To help ease the sting of your disappointment, the team will award the first 15,000 fans at tonight's game (i.e., all of them) a plastic toy with an oversized head that slightly resembles the former MVP. (Or maybe his brother if you squint really hard.) Just because the man couldn't crack a .200 average this year is no reason to let all these molded pieces of junk go to waste.

So get there early, Bay Area, and claim your eternal reward. If you love America, the outfield will be littered with severed Giambi heads by the third inning. Go do as you're told.

2009 Promotional Schedule [Oakland A's]

* * * * *

Well, that week ... happened. I think we even got through it without besmirching anyone's virtue too much. If you live in the Northwest Territory be sure to get your Favre on tonight. I'll be back in the morning with several racist diatribes and lots of ill-informed soccer talk. Sunday: The GOD of KO. Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.

It's pure marketing genius from the independent-league St. Paul Saints, a team partially owned, of course, by Mike Veeck and Bill Murray. The players, coaches and fans will presumably tweet their way to a loss next Thursday. But everyone will have fun! And that's the point of independent league baseball, last time we checked. After all, the Saints are also the bumbling squadron of fun known for their innovative giveaways: a Franken-Coleman doublesided bobbleheading concoction; a Bud Selig tie; rubber dog toys to honor Michael Vick; and, the cream of the crop, a bobblefoot to honor Larry Craig.

Twitter-My-Face, though, is not bobbleheadable, which leads us to this excerpted (and sic'd) press release below:

On July 23, players, coaches, fans and employees will be asked to update their facebook status, post photos and send tweets so that baseball fans around the world will know exactly what is going on at Midway Stadium.

Phew! I thought I might be missing out.

Saints pitching coach Jason Verdugo is expected to tweet during a trip to the mound to speak with one of his pitchers and other players and coaches are expected to tweet from the dugout. Fans will get to see the Saints updated facebook, MySpace and twitter pages during the game displayed on the Saints videoboard. Fans will check out the live status of Saints players. For example, when Saints first baseman Jason Cooper comes to bat, his facebook status may appear on the videoboard stating "Jason Cooper is…at the plate" or "Jason Cooper is…upset at that last strike call."

Jason Cooper is... waiting to get the call-up to a real minor league team, where all he has to do is sign a few autographs during his at-bat.

Popular Saints staff members and ushertainers such as Mudonna, famous massaging nun Sister Ros, beer vendor Trixster and Superfan will let provide a unique perspecitive with updates during the evening.

I am so there, if only to learn the meaning of the euphemism "famous massaging nun." Twitpics are encouraged.

Saints Embrace Social Media With Twitter-My-Face [St. Paul Saints]

This — this! — is the worst type of government corruption, the kind that I thought had been hoped and changed out in November. Because even though the Power ordered the bobbleheads from an "unknown country," they were held up in U.S. Customs and Border Protection for nine days. Do you know how much President Obama did in nine days? A lot! And it's unjust not to allow his bobbleheads to do the same. This is America, after all.

The Power, consequently, had no idea what to do, so they called the White House. No dice. And just before shit got real weird, the team learned yesterday that the dolls had been released from detention, even if they likely won't make it for tonight's scheduled giveaway to underscore the night's theme of "fitness and a healthy lifestyle." To compensate, the first 1,000 fans instead will get "golden tickets" — they're actually called that — and, in addition to a detained bottlehead that may or may not have been tortured in captivity, will receive snozberries, everlasting gobstoppers and an Oompa-Loompa.

Obama bobblehead dolls released from captivity — no one harmed [The Vote Blog]
Obama Bobbleheads Red Flagged At Customs [Steady Burn]

The Mariners are auctioning off life-sized — bigger than life-sized, actually — bobblehead dolls of Ibanez, Kenji Johjima, Felix Hernandez and Ichiro Suzuki. Bidding begins at $2,500 on the Mariners' home page.

Just for the sake of discussion — and to help you with your decision whether or not to buy — if you were to purchase a Real Doll, it could cost you $6,500. So this thing could pay for itself!

Supersized Mariners Bobbleheads [Home Run Derby]
Real Doll [Official Site] (NSFW)

(By the way ... commence "they need a Rick Ankiel lifesize bobblehead for Leitch ... NOW.)

Therefore, the Phillies are giving out a figurine of Victorino dressed in a hula skirt and carrying a ukulele. Even better, it comes with its own sticky paper on the bottom so you can put it on your dashboard, and watch a Philadelphia Phillie dance and shake every time you hit one of those patented Philadelphia potholes.

So that's the rub, Shane: You have your own figurine, but you're wearing a skirt. We think it's probably still worth it.

The Flying Hawaiian [UmpBump]

The fine folks at Three True Outcomes have compiled a mostly comprehensive list of all bobblehead promotions this season at ballparks both major and minor. An invaluable resource, it has all sorts of fun findings:

• Zack Duke (Lynchburg Hillcarts)
• Glenallen Hill (Modesto Nuts)
• Roger Clemens (Connecticut Defenders)
• Bill Murray (Charleston Riverdogs)
• Bill Murray (Hudson Valley Renegades)
• Donald Trump (Lakewood BlueClaws)

So, get out there, get one and then get on eBay!

Bobbleheads, By Date [Three True Outcomes]