According to the bartender at CJ's Pub in South Bend, Clausen stopped by the watering hole after Saturday's crushing double OT loss to the Huskies. He was there with his family and other upperclassmen teammates following the Senior Day game. There may also have been "a female acquaintance" with the party. As Clausen tired to leave the bar around 2:30 a.m., there was allegedly some sort of disturbance with an irate fan who then "sucker-punched" Clausen, giving him "at least" one black eye. That's gotta suck.

No police were called so details of the incident are sketchy and no one seems to know what happened to the mysterious puncher. My theory? It was Olympic gymnast Alicia Sacramone. Hear me out. See, she used to date a football player from Brown University, but recently traded up for another Brown—Cleveland Brown Brady Quinn. The last Irish starting quarterback before Clausen arrived on campus? That's right ... Brady Quinn.

Quarterbacks. Irish. Browns. Sacramone. It all connects! Sort of like a well-placed punch to the face.

Case closed.

David Kaplan report: Clausen in fight outside South Bend bar [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Jimmy Clausen involved in altercation outside a South Bend, Ind., bar [Chicago Tribune]
Source: Notre Dame Fighting Irish QB Jimmy Clausen punched by irate fan [Joe Schad]
Brady Quinn's New Girlfriend Is Alicia Sacramone [Larry Brown Sports]

It was famously said of Layne that "he never lost a game, he just ran out of time." Well, Matthew Stafford did run out of time yesterday and still managed to pull off a legendary come-from behind victory on the last play against the Browns. With only one arm. Urban legend has it that Layne once got in a car accident while driving drunk on a Saturday night, then showed up on Sunday morning and led the Lions to a win. Stafford—who attended the same high school as Layne, don'tcha know—picked himself up off the sideline with a busted shoulder to throw a game-winning touchdown. (He sort of had no choice. Daunte Culpepper sure didn't want to do it and putting on a helmet would have ruined the whole LPGA golfer look that Drew Stanton had going on.)

Urban legend also has it that Layne cursed his former franchise to 50 years of losing after they traded him away in 1958. Well, we're at 51 and counting, but perhaps the statute of limitations has finally been lifted. The team is still a long way from being good, but could they finally havefound the leader with that mythical toughness that inspires nations and make women weep? No one knows what "it" is, but he's got it! If you're going to build yourself a legend, Sunday's "gritty" 5-TD performance would be a good way to start.

Years from now, every Lions fan will talk about how they saw this man in this game and knew that things had finally turned around for this hapless franchise ... and you will know that they are lying because the stadium was half-full and the game was blacked out. (More on that later.) Stafford probably won't play during their nationally televised Thanksgiving game in four days when his team will undoubtedly be spanked, so the legend is going to need a little more time to simmer. But what a glorious four days they will be for Lions fans. Naturally, the greatest post-game glow of good feelings that they've seen in years had to come during the short week.

[Photo: Julian H. Gonzalez/Detroit Free Press]

Matthew Stafford, Matt Cassel lead way in NFL Week 11 [Peter King]
Stafford winning teammates over [The Morning Sun]
There's no doubt now: Stafford is strong enough to lead [Detroit Free Press]
In battle of the bottom, Lions and Browns play a thriller [MJD]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Brady Quinn: Looks like someone else benefited from facing a porous secondary and a non-existent pass rush. When you can double your career touchdown total in one quarter, you know the only way to go is up. [Tribune Chronicle - Warren, OH]

San Diego Chargers: Remember when some idiot wrote that Denver had pretty much sewn up the AFC West and Josh McDaniels was the new George Halas? The term you're looking for is "short-sighted." [BroncoTalk]

Real Salt Lake: Why does a team from Utah have a Spanish name? And how does a team with a losing regular-season record win your league championship? (Oh, right. Penalty kicks.) [Salt Lake Tribune]

And who is the Weekend Loser? Anyone who enjoys picking on Charlie Weis. Remember ... if he gets fired, then you can't make fun of Charlie Weis anymore. (And Notre Dame might actually get better.) It's quite a catch, that Catch-22. [Sporting News]

Honestly, I've got to believe that winning against the Browns is no picnic either. Last night's 16 point, 16 punt masterpiece was not exactly an endorsement for quality professional football. The game was so boring, it made Ray Lewis eat the grass. And somehow we still haven't settled the Brady Quinn (23.5 QB rating) Dilemma? What information are we waiting for on that one?

Oh, and best of all? Next week: Browns @ Lions. Gee, I hope I can still get tickets!

* * * * * *

It's Tuesday. Please do not get up on the stage.

John Clayton half-heartedly reported that Quinn and Anderson were quarterbacking opposite teams in an inter-squad scrimmage on Sunday, when Anderson's helmet radio went on the fritz. Anderson was forced to use hand signals to call plays—signals which Quinn is obviously familiar with. So Anderson claims that Quinn instructed his defense on how to interpret the signals, rendering Anderson quite ineffective. Diabolical!

I have no idea if this kind of treachery is frowned upon in NFL training camps, but what would we do this season without a backstabbing quarterback controversy? I'm sure Eric Mangini likes to see his boys take some initiative. Their battle is currently a dead heat, but don't be surprised if Quinn gets Gilloolyed before the first preseason game.

New Cleveland Browns coach Eric Mangini keeps eye on details [ESPN]
Derek Anderson Accuses Brady Quinn of Cheating? (UPDATE) [Cleveland Frowns]
Anderson, Quinn in dead heat as cheating claims surface [PFT]

The Sandusky Register has wall-to-wall coverage of Brady Quinn day at Cedar Point amusement park in Ohio. Inside you'll find plenty of photos of Quinn all jacked-up, signing autographs, posing for pictures, and a video segment where one 17-year-old girl stands in a blue bikini and loses her shit as Brady struts on by. She starts bawling on camera and admits to almost having an asthma attack when he walked out because "he's so beautiful" and she has told all of her friends that "she will marry him."

Engaged or arrested? Engaged or arrested? First big decision Quinn will have to make as quarterback this year.

******

Good morning. It's Monday. Let's go.

Smith was inactive on Sunday and has already been the focus of rumors involving previous problems between him and his teammates. It's been alleged that he was the player that teammates Jamal Lewis and Josh Cribbs were talking about when they accused certain unamed Browns of quitting on the team earlier this year. Also, coach Romeo Crennel confirmed that Smith had a "heated confronation" with another o-lineman at a recent practice, but Crennel would neither confirm nor deny the new rumor that Smith sucker punched—or possibly hit with a weight, or possibly both—Brady Quinn.

"Shaun was inactive and generally all the inactive guys are coaches' decisions,'' said Crennel. "That was a coaches' decision for him not to play. I'm not going to talk about family business.''

"If it happened, we're keeping it in house," Crennel said.

So that means it happened. Of course, one would think that if Quinn had been hit the face, that there would be physical evidence of this but apparently no one has seen him alive.

Until he comes out of hiding, everyone is in clam up or denial mode, but honestly, would you expect the Browns season to end any other way? From Kellen Winslow's staph infection to GM Phil Savage's email problems to the Anderson-Quinn quarterback lazy Susan to Crennel's dead man walking routine to Braylon Edwards' chipped shoulder, the 2008 campaign has been a complete disaster from start to finish. Even Jamal Lewis, who passed the 10,000-yard rushing mark this week, could only say that this is the “worst season I’ve ever played in.” And he's been in prison.

AS RUMORS INTENSIFY, QUINN DENIES HE WAS SLUGGED [Pro Football Talk]
Cleveland Browns rumor: Shaun Smith sacks Brady Quinn in the locker room? [Examiner]
Crennel won't confirm or deny reported altercation between Brady Quinn and Shaun Smith [Plain Dealer]
Did Shaun Smith Punch Brady Quinn? Rumors Fly in Cleveland [MSF]
Photo via Johnston Photos

Horse Balls, yer back in.

Brady Quinn out for the remainder of the season [Cleveland Plain Dealer]
Broken finger to end season for Quinn [ESPN]
Quinn Done for the rest of the season [Browns Gab]

Some key Thursday Night Football observations:

• Cutler owned McDonald, including beating him on TD passes of 93 yards to Eddie Royal and the 11-yard winner to Brandon Marshall with 1:14 remaining. Which is quite ironic considering this.

• Speaking of Marshall, he was all prepared to make his big salute to Barack Obama after the winning touchdown, planning to pull out a black-and-white glove and give a stirring upraised-fist salute to the world. But then teammates reminded him that it might draw a penalty, which could lose them the game. And what good is world peace if you begin each day by being beaten to a fine paste and hung on a coat hook in your locker?

• Quinn was 23-of-35 for 239 yards and 2 TDs, both to Winslow, who, presumably, went home after the game to shower.

In just a couple of hours Brady Quinn will ditch the clipboard and gallantly sprint to the front of the huddle to rescue the Cleveland Browns from their 3-5 misery. Americans who have the NFL Network as part of their premium cable packages will scrutinize his poise, his arm strength, and some will simply wonder at what point in the game does he take his shirt off.

But a new chapter in the Brady Quinn saga will begin and lucky for him it's against the defense-averse Denver Broncos. I just have a hunch he's going to be enormously successful and we won't hear about Derek Anderson again until this off-season. Cleveland will officially crown its new king.

*************

Tonight: Remember to stop by and see Drew, Buzz, Steinberg and a galaxy of other sports blog-related stars who will most likely pop by the Varsity Letters reading tonight. If some of you attend — send me pictures?

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. SKEETS ball.

These videos were taken last season, when this anonymous Browns fan — we'll call him Doyle, because he reminds me of the Dwight Yoakum stepfather character in Sling Blade — was quite comfortable with the way things were playing out in his world. But as Busted Coverage points out, now "there's a black guy in the White House, and Brady Quinn is at the helm of his Browns." And suddenly redneck drunk guy's existence makes no sense. What could he be thinking on the eve of Quinn's debut as starter? Watch him drunkenly rock out to other great soft rock hits from the '70s following the jump.

My favorite part: When the guy shooting the video surmises that the drunken fan "has to be from Tennessee."

Redneck Wakes Up To Black Guy In White House, Brady Quinn At Helm Of His Browns [Busted Coverage]

•" Last night, Mortensen speculated that head coach Romeo Crennel may not have "been on board" with the switch because "receivers have been hurt, haven't been running routes correctly, been dropping passes," so on and so forth. And that actually makes sense given Crennel's "Anderson's our starter for now" comments on Monday afternoon." [Fanhouse]

• "Hi, I’m Brady Quinn, the new starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. Now I may not be a Californian, but I’m here today to encourage you gay-loving liberals to come to your senses and vote Yes on Proposition 8....Oh my god Tim, get your hands out of my pants, I’m trying to talk to the people here! [KSK]

• "It's quite rare to see any announcer just completely go after a team on ESPN, but it definitely happened yesterday when Trent Dilfer absolutely ripped the hell out of the Browns for deciding to bench Derek Anderson and name Brady Quinn the starter....Even more impressive, Dilfer went right after Browns fans, saying that they're the reason why the Browns continue to make stupid moves as an organization." [Fan IQ]

• "In the eyes of many Browns fans – it’s about time. Last years first round draft pick Brady Quinn will get his first start for Cleveland on Thursday night when the team takes on the Denver Broncos at Browns Stadium, as the team is benching Derek Anderson." [Browns Gab]

• "Listen up, Cleveland. Your whole team is FAILING. Not just Derek Anderson. If Braylon Edwards doesn't drop that ball in the end zone, you might actually have won that game. MIGHT being the key word. Either way, I think it's been a group effort on your team's part to stink it up." [One For The Other Thumb]

• "Brady Quinn, who got my vote as the 2007 hottest player in the NFL despite throwing only eight passes, will get his first start Thursday night at home against the Denver Broncos." [OutSports]

CPD columnist Tony Grossi says the move was inevitable:

Quinn doesn't have the RPMs on his throws that Anderson does. But what the Browns lose in torque, they gain in accuracy and, based on Quinn's major college career, field leadership and perhaps huddle presence.

The Browns have to find out who is the quarterback to lead the team to the Super Bowl. Quinn deserves to start the final eight games, time enough to develop a rhythm with the front-line players previously denied him.

The Browns better hope that Quinn is the player for whom Phil Savage traded two high picks in 2007 to acquire. Nobody can say the Browns forced him in ahead of his time. If anything, they waited too long.

Thursday night's game just became so much more compelling and watchable. I wonder if the NFL forced the Browns to make this move so the the NFL network could infiltrate some of the "Grey's Anatomy" audience?

More tomorrow on this, obviously...
Cleveland Browns announce that Brady Quinn will start this Thursday at quarterback [Cleveland Plain Dealer]
Browns couldn't wait any longer to make Quinn quarterback [CPD]

OK, so it wasn't exactly LeBron James, or even Cliff Lee. But you take what you can get. From the Cleveland Plain Dealer:

Never mind that Quinn's popularity is all about image and hope, with little game experience to back it up — the same qualities McCain accuses Democratic candidate Sen. Barack Obama of at each stop. In Strongsville, he and Palin sent the sharper attacks they have been leveling at Obama this week to the bench and pulled the backup Quinn off it to add a little more pep to an already boisterous rally.

Here's some video of the event. At the end, McCain tells Quinn "Good luck this Sunday." Does he know the Browns are playing the Giants?

McCain, Palin Let The Dogs Out In Strongsville [Cleveland Plain Dealer]
Brady Quinn Stumps For John McCain [19actionnews]
For Those Of You Who Have Any Lingering Lust For Brady Quinn [Towleroad]

Pedroia's ping-pong victims include Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn, whom Pedroia baited into a match last year at the Athletes' Performance Institute in Arizona. Never mind that Quinn, a rugged 6-foot-3 and 235 pounds, towered over him.

"You want a piece of me, meat?" Pedroia said.

Ethier, who witnessed the scene, said, "Dustin was talking smack to him the whole time, talking about how he would sack Brady and put him on his back. Dustin absolutely destroyed him, and Brady couldn't stand losing to someone who is 5-foot-something. It was pretty incredible."

Perhaps Pedroia had seen Quinn's photo shoot in Interview magazine.

Like most sports proteges today, Pedroia started on his path to greatness early. While most 18-month-olds are still shitting their pants, Pedroia was swinging a bat and learning how to pick up a slider. His power at 18 months was apparently pretty good as he sent the family pet, a baby goose, to the bullpen in the sky with one swing.

Oh yeah. And Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs broke Pedroia's ankle in high school. No big deal.

Heading into today's double header with the Yankees at Fenway, Pedroia sits only five points behind league leader Joe Mauer's .330 batting average. With a huge Sunday, Dustin could become the first AL player since Cal Ripken Jr. in 1983 to lead the league in batting average, runs scored, and doubles.

While I'm sure Red Sox Nation has already replaced their Tom Brady shrines with Pedroia's likeness, I don't think I could pick last year's ROY out of a line up. That should all change in the next week as the playoffs get underway and we're inundated with Red Sox drivel. I can't wait.

>>Most valuable half-pint [Boston Globe]