Angry mobs are gathering torches to burn down the island of Manhattan as we speak, but Barack Obama obviously does not care about that. How else to explain why he would take 30 minutes out of his world-saving schedule to acknowledge Andy Katz, or worse, take 30 seconds out of his day to talk to Jay Leno. If that didn't make it clear enough that he doesn't give a rat's ass about your problems, he went ahead and made a crack about how retarded people can't bowl. Oh, that's rich.

See, we like our leaders clueless and out of touch. He really should make no attempt to connect with the people he leads and he should certainly stay the hell away from any bowling alleys. Otherwise, he might get a 16-pounder to the grill from the common people he so obviously disdains.

Because that's how real, non-mentally handicapped people do bowling. They get into brawls over lane etiquette and knock each other's teeth out. Please just go back to War-shington and do your very serious job, so the rest of us can return to bashing each other's heads in with bowling balls.

Bowling Brawl Ends With Bowling Ball To The Face [Sports Rubbish]
Special O'Fiction [Metroville]
Q: What do Women Hoopsters and Special Olympians Have in Common? [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
Obama's 'Special Olympics' Leno Gaffe [Gawker]

Like most four-year olds, Jason Belmonte began his bowling career by using both hands to simply chuck the ball down the lane and hope it stayed out of the gutter. But apparently as he grew older, no one ever taught him the proper bowling technique even though his parents own a freakin' bowling alley. So he just kept using that childhood model, refined it, and now at 25 years old is blowing people's minds with his insane spin and thunderous pin action.

Don't try this at home, though. Jason's technique—putting only two fingers inside the ball and using his other arm to guide it through his entire throwing motion—creates more rotation than traditional one-armed throwing and is probably not safe for amateurs who don't know what they're doing. Doctors have actually studied him with motion-capture just to see what the heck he is doing with his body. They're worried that a lifetime of this practice would destroy his back, but no one has ever done it long enough to find out. And not before he seduces your children into a lifetime of rented shoes and stale beer and pisses off half the PBA Tour, who think he gets special treatment because of his wacky marketing potential.

All I know is that the Gawker bowling team opens its media league "season" this week and I'm prepared to drop some serious knowledge on those chumps from Glamour magazine.

Young Australian Puts a New Spin on Bowling: He Throws Two-Handed [WSJ]

"It was like a book, a final chapter," says Place. "He threw his 300 game with all of his friends, gave each other high-fives and it's like the story ended. He died with a smile on his face."

Doane was a member of the same team in the same league at the Ravenna Bowl for 45 years, so it's safe to say he earned it. The league plans to order the traditional commemorative ring and hold a memorial Don, after burying him a modestly-priced receptacle.

• Bowler collapses and dies after rolling 300 game [WZZM]

Can I get this as a fathead?

World Photo Awards [BBC News]

The game that guy is holding a sign for is presumably not bowling ... but if we could come up with a game that combined bowling and a contest that would necessitate that sign, we'd buy season tickets to whatever that was.

Understanding The Differences Of "Sport" And "Non-Sport" [JoeSportsFan]

There's a full LiveJournal report, which features exclusive footage of a Klingon attack. The Klingons won, and the G4 television network was there. And the LiveJournal is called "Musings Of A Mouse." And thus concludes your broadcast day.**

The Musings Of A Mouse
Klingons Vs. Furries Photo Gallery [Flickr]

** broadcast day is not, in fact, ended.

Ignoring the macular degeneration that has robbed him of 80 percent of his vision, he rolls the first ball of each frame from memory. Before the follow-up, he gets [a friend] to tell him which pins are still standing. "I know WHERE they are," he explains, knowledge born of 83 years in the sport. It's a matter of using the lane arrows to set up the approach. While lining up his shots, Hargrove takes a modest three-step approach, and releases the 8-pound ball without a wobble, waving his arms like a toreador to urge the blue-swirled sphere in the right direction.

You know, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reporter assigned to cover this story must have had the best time. Time for a time-honored joke: Isiah Thomas just signed him to play power forward!

We'll never get tired of that one.

At 106, This Bowler Will Pick Up The Seven-Ten Split In Your Heart [Sports Gone South]

You know, we mocked the Barbaro message boarders when they claimed that Big Boss Horse was appearing to them from the afterlife. Yeah, we had a good laugh over that. But then a reader got to looking closely at our Jesus bowling post from last week, and made a startling discovery. Just look at the image above, without clicking on it, and tell us that you don't see Christ morphing into the ghostly head and neck of everyone's favorite three-legged racehorse (complete with mane).

Jesus, Barbaro and bowling. God's trifecta. (Actually we think it more resembles this than anything).

And now we have this news. Clearly Jesus-Barbaro has shown up for a purpose.

Spare Me, Oh Lord [Deadspin]
Think You Can Avoid The Legend Of Barbaro? Go Ahead, Try [Deadspin]
Area Bowlers Busted For Illegal Steroids [SooEveningNews]
Barbaro Lives On Through Snack Food (But Not In The Way You're Thinking) [Deadspin]

To be absolutely truthful, this video really confuses us. Why is everyone laughing? Why would anyone think that Jesus would throw anything but a strike? Religion generally confuses us, but one thing we're pretty sure of: The Son of God has his own equipment ... Jesus does not rent bowling shoes. We'd also be quite surprised to see Him carrying around his beer with his index finger stuck in the mouth of the bottle.

Also, you should probably try to get on his bowling team. The shirts are quite nice.

The United States Bowling Congress sanctioned the scores, even though Mushtare rolled the games at night, in front of no official witnesses. Only family and close friends at Pine Plains Bowling Center in Fort Drum, N.Y., "saw" the magical feat. We understand that rolling 12 perfect games is like throwing 12 straight no-hitters. Except, you know, dull. Anyway, since this is rural New York state. and this is bowling, everyone is steaming mad.

Luckily, Mushtare had a way to prove himself. Since he qualified for the Junior Gold Tournament, everyone would be able to see his greatness. He would be able to tell the doubters to shove it. And just how is Mushtare doing in the Juniors ? He is currently in 281st place, Doh!

By the way, are we all agreed that it is probably not wise to piss off columnist Bill Herald when it comes to bowling?

Few Will Believe Mushtare's Record [Herald Tribune.com]

Meanwhile, in Mexico, kids aren't subjected to loud, smoky bowling alleys; they are out in the fresh air fighting bulls, as God intended. Rafita Mirabal, age nine, is Mexico's youngest matador, and was the subject of a heartwarming "lighter side" video clip over at ABC News last night. It's all bright and happy chatter until the end of the clip, where the kid is butted into the air, slammed to the turf and pummeled by the bull, electing a gasp from the female anchor. Bonus feature: Listen for the male half of the broadcast team actually saying of the child: "This guy still has huge ones, right?"

Mexico's Mini Matador [ABC News] (Netscape)
San Francisco 10-Year-Old Shoots 300 For National Record [Bowlers Connection]