Holy Mother Carlos Tevez Just Bombed Germany With This Rocket Golazo

Juventus and Borussia Dortmund are playing today, right now. A few minutes ago, they kicked off. Then two minutes passed. Then Juventus's Carlos Tevez got the ball. Then he blew up Germany's hopes, and also Germany. No more high-quality vehicles for anyone. Because there's no more Germany. Germany's gone. » 3/18/15 4:04pm 3/18/15 4:04pm

Happy Borussia Dortmund Celebrate Goal Batman And Robin Style

Borussia Dortmund players are happy again! Today's 3-0 victory over Schalke was their fourth straight in the Bundesliga, dragging themselves from the relegation zone to ninth in the table. Since they're finally confident that they'll actually score some goals, they're planning out elaborate costumed celebrations,… » 2/28/15 11:51am 2/28/15 11:51am

Borussia Dortmund Fans Are Fed Up

Borussia Dortmund's fans have finally reached their breaking point. Just 21 months ago they were watching their team barely lose in the Champions League Finals, and they haven't seen them finish worse than second in the Bundesliga since the 2009-10 season. This season Dortmund aren't merely struggling, but are in… » 2/04/15 10:21pm 2/04/15 10:21pm

Marco Reus Fined $670,000 For Driving Without A License

German paper Bild reports (paywall) that Borussia Dortmund star Marco Reus has been fined €540,000 after police discovered he had been driving without a license for the past three years. Apparently Reus received five speeding tickets during that time, but somehow police never figured out that he also didn't have a… » 12/17/14 9:59pm 12/17/14 9:59pm

Anderlecht Player Celebrates Goal With Unique Romantic(?) Gesture

We're familiar with the thumb-in-mouth celebration (usually aimed at the scorer's child), and the point-to-the-stands one (usually in acknowledgment of the scorer's friends and family), but Anderlecht striker Aleksandar Mitrović's cunnilingis-inspired ode, ostensibly targeted to the lucky lady(s) in his life is a new… » 12/09/14 5:19pm 12/09/14 5:19pm

German Player's Perfect Strike From Center Circle Makes Great Own Goal

It takes a special kind of calmness to lob a ball from the edge of the center circle with enough accuracy to find the back of the net. Unfortunately, Christoph Kramer so calmly played this pass because he expected it to find his own keeper, not sail over his teammate's head and into the goal. » 11/10/14 12:28pm 11/10/14 12:28pm

Marco Reus Reminds The World That He's The Truth

You might've been excused for losing track of Borussia Dortmund's Marco Reus, what with his pre-World Cup injury and the subsequent setback that held him out for much of this season. But today, in just his second game back from injury, he's been so kind as to remind us all what he can do. » 10/22/14 3:46pm 10/22/14 3:46pm

Bayer Leverkusen Scores On Borussia Dortmund Nine Seconds Into Match

Karim Bellarabi set a new Bundesliga record when he scored the opening goal of Borussia Dortmund-Bayer Leverkusen just nine seconds into those teams' league season. » 8/23/14 1:49pm 8/23/14 1:49pm

Borussia Dortmund Player Scores Goal, Dons Spider-Man Mask

Borussia Dortmund beat Bayern Munich 2-0 in the DFL Supercup today, thanks in large part to a spectacular header from Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang in the 61st minute. After he scored, Aubameyang yanked a Spider-Man mask out of his sock and put it on his head because, sure, why the hell not? » 8/13/14 3:42pm 8/13/14 3:42pm

Hey Look, Real Madrid Might Choke The Champions League Away

Last week, Real Madrid played German side Borussia Dortmund in the first leg of their Champions League quarterfinal. The result was a smackdown, and Madrid beat Dortmund 3-0 to more or less lay this tie to rest. Right? Nah. » 4/08/14 3:57pm 4/08/14 3:57pm

Jürgen Klopp Is, Uh, Upset

FEEL THE RAGE. After Borussia Dortmund conceded a 29th-minute goal to Napoli's Gonzalo Higuaín, manager Jürgen Klopp took out his anger on the fourth official and was sent off. » 9/18/13 3:42pm 9/18/13 3:42pm

The Champions League Group Of Death Is Just Hilarious

There are 32 teams left after the Champions League playoff round ended yesterday, and so today was the Champions League draw, where the teams were divided into eight groups of four for the group stage of the tournament. There will be plenty of analysis and explanation and bloviation around the internet throughout the… » 8/29/13 3:15pm 8/29/13 3:15pm

Why Robert Lewandowski, Gareth Bale, Luis Suárez Want To Move, But Can't

Last May, Borussia Dortmund lost to rivals FC Bayern in the Champions League final after finishing second by 25 points to Bayern in the German Bundesliga. Just days after, it was reported that Dortmund's Mario Götze and Robert Lewandowski—possibly the club's two best players—were headed to Bayern. Götze had already… » 7/31/13 3:39pm 7/31/13 3:39pm

Sad Dortmund Greeted By Peppy Flash Mob After Champions League Loss

Mere hours after a hard-fought, heartbreaking 2-1 loss in the Champions League final, a dejected Borussia Dortmund trudged to the airport for the miserable flight home. They just wanted to be left alone with their thoughts, and their regrets. That's when the beatboxer piped up. » 5/28/13 4:55pm 5/28/13 4:55pm

Arjen Robben Carries FC Bayern To Champions League Glory

Bayern Munich just knocked off German rivals Borussia Dortmund, 2-1, in the Champions League final after Bayern winger Arjen Robben scored in the 89th minute to win the match. It was maybe the best possible end to an action-packed match that was open and free-flowing from the opening whistle. It was also the best… » 5/25/13 8:33pm 5/25/13 8:33pm

Franck Ribéry's Golazo For FC Bayern Basically Sums Up Their Season

This ridiculous goal comes from the final day of the Bundesliga season. Bayern Munich were playing Borussia Monchengladbach, and strangely, were getting their asses beaten for a hot second. » 5/18/13 4:43pm 5/18/13 4:43pm