Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re covering salad, whistling, the Rams, and more.
Blair Walsh blew a short field goal that would have most likely won today’s Vikings-Seahawks game. Instead, he missed wide left and Seattle escaped with a 10-9 win. They have Carolina next week, in what should be a warmer climate.
Eric Decker hauled in a game-winning touchdown catch after the Jets were gifted the ball in overtime thanks to a colossal screwup by the New England Patriots.
Kirk Cousins responded to a week of positive coverage, for once, by committing a huge blunder. His boner cost Washington a chance to get points; by inexplicably taking a knee with six seconds remaining, time ran out on the half—denying the Skins a shot at a quick touchdown and even the subsequent field goal…
Steve Clark got way too casual with this backwards pass from Wil Trapp and gifted Diego Valeri and the Portland Timbers a goal to start MLS Cup. At 27 seconds, this is easily the fastest goal in MLS Cup history.
Hapless Rutgers somehow found themselves with a shot to tie up fourth-ranked Michigan State and force overtime in New Jersey. But that shot was wasted when confusion reigned and quarterback Chris Laviano spiked the ball instead of organizing a hail mary attempt. It’s as if for 59 minutes and 50 seconds, the Scarlet…
Tigers center fielder Anthony Gose caught a long fly from Josh Donaldson during fourth inning action in Toronto today and casually started jogging back to the dugout. That’d be fine, except it wasn’t the third out of the inning—and the Blue Jays had Ryan Goins on second base.
Referee Pat Russell stopped tonight’s Timothy Bradley-Jessie Vargas title fight before the final bell, believing the bout to be over and stripping Vargas of his chance to knock out a clearly dazed Bradley in the last seconds.
That’s suboptimal goaltending.
Pedro Martinez’s excellent-sounding book is full of Manny Ramirez stories, like the time the Red Sox slugger took fashion advice from “the three little midgets in [his] head.” And yet, some gems didn’t make it into the book, like the time Ramirez spiked the clubhouse booze with Viagra.
Aston Villa and USMNT keeper Brad Guzan’s enormous boner early in today’s match at Etihad Stadium gave Manchester City a 1-0 lead less than three minutes into a crucial match for Villa’s future in the Premiership. Sergio Agüero took advantage of the boner to score his league-leading 21st goal of the campaign.
It’s running, man. Nobody was all that psyched to cheer for you anyway.
A baffling mistake by Matt O’Connor allowed the puck into his own goal and blew Boston University’s 3-2 lead on Providence in the NCAA national championship game. Kyle McKenzie would eventually be credited with the goal, but O’Connor’s boner only grew bigger when minutes later he allowed the Friars’ go-ahead goal…
Cristiano Ronaldo is, quite deservedly, an icon in his hometown of Funchal, Madeira, Portugal—so much so that he has a museum dedicated in his honor. This weekend, Ronaldo was on hand to witness the unveiling of a new statue made in his image. What can we say? The statue is sporting a huge erection.
Kaelin Clay should have had a 79-yard touchdown catch to put Utah up 14-0 on Oregon. Instead, the Ducks tied the game when Clay dropped the ball short of the goal line and Oregon's Joe Walker picked it up to go the entire length of the field in the opposite direction.
"That's what Holtz means... hard wood."
Sure, in one sense, this boner dog is from back in 2013. But, in another, larger, truer sense, this boner dog is a timeless boner dog. Look at those sad eyes. It's a heavy burden, this enormous dog boner. Who will help me bear this dog boner? Can't even get any work done in my office chair.
Hey, casual soccer fan! You're likely going to remember Mario Götze as the guy who won the 2014 World Cup for Germany, but you should know that he was famous long before he scored last night's deciding goal. That's because he once got a big ol' boner while hanging out on a boat with a lady.
Poor Dimitrios Konstantopoulos. It's bad enough the Middlesbrough goalkeeper cost his team a point today against QPR by allowing a goal in the 94th minute, but it's how he did it—by completely whiffing on a clearance and allowing Bobby Zamora the chance to walk in a goal—that is utterly embarrassing and thus ripe for…