Dewey:

If you're curious what it feels like to be choked unconscious, I'll sum it up for you in one word: INCREDIBLE. If it was a drug you could take in pill form, I would pop it daily. As soon as Frank finished, I wanted him to do it again. Time slowed down. There was a musical buzzing. I had no idea if I was waking up or going dark. It was like nothing I've ever experienced, or at least not like anything that I'm willing to admit that I've tried.

I had the exact same reaction when I tried to sit through Phantom of the Opera. But seriously, if Dewey wants sensations of "time slowing down, a musical buzzing and no idea if you're waking up or going dark" on a regular basis, I'm willing to sell him my 49ers season tickets.

Still not as extreme as this, though.

MMA Fighter Chokes Me Unconcious [Hard For The Yard]

You see, if all those die hard Leafs fans would quit paying for tickets and watching the games on TV and generally just stop caring whether their favorite team wins or loses, then maybe they wouldn't have anything to complain about.

Face it… you just can’t control yourselves. And, the folks on Bay Street love you for it… so much so, that they refused to budget for playoff dates next spring at the ACC. I mean, why go down the same path of futility for a fourth consecutive year? Season-ticket renewals are dispatched after the Stanley Cup tournament concludes, prompting a wild stampede to the mailbox — cheques faithfully enclosed; interest about to accrue. The extra kick in the wallet from 100 percent renewals in early summer surely takes the sting off lost playoff gates, don’t you think?

He also manages to work in a dig at Cubs fans, which is laudable, but misguided since the Cubs actually made the playoffs the last two years. Still, the idea that devoted fans who pay to support a losing team somehow get what they deserve doesn't really sit well with the Leafs Nation. So they're protesting. Or boycotting. Or signing a strongly-worded blog post. I'm not really sure what they're up to actually, but one thing is clear—they are mad as hell, and they are going to continue to take it for a little while longer! (But only from the team that continues to disappoint them, not the media.)

• Most Valuable Losers Once Again [Hockey Buzz]
• An Open Letter to Toronto Maple Leafs Fans [Pension Plan Puppets]

During our (long) trek from the parking lot to the front door, S would randomly go up to couples on their way home and ask for their ticket stubs. Out of the kindness of their hearts, and also a little help from my beaming, innocent smile, people were pretty willing to dig into their pockets to find their crumpled tickets. We landed our first set of tickets, and I was already satisfied. But S would not stop there. He wanted to score some pimp seats. We collected a few pairs of ticket stubs, but none that were of baller status.

We then walked by the VIP area, and quickly asked a foreign couple for their ticket stubs as they exited the section. By distracting the doorman with ice cream, we were quickly allowed reentry, and the entire VIP floor area was at our fingertips.

Food makes a great diversion for people working long hours, no matter how "important" they seem to be? Did I ever tell you about the time I scored a luxury box for the Pro Bowl by dousing my nipples with poi? Man, that's the oldest trick in the book.

Blogger Uses Ice Cream, Trickery To Get 'Pimp' Seats At The US Open [Machochip]

In response, Cuban has said he is encouraging ALL bloggers to apply for credentials. You might take this as a positive thing if he weren't saying it with such a smirk.

"Which means we will encourage all bloggers to apply, whether they be someone on blogspot who has been posting for a couple weeks, kids blogging for their middle school Web site or those that work for big companies," wrote Cuban, a blogger himself. "We won't discriminate at all."

That's pretty awesome, actually; Cuban is being a dick to prove a point, but it's a good point: Seriously, then, what IS the difference? It's really just a URL, right? What counts as "credentialed" again? If True Hoop weren't at ESPN, would Henry Abbott be less qualified to come in the locker room?

Predictably, now the Associated Press Sports Editors are mad.

"With all due respect for the potential journalism talent in the middle school ranks, this rebuttal smacks with the tartness of sour grapes," Fannin, managing editor for sports and features at the Kansas City Star wrote in an e-mail. "Is this really the standard the NBA wants to set for blogging?

"We're not asking the Mavericks or Mark Cuban to discriminate," added Fannin, who earlier in his career worked at The News. "We're simply seeking a common-sense distinction between someone who blogs professionally as part of an accredited media's beat coverage and someone who buys a ticket to the game."

So now EVERYBODY's mad. Say what you will about Cuban, but he's no dummy.

NBA Tells Dallas Mavericks To Allow Locker Room Access To Bloggers [Dallas Morning News]