Here's what Paige wrote:

I give my opinion, which is based on sound information, thoughtful research and observation, unlike some kid in Arizona who is a Broncos fan and writes a blog, without proper grammar or punctuation or understanding, from his mom's laundry room and think [hilariously, awesomely sic] he knows what he's talking about, and people actually pay attention.

Aside from the fact that Paige has graciously moved the locus of blogging from mom's basement to mom's laundry room (as is often the case with these jokes, the blogger sadly appears to live in a fatherless home), it's the same old gag. You know the one. Blogger, underwear, mother's house. What follows is a collection, by no means exhaustive, of the bonnest mots flung by mainstream sports media in the direction of the blogosphere over the years. Print these out. Savor them. Read them in your underwear while holding down some couch springs in your mother's basement. I thinks you'll like them.

The Loop, Pioneer Press: "The Washington Post fired reporter Michael Tunison after learning of his raunchy posts on the 'Kissing Suzy Kolber' sports blog. Tunison is expected to join the rest of the sports bloggers in their mothers' basements."

The Loop, Pioneer Press: "The NCAA reversed course and will allow bloggers in the press box to file live updates from tournament games. It's a huge victory for the bloggers, giving them yet another reason to get out of their mother's basement."

Bob Costas, NBC: "It's one thing if somebody just sets up a blog from their mother's basement in Albuquerque and they are who they are, and they're a pathetic get-a-life loser, but now that pathetic get-a-life loser can piggyback onto someone who actually has some level of professional accountability and they can be comment No. 17 on Dan Le Batard's column or Bernie Miklasz' column in St. Louis."

Dan Shaughnessy, Boston Globe, writing in the voice of a blogger: "I'm living at home, in the basement, rent free, and I've got cable and plasma TV. Domino's delivers. I guess you could say I'm living the dream."

Scott Bordow, East Valley Tribune: "[Jim] Calhoun will have his defenders, of course, Huskies' loyalists who believe the story was a media smear job; some might even take Calhoun's tack that he doesn't read blogs, as if one of the most popular Web sites in the country is run by some kid wearing pajamas and writing from his basement."

Greg Couch, Chicago Sun-Times: "Look, independent blogs are not reliable news sources. They're entertaining. I read them. Some have credibility, others might be some guy in his underwear in the basement. But we can't tell the difference."

Ed Hardin, Greensboro News & Record: "[Dustin] Long is the president of the National Motorsports Press Association, not some blogger in his parents' basement."

Geoff Baker, The Seattle Times: "And the ability to think about those things beforehand, truly, is what separates real journalists — serious ones, not Jason Blair types — from basement bloggers."

Mark Bechtel, Sports Illustrated: "Remember the good old days, when sports bloggers were potty-mouthed reprobates who fired off ill-informed rants from a couch in their parents' basement?"

David Wharton, Los Angeles Times: "Critics have portrayed [bloggers] differently: the rabid fan sitting at a computer in his parents' basement, in his pajamas, spewing opinion."

Frank Fitzpatrick, The Philadelphia Inquirer: "Assuming George Mitchell doesn't find any grounds to shut it down prematurely, the 2006 baseball season is just days away. That means that for the next six months baseball fans have a license to behave like bloggers — sitting around their dens in their underwear, staring blankly at a screen, pontificating on subjects they know nothing about."

Frank Fitzpatrick, The Philadelphia Inquirer: "An Eagles fan named Enrico Campitelli Jr. decided to do a live blog while watching the Eagles-Texans season opener on Sunday. Not sure what Campitelli's credentials are — not that blogging requires anything more than a computer and a pair of pajamas."

Phil Reisman, The Journal News: "It may be time for Minaya to go, but not for any racist reasons put forth by mouth breathers who live in their parents' basements."

Jason Lieser, Palm Beach Post: "Mike Florio defies almost every stereotype affixed to bloggers. No braces. No pimples. No sitting in his underwear tapping away in his parents' basement."

Glenn Reeves, San Mateo County Times : "Leitch rarely loses sight. After all, he has a 10-second commute every day to where he works, making up jokes and typing in his underwear."

Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times: "Web sites peek around corners like sewer rats, operated by weirdos who live in their parents' basements, pretend to be experts and break 'stories' that gullible people actually believe."

Rick Morrissey, Chicago Tribune: "I'll give Mariotti this: Whether he realizes it or not, he might have been the nation's first blogger, without actually writing one. He has led the way by not leading the way to the locker room or the clubhouse. He writes what he wants without ever talking to a soul. The only difference is he travels often to events, unlike bloggers, many of whom sit in their underwear all day and update, update, update."

Tony Kornheiser, The Tony Kornheiser Show: "In fact, in fact, if a huge dumpster landed on their mother's house (cackling), and got all the way into the basement and crushed them (more cackling), nobody would care. Nobody would miss them."

Sam Smith, Chicago Tribune: "How is it I can work for decades developing contacts around the NBA and traveling regularly around the NBA and talking with the decision makers and some guy in his basement in his underwear is writing something that has credibility?"

Pat Forde, ESPN: "Everyone wants to be Bill Simmons, but to my knowledge there's only one him. Two hundred thousand bloggers cracking wise from their living room in their underwear all want to be the next Simmons, but how many of them are being paid (handsomely) to do it?"

Rick Reilly, ESPN: "I've been doing this 31 years, for a living, I feel like I go out there, I'm in the locker rooms, I'm in the clubhouses, I'm meeting these guys, I'm hearing what they are saying, whatever. It seems to me a guy like that has a little more valued opinion than some schmo who, as I say, is holding down couch springs on his mom's basement."

Rick Reilly, ESPN: "There's some good journalism, and some really horrible crap on there from guys holding down the couch springs in their mother's basement that have never been in a lockerroom but are pining on this and that. And this gives them cache [sic], and then they're being quoted? What? This guy is in his underwear."

Rick Reilly, ESPN: "I don't really care what people holding down couch springs do or say."

Illustration by Rob Zammarchi, via The Boston Phoenix

Sports Media Challenge, which helped produce the segment for SportsCenter every weekday since April, says they had a six-month contract that simply expired, but that they will continue working with ESPN to create other online, social media-type stuff for the network's other properties. But if you're an up-and-coming young sports blogger who has been dying to hear Sage Steele read a pithy quote from one of your posts on the air ... it's not happening. Yeah, sorry about that.

Sports Media Challenge - Training and Consulting for Sports Personalities [SMC]

Blogger Kyle Slavin of the site "The Second Coming" wrote a very long (and pretty condescending) post last week explaining to Artest what it means to be a Laker and how his wild child antics will not fly with the L.A. fan base. Oh, he recognizes the talent, but if the Lakers don't repeat as NBA Champions it's pretty much going to be all Ron's fault.

Let me be absolutely clear: you absolutely cannot mess this season up. You fail here, and you will never redeem your career again. You ruin this good thing we have going in LA, and the rest of your basketball days will be tarnished by it. In LA, we fans run deep. We know our basketball, we know our history, and we have more than a passing interest in the Lake Show. We will be here longer than you. We have more influence than you. Win us over, and you will be a Hall of Famer. Lose our faith, and you will never see this level of love again.

See, people in Houston and Indianapolis might be willing to put up with technical fouls and fights, but not the good, respectful citizens of Los Angeles. So all Ron has to do is make zero mistakes, make every L.A. fan love him, and also teach Andrew Bynum, Jordan Farmar and Sasha Vujacic how to play basketball. Boom ... he's a Hall of Famer! Simple.

After a few people linked to Slavin's letter he figured he should give Artest a heads up, so he emailed him the link with an introduction. It's safe to say that Ron Ron was not amused.

No law when it comes to me.
I let you type critics write and I just keep it hood.
That will never change.
I am not kissing no ones ass because I'm in LA. Suck a cock.

As expected, Slavin's response was measured and dignified.

No, no, Ron! I was saying that I really want you to do well, dude! WTF, don't tell me to suck a cock! I wanna ROOT FOR YOU. I want you to SUCCEED, and I want you to WIN US A CHAMPIONSHIP! All these things are good for you! I don't want you to kiss anyone's ass! You're a LAKER now. Act like one!

Jesus, did you read the article?

What the hell man!

-kyle

There's more to the story—mostly commenters arguing about who is the bigger jerk here—but the epilogue is that Slavin eventually apologized and Ron has likely forgotten about it already, because his mind is on other important things like Twitter. The thing about the internet allowing athletes to engage their fans and fans being able to engage the athletes is that you can also engage your critics. I don't see how that's a bad thing, aside from all time that gets wasted answering emails. I guess this whole worldwide interconnectedness stuff is pretty awesome until you actually have to deal with people.

Reactions to The Open Letter [The Second Coming]
Ron Artest Will Respond to Your E-Mail, Which May or May Not Be a Good Thing [FanHouse]
Ron Artest: Good Basketball Player, Mediocre Man of Letters [TrueHoop]
Check your mail, Ron Ron [Los Angeles Times]

Dewey:

If you're curious what it feels like to be choked unconscious, I'll sum it up for you in one word: INCREDIBLE. If it was a drug you could take in pill form, I would pop it daily. As soon as Frank finished, I wanted him to do it again. Time slowed down. There was a musical buzzing. I had no idea if I was waking up or going dark. It was like nothing I've ever experienced, or at least not like anything that I'm willing to admit that I've tried.

I had the exact same reaction when I tried to sit through Phantom of the Opera. But seriously, if Dewey wants sensations of "time slowing down, a musical buzzing and no idea if you're waking up or going dark" on a regular basis, I'm willing to sell him my 49ers season tickets.

Still not as extreme as this, though.

MMA Fighter Chokes Me Unconcious [Hard For The Yard]

You see, if all those die hard Leafs fans would quit paying for tickets and watching the games on TV and generally just stop caring whether their favorite team wins or loses, then maybe they wouldn't have anything to complain about.

Face it… you just can’t control yourselves. And, the folks on Bay Street love you for it… so much so, that they refused to budget for playoff dates next spring at the ACC. I mean, why go down the same path of futility for a fourth consecutive year? Season-ticket renewals are dispatched after the Stanley Cup tournament concludes, prompting a wild stampede to the mailbox — cheques faithfully enclosed; interest about to accrue. The extra kick in the wallet from 100 percent renewals in early summer surely takes the sting off lost playoff gates, don’t you think?

He also manages to work in a dig at Cubs fans, which is laudable, but misguided since the Cubs actually made the playoffs the last two years. Still, the idea that devoted fans who pay to support a losing team somehow get what they deserve doesn't really sit well with the Leafs Nation. So they're protesting. Or boycotting. Or signing a strongly-worded blog post. I'm not really sure what they're up to actually, but one thing is clear—they are mad as hell, and they are going to continue to take it for a little while longer! (But only from the team that continues to disappoint them, not the media.)

• Most Valuable Losers Once Again [Hockey Buzz]
• An Open Letter to Toronto Maple Leafs Fans [Pension Plan Puppets]

During our (long) trek from the parking lot to the front door, S would randomly go up to couples on their way home and ask for their ticket stubs. Out of the kindness of their hearts, and also a little help from my beaming, innocent smile, people were pretty willing to dig into their pockets to find their crumpled tickets. We landed our first set of tickets, and I was already satisfied. But S would not stop there. He wanted to score some pimp seats. We collected a few pairs of ticket stubs, but none that were of baller status.

We then walked by the VIP area, and quickly asked a foreign couple for their ticket stubs as they exited the section. By distracting the doorman with ice cream, we were quickly allowed reentry, and the entire VIP floor area was at our fingertips.

Food makes a great diversion for people working long hours, no matter how "important" they seem to be? Did I ever tell you about the time I scored a luxury box for the Pro Bowl by dousing my nipples with poi? Man, that's the oldest trick in the book.

Blogger Uses Ice Cream, Trickery To Get 'Pimp' Seats At The US Open [Machochip]

In response, Cuban has said he is encouraging ALL bloggers to apply for credentials. You might take this as a positive thing if he weren't saying it with such a smirk.

"Which means we will encourage all bloggers to apply, whether they be someone on blogspot who has been posting for a couple weeks, kids blogging for their middle school Web site or those that work for big companies," wrote Cuban, a blogger himself. "We won't discriminate at all."

That's pretty awesome, actually; Cuban is being a dick to prove a point, but it's a good point: Seriously, then, what IS the difference? It's really just a URL, right? What counts as "credentialed" again? If True Hoop weren't at ESPN, would Henry Abbott be less qualified to come in the locker room?

Predictably, now the Associated Press Sports Editors are mad.

"With all due respect for the potential journalism talent in the middle school ranks, this rebuttal smacks with the tartness of sour grapes," Fannin, managing editor for sports and features at the Kansas City Star wrote in an e-mail. "Is this really the standard the NBA wants to set for blogging?

"We're not asking the Mavericks or Mark Cuban to discriminate," added Fannin, who earlier in his career worked at The News. "We're simply seeking a common-sense distinction between someone who blogs professionally as part of an accredited media's beat coverage and someone who buys a ticket to the game."

So now EVERYBODY's mad. Say what you will about Cuban, but he's no dummy.

NBA Tells Dallas Mavericks To Allow Locker Room Access To Bloggers [Dallas Morning News]