Dirty Tackle tracked this one down, and it's impressive for the sheer ballsiness of it.

Two Brazilian second division teams were tied for the lead in the standings going into the final day, both needing a win to keep their hopes alive. One of them, Viana, was up 2-0 in the 35th minute of the 2nd half. With no lead safe when the season is on the line, Viana scored some insurance goals. Like, nine goals in the final nine minutes. This was perhaps helped by their opponents walking off the field.

Buying off the other team is one thing, but their division rivals Moto Club bought off the refs and were somehow awarded three penalty kicks in the final ten minutes of their match.

Despite Viana's chairman claiming his team just found their scoring touch, the association is treating it as a scandal. So the lesson here is, when you're paying off your opponents, save a little to pay off the league.

Nine Goals In Nine Minutes [Dirty Tackle]

Portuguesa is a second-division Brazilian club who suffered a tough loss yesterday, leaving them six points under the relegation cutoff. So a couple of team officials decided they needed a pep talk. An armed pep talk.

Two members of the executive board, accompanied by two bodyguards, gave the players a dressing down. Judging from the team's (Google translated) press release, the guns weren't as big a problem as the dishonorable way he spoke to them. This is Brazil, after all.

Surprising everyone, because the adviser has always been a thoughtful person, Mr. José Antonio Vaz Pinto insults delivered to the group of players and members of the technical committee, showing total lack of control.

Such an attitude was unacceptable and totally disapproved by the board, which shall take all appropriate administrative remedies against the adviser, reporting the events that occurred to the President of the Distinguished Advisory Board of this institution, which will certainly take all measures against the above-reported attitudes.

Today Portuguesa's coach stepped down, but if they win their next match on Friday, I wouldn't be surprised to see more teams turn to this motivational technique. And if that doesn't work, at least the guns can be used to put the injured Mets down.

Armed Brazilian Club Officials Threaten Players [Reuters]

Yes, we are all proud of "our boys" for almost beating Brazil, but if it was any other sport—i.e., one that Americans understood a little better—wouldn't we be lambasting the men's national team for blowing a 2-0 halftime lead in a championship game? I guess this wasn't another "game that changes everything." As long as losing to Brazil is met with shrugs of "Well, they are Brazil" then America is probably going to remain a second-class soccer citizen.

That is just fine, by the way, because according to the American Enterprise Institute, soccer is a socialist sport that rewards undeserving lazy teams, instead of good democratic ones. You see, Gary Schmitt—one of the founders of neoconservative outfit Project for the New American Century—has determined through a rigorous examination of his kids' pee-wee games that better, more dominant teams always lose in soccer, which is why Latin Americans and Europeans (a.k.a., people on welfare) love it so much. The U.S. stinks at soccer because our players don't believe in the redistribution of wins. I feel better already.

The Not-so-beautiful Game [The Enterprise Blog]
US takes big strides at Confederations Cup [USA Today]
South Africa passes World Cup test [BBC]
Confederations Cup: The Excitement Is Unbelieveable! [Goal]

*Actually, the next international match is this weekend in the first round of the CONCACAF Gold Cup (that's the "confederation" the U.S. won in 2007 to get into the Confederations Cup), but the roster will be completely different than the one from Sunday. So we'll see if Saturday's game against Grenada leads SportsCenter that evening.

Whenever it knocks off a highly-regarded opponent, the United States tends to draw hyperbolic responses from the press. Every major win — hell, even a notable tie — is greeted with an almost unparalleled optimism for the future of the game. This one will impact the country's appreciation of soccer, aficionados claim, citing all the same reasons. You just watch.

And yes, maybe the Yanks' win over Spain will be The One, especially if they couple it with another Greatest Win Ever against Brazil tomorrow. But if history is any indication, then this unbridled glee will disappear soon, at least until the U.S. returns to South Africa next year. And then, if it advances past the round robin stage, we'll hear the same echoes of hope, just as we have in the past:

1994 World Cup: U.S. 2, Colombia 1

"This game is going to have a permanent effect" on soccer in America, said Alan Rothenberg, president of the United States Soccer Federation. "It's the biggest so far in history."

1995 Copa America: U.S. 3, Argentina 0

The United States defeated Argentina, 3-0, in the Copa America tournament tonight, and in the process engineered one of the most significant victories in American soccer history. For Argentina — a two-time World Cup champion and the two-time defending champion of this South American tournament — the game was supposed to be a warmup for the quarterfinals, as it already had clinched a berth. The United States, however, refused to play the role of sparring partner and scored two goals in the first half to quickly knock out one of the best teams in the world.

"I think this is the first step . . . to become a major soccer power," said midfielder Cobi Jones, who played brilliantly.

1998 Gold Cup: U.S. 1, Brazil 0

"It states we can play with anyone in the world, and on occasion, beat the best in the world," U.S. coach Steve Sampson said. "I think a lot of people are going to pay a lot more respect to the United States. ... We've made enormous strides. Is it like winning a Super Bowl? No, not yet. It's just not that way in this country. But we hope the sport will continue to grow."

2002 World Cup: U.S. 3, Portugal 2

There is little question there is a significant appetite for top-level soccer in the United States. The 1994 World Cup and 1999 Women's World Cups were successes, and World Cup qualifiers and marquee foreign opposition continue to draw fans in the tens of thousands. The problem that still plagues MLS, however, is convincing those fans that its product is worth sampling on a regular basis.

"What you saw today was the beginning of the emergence of our league. It establishes our credibility within the soccer audience that exists in this country," Gazidis said.

But if the U.S. shocks Brazil tomorrow? Forget I even mentioned this. We'll be too busy celebrating in the streets with vuvuzelas.

Remember the Miracle On Ice? [NYT]
Biggest U.S. win ever? [Fox Sports]
Not America's Game [NYT]

Santilli's team was losing 1-0 on Sunday when he ran out on to the field to retrieve a loose ball, but as he returned to the sideline he decided to lower his shoulder into a player for the opposing team for no reason whatsoever. (Because he was brushed on the shoulder by a 60-year-old man, the player naturally made it look like he'd been shot in the kneecaps.) After he was ejected for being a lunatic, Santilli went back on to the field to politely discuss the matter with the referee—before punching the official in the face. I think he got his point across.

Gee, with rock-solid leadership like that, it's hard to believe his team was relegated after the game.

Soccer coach punches referee after ejection [AP]

I hear that he was talked down by a San Francisco Giants fan. "You think you know regret? You think you know heartache? (produces Barry Zito jersey). You know nothing!"

Dig the reaction from the home fans when the man is wrestled into submission. My favorite part: The people below who try to fashion a team banner into a makeshift safety net. Nothing could possibly have gone wrong with that plan.

Brazil Fan Threatens Suicide ... Over Soccer [FanDome]

Da Silva—not to be confused with the MMA star or the other Brazilian national team member with the same name—managed to hang on in the hospital for six days and tip off police about the incident before dying from his injuries. The girlfriend and her aunt will be charged with the death.

• Brazilian Footballer Brutally Murdered [Goal.com]

In Brazil, well, that shit happens all the time. And sometimes, it ends tragically.

Roman Catholic Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli has been missing since Sunday, when he lifted off from the port city of Paranagua wearing a helmet, an aluminum thermal flight suit, waterproof coveralls and a parachute. He was seeking to break a record for the longest time in-flight with helium-filled party balloons.

Sometimes life is just one big Benny Hill episode. And, yes, those are his balloons that were found floating in the ocean. Somebody better grab them before some seagulls choke.

Hope For Finding Brazilian Priest Deflates [NY Post]

More fun with the Brazilian soccer name generator:

• Eli Manning = ELILDO
• David Beckham = CLAUDIO BECKHSON
• Will Leitch = WILDO
• Dennis Kucinich = KUCINACA

Cool Brazilian Names For American Athletes [100 Percent Injury Rate]
Brazilname

Hearing a suit filed by a soccer player against a television station (and opposing coach) who intimated that he was gay, the judge said the player didn't have a case ... but should probably quit soccer if he's gay anyway. Some selected highlights:

• "It's not that a homosexual can't play ball. If he wants, than play it. However, form his own team and start another federation. Schedule games with those that prefer to fight against themselves."

• "What is not reasonable is the acceptance of homosexuals in Brazilian soccer because they would harm the uniformity of thinking of the team, the togetherness, the balance, and the ideal."

• "Not even to mention the uncomfortable feeling of the fan, who wants to go to the stadium, sometimes with his son, and see his beloved team succeeding in the competition, instead of losing oneself in analysis of the behavior of this or that athlete with an obvious personality or existential problem, making it uncomfortable also for the teammates, the coach , the technical commission and the managers of the club."

It's true: We hate it when our athletes have "obvious personality or existential problems." Fortunately, that only happens when they're gay.

Judge Shows Homophobia's Grip On Brazil [William K. Wolfrum]

This is pretty much what you think it is: A "full-size" sculpture of Brazilian soccer star Ronaldinho ... as a regal white horse. It's currently up for bid on eBay, and the price is right too: Only $25,000! (With $2,500 more to ship.)

Not a bad deal. This seems as good a time as any for a "grow, hoof, grow."

Ronaldinio, football star, sculptured as a white horse [eBay]

Remember Ronaldinho's girlfriend? The one who supposedly kept him up all night with sex and PlayStation? Robertson's little investigation casts serious doubts about whether she's anything but a PR creation.

She picked the wrong Playboy editor to punk, I tell you what. There's no competent news story I can find tying Ronaldinho to Alexandra Paressant. (The Sun doesn't say how its interview with her came about — she probably just called the paper up and asked to talk to a reporter.) Some sites show a picture of Ronaldinho being lovingly tackled by her as he stretches on the pitch. Problem: The tackler's name is Sheila Soares. Ronaldinho or not, does she even exist? I say no.

Another example of how soccer has not exploded in the United States: We do not invent fake girlfriends for our soccer stars. Instead we just do that for Tom Brady.

Ronaldinho's Imaginary Girlfriend [Josh, Editor, MySpace]
Well Worth Losing The World Cup [Deadspin]

British tabloid The Sun says that Ronaldinho's poor showing was due to some off-field lovefests and plenty of PlayStation 2. In an interview with his girlfriend, French model Alexandra Paressant, the femme says that the soccer star would break team rules and sneak into her hotel room to "make love all night" and unwind by playing 2006 FIFA World Cup on the PlayStation 2. The Star implies that it wasn't the marathon sex sessions that left him worn out for competition. "Instead, [Paressant] says, his habit of playing PlayStation after their romps may have knocked his form."

All told, this is not a terrible reason to play poorly in the World Cup. Sex with a French model, followed by all-night PlayStation. It's just like college, if you replace "French model" with "pillow and/or various visions of character actress Margaret Colin." But perhaps we've said too much.

Sex, PS2 Blamed For Brazil Star's WC Failure [GameSpot]

That I am alive today is a testament to the Gemutlichkeit that I feel toward my German brothers, whom I kid, but really want to see lose, too. And I'm betting that every sentient human being this side of the Rhine feels the same way as Italy goes into tomorrow's semifinal with the confidence of a team that has NEVER lost to Germany in the World Cup. But really, what do I know? I was convinced that Argentina had the Germans' number, too, only to end up with bratwurst on my face when they choked in the penalty shootout. Not that I'm bitter ... but didn't Pekerman live up to his name when he forgot that he had the best young player on the planet, Lionel Mesi, sitting on his bench, and instead put in some defensive-minded lummox for Crespo?

Oh, I'm full of questions today about the surreal weekend of World Cup action that we just witnessed. Here, in no particular order, are a few more:

• Has anyone else noticed that Michelle Lissel of Fox Soccer has gone glam on us, trading in her librarian look for a more pixie-ish bent featuring new hip specs and a sexy bob? Let's hope the boys at Maxim are paying attention.

• Why is it that when England gets knocked out of a World Cup, two things invariably happen? First, they are never beaten fair and square by an opponent's foot. In 1986, there was the fabled Hand of God, and now we have the Testicles of Carvalho. It may not be as mellifluous-sounding as Maradona's brazen piece of chicanery, but judging from the Portuguese defender's face after Rooney stomped his lunchbox, it's a lot more painful. On the other hand, when's the last time that you got kicked in the swingers and didn't have to spend the rest of the day in a fetal position with a bag of ice between your legs? The fact that Carvalho, after much moaning and writhing around, was able to continue playing only minutes later suggests either he has balls of steel ... or is Portugal's answer to Al Pacino.

Second, their marquee player always dissolves in tears. Does anyone remember the sorry sight of Gazza blubbering after he was yellow-carded during England's semi-final loss to Germany in '90? On Saturday, it was David Beckham's turn to do his best impression of Johnny Sack after he was carted away, sobbing and wailing, from his daughter's wedding. When Becks limped off in the 60th minute, the camera caught him all red-eyed before panning to Posh in the stands. It was difficult to glimpse her tears because she was wearing one of the 60 pairs of over-sized sunglasses she had brought to Germany for her three-week stay.

• When, just before the penalty shootout in Germany-Argentina, Kahn came over and put an arm around Lehman's shoulder, did you, like me, hold your breath to see whether Kahn would then use his other arm to smash Lehman's nose up into his brain and render him unconscious so he would get a chance to step in for his bitter rival in goal?. Instead, we got a touchy-feely moment for the ages with the two men clasping hands in a "Deutschland Uber Alles" shake that made my heart soar.

• And speaking of soaring, for a guy who made diving into performance art as a player, doesn't Juergen Klinsmann have some mad ups? When Lehman stoned Maxi Rodriquez' s penalty, Klinsman vaulted at least three feet off the ground and kicked his legs up like Jordan did after hitting The Jumper over Byron Russell. I think it's safe to say that Peter Crouch, all 6-foot-8 of him, has never sniffed the air at that altitude.

• Not that I'm complaining, mes amis footballeurs, but was anyone else as startled as me (and I'm just guessing Carlos Parreira) that no Brazilian defender was within a swath of Copacabana beach of Henry on Zidane's free kick? I mean, Henry was so open he must have felt like Jean-Marie Le Pen at an End to Racism rally.

Perhaps the Brazilians had heard that the last time Zidane passed to Henry was back when the Americans liberated Paris and figured he would never cede the glory to the Arsenal striker, with whom he has always had a cool relationship. But Les Bleus, after almost imploding in the early rounds, have re-discovered the fraternite that drove them to victory in '98, and it's all one big love-in now with Zizou at the heart of it. Against Brazil, it was almost as if he were taunting Ronaldinho, saying "I am the Great Zidane, three-time World Football Player of the Year and until I leave the stage you will always be in my shadow."

• And finally, what upsets you more about Brazil's stunning exit from the tournament? The thought of not getting to revel anymore in their celebrated Jogo Bonito (wait, did we EVER get see it other than in commercials?), or not getting to ogle all those gratuitous shots of Brazilian fans on Deadspin?

That gave them a 1-0 lead, and after that, the French defense held strong, which isn't something you get a chance to say every day. The Brazilians forced the action late, coming pretty close to getting the equalizer, but the fact that they couldn't find that sort of urgency at any previous point finally caught up with them. The defending champions are gone, and soon, all the random photographs of phenomenal Brazilian ass will be going with them.

So we've got an all-European Final Four, including France, Germany, Portugal and Italy. We'll start previewing the semifinals tomorrow, so if you've got any pithy (I learned a new word from David Stern) comments on either of the upcoming matches, send them to mjd@deadspin.com, and we'll see if we can't put together a reader-inspired preliminary preview tomorrow.

Brazil 0-1 France [BBC Sport]

Therefore, we get Brazil vs. Ghana, the ultimate favorite vs. underdog matchup. Each team is missing one of its best players, but the loss of Michael Essien should hurt Ghana a lot more than Brazil will miss Robinho. But hey: One never knows.

Your live-blogger today is Robert Weintraub, a freelance writer whom you probably know best from his work at Slate. Follow along in the comments. We like both these teams, so hey, everybody's a winner. But Brazil: They're actually going to be the winner.

Wow, that went super-fast. Thanks again to Will for the opportunity, I had a blast. Off to ice my carpal tunnel. Enjoy the rest of the Mundial!

Ronaldo gets the American Idol version of Man o' the Match—I give it to Dida myself. Honorable mention to the Lion of Ghana, Appiah.

So classic, clinical Brazil—they don't play well for long stretches, but in the end a comfortable victory. Give Ghana all the credit, they played their typical fast, strong, close control game, and got oodles of chances. They clearly missed Essien early, and there will always be the what if? factor. But Brazil sniffed out the Ghana gameplan, knew they would be vulnerable to through balls beating the offside trap, and got the result they needed. Ronaldinho played his best game so far, which isn't saying much, and El Gordo nicked a classic sniper's goal with flair—a worthy one to pass Muller and get the record. It's just a shame Ghana can't be allowed to play a loser's bracket match with Australia—that would be a fun one to watch. it's Africa's misfortune to always wind up with a sympathetic side having to match up against a world giant before they can really make some noise.

How come the fans don't swap their crazy get-ups with opposing fans? I know I wouldn't want to drag some of that costumage on the 14 hour coach flight back to Accra.

AND THERE"S THE WHISTLE! 3-0 BRAZIL. THEY ADVANCE TO THE QUARTERFINALS

92' Brazil wins a corner. C'mon, stop pressing for the rub it in goal! Ghana deserves better. But AGAIN Kingson comes out to save the day, after Juninho gives Juan a gorgeous flick in.

91' Another chance for Appiah, you know what happens.

90' Another superb save by Kingson, as he is single-handedly keeping this one respectable. Ronaldinho was crying for a square pass, to no avail. Balboa is only just coming around to the idea that the Brazilians aren't best buddies. Gee, a bunch of multi-millionaires who all think they're the shite don't sing and samba together? Those Nike ads are BS?? I feel so used.

89' Pentsil gets off a skidding shot that Dida again is on top of, with no rebound off a tricky hop.

88' It's Tachie-Mensah's turn to find space but put one right at Dida. On the counter Ronaldo does a good job holding off the defender, and unleashes a shot that Kingson gets an extended arm on to deny another Ronaldo brace. He'll wind up with the most goals in the tournament, just wait.

87' We're into looking ahead to the quarterfinals mode, as Spain or France awaits the Selecao. Roberto Carlos bangs one from distance, a bit cheeky given Ghana's excellent effort today.

86' Ghana wins a corner as they play for a goal they deserve. But Muntari's corner is over everyone.

84' GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG—I'm a stutterer. But another offsides trap beaten, and Ze Roberto flicks past Kingson brilliantly then taps in for a 3-0 Brazil lead. He's had a tough time in the midfield today against Appiah, but give Ze Roberto credit for a super run and classy finish. If only Ghana could've finished so well.

84' Brazil just slowing it down now, toeing it around, to loud derisive jeers.

83' That will do it for Kaka, he's off, Ricardinho is on. Nice to bring that kind of skill off the bench. I still have Argentina beating them in the final, though.

81'' Yellow card given to Asamoah for diving, which is his second, and his day is over. Pretty obvious dive in the area—can't really fault him at this stage, anything to sneak a goal and give his team a shot. But it's now a ten-man Ghana, and now they are really hard done for.

80' Pantsil almost heads one past his own keeper, with a much too potent header given the space between him and Kingson. The keeper prevents a road gang from taking the machete to Pantsil back home.

79' More nice Ghana play, as Aasmoah is set free after a Ronaldo turnover. But the omnipresent Dida comfortably grabs it.

78' He can't be hurt too bad—a nice Muntari turn results in a shot, but again his long range shot is nowhere close. Ghana simply can't penetrate, and Brazil is like a basketball team zoning up, allowing a bunch of perimeter shots.

76' Balboa opines that the best players show their stuff at the national team level, not at the club, in reference to Ronaldinho. Bet the good folks at Barcelona who pay his enormous salary just spit up their aperitifs. Meanwhile, Dida slides out to grab a loose ball and catches Muntari at an awkward angle. He's up and limping.

75' This is a recording—Appiah builds up some steam and uncorks one, but again much too high. He screams in frustration, which I think they heard on the Gulf of Guinea.

74' Kingson comes scurrying out to head away a speculative ball toward Ronaldo.

73' Asamoah finds yet another small crease and fires, but is way off. They've given a heroic effort but good keeping and some poor finishes have let them down.

69' OOOOOOHHHHH!!!!! Another fab save by Dida to deny Asamoah, and he dives on the rebound. Dida has been called the weak link at times, but he is having a man of the match type game. Last Ghana sub, Alex Tachie-Mensah in for the weary Amoah.

67' Iffy foul goes against Ghana, they look like they might be tiring having to chase the game. The cure—Pimpong! Muntari goes down without a Brazilian influence—looks like more fatigue.

63' Ronaldo wants to put some distance between himself and Herr Muller, and Ronaldinho supplies him with a chance, but the shot is blocked.

62' Ghana needs to get Pimpong in there! If only to provide O'Brien yet more opportunites for corny puns.

61' Cafu long overlap run, but his cross is easily parried.

59' Unconfirmed confirmation from ESPN that Ratomir was indeed booted. Love to see Ghana come back so we can show how useless managers are come gametime. Meanwhile, Ghana continues to press, forcing a corner. Eric Addo is subbed out for Derek Boateng—Addo has taken a beating. The corner gets Pantsil a back of the head flick that sails wide. Now Juninho, who scored against Japan, comes in for Adriano. Oh, how we miss Robinho here...

57' Another perfect Ronaldinho dime to Roberto Carlos, whose toepoke is denied by Kingson. Adriano waves in frustration, alone at the far post. He looked like Ronaldo frantically tryting to flag down the hot dog vendor (OK, enough!)

55' Gorgeous Ronaldinho look is bungled by a clumsy Adriano touch. Looked like a Ghana handball wasn't called. Then Draman hacks down Lucio, who has spent a lot of time grabbing various parts of his leg.

53' A PA announcement worthy of Leni Reifenstahl is blaring over play, to the point where the players are looking up and around in confusion. Probably Beckenbauer left the lights on in his Mercedes.

52' Draman gets an opportunity off a gorgeous couple of touches in the area, but is wide and high again.

51' They're saying Ghana's manager Ratomir Dujkovic of Serbia, may have been tossed for arguing the Adriano goal. On the other hand, the guy used to coach the Rwandan national team, so perhaps he understands the benefits of laying low when behind.

50' Asamoah is Gyan to be a handful all day, it appears—another chance off a nice flick goes wanting wide and high.

49' Ronaldiniho looks for Adriano but it goes right to the keeper instead.

48' Ghana could really use a quick goal for a jumpstart, and they're pressing, but Asamoah just picked up a yellow for a frustrated kick of the ball into the stands. If a Ghana fan came all the way to Dortmund for this clash, he should get to keep the ball, it says here.

46' And we're back! ESPN just flashed a stat that reveals Brazil hasn't lost a halftime lead at the WC since 1950. No problem. Marcelo says a buddy from MLS watching at home says Adriano's goal was indeed offsides, which says it all about MLS, actually.

Halftime sub—Gilberto Silva comes on for the gimpy Emerson, no shocker there.

This scoreline isn't promising for further glimpses of throngs gathered in Ghana watching their heroes go down to expected defeat.

Ghana has outplayed Los Canarinhos for most of the game so far, and all it gets them is 2-0 down, which against Brazil is nearly insurmountable, let's face it. Appiah has regrouped from a shaky start, and he and Amoah are a handful inside. Brazil are content to play the counterattack game, and have beaten offside traps twice for goals. It won't get them many plaudits, but this is how Brazil always approaches World Cup play—build up slow, don't get overextended, and turn it on starting with the quarterfinals. It's a testament to their extreme skill that they can get away with often lifeless play, yet still cruise ahead.

Looking again at the goal, a nice play of advantage ny the ref started it, then Lucio alertly plays wide rather than to the clearly offsides Adriano. He looked onside from the pass from Cafu—actually Shilla the Ghana defender got a piece of it before Adriano kneed it home. That is the sort of flowing open play that makes the game "beautiful"—refs get slagged a lot but his refusal to stop play on a foul in the Brazil half allowed the play to develop.

HALFTIME 2-0 BRAZIL.

46' Correction—that was Cafu on the cross to Adriano, Kaka gave it to him on the overlap.

46' GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—you know the rest. Adriano on a classic counterstrike, a tap-in from Kaka's cross that might have gone in on its own. Ghana is screaming for offsides—and Adriano was definitely in an offsides position but Lucio I believe played it wide, making it passive offsides, so it looked legal at first blush.

44' Juan picks up a yellow for a severe challenge on poor Eric Addo. Free kick from 25 yards, golden chance for Ghana—but Appiah is well high on his attempt. But Ghana is dominating the action!

42' OOOOOOHHHHH! Somehow Dida gets a foot on a powerhouse Mensah header looking for the equalizer off a corner. Kick save and a beauty as Marv Albert would say. Best pure reaction save—you know he'll be claiming credit for working on that sort of save since boyhood in the post-game interviews. But it was pure luck—could just as easly gone through his legs.

41' Longest span of time without announcer commentary—:07. Hey, I said I would lay off, sorry.

40' Eric Addo gets used as a stepladder by Ronaldinho, who should have been booked but he's Ronaldinho. So Addo writhes around without a hint of sympathy.

37' Lucio returns to a chorus of whistles from the Ghanaian ER interns. Adriano hauled down, Eric Addo (in for Essien) whistled. No reaction from the Ghanaian supporters, although it looked like a dive. Free kick by Ronaldinho well off the mark, standard for his WC so far. The canary jersey is like Kryptonite for him.

35' Juan makes a hash of a clearance, after getting away with a handball in the box. Asamoah almost gets free but Emerson clamps him down. Now Lucio is down grabbing at a thigh. Ghana is very strong, they are winning the collisions, if not the game.

33' Ronaldo (Deadspin login: JennyCraig9) has been invisible since his goal. Maybe he's looking for Kingson's dropped 'T'?

32' Dida fouled as he leaps for Pensil's cross—good call, Amoah led with the 'bow.

30' Ronaldinho's first good shot gets a lot of curve, good stop by Kingson. Corner then results in a near post chance stuffed again. Quick counter by Ghana, excellent pace results in a shot for Draman, who skies it high. Emerson down on the pitch, allowing everyone to catch a breath. Great action!

28' Dangerous ball into the Brazilian box results in a loose change attempt but Amoah right at Dida. Ensuing counterattack results in a yellow on Pensil for getting too much lead into Kaka.

27' Good one-touch passing enables Muntari to break free but offside flag is up. Ghana is having free rein between the center line and the box—Kaka and Ronaldinho will always allow the opposition some space as they are always thinking attack. Emerson and Ze Roberto need to clamp down a little further upfield.

25' Muntari slide tackles Kaka after a 30 yard run. Brazil gets it back and Ronaldinho sends Roberto Carlos on a long sprint down the right—but RC sends into the stands.

24' Amoah gets a ball right at the top of the box all alone, but duffs a grounder wide of the net. Ghana has controlled the action the last 5-7 minutes.

22' Emerson stuffs an attack on the left—Brazil's D looks open but comfortable they can dispossess anyone before trouble strikes.

20' Mensah with a scary back pass to Kingson that almost gets picked off by Kaka—shades of the Kaffour gaffe against Italy.

19' Ghana's best sustained attack results in an offsides on Asamoah, after a bicycle kick duel won by Lucio inside.

18' A Cafu foul gives Ghana a free kick for Muntari from the left—easily cleared but Draman recollects and lashes one that Dida puts over the bar for a corner.

17' Ghana looks real shaky—a quick Brazil goal was like sugar in their collective gas tank. C'mon Appiah, rally the boys, for the sake of the continent!

16' Cafu called for a shove as he tries a long run toward goal.

13' And another yellow, this one on Adriano for diving. A square to Ronaldo would have been 2-nil. Adriano looking to deny Ronaldo another goal? Rumors Adriano is headed to Real may be in the back of their minds? Nah—too cynical. Give Kingson credit for aggressive play there, but where is the back 4? Playing way too forward.

11' Another yellow as ref Lubos Michel from Slovakia looks to seek control, unlike some other (Russian) refs we could name.

10' O'Brien relates that several Brazilians tried to cheer up a disconsolate Essien on the bench. Hey, the Brazilians want him out there—their ultra-cynical press will be sure to note his absence regardless of how well they play.

7' Another look at the goal shows where Essien will be missed—an acre of open space in the midfield for Kaka to operate. How did we ever liveblog before the advent of the DVR? Oh, that's right....

7' Yellow for Muntari—he must have dug the view from the stands.

5' Oh man! Ronaldo must have known we wanted early goals after yesterday's debacle, and he get's it done—a perfect thru ball in from Kaka to El Fenomeno, who leaves Kingson grasping at broken dreams with a sick move. Bye bye Muller!

4' Darman with a nice overlap, but his cross goes to a wide open space. That's the key—getting in behind the fullbacks and look for the box.

3' Muntari works his back into the swing of things by fouling right off the bat, Ze Roberto milking it.

1' Ronaldo quickly offside by about a slab of ribs. He's up front in the standard Brazil starting XI, with Adriano.

0' I was going to make a joke about live pictures from the ESPNZone in Accra, but there are live shots from a dusty looking village.

0' So we got Dave "Here's the 2-2 pitch" O'Brien and Marcelo "That's not a card!" Balboa on the call. Pity, I prefer JP Dellacamera and John Harkes, even though Harkes sounds disconcertingly like Anderson Cooper. Plenty has been said (all of it bad) about ESPN's lead announcers, so I'll refrain from piling on.

These two teams met several times in Under-17 and Under-20 tournaments over the last several years, including in 2001, when nearly a dozen players between the rosters were on the pitch. Ghana won that quarterfinal game 2-1, on a goal by John Mensah. Will history repeat itself? Did Santayanna get a bet down? Thanks to Will for the opportunity, and let's do this—Brazil-Ghana, it's on-ah! (I gotta calm down)

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PREVIEW: The final day of the Sweet 16 round and what a mouthwatering contest we have on tap! Everyone's second favorite team, Brazil, against the tournament darlings of Ghana. The defending champs against a nation making its World Cup debut.
Gimme a Hoo-hah two times Tuesday!! Let's take a closer look...

BRAZIL: The Selecao buried Japan 4-1 in their last Group F match, which got a lot of Brazilians to drop the butcher knives aimed at the team and brandish them instead at tourists foolish enough to venture into the flavelas. A lot was made of "Who Ate All The Pies?" Ronaldo breaking out of his stupor to bang home two goals, tying him for the all-time WC lead with Gerd Muller, who wasn't exactly playing with a sprinter's physique himself. Key to El Fenomeno's resurgence was the insertion of Robinho into the lineup, both for his sublime skillz and his not being Adriano, who meshes with Ronaldo like tunafish meshes with gravy. Sadly for everyone, Robinho strained a thigh in training and is unavailable. So the "Magic Square"—as the quartet of Ronaldo, Ronaldinho, Adriano, and Kaka are called—will have to stop making fluid offense disappear, as they did in the first two matches.

Meanwhile, the leaky-looking Brazil defense will be under heavy pressure from what promises to be a go-for-broke Ghana attack. Forward-thinking wingbacks Cafu and Roberto Carlos will need to be aware of counterattacks catching them upfield.

GHANA: Ironically, the team called the Black Stars list as their official colors white shirts, white shorts, and white socks. Sadly, the African debutantes' bid for a monumental though definitely conceivable upset will have to be done without talisman Michael Essien. The Chelsea midfielder fell victim to the Weisser Engel, Markus Merk, the German dentist who didn't even ask Essien "Is it safe?" before handing him a harsh yellow against the red, white and blue (this entire World Cup has been one long Marathon Man reference). Essien came in carrying a yellow, so he'll be watching the game in the finest tracksuit $47 million can buy.

But Africa's lone remaining hope will have Sulley Muntari and Asamoah Gyan back from their suspensions. Muntari in particular is key, as he needs to hold possession and build the attack while simultaneously ensuring Kaka doesn't go off. Ghana took the game to both Italy and the Czechs (not so much against the US—we were kind enough to hand it over to them). Should they do so against Brazil, figuring they need to get some goals to have a shot, the defense—in particular the "Rock of Gibraltar" John Mensah, will be key.

It's a end-of-day match between Brazil vs. Japan, with the Brazilians getting their last tuneup until everything is all toenail-biting nerve-wracking.

Your live blogger is Thomas Moyles, from The Middle Foam Finger. (He was here yesterday, and he'll be here again tomorrow.) Get all your fun Brazilian comments in, make fun of the fellas in that picture and keep your nose clean, people.

FULLTIME: After taking an early lead and maybe putting a little scare into Brazil, Japan allowed an equalizer just prior to halftime to Ronaldo and then plain got steamrolled in the second half. While Brazil had dominated play in the first half, they had trouble finishing, an issue that was resolved for them in the second as Kawaguchi made a meal of Juninho P.'s long drive and after that, Brazil settled down and killed off the contest with two extremely well-taken goals. Japan is eliminated from the Cup as they needed to win (and get some help, which they wouldn't have gotten anyway) to advance.

A historical note for today's match as Ronaldo scores 2 goals to give him 14 total goals in the 3 World Cups in which he played (although he was on the 1994 Brazil squad, he never got on the field), which ties him for the all-time scoring record with West Germany's Gerd "Der Bomber" Muller. The Phenomenon now has a great chance to own that record outright, especially considering how good he looked today after appearing slow and fat in Brazi's first two games.

(A quick shout-out to Soy Bomb, who correctly predicted the final score in the comments shortly after Japan opened the scoring. Don't awaken the sleeping giant!)

This has been The Electric Zarko. Don't drink and drive and stay safe in your respective neighborhoods.

93' A final spasm from Japan comes to naught as Nakamura forces a save from Ceni and then a corner fizzles out as the ref calls for time. An impressive performance by the ref by the way, as I hardly noticed that he was out there.

92' K. Nakata hits a long drive from outside the box, Rogerio Ceni makes a comfortable save. Ceni is the penalty- and free-kick specialist for his teams in Brazil, the current one being Sau Paulo. He either recently tied or passed the famously crazy Paraguayan keeper Jose Luis Chilavert in terms of goals scored by keepers.

90' The end of normal time comes with Brazil stroking the ball around the pitch, content to kill this game off. As I type this, they wind up winning a corner. 3 minutes of injury time.

87' Offside on Oguro as Japan tries to break Brazil's trap and regain some pride.

85' The second half has been all Brazil, Japan finally getting some offense and Gilberto Silva pulls down Kaji about 35 yards away from goal. Nakamura to take and wide.

83' An odd change as the goalie Dida comes out for Rogerio Ceni, who I believe is the all-time leader in terms of goal-scoring goalkeepers.

82' GOOOOOAAAAALAAAAZZOOOO de Brazil! Ronaldo ties Muller with a great shot from the top of the box. After playing a one-two with Robinho, Ronaldo turns his defender and smacks a stinging volley into the lower right corner of the net, giving him 14 total World Cup goals. 4-1 Brazil.

80' Just switched over to the ESPN team, they're talking about the US result. Of course. It's so relevant!

75' Yup. Time to put the kids to bed on this one, Brazil continuing to take the air out of the ball, even when they turn the ball over, it only takes them a short time to get it back. Cicinho having a great game at right-back tonight.

73' Brazil dominating play now, retaining the ball in the middle third.

71' Ze Roberto in for Kaka, Ricardinho in for Ronaldinho.

70' Inamoto sends a long shot into the photographers, Japan get the ball back and force a corner, which Oguro flicks out for a goal kick.

69' Robinho breaks through and sends a square pass just wide of Ronaldo on the far post with the goal-mouth begging.

68' Brazil, sensing that the game is slipping away from Japan, are starting to get fancy, turning on the flair and looking as good as a team can with yellow jerseys, white shorts and white socks.

67' K. Nakata gets his head on the free-kick; however, he can't direct it on goal and Brazil get the ball back.

66' Japan with pressure and Alex is fouled on the left side of the area. Oguro comes in for Takahara, who played for about a minute before getting hurt.

64' A rasping long drive from Robinho is slapped away from goal by Kawaguchi. The corner is take to Juninho P., who forces Kawaguchi into yet another save. Ronaldinho appears to go for the olympico from the corner and Japan eventually clears.

62' Takahara in for Maki and he almost immediately gets hurt. Stoppage of play and the Japanese fans, once so loud, have been taken out of the game as Brazil have absolutely bossed the game in the second half.

60 GOOOOAAAAALLL de Brasil! Gilberto (not Silva) scores to make it 3-1! Brazil immediately finds space on the break as left-back Gilberto sprints onto a ball over the top into space on the left, cuts into the area and cleanly places the ball into the far post. Great placement on that finish and Brazil look to be killing this one off.

57' Long strike from H. Nakata, easily handled by Dida.

56' K. Nakata in for Ogasawara. For Japan. You probably figured that out.

55' Brazil steams forward again, a cross from the left finds Ronaldo and Kawaguchi gets down to save well. The Univsion announcers are killing Kawaguchi for letting in that second goal, saying that he had made much more difficult saves earlier in the match and should have easily handled that one.

53' GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLL de Brazil! Juninho P. lets go with a thunderbolt from 27 yards out that completely catches Kawaguchi off-guard. A shot that on second glance, looks like he should have been able to save. 2-1 Brazil.

52' A rare spot of possession from Japan ends in an offisde call on Maki.

51' Japan finally get the ball into Brazil's half and promptly turn it over. Brazil goes back on the offense, Ronaldinho and Ronaldo playing a breathtaking one-two with a crisp backhell from Ronaldinho, only for Ronaldo to pull his strike wide of the post.

49' I'm not sure if Japan has gotten the ball across midfield yet. Brazil are just moving the ball around, foul on Japan about 40 yards from goal out on the left side. Juninho P. arcs a harmless ball straight into the arms of Kawaguchi.

48' Brazil hold it. Hold it. HOLD IT!

46' No changes for either side in the second half, Brazil immediately goes on the attack and Kaka has a shot blocked by a defender for a corner kick, which is, all together now: easily cleared by the Japanese defense.

45' Another added bonus of watching on Univision: ads for Mexican TV shows. Mexican TV is still firmly based on the theory that dramas be incredibly overwrought, comedies still feature soundtracks involving slide-whistles and spring sound effects and with both involving truly impressive amounts of cleavage. Folks, it's a winning formula.

HALFTIME: We go into the locker rooms tied as Brazil snatch an equalizer just before the half ends, Ronaldo finally proving that the tail has a stinger after Brazil had failed to convert possession into goals. Japan had been looking good after Tamada latched onto a brilliantly-placed ball from Alex and rifled his side into the lead; now they'll need to hope that they can catch another on the break and that Brazil will continue to have difficulties breaking down their final wall of defense. Ronaldo is now one goal away from tying Gerd "Der Bomber" Muller as the all-time World Cup leading scorer and I wouldn't bet against him getting it in the second half as he looks far better than he did in the first two matches, possibly because of Robinho's ability to drop back into midfield and help keep the ball moving.

46' GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLL de Braziiiiiiiiiiilllllll. Ronaldo with a close-range header on the second post. Ronaldinho had switched fields to Cicinho, who headed across the face of goal, Ronaldo winning Brazil's first header in the box and nods it home. The half ends immediately on the following kickoff.

44' Yellow card for Gilberto (not Silva) for obstruction on a Japanese break. Free-kick from about 40 yards out near the right sideline. Flicked on by Maki and well over the goal. Japan wins another header and this is getting a little weird. Somebody told Brazil that the other team is pretty short, right?

43' Another corner for Brazil, cleared by Japan for a throw. Brazil have had 7 corners today and have looked horrible on all of them.

42' The Japanese fans are in full voice, singing loudly. Ronaldinho motors down field, unleashes a series of step-overs and hits a weak shot easily saved by Kawaguchi.

40' Yellow card for Kaji. Brazil continues to hold the ball, Japan defending desperately at the edge of the area.

39' That Japan goal was given the full GOOOOLAZOOOO treatment by the Univision announcer, complete with the -AZOAZOAZOAZOAZO suffix treatment. A lightning strike by Tamada and Japan has hope, hope that is then dashed by a Craig Moore penalty for Australia, making the other game 1-1.

37' Robinho goes at the Japan goal at pace, laying the ball off to his left to an on-rushing Cicinho, who, when given a chance to cut the ball back across the face of the goal, hits a floating volley well over the crossbar. Goal kick.

35' Kawaguchi goes on a walkabout, leaving the goal open as he fails to take the ball away from Ronaldo on a long ball over the top. Brazil takes too long working the ball around and Ronadinho's eventual shot dribbles pitifully wide.

34' TWAT! That's liquid football! GOOOOAAAAL for Japan! Great through ball slid through by Alex to Tamada on the left side of the area and he does incredibly well, smashing a left shot near-post and high past a stunned Dida.

32' Ronaldo gets the ball at the top of the box and manages to turn and get a shot, which is blocked and easily collected by Kawaguchi.

31' Both teams are getting time on the ball on the offensive end, it's just that nobody's stepped up and played the killer ball, with even Brazil's shots so far all being fairly far away from goal.

30' Brazil continues to search for an opening, moving the ball around well and taking on the Japanese defenders. Japan has space on the break and seems to be hoping that they will be able to sneak a goal on the counter.

27' Slow Brazilian build-up results in a long cross from Cicinho into the box from the right side, a great glancing header from Tsuboi preventing Ronaldo from getting a clean header at cold. Japan clears and Brazil continues to build, eventually winning another corner on a blocked cross, which is then cleared (again) by Japan.

25' Another Japanese quick break results in another player getting too far under the ball and downing a passing zeppelin.

24' Great build-up from Japan and Brazil has to scramble to play a square ball over the end-line. Japan wins the header on the corner but head it wide of goal. Japan has looked like the stronger aerial team to date, having won all the corners at both ends of the field.

22' Ronaldo knocks it back for Juninho P. who hits a laser towards the upper corner, Kawaguchi does very well to tip it over. The corner is cleared and Robinho races into the box before losing the ball to a strong challenge from Alex.

20' Strong shot from Ronaldo tipped around the post by Kawaguchi. Ronaldo is doing much better in this game and it seems likely that he'll get a goal at some point.

18' Great chance for Japan as Kaji gets the ball on the side of the area on the break and somehow sends the ball to one of the 2 Brazilian defenders, rather than the 4 Japanese attackers. Out for a throw.

16' More Brazil as Robinho blasts a shot from the top of the area, tipped over by the Japanese keeper. A corner follows as Brazil step up the pressure.

15' The ball falls well for the Japanese near the Brazilian area, they work it inside and Inamoto does his best Juninho P. impression by making sure the paying customers behind the goal are staying awake.

14' Juninho P. on a strong run into Japanese territory, he's hauled down and Brazil have a free-kick from about 35 yards out from the right side. Juninho P. does his part for public safety, knocking over a guy trying to steal people's purses in Row 54.

11' Brazil continues to attack, Cicinho laying the ball off to Robinho, whose volley from the upper right of the area is blocked out for a corner, which is easily cleared. Robinho looking very lively thus far.

10' Kaka manuevers for a shot at the left top of the area before putting a blast well wide of the upper right corner of the goal. He made two defenders look pretty silly there; the final shot was lacking though.

9' Japan is looking pretty good; they still can't get anything going in the final third, with Brazil doing a good job at staying in front of the ball and forcing the bad pass. Brazil enters into another strong spell of possession.

6' Brazil passing the ball around outside the Japanese box, holding possession easily, even after a Robinho run comes to nothing. The ball is almost lost, then worked to the other side, an incisive pass is put in to Ronaldo, who freezes the defenders with stepovers and launches a left-footed shot that's blocked well by the keeper. Corner comes for nothing.

4' A long cross from Cicinho is just too high for the corpulent Ronaldo and goes out for a goal kick. It will be interesting to see if Brazil play well with a supporting striker (Robinho) as opposed to playing with two center-forwards, as they have in their first two games. Croatia just scored against Australia, which is good news for Japan.

3' Japan break on a counter down the left with loads of space, however, the ball into the box is lacking and Brazil easily clear their lines. The Japanese retain possession and then give it away on a ball to no-one.

2' After a quick Brazilian attack, Japan gain possession and hold it in the middle third. Brazil is closing them down quickly and it will be very tough for the Japanese to get through. A long ball into the box from Nakata is off Tamada's foot and out for a goal kick.

1' Japan kick off attacking from left to right. Today's broadcast courtesy of U-ni-vi-sioooooon. The odds of the play-by-play guy singing the theme from "Brazil" : Pretty Good.

0' You are looking liiiiiiiiiiive at the Westfalenstadion in Dortmund, home of Europe's largest "stand" (section of seats behind one of the goals). Brazil in their traditional yellow kits (although with the odd choice of white shorts and socks), Japan in the blue and black.

PREVIEW: Although this match technically has some possibility of changing who goes through to the next round, chances are slim of that occuring. Japan still has a chance to go through; however, to do so, they most defeat Brazil and Croatia must beat Australia, plus the scores of each game have to work out such that Japan has either higher goal difference or goals scored than Croatia. The easiest way for this to happen is for Croatia to win 1-0 and Japan to win 2-0. This doesn't seem too unlikely on the face of things, that is, until you consider that Japan is playing Brazil. If you hadn't heard, they're supposed to be pretty good. Brazil has already clinched first place in the group.

This should be an exciting and attacking match as Japan must play for the win and Brazil isn't under much pressure having already clinched their position in the knock-out stages.

There's also some interest in the fact that Japan has a decidedly Brazilian slant, with Brazilian legend Zico as their head coach and naturalized Brazilian Alex as their starting left-back.

JAPAN: Japan will be without captain Miyamoto as he is suspended through yellow-card accumulation. The Japanese have been unable to find much goal-scoring in this World Cup, with their only score coming on a very strange goal against Australia. The key men for them will be Nakata and Nakamura in the midfield, as they are their best passers and the players who look most likely to score (Nakamura being the scorer of the aforementioned goal). Japan cannot act like the US and sit back, as they need to play to win and denying Brazil the ball seems to be the best form of defense.

Lineup:

23 Kawaguchi, Yoshikatsu
7 Nakata, Hidetoshi
8 Ogasawara, Mitsuo
10 Nakamura, Shunsuke
11 Maki, Seiichiro
14 Santos, Alessandro
17 Inamoto, Junichi
19 Tsuiboi, Keisuke
20 Tamada, Keiji
21 Kaji, Akira
22 Nakazawa, Yuji

BRAZIL: Although they've stuttered through their first two games, Brazil are still going through and as such are starting a fair amount of players who usually sit on the bench. Most Brazilians and neutrals should be interested in seeing how Robinho does in the starting lineup as he replaces Adriano. Robinho is a live-wire of a player and should provide a couple good moments regardless of whether he scores or not. Ronaldinho has been unusually quiet thus far and it would be nice to see if he can have a good game now that the pressure's off. He's joined in midfield by a couple of new starters in Gilberto Silva, Arenal's defensive destroyer and Juninho Penrambucano (referred to hereafter as Juninho P.), a dead-ball specialist who might be the best free-kick taker in the world.

Lineup:

1 Dida
3 Lucio
4 Juan
8 Kaka
9 Ronaldo
10 Ronaldinho
13 Cicinho
16 Gilberto
17 Gilberto Silva
19 Juninho Penrambucano
23 Robinho

Japan 0-0 Croatia. ...because Darijo Srna mised a penalty kick against Japan this morning in the 21st minute of the game. Great save by Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi, the Japanese keeper, diving to his left to get one of his giant goalie gloves on the low shot. Croatia can still get through with a win, and I hope they do, because they've got the best jerseys in all the World Cup.

France 1-1 Korea . Well, the French finally scored a goal, which had previously been about as rare as them winning a war. What they didn't do, however, was win, giving up a goal to Ji-Sung Park in the 81st minute for the 1-1 tie. That gives France 2 points, and if there's a winner in tomorrow's Switzerland/Togo game, it'll put France in jeopary of not advancing out of a group that includes South Korea, Switzerland, and Togo. Fair to say that France's international soccer efforts are comparable to those of American basketball?

Togo Still Has Issues The Togolese players were considering boycotting tomorrow's game against Switzerland, until FIFA officials stepped in and convinced them otherwise. Players, coaches, and officials are still bitching about money. In the 76 year history of the World Cup, no team has ever withdrawn from a match. I think it's time to send dispatch Drew Rosenhaus to Togo and let him work this thing out.