You remember World War I; or as Randy Johnson calls it, "The thing that postponed my rookie season." Ricky Nolasco allowed three hits over seven innings to win it for Florida. And all those gamblers who saw Wednesday's pitching matchup and still put money on the Marlins, well, you earned that payday, you crazy bastards. “I’m not going to go 33-, 34-0 probably,” said Webb (9-1). “It was going to happen sometime. Losing in this manner, to a guy who pitched a great game, is probably a good way for it to happen.” Webb left for a pinch hitter after allowing six hits and three runs in seven innings.

With Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy in the stands wearing a Marlins t-shirt, Cody Ross homered (the third allowed by Webb this season) for Florida and and Stephen Drew did likewise for the Diamondbacks. Your Hanley Ramirez Update: Ramirez, who signed a $70 million, six-year contract extension Saturday, is 1-for-15 with 10 strikeouts in the past four games.

• Everything Must Go!. Word is that the Padres are about to have a fire sale. Catchers half price! Jake Peavy is already on the DL, and now Chris Young is most likely headed there after getting hit in the face by Albert Pujols' line drive in the third (he's OK). Pujols also knocked Josh Bard out of the game with a slide at home. Look, it will all be chronicled in the next Peanuts TV special: Now You're My Bitch, Charlie Brown! The Padres (17-31) are in last place in the NL West, have lost 12 of 17 games and have the worse record in the majors. The Cardinals got three RBI each from Ryan Ludwick and Troy Glaus, Skip Schumaker had four hits and Rick Ankiel had a two-run homer.

• So, How Soon Can We Have Instant Replay Installed? The umpires screwed up royally once again, this time taking away a homer from Alex Rodriguez (no!) in the sixth. Although replays showed the ball was over the fence, second base umpire Otis Taylor ruled it a ground rule double. A-Rod hit another one, though, and the Yankees beat the Orioles 8-0.

• It's A Dye Job. Jermaine Dye's go-ahead three-run homer in the sixth, and solo homer in the seventh, led the Blanca Stockings to a 7-2 win over the Indians, Cleveland's fifth straight loss.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Day. Blake DeWitt, Los Angeles Dodgers. Two fine plays by the third baseman, but Wizard Cat must warn you that MLB.com is showing commercials in their highlight videos now, including one here for MLB.com Mobile Team Alerts. Wizard Cat is furious, and will likely claw someone's testicles in the very near future.

Contact Wizard Cat at Wizardcat@live.com

Zito was staked to a 3-0 lead over the Diamondbacks and of course lost it — pitcher Brandon Webb adding to the torment by crushing a two-run double — lasting only 3 2/3 innings in Arizona's 5-4 victory. And so, as any schoolchild knows, Webb is now 5-0 and Zito 0-5, making that oven look like a mighty inviting place for manager Bruce Bochy to lay his weary head. Zito, who has legally changed his middle name to "Tweak My Mechanics," now has an ERA of 5.61. Hey, there's only five years remaining on his $126 million contract, so there's nowhere to go but up! Here's how the McCovey Chronicles views the situation. And one of their commenters chimes in with this. Nice. Oh, that Zito quote, as told to the Chronicle:

"We came out and we capitalized on Webb's mistakes. They gave me a lead of 3-0, and I feel like shit. I let them back in the game. I gave them two runs in a shutdown inning, and then I went out in the fourth and gave up a hit to Webb."

Webb still isn't hitting .130, but his five wins match the total of the Giants' starting rotation. He allowed three runs and nine hits over six innings, striking out seven. The Diamondbacks are 15-5 and lead the NL West by six games. They never led by more than five in winning the division last season.

• Mystery Science Theater 3000. John Smoltz became the first player in baseball history to receive a congratulatory text message on getting his 3,000th career strikeout — it came from BFF Greg Maddux, LOL — but the Braves still lost to the Nationals 6-0. Smoltz is now No. 16 on the list. Willie Harris' RBI double in the second gave the Nationals a 1-0 lead, and John Lannan got the win.

• A Royal Ass-Kicking. Troubled by lackluster sales of their team calendar, the Kansas City Royals surrendered to C.C. Sabathia and the Indians, 15-1, on Tuesday. Sabathia had 11 strikeouts and was supported by 17 hits, led by Casey Blake, who was 4-for-4 with 6 RBI.

• Dustin Time, I Found You Dustin Time. Josh Beckett was scratched just before game time with a stiff neck, but the Red Sox won their sixth straight anyway, 7-6 over the Angels. Dustin Pedroia had a tiebreaking, run-scoring double in the eighth. Still, all of that is no excuse for this very disturbing image. Nightmare Fuel tag ... activate!

• Pitch Perfect. Shall we exult over the Pirates' win? Yes, let's. It's not often that one of their pitchers isn't used for batting practice, but Paul Maholm was not to be trifled with on Tuesday, holding the Marlins to one run and four hits over six innings in a 3-2 win.

But back to the Snakes. If there is one team that has the potential to wrap up its division race by June, it's the Diamondbacks. At 11-4, they're three up on second-place San Diego, the largest margin in the majors. Webb — the only four-game winner in the majors — was brilliant (I was there; and even though seated pretty far away, that sinker is impressive). Giants' hitting coach Carney Lansford: "He's a good pitcher, but if you make him get his sinker up you can hit him. You have to execute your game plan and not chase so many pitches out of the zone. You just can't do that. You've got to be disciplined against a pitcher like that." And Lansford knows what he's talking about; he's one of only 12 players who has played in both the Major League World Series (1988, '89, '90) and the Little League World Series (1969). Webb had a two-run single for the Diamondbacks, and Eric Byrnes had a run-scoring double. To recap: Webb, 4-0, 1.86 ERA, 22 strikeouts, eight walks, 2008 salary: $5.5 million; Zito, 0-4, 4.50 ERA, eight strikeouts, nine walks. 2008 salary: $14.5 million.

• Anyone Aware That The Yankees Played The Red Sox? Alex Rodriguez hit his 522nd home run to pass Ted Williams and Willie McCovey for 15th place on the career list, as the Yankees beat the Red Sox 15-9. It was the most runs for the Yankees at home vs. the Red Sox since 1954, and took 4 hours, 8 minutes to complete. New York outhit Boston 16-14. Here are the rest of the gory details, or just tune in to ESPN, which is still talking about it.

• This Meeting Of The Gil Meche Fan Club Will Come To Order. Freakin' Royals. Gil Meche got his first win, 3-2 over the Angels, as KC remained a half-game behind first-place Chicago in the Central. Billy Butler and Alex Gordon had run-scoring singles in the first, and Joey Gathright scored on Jered Weaver's error in the second.

• Orare Pro Me Ad Dominum Deum Nostrum. Amen. Cardinals win! Oh sorry, not those Cardinals. (Bishops?) Anyway, while the Pope was watching the Mets beat the Nationals 5-2 in D.C. (you couldn't drag him away from the chili nachos on the concourse level), Adam Wainwright proved that he, too was infallible. Wainwright went seven-plus innings and homered as St. Louis topped Milwaukee 5-4. CORRECTION: The Pope was at Nationals Stadium; the game was at Shea. He still went crazy with the nacho cheese pump.

• The Bridge To C.C. Sabathia. Edgar Renteria had a grand slam and Miguel Cabrera homered and had five RBI as the Tigers won their third straight, 13-2 over Cleveland and starter C.C. Sabathia. Good thing I didn't write them off or anything.

Sure, Zambrano had looked great. But so had Brandon Webb, who's the real reason Arizona won. Zambrano is notoriously fragile in the brain, and giving up the winning run might have caused him more trouble than overextending his arm might have. Also, Carlos Marmol is awesome, though he wasn't last night. It just didn't work out that way.

Do you really want a guy like the Dustbag, who can only think one game (hell, one minute) at a time, or do you want someone who can see the big picture? Lou knows, that if our hitters start hitting, there WILL be a Game 4, and we are actually set up better for Game 4 than if he wrung Zambrano out for every last pitch he had. He also knows what he has with Marmol, and maybe when the chests get tight and men reach for their nutsacks, maybe instead of reflexively reaching for Marmol, he insteads opts for Wood or Howry.

We are a bit bewildered by the histrionics of Piniella's move. Of the three teams who lost yesterday, the Cubs would seem to be in the best shape. The Phillies are down 1-0 at home, and the Angels just looked bedazzled. The Cubs lost to the best pitcher in baseball. It happens. Now if they lose tonight, it's probably time to freak out. Not that Cubs fans would ever do that.

Gordon Wittemeyer Has Proven He Is A Witless Ninny [Goat Riders Of The Apocalypse]

But if Baseball Prospectus has taught us anything, it's that the anecdotal is bullocks; it's time to go to the numbers. Vegas Watch breaks down the odds of it happening, and Johnny Number Five computes that Webb has a 1 in 57 chance of breaking Orel's record. Of course, BP says the Cubs are the favorites in the NL Central, and hey, that'll be the day!

(Sorry.)

What Are The Odds: Brandon Webb [Vegas Watch]