout]

• He's Downy soft: Cristiano Ronaldo believes skin care is important. "He likes his body to be smooth all over and would even use a hair removal cream. He would also use tubs of moisturiser, coating every part of his body, at least twice a day ... He loves looking at himself and playing with his hair." [Sports Crackle Pop]

• And Tatum Bell for Drain Commissioner: John Lynch for governor of Colorado in 2010? It depends—will his opponent be wearing shoulder pads too? [Westword]

• Just nine questions?: Seattle sports are kinda broken right now. But at least they have nice weat.... oh right. [Examiner]

• What is best in life?: Derrick Rose will eat your children. Do not defy him or you will face his wrath. [Dock Squad Sports]

• Great seats still available: San Diego Padres fans do the unthinkable—give up their season tickets to Petco Park. Well, they shouldn't have any problem getting walk-ups on game day. [Rumors and Rants]

• We're No. 1: Oh ... so that's what those foam fingers are for! [Home Run Derby]

• Speaking of the Red Sox, will the New York Times be forced to give up its share of the Boston baseball club to cover its debts? [Squawking Baseball]

• EliteXC's not dead yet! Stop selling its stuff! Don't mind that it hasn't moved around for awhile; it's just resting. [MMA Mania]

• Hey, Padres fans, no worries... your stars are leaving town through trade or boot, your owners are going through a nasty divorce, and no free agent signings of note are planned. Might a team sale follow the fire sale? No worries! Maybe Leon Durham can save your season again. (No, we're not bitter about 1984 still. Not at all.) [Gaslamp Ball]

• Agent Zero aka Black President tattoos Obama to his hand. Take a wild guess which one. [DC Sports Bog]

• If it's Australia and there's booze, there's a fight. In this case, however, it was at a boxing match, so... y'know, maybe it doesn't count? (There is video, though.) [Fanhouse]

• If only JaVale McGee could dunk his free throws... [Mister Irrelevant]

• Dr. Yao Ming, please report to the operating theater. Dr. Yao Ming, please report to the operating theater. [Larry Brown Sports] (P.S. to LBS: "Dr. Yao", not "Dr. Ming", unless you think Yao's medical skills might be more like this fella's.)

• Beisketboll has been berry berry good to Josh Childress in Greece: "We watched a bartender kneel at his feet, and begin to kiss them. Passionately. Then his zealous admirer — as if to confirm that he was not worthy — bowed before the bemused Childress." [The Big Lead]

• NHL player wants to be a Gladiator. Other than the fact that one airing of American Gladiators probably gets more audience share than the whole NHL finals on NBC, we're behind it. [Melt Your Face Off]

• You know, every time you invent a new way to sneak booze into a stadium, the terrorists win. Same with downloading music and not just handing your purse to the first corporation you see. [Tasty Booze] (which you will likely question once you see where they suggest you store it)

• Trey Wingo may seek treatment for a slight condition that might be noticeable a little bit. Or, you know, we're being too subtle about this. [Royals Review]

• Aston Doucher? You kids on his pee-wee football team are so creative! Aston's agent would like to speak to you about writing his next script. 'Cause, seriously, it couldn't be any worse. [Fanhouse]

• The IOC expects a boatload of more positive drug tests to be revealed right about the time they end up as a bullet point in a link pos... sneaky, IOC. Sneaky. [Steroid Nation]

• We fully expect the birth rate in Tennessee to show a spike over a 10-12 year period that is otherwise unexplained by national trends. Bruce Pearl makes men around him virile and women pliable. That's a pretty good basketball coach. [Intentional Foul]

Spend it like Beckham: Oooh, celebrity auctions are so much fun! Especially when everything is so expensive you have to be a celebrity to buy them. [In Game Now]

Next time, it's your finger: Carmelo Anthony loses a bet, loses his hair. Maybe if George Karl had threatened this last year, the Nuggets could have got out of the first round. [Not Qualified]

Even Pete Wentz isn't that bad: I don't really think Joe Biden has anything to do with the Cowboys not missing the playoff. They're screwing things up pretty good on their own. [Sports Crackle Pop]

Draft Combine: Giants fullback Madison Hedgecock likes to spend his off days farming other people's land for fun. Someone is really not getting enough carries. [NJ.com]

• The balls bounce right off them, too: Oh, in case you haven't figured it out already, the Gold Gloves are a joke. For starters, they're actually made of pewter. [The Angry T]

• Baby Mangino approves: Can you identify the fat football coach simply by looking at the shape of his gut? Oh, I guess "fat football coach" is a bit redundant. [Simon On Sports]

• Baby Mangino cries: With Tyrone Willingham and Ron Price gone, that leaves just four D-I football coaches who aren't fat white guys. But Obama's in the White House, so race is irrelevant now. [AppFan]

• That's not a metaphor: Some soccer player we've never heard of got his head caught in a roller coaster. It's even funnier in French. [The Spoiler]

• Money for nothing: Credit problems? Go hit a hole in one and win a million dollars like this guy did. Or steal Tiger Woods' wallet. [Steady Burn]

• You got something on your neck there: That's not a tattoo. Kenyon Martin just got caught on the Kiss Cam. [Sports Hernia]

• At least they didn't invade Poland: A motivational speech from Lou Holtz just doesn't carry the same weight it once did. I seem to remember another leader whose motivational speeches didn't work out so well.... [Rumor and Rants]

• R.I.P.: Seattle mourns the loss of Tuba Man, who entertained fans outside of many of the city's sports palaces. It's the first time anyone has ever been upset to not hear a tuba playing. [Seattle Times]

Is it the shoes?: The greatest hoops sneakers ever. Look, I chose Buster Browns and I stand by that. [Bleacher Report]

Mr. Clutch?: Derek Fisher: Good shooter or greatest shooter? I think this is the definition of "small sample size." [Kornheiser's Cartel]

Snuggly, too: Forget "who's next?" Who's soft? John Daly always seemed very huggable. [Bitterness is a Fish You Can Catch]

Up, Up, Down, Down, Power Off: Michael Jordan has made some questionable endorsement deals in his life, but none are quite as ridiculous as this video game. They must have used the Konami Code for unlimited suck. [Mental Floss]

• Handsome: This is what Allen Iverson looks like in a Piston uniform, so you can probably imagine him in a Shock uni now too. [Ball Don't Lie]

• When will someone notice Gonzaga already?: These mid-major players would totally be All-Americans—if only they were good enough to actually get recruited by better schools! [Examiner]

• I've got plenty of these saved up: I'm not sure if this is a Rich Rodriguez costume or just a fat guy in a Michigan hat. I mean, you could throw a rock out any Ann Arbor window right now and hit this guy, right? [World Of Issac]

• We're all friends here: Hey, just because you're professional hockey players in the middle of a game, that doesn't mean you get to ignore the Jumbotron "Kiss Cam." Rules are rules, people. [Melt Your Face Off]

• Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala was unavailable: Two bloggers realize a lifelong ambition by meeting former Pittsburgh Steeler Amos Zereoue. It's all downhill from here, guys. [PSAMP + One For The Other Thumb]

• Ha Ha: It only took 16 years, but Johnny Majors has finally been vindicated. Not that he's sayin' that, he's just ... sayin', ya know? [The Sports Point]

• Don't go away mad: Meanwhile ... Tennessee fans won't have Phil Fulmer to kick around anymore. That kicking leg is already lonely. [Rumors and Rants]

• Maybe he ate one of them?: Chargers tackle Marcus McNeill is the biggest Jonas Brothers fan in the world. Seriously, the guy pushing like 340. He's huge! [Fan IQ]

• Pitchers report when?: How much do you miss baseball? Enough to start dreaming about rookies who probably won't help your team next year? [Walk Off Walk]

• What about downhill trampoline?: Glacier Surfing: When jumping into shark-infested coral reef waters just isn't insane enough. [Part Mule]

• Look out, California Raisin Bowl: This is really good math, but why would anyone want every single ACC team to be bowl eligible? Isn't one bad enough? [Digital Head Butt]

• All-Adequate Team: Meet college football coaches who have done just barely enough to not get fired this time. [Examiner]

• What's this about Scott Mitchell?: Lions fans are talking themselves into Daunte Culpepper. Wait, which stage is this: Despair or Bargaining? [I'm Writing Sports]

• Take the over: There's not much to do today while you wait for election results—so you might as well gamble on the outcome. [Five Tool Tool]

• Where's the beef?: I don't know ... I think that "saved by zero" jingle is pretty catchy. [NE Patriots Draft]

• There's an easy solution: The Cal Bears seem to have trouble with this whole "being ranked in the Top 25" thing. Shouldn't be a problem after the USC game, though. [The Play In CA]

• Domo arigato, bitches: Cubs GM Jim Hendry has a different theory about the playoff failure. He fired Kosuke Fukudome's translator. Yeah, that should fix everything. [NQTC]

• Look away, baby, look away: Cleveland has a big game this Thursday against the Denver Broncos, so here's what else is on TV so Browns fans have something entertaining to watch. [Waiting For Next Year]

• Sexy Backswings: Justin Timberlake now has an endorsement deal with Callaway Golf. So remember ... the next time you get the urge to hit Justin Timberlake in the face with a four-iron, think Callaway. [Dogs That Chase Cars]

• What's wrong with Boxing Day?: Some guy's dad thinks American boxers are all washed-up nobodies. Why, that makes me so mad I could ... hey, look a donut. [Machochip]

• Jump around: Colorado State alumnus Joey Porter is a little excitable. It takes real talent, though, to get a 15-yard penalty when you aren't even on the team. [Denver Post]

• Sack the vote: If you're voting in Florida tomorrow, you may have a chance to vote for Peter Boulware for the State House of Reps. And if you don't—well, don't complain when you get blindsided coming out of the voting booth. [The Sports Point]

• Speaking of ...: Here are some other interesting athlete-politicians. And by "interesting" we mean "how did that guy ever get elected?" [Mondesi's House]

• Take the money and run: Mike Leach has made a winner out of Texas Tech, so he should probably just skip town and start over with freakin' Washington. Or better idea—I hear Arena Football is an up and coming sport. [Kornheiser's Cartel]

• Is this the end?: Uh, Capitals ... what ... is with ... the horn? Did Ovechkin just score a goal or launch a nuclear strike? [Stet Sports]

• Trick or treats: Last minute Halloween costumes for the unimaginative sports fan. My costume for the 24th year in a row? Hobo Ghost. [Top Ten Chicago Sports]

• Go longer: Arkansas high school kid catches 24 passes for 421 yards and five touchdowns. And his team still lost. Maybe they forgot to establish the run? [Big Picture]

• Why Can't Us 2?: Lions fans fighting over who wants them to lose the most. My question: why stop at 0-16? [It's Just Sports]

• Still batting 1.000: NFL stats you couldn't not possibly have predicted or cared about. [Cecilio Guante]

• You're not ready for this jelly: Appalachian State is fired the fuck up! It's not like that Michigan game anymore—this one actually matters! [AppFan]

• Intervention. Super agent Leigh Steinberg arrested for climbing hill near auto dealership and screaming "Show me the booze!" [ESPN]

• There's no justice like mob justice: LSU fans are very exited to see Nick Saban this next weekend. They even switched to throwing lite beer bottles, because they know he's watching his carbs. [The Sports Point]

• About that horse head: The Devils tell the city of Newark that they aren't going to pay rent on the arena the city built for them, and now that they think about—maybe the city owes them some money. And if they have to send Vinny and Saul down there to collect ... let's just say that you don't want to make them send Vinny and Saul, understand? [Fanhouse]

• Somehow Favre is still starting?: What if all our presidents formed a football team? Mini-Ditka 490, Presidents 3. [Bleacher Report]

What they’re saying around the nefarious pornwebs in the wake of Philadelphia winning their first major sports title in a quarter-century.

PHILLY.COM: “Brad Lidge struck out Eric Hinske with an 0-2 slider at 9:58 p.m. last night at Citizens Bank Park to capture the Phillies' first World Series championship in 28 years and second in 126 years.

“The 25-year major sports championship drought in Philadelphia is over.

"Enjoy it.”

THE 700 LEVEL: “Good morning, Philadelphia. It's roughly 5:00 A.M. in the morning and I just got out of a taxi at my parents house in Media. I'm half drunk, half in disbelief, and half dreaming. But I did get home early/late enough to get a copy of Thursday's Daily News and Inquirer at WaWa as we snatched up some late night Shorties. They are most glorious covers.

“The Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series tonight. Yes, the Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series. Okay, one more time, the Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series and they did it tonight at Citizens Bank Park in South Philly.”

COMMENTER AT PHILLIES NATION: “OHHHHHHHH!!!! FUCCK YES! YESS! EYSS!E YEWBUDH!~”

NJ.COM: “At Broad Street and Mifflin Avenue in South Philadelphia, people of all ages danced in the streets and cheered at passing cars, as drivers laid on their horns to create a seemingly endless chorus of celebratory honks. Fans hung out of sunroofs and windows, doling out high-fives to fans on the street as they drove by in their cars. Fans in red packed the beds of pick-up trucks parading down the street, unabashedly waving their beer bottles, flags and banners and cheering the historic win… Fans shot off fireworks as others slapped hands with passing bicyclists. Some rowdy fans even climbed atop traffic lights, as others rode down Broad Street sitting on the hoods of cars.”

JOHN DONOVAN: “Fireworks went off over and into the crowd on the famed Broad Street. Traffic ground to a halt in many areas of the city. Car horns blared. Strangers embraced. No longer do this city's sports fans have to live with the memories of the Phillies' 1964 collapse, of Chico Ruiz's steal of home, of Smarty Jones' failure in the Belmont Stakes, of the disappointments of the Sixers and the Flyers and the Eagles. Now they can live with the stories of Cole Hamels' pitching, and Geoff Jenkins' double, of perfect Brad Lidge and of the sneaky-sly manager, Charlie Manuel. Now, they can live with the memories of a rain-wracked but, ultimately, life-altering World Series win.”

COMMENTER AT BEERLEAGUER: “When that last out was called, I honestly started to cry. My grandfather, the biggest Phillies fan I've ever known, who watched every game whether it was a 90 win season or a 100 loss season. He passed away 2 years ago on Saturday. This is for every Phillies fan that was for the past 50 years, is, and will be. Thank you Phillies, thank you JW.”

Image via Beerleaguer.

• What did he ever do to you? Oh, right: How long has it been since you thought about punching Vince Carter in the face? You're thinking about it right now, aren't you? [Food Court Lunch]

• Or just cancel your cable: How to sabotage NBA TV's Fan Night. Why? Like you need a reason? [Nets Are Scorching]

• Even he won't root for the Patriots: Hank Williams Jr. had better pick a team and he better pick one quick, because his sports patriotism is being called into question. I even heard a rumor that he pals around with Bengals fans. [Sean's Ramblings]

• They would have gone as a Super Bowl trophy, but they didn't know what that looks like: Leave it to the Lions to hold their annual Halloween party on a Monday night and invite Roy Williams, who isn't even on the team anymore. On the other, he did have the best costume. [Not Qualified To Comment + World of Issac]

• The Acorn Bowl: Revealed! The secret socialist Muslim conspiracy to put Penn State and Texas in the BCS title game. Is that before or after Jo Pa dismantles the American government? [Famous DC]

• Make it rain on America: Speaking of socialists, Jermaine O'Neal has no problem redistributing his wealth to the poors. Good thing he doesn't have to feed Latrell Sprewell's kids. [My Hogtown]

• Here we go again: Hey, Titans fans—have you met Mercury Morris? Oh, you will.... [Josh Q. Public]

• With Jerramy Stevens' on "very special teams": Bring back Bobby Huack! So maybe his previous group of Washington Huskies got a little rapey ... just win, baby! [The Grizzoulian]