The other part of the article that has us intrigued is this little section, where Vick lays out his future plans:

Buried in the hundreds of pages of paper detailing Vick’s financial woes the other day in federal bankruptcy court was the declaration that not only does Vick expect to be reinstated in the NFL upon his release but also believes he will “be able to earn a substantial living” playing quarterback once again.

No doubt Vick believes he's going to get signed solely because the media frenzy is going to make him a huge draw, large enough for an enterprising owner to take a chance on him. And listen, there's no doubt Vick is going to get people into the stands. The only question is if they'll be carrying protest signs.

Vick wants to play, but what team would risk it? [AP]

In any case, this is her being led away by cops while wearing a Tennessee Volunteers sweatshirt. For those in need of last-minute Halloween costume ideas: You have your instructions. Just make sure the "B" is on your face the right way, by which I mean, the wrong way.

(Disclaimer: The title of this post is in no way intended to diminish the importance or uniqueness of the Cooper/Monday fiasco. Library masturbation is far more hilarious, and satisfying, than racism-based hoaxes.)

Ashley Todd + Tennessee Vols = LOSERS [Bumpshack]

Bringing you up to speed, the allegation is that last January, Zendejas met "Jane Doe" at a bar and gave her two mixed drinks that were mixed with a little something extra. The two went off to a hotel room, where she woke up the next morning with pain in two of her more tender areas.

She said she felt pain in her vaginal and anal areas and immediately suspected she had been raped by Zendejas.

The examiner, Malinda Wheeler, said the woman had a large tissue tear in her anus - she said it was the largest she had seen in her career - and more minor tissue damage in her vaginal area.

The real news, and inspiration for our headline, comes months later when Ms. Doe and two undercover agents met Zendejes at a bar in an attempt to clear up exactly what went down that fateful night, so long ago:

"Tell me about that night because I don't remember," she said she told Zendejas.

"I knocked you out," she said Zendejas told her. "I took that booty."

That's what you call an incriminating statement, ladies and gents. Zendejas will now be forced to stand trial for four felony rape and sodomy charges. We'll keep you posted.

Former Los Angeles Rams kicker Tony Zendejas to stand trial [Daily Bulletin]

Reardon told the arresting officer that he was sorry and to also apologize to his fans and friends. Reardon lost his 20-year-old son last February and has been taking anti-depressants since then, plus he was taking heart medication after a recent angioplasty which may have further contributed to his uncharacteristic, wacky behavior. We've already started plotting our "Crazy Jeff Reardon" Halloween costume for next year.

Reardon blames meds for robbery attack [MSNBC]
When Bearded Closers Attack [Deadspin]

News that he had been questioned by police came as further details of Ms Botoli's complaint were leaked - including allegations that Tyson took cocaine and attempted to force her to try the drug.

In her statement to police, she alleged: "There was a white powder on a tray; it was cocaine. Tyson took some, a lot, and then started hitting me.

"He tried to force my head down into the powder but I don't do drugs."

She added: "He said he wanted to have sex with me. But when I said 'no' and didn't take the drugs he want mad.

"He punched me and then threw me to the floor. It left me stunned.

"Tyson kept shouting at me until his bodyguard told him to calm down and stop because he was going over the top."

Well, at least it's not anything bad.

Boxer Tyson Questioned [The Scotsman]