NBC boasted about their 800 hours of television coverage for Vancouver 2010, which sure sounds like a lot until you realize what they are actually broadcasting. Take today's schedule for instance. Five of their six Olympics networks were dark this afternoon. The one actually showing sports didn't start until 1 p.m. and then dazzled us with ... cross-country skiing. Not the cool kind with guns, but the lame kind that isn't even a race because the start times are staggered and one woman finishes then has to wait and see if someone can beat her, which they usually don't. Also snowboard cross qualifying—which again is basically the most exiting, thrill-packed racing event minus the actual racing.

Oh well, I thought. It's probably the best they can do for a Monday morning in Vancouver. That must have been all that was happening out there on this particular day. Until I turned over to MSNBC and saw ... downhill medals! Bode Miller got a bronze! Was there any mention of that during the mind-numbing conversation between Brian Williams and Zombie Al Michaels on NBC TV? You bet your ass there wasn't.

So NBC's web properties are perfectly willing to live in the 21st Century, but the TV is still going to pretend that tape delay is just as exciting as live. (And it is, as long as you don't go online to find out what's on NBC tonight.) It's an old complaint, but one that I'm still amazed we have to make. Why not let the people who want to watch events live, watch them live and let people who have day jobs choose whether they want spoilers or not? Are we animals?

Plus! The snow still sucks (it was colder in Dallas yesterday than it was in B.C.), skaters are getting death threats, billionaire internet scam artists are actually making judges look shady, and finely tuned elite athletes are being rewarded for their heroics with celebratory couches? Brainstorm! How about Olympic medals made out of double cheeseburgers! Your ribs are showing through those jump suits, beanpole!

Oh, and a guy died. This whole thing is pretty depressing, if you ask me.

Didier did it! [NBC Olympics]
What's the Deal With the Olympics' Bean Bag Couch of Shame? [Gawker]
Australian official accuses judges of inflating Canada's score in men's moguls [The Province, Via Brooks]

•Doesn't anybody want to be No. 1? Kentucky fell to South Carolina, not hours after President Obama thanked them for their Haiti relief efforts. Next up in the top spot is likely to be Kansas. Haven't we been down this road before?

•As part of the traditional Super Bowl bet, Indianapolis's mayor is wagering that Indy staple: shrimp cocktail? I suppose the city hasn't had much in the way of cultural exports since Good Morning Miss Bliss moved to Bayside.

•Kalin Lucas's jumper with 3.5 left pushed MSU to a 1-point win over Michigan. So if Dash comes on a little late today, you'll know why.

•The NCAA has continued to use the William & Mary logo they banned for being offensive in 2006. That's okay though, they've continued to allow CAA basketball, which should have been banned for being offensive.

•Bode Miller will enter a national playoff for a spot in tennis's U.S. Open. You know, so he can fail at it, and then tell everyone he didn't really want to do it anyway.

Photo via the incomparable Skeets.

•••••

Happy Wednesday, and welcome to the first day in this post-Odendong world.

This week began with Terrell Owens getting into a limo and bailing on the whole enterprise. This entire competition took maybe two weeks of actual real world time to film in the Bahamas, but apparently Owens couldn't fit that into his schedule, jetting off to Bills training camp halfway through production. Since he's been completely dogging it the entire time—and was actually kicked off once already—I guess he just assumed that he wouldn't be there that long. Plus, he's got to be sick of his partner Joanna Krupa, who is now off the show through no fault of her own. (Besides being incredibly annoying.)

So now that any possibility of controversy or drama (read: good television) has been eliminated, we can go on with the charade.

Game One of tonight's episode was a relay foot race, which they've already done before and is incredibly boring to watch. The athletic people did well, the non-athletic people (Jeff Kent) didn't. The end. Bode Miller and Paige Hemmis, realizing that they weren't going to win the foot race, tanked, hoping to save their energy for the next event. Unbeknownst to them, the next event was bowling, a sport scientifically designed for lazy people. Backfire?

Personally, I think they should just bring back Celebrity Bowling. Check out that list of celebrities. We're talking reasonably big time people here. (For the 1970s, that is.) Michael Douglas was on that show and this was back when he was still kind of edgy. OK, he was never edgy, but why can't we can't get legitimate TV stars with lots of time on their hands to participate in this kind of crap more often? Like Kiefer Sutherland wouldn't just OWN the obstacle course?

Anyway, the bowling lane was built over a swimming pool, yet somehow the game was not designed to force anyone to fall in and get wet, which just boggles the mind. Lisa Leslie/Baywatch Guy and Jeff Kent/Doritos Girl ended up in the final obstacle course run, just like last week, and Jeff and Ali lost, just like last week. (They were let back in, because T.O. quit.) So we're right back where we started and ABC wasted 59 minutes of perfectly good airtime.

Then, only then, underneath the final credits, does Kristi Leskinen appear in a bikini for the first time all series. Do they deliberately not want ratings? Why isn't she on water slides the entire episode? Sheesh.

Still better than the All-Star Game I think. I feel asleep during that.

The Superstars [ABC]

This has led to a disproportionate amount of glee among observers, particularly those who have been eager to heap scorn upon the whole Olympic enterprise. And, to be sure, we were as exhausted by all the Join Bode garbage as anyone; our personal most loathsome moment was when NBC trotted out Robert Redford to discuss Bode's laconic status in relation to his own.

But we think it's important to separate Bode Miller the Movement from Bode Miller the person. If you hadn't noticed, Miller has kind of been blanching under all the attention in the first place; a guy who was such labeled a "rebel" responded by not giving much a darn about anything. Every interview he gave pretty much struck the "hey, I'm just here trying to have a good time" tone. In fact, with his now-famous "I was Olympically active" comment, Miller says exactly what we would want an athlete to say, if we weren't predisposed to hate him because of his sponsorships: I'm competing to win, but jeez, isn't the point to have fun? Take away the Nike contract and magazine covers, and we would probably like Bode. We're a lot more like him than we might like to think.

Bode Miller Is Awesome [Philadelphia Will Do]
A Bad Boy By The Numbers [Fishbowl NY]

Downhill: 5th
Combined: Disqualified
Super-G: Did Not Finish
G. Slalom: 6th
Slalom: Did Not Finish

Highly disappointing. Also, I stumbled upon this earlier on Bode's other website, www.bodemillerusa.com. I'd like to call your attention to the second sentence:

Now, "Bode on the Bus" was a show about Bode on OLN. But, um... this little tidbit sounds like they're saying something completely different, does it not? Next time, they may want to capitalize "Bode on the Bus," put it in quotes, underline it, do something. Otherwise, people may get the idea that JoinBode.com is not a statement about the true nature of sports and competition, but rather an invitation to actually join Bode on a bus for illicit gay sex.

Bode Miller USA [BodeMillerUSA.com]
Join Bode [JoinBode.com
Miller Fails Yet Again in Final Race [Yahoo! News]

The first thing I thought when I saw this was not that it would hurt his chances to finally get himself on a podium. Instead, I figured that this would be the event that he finally does win. It's his weakest event, he's got a bad ankle, people like me have been bagging on him all week, and if he wins this one, it shuts us all up and validates the things he's been saying about inspiring performances, etc.

If he does manage to pull out to the win on Saturday (and I fully expect him to do so), he's a hero, and I'm just one of countless chumps who never understood his brilliant and advanced views on society because he's just smarter than everyone else. I'm preparing myself for the fact that it's going to happen.

Bode reportedly hurts ankle playing basketball [MSNBC.com]

They've also unearthed a little tidbit about how Bode Miller used to date the woman pictured to your right. He broke up with her, in order to spend more time on his apparent non-pursuit of Olympic medals.

More photos (with nipples that are not sheilded by Will Leitch) available here.

Check Out This Curlers' Curlies... [The Wade Blogs]

Bode didn't talk to reporters after the event, so I can be sure if he cares about losing this one. Sometimes, life is hard for a rebel like Bode who lives life on his own terms. He still has two more chances to medal. I'm actually kinda rooting for him now.

The bigger story here might be that a French guy was jobbed out of a place on the podium. They tried to run the event in the morning despite some snow and fog, and 17 skiiers ran the course. French skiier Pierre-Emmanuel Dalcin was one of the 17 to take his run, and he posted a sweet time. But later, a Swiss skiier, due to the fog, I suppose, lost control and veered off the whole damn course, prompting officials to wipe out all the scores and restart the thing later in the afternoon. Frenchy's sweet time was completely nullified. "I don't want to talk," he said after the event. "I was robbed; that's it."

I'm inclined to agree. Fog or no fog, he made it down the hill, and it's not his fault if the Swiss guy can't hack it. He shouldn't be punished for that. Perhaps he can join Bode later for a croissant and a drunken run down the slopes.

Join Bode [Nike.com]
Aamodt first to repeat as super-G champ [NBCOlympics.com]

Ah, the Winter Olympics 2006. If there isn't a discussion about Johnny Weir's outlandishness/likeability/camel toe, it's about Bode Miller's drinking/attitude/aloofness. Well, point Miller, this time around.

Once again, Miller fails mightily at his attempt to conduct himself as an Olympic athlete who actually gives a hearty Torino pasta shit about the events, his role or, well, anything for that matter:

"It is other people who want me to win medals," Miller said in an interview with Italy's Gazzetta dello Sport newspaper on Thursday.

"The silver medals I won in Salt Lake City didn't give me anything. Last year I set myself the goal of winning the World Cup and lining up a long series of wins. It was my private challenge.

"This year I just want to enjoy myself. I could give up tomorrow without having the slightest regret. I could keep away from this world for a year and then perhaps start to feel the desire to prove something to myself again."

Spoken like a true champion. By the way, that bottle in Bode's hand is not beer, but "Bryant Gumbel Juice".

Bode Miller Gives the Finger [Towelroad]
Miller Not Bothered About Winning Medals [Reuters]

Well, they finally went through with it, and it's a doozy. Our valiant hero heads to the Crested Butte Mountain Resort and does three "control" runs, sans booze. Then, at "halftime," he heads to the bar and slams down a double shot of Goldschlager, a shot of Hot Damn 100 proof, two PBR, a shot of Rumpelminze and a shot of Jager. (They note that he weighs 155 pounds and is at 10,000 feet altitude.) Just to make sure the buzz continued, he took a couple pulls of Hot Damn on the ski lift.

The results? Mercifully, not death. But: "There are 360 degrees in a circle. The test subject made it about 210 before crashing to the ground. In skier vernacular, this would be considered a 'yard sale.' Both of the test subject's skis came off, one pole came off, and his helmet and goggles were twisted around to the side."

A completely irresponsible experiment, done with reckless disregard for safety and decency. We wholeheartedly approve.

Bode Miller Experiment, Part II [NoobSports]
Be Like Bode [Deadspin]

Apparently it involves knocking down a flag, and it booted Miller from the competition right when it appeared he was poised to win his first Gold Medal. Of course, we won't know for sure for another nine hours, when NBC decides it is ready to show us. $600 million well spent.

Wait ... this just in ... it appears Miller might receive a waiver for the straddle because he was dodging Eddie Sutton's car.

Miller Out After Straddling Slalom Gate [NBC Olympics]

The fine folks at NoobSports has begun their Bode Miller Experiment, in which they will consume six (6) alcoholic beverages and see how much more difficult it is to zoom down three different double-black diamond slopes in Crested Butte, Colorado.

The "test subject" will do three runs sober, consume the beverages and then do three more runs. The last hill is called "Double Top," and, according to NoobSports, has the most potential for a "Sonny Bono moment." The site also says that at the end of the run, the "test subject" will try a 360 helicopter off a catwalk. What could possibly go wrong?

Bode Miller Experiment, Part I [NoobSports]