Meat-beating in St. Louis: This is less about the stadium itself than about the fans who fill the stadium day after day, the best fans in baseball, who are so self-evidently the best fans in baseball that in the old Busch Stadium one could find a billboard in center proclaiming the fans to be the best fans in baseball. Why are Cardinals fans the best fans in baseball, you ask? I don't know, exactly, but one possibility is that the best fans in baseball clap loudly for sacrifice bunts and players named Skip. That's what baseball fans do, when they're the best fans in baseball. And you can tell it's true because people keep repeating that Cardinals fans are the best fans in baseball. "The best fans," Andy Van Slyke said in 1987, en route to Pittsburgh. "Best fans in baseball," Gerald Perry said back in 1990, as a new Cardinal (and it would be ungenerous to point out that, as a .250 hitter with no pop, he had good reason to butter up said best fans in baseball). "Best fans in baseball," Albert Pujols said the other day. "Best baseball fans in America," said Mark McGwire. "Best baseball fans in the world," said Rex Hudler (and it would be ungenerous to point out that Rex Hudler is an idiot).

But don't think it's just players who think St. Louis has the best fans in baseball. People from St. Louis also think St. Louis has the best fans in baseball. Why, here's a letter from one Matt Dwyer of St. Louis, written to USA Today in 2004 in response to the loutish celebrations in Boston after the Red Sox won the World Series:

As a 36-year-old male, born, raised and still living in St. Louis, a devout Cardinals baseball fan, I have a few comments concerning Jon Saraceno's column ("Real sports fans don't celebrate wins with drunken hooliganism," Oct. 25).

We here in St. Louis have grown accustomed to the "nicest fans" and "best baseball fans" slogans and tags over the years.

But guess what?

We also have the largest brewery in the world in our backyard, Anheuser-Busch, and we have yet to riot, loot or have anyone killed because of a win or loss of a Cardinals baseball game. St. Louis and Cardinals fans are class acts.

You "assume" that these "fanatics" who celebrate a win/or loss of the big game are drunk.

Maybe they were on drugs, maybe they were just stupid teenagers in a mass of people wanting attention. Or maybe, just maybe, they were like the hundreds of people who rioted, looted and a few even beaten to death after the O.J. Simpson verdict was read.

My point is, don't assume that "drunken hooliganism" is associated with celebrating a victory/loss.

Maybe it's just some people's outright stupidity and their blatant disregard for the consequences that their idiotic actions cause.

Understand? The best fans in baseball do not kill people.

St. Louis is baseball's Shangri-La. I know this because Joe Buck says so, and he is my baseball sherpa. And because St. Louis is baseball's earthly paradise and therefore populated only by the pure of heart, the thought has never occurred to me that maybe there is a hint of rebuke in the phrase "best fans in baseball," that maybe the best fans in baseball think the rest of us are poor paste-eating slobs who don't appreciate baseball the way they do because we don't have full-body orgasms whenever a guy named Skip moves the runners over, that maybe the best fans in baseball have fetishized the idea of playing the game "the right way" as a way of clinging desperately to some lost and imaginary ideal of the past, that maybe the phrase is actually a sign of an ugly regional chauvinism, not to mention a deep-seated insecurity, and that maybe there is a serious pathology at work here, a sort of civic narcissistic personality disorder.

No, sir, that thought has never occurred to me. St. Louis. Best fans in baseball.

The view from the stands (everything sic'd): Note: A couple responses concerned the old Busch Stadium, but I've included them anyway.

"I admire the Cardinals fans' loyalty to the team, and 95 percent of the stadium is wearing red. However, of that 95 percent, 95 percent of them are wearing a lousy 11 dollar 'uniform t-shirt' that looks like it comes from K-Mart's sale bin. And the majority of those bear the name and number of some mediocre white player from the Cardinals' recent past, like David Eckstein or Scott Rolen. You see more of those than you see Pujols or Molina jersey-shirts. But then again, what do you expect from a team that hasn't had a black player since Ozzie Smith retired?" (Jeff P.)

"When you talk about Busch Stadium III, don't forget to mention the big storm they had there back in 2006 that almost killed a bunch of fans. Here's a link if you don"t remember. I wasn't there, but I've heard through the grapevine that the ushers had absolutely no idea what to do in the event of a violent thunderstorm or tornado blowing through. But that's okay, I guess, because they rarely get those in St. Louis..." (Andrew R.)

"About 1987, when I was in between 7th and 8th grades, my parents took me to a Pirates game at the old Busch (old Busch - that sounds nasty). I bought a Pirates hat at a kiosk vendor outside the stadium, and as my Dad was paying, the college-age kid working took his cup of soda and threw it on my shoes. You stay classy, STL." (Doug E.)

"Why Busch Stadium sucks: September 8th, 1998 at 8:18 p.m." (Charlie J.)

Photo via Jeremy Plemon's Flickr account.

Next up: Miller Park. Got any horrible experiences to share? Send them to craggs@deadspin.com.

A cold, crisp Wednesday morning at the proposed site of Ballpark Village, adjacent to Busch Stadium. The Cubs-Cardinals rivalry takes no seasons off, but you knew that.

What's most impressive is that the author apparently had to do a lot of backtracking to complete his masterpiece. All while being chased by an ax-wielding Jack Nicholson.

Photo: St. Louis Post Dispatch (but thanks to everyone else who sent their own versions).

Snow Will Not Stop The Cubs-Cardinals Rivalry [Home Run Derby]

Not for long, as the guy above shows: By Friday's game, people were writing Ankiel's name on the back of their shirts, and by Sunday, we actually saw our first legitimate "ANKIEL 24" jersey. We are glad the gift is being shared with the world ... but this kind of intense media attention is kind of what started this whole mess in the first place.

That said, we can't help but contribute to the problem. By pure happenstance, our yearly visit to Busch Stadium coincided with Ankiel's first games as a Cardinals outfielder. After the jump, a mostly incomplete and fuzzy report of our trip, specifically Saturday's game, in which Ankiel hit two homers and a middle-aged woman nearly stuck her finger in our anus.

This is the second season for the new Busch Stadium, and we're now getting used to it enough to stop calling it "the new Busch." But for all the supposed downtown revitalization it was expected to inspire, downtown St. Louis remains a dump. There's some alleged "ballpark village" that's going in next door, but they haven't made an inch of progress on it since we were last back in October for the World Series. The highways are too bunched together, the stadium is surrounded by gravel and dust and you're perpetually one wrong turn away from fisticuffs. St. Louis could have a gorgeous downtown. Why doesn't it?

Inside, though, the crowd was awash in Ankiel madness. Much to our relief, the majority of Cardinals fans were fully aware of Ankiel's history and didn't just think he was some rookie who came out of nowhere. Also: The ladies and those with alternative lifestyles love him. We informed some young woman that Ankiel was married, and she nearly punched us. See? Our man crush isn't that severe.

It's difficult to overstate how surreal it is to see "ANKIEL RF" in the lineup and on the scoreboard. We have seen every game Ankiel has played in the outfield so far, and we still aren't used to it.

A friend pointed out that now-injured Cardinals second baseman looks like Bill Simmons. We agree, and note that, the way Kennedy has been hitting this season, it's clear they both know an equal amount about the National League.

Anyway, you saw what happened: Ankiel homered twice, and we're really not gonna say much more about it. We did not have an erection — thank you very much — but yeah: Good day. We're not gonna go into too much more detail about it, because we kind of want you to still like us.

After the game, we headed to Paddy-O's, which is St. Louis' cute equivalent of a Wrigley Field bar. Cardinals broadcasters Al Hrabosky, Mike Shannon and Joe Buck all have similar establishments, but Paddy-O's is the most successful, because if you stand close enough to the DJ stand, he pours shots in your mouth. This is not to be underestimated. Also: This is a bar that's much more likely to play "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy" than "Ayo Technology." Obviously.

You might think this guy is another one of those idiots who puts his own name on the back of his jersey, but you'd be mistaken: He's actually honoring Baldus de Ubaldis, an Italian jurist who was, in fact, a cardinal. He also invented the notion of turning your baseball cap backwards in order to look more dope.

See, now here's a definitive problem with having your bachelorette party at Paddy-O's after a Cardinals game: Some asshole's gonna take a picture of you dancing with your "Blowjob Bib" and put it on the Internets. You'd think that if she'd go through all this trouble, she'd find somewhere to put her purse.

Fortunately, we found our fun in less conventional places. Namely, with this group of oppressively drunk middle-aged women, one of whom came to us, seeing our Ankiel jersey, and pinched our ass. They offered our father and us a few beers, and we asked what the special occasion was. (They were, after all, dressed up like cheerleaders.) "Whaddya mean? It's Saturday. It's the Cardinals! IT'S THE CARDINALS!" They then hugged each other and, defying the laws of physics, jumped up and down and started a cheer.

Our father suggested we take a picture. They obliged. The woman to our left appears to be trying to grab our package with a lunch box, and the woman on our right literally tried to stick her finger down the back of our jeans. We kept it together for the picture. It was, after all, Saturday, and it was the Cardinals.

We were scheduled to fly out of LaGuardia Airport to St. Louis about 2:45 yesterday, and once we learned Rick was coming, we called our friends we were staying with and decided to go to the game. We were scheduled to land at 4:30 Central Time. Plenty of time. Unfortunately, thanks to the freaking tornado that landed in Brooklyn late Tuesday night, all the flights were delayed, and we sat on the LGA tarmac for two hours, sitting next to a 94-year-old woman who called us "a handsome boy."

We landed at Lambert right before first pitch; we cabbed it directly to the stadium, and, sadly, missed Ankiel's first at-bat. But we hung in, and then the eighth inning came, and then ... well, you saw it.

We're not gonna get all emotional here, because we figure we've already exhausted your patience will all this, so just a few notes from the night.

• Ankiel is wearing No. 24. This is now the third different number Ankiel has worn for the Cardinals. He wore 66 when he initially pitched, 49 when he made his first comeback and now 24. Twenty four makes him look more like a hitter, like how a wide receiver wearing No. 6 looks faster than a guy wearing No. 84.

• Ankiel looked completely overmatched in his first three at-bats. And then the pitch he hit ... we have no idea how he flicked that over the wall. It was one thing to hear about Ankiel hitting home runs in bunches down in AAA; it was another thing to actually see it. The whole evening was surreal.

• We've never seen Tony LaRussa so excited. Ever. Afterwards, LaRussa said that, after Adam Wainwright's strikeout to win the World Series, it was the best moment he's had in a Cardinals uniform. We're not quite ready to go that far, but still.

• After the game, we stopped by Jack Buck's new restaurant — ominously called J. Buck's — at watched ESPNews. In the bottom right hand corner, it said, "BECKHAM PLAYS 21 MINUTES; ANKIEL HOMERS IN FIRST GAME BACK." Rick Ankiel, our Rick Ankiel, was a news alert on ESPN; this was like seeing your sister's wedding announcement show up on the crawl. ESPN, being ESPN, made sure to bookend the homer with clips of Ankiel in the 2000 postseason. You know how, a few months afer 9/11, the networks collectively decided footage of that day was too intense to just casually toss on television? ESPN should do that with the Ankiel 2000 video.

• But yes. The Natural. Young Musial. We don't know how the rest of this Ankiel experiment is gonna turn out, but for one night, one majestic night, it was perfect. So perfect, in fact, that we're gonna try it again tonight. As we've said before: If there's hope for Rick Ankiel, there's hope for all of us.

Goddamn, the awesomeness of the Busch Stadium mullet. (We also dig the beads.) We think this might be Rick Sutcliffe's brother.

Staying Cool, But Classy, In The Summer Heat [Joe Sports Fan]

So we understand that Brewers utilityman Bill Hall didn't realize that the area around the Arch is practically a militarized zone.

[Brewers manager Ned] Yost was called to the rescue late Thursday night when centerfielder Bill Hall was detained by a National Parks Service ranger after committing a traffic violation while driving a friend's car. Hall and the friend were returning from a late dinner when the ranger pulled them over for failing to make a turn while in a turn lane. The ranger gave Hall a field sobriety test, which he passed. Nevertheless, the ranger - who was on duty at the nearby Gateway Arch - asked that a member of the team come pick him up, which Yost did.

"It didn't make sense to me that a ranger was involved," Yost said. "Billy really didn't do anything wrong except fail to make a turn in a turn lane."

Honestly, knowing those Arch park rangers, he's lucky he's not still rotting in, we dunno, Gateway Arch jail or something.

Do Not Mess With Park Rangers [Doberman Demeanor]

We have to say, we think there could be something to this idea of tattoos of sports stadiums. What would be the ugliest possible tattoo? That old Busch Stadium one is pretty nasty as is, so we're gonna cross that out along with Riverfront Stadium, Veterans Stadium and Three Rivers Stadium. Maybe someone will get a tattoo of the Pink Taco?

The ugliest stadium we can come up with? We think Tropicana Field. If we ever met someone with a tattoo of Tropicana Field, we'd either give them a medal or have them committed. Both, probably.

Fan Of The Week [Joe Sports Fan]

You know, we're starting to think maybe we're just not supposed to watch a World Series game. Not that sitting out in two hours in freezing rain waiting for FOX to decide whether or not they wanted to pre-empt "Prison Break" next week wasn't fun, but ...

We'll try again Friday.

Yes. We are risking much wrath from Cardinals fans for actually attending this game; our record is far from impressive. But we are talking about the World Series here, and when you get a chance to go to the World Series, you go. We'll apologize in the morning.

Frankly, it's looking near impossible we're going to have a game tonight, which would mean we'll be going to Friday's Game 5 instead. But, in the unlikely event that we do have baseball tonight, feel free to hang around these parts and play; we greatly enjoyed last night's byplay and banter.

If not, we'll check in later with the rainout report. Otherwise ... enjoy the game. We'll be the 4,219th red popsicle from the left.

Viva El Birdos
Detroit Tigers Weblog

Remember when the spaceships attack the cities in Independence Day? When everything's fine, and then all of a sudden the black-green clouds converge, and everything is dark and still? That's what it was like at Busch Stadium last night. A friend sent us a text message, tongue-in-cheek: "Beware the clouds of death!" The grounds crew brought the tarp on the field, though it wasn't raining yet. We grabbed a beer and started chatting with the lady who sold it to us. We looked on, curiously, as the American flag waved one direction, then whipped back dramatically in the other.

And then: WHAM. Within literally a matter of seconds, the place exploded. The beer tent we were standing under imploded, sending — no! — beer flying everywhere and people scattering in all directions. A television camera fell from just above us. Everyone ducked for cover; one guy ran around with his daughter, screaming that she had a bad heart, though he seemed a lot more scared than she did. We think we even heard Joe Buck cry. It was absolutely surreal: A beautiful baseball day, attacked by aliens within seconds. A satellite dish went flying off the roof of a building across the street. Heck, we even lost our hat.

Then it was over. We ended up not staying for the game — we had to make sure our family house was standing — and as we drove back to Illinois, we saw a turned-over tractor trailer lying on top of a Jetta. Then, this morning, we scrambled around to find someplace to bring you some knowledge this morning. (Thanks to Rick Chandler for getting us started today.) We currently in a dark room with a hamster running on a wheel to keep power, with two Dixie cups and a string serving as "Internet." We can receive email today but cannot send it out ... so we're not being rude, we're just a little shellshocked.

Game 1: 15-3 Braves. Game 2: 14-5 Braves. Game 3: Fire from the sky, raining down. The new Busch Stadium rules!

Storms Rip Through Stadium Right Before First Pitch [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

Anyway, much to the chagrin of Cardinals fans everywhere, we'll be back at this again tonight: One more game at the new Busch. At this point, we are simply cheering for competitiveness: The Cardinals have been down 6-0 in the third inning of two consecutive games now. That is a difficult hole for even the most rabid fan to pull themselves out of. The game was over — again — before we'd opened the second beer.

This is no way to begin a life with a new baseball stadium.

So how is the stadium, you ask? Honestly? We hate it. 15-3 losses will do that. Last night was the perfect example of why, as much as we talk about how important a stadium is to a team and its fans, it doesn't really matter all that much. If the Cardinals would have won, we'd have had a great night at the park, but they didn't, so the park sucks. Shea Stadium might be a dump, but nobody hates it this year. Last night's game could have been played on a moonbeam leaning up to a fluffy cloud, and it would have been miserable.

That's OK, though. Baseball's memory is only 24 hours long; we'll be back again tonight, ready to love the new stadium again.

How 'Bout That Edmonds Homer? [The Birdwatch]

We know, we're checking out a half hour earlier than usual today, but you can blame ESPN for that: Tonight, for the first time, we will see the new concoction our beloved Cardinals have built: We're visiting the new Busch Stadium tonight. (Hence our checking out early; ESPN has the game starting at 6 p.m. local time.) We find it somewhat fitting that our first experience with the new Busch involves the debut of Jeff Weaver. At least it's not Sidney Ponson.

It's old hat, we know, the stadium's been open for a while, but we practically grew up at the old Busch; we kind of feel like Andy Rooney when someone hands him a cellphone. If you've been around here since the beginning, you've seen our laments about this.

The above photo, by the way, was taken Saturday by the heroic Deadspin reader who text-messaged it in, right before Scott Rolen poked his game-winning hit. So there's proof.

To put it less eloquently than Cardinals Diaspora, today our beloved St. Louis Cardinals begin officially making people like us — who wax nostalgic about the old Busch Stadium — into blathering old farts. In about five minutes, the new Busch Stadium hosts its first game, with the Cardinals playing the Milwaukee Brewers.

A brand new stadium, with a view of the arch in center field, and eight-dollar beers. It's bliss. It almost makes one forget a three-game sweep at Wrigley Field. Which didn't happen over the weekend, by the way.

A Day Of Firsts [Cardinals Diaspora]
Home Opener Preview [Cardnilly]
The New New Busch Stadium [Deadspin]

The park isn't 100 percent completed just yet, but it should be ready to go by Monday. And as much trepidation as we've had about the concept of a new stadium, from almost all accounts, the place looks fantastic.

Deadspin correspondent Jonathan Knisley went to the opener yesterday, and took all kinds of great pictures for us, as well as providing a rundown of the park's goods and bads. They're all after the jump. Looks like Cincinnati's stadium a bit to us ... but we like that stadium too.

A Dazzling Debut For New Busch [MLB.com]

Knisley's Report:

There is truly not a bad seat in the house. I saw from all four levels, infield and outfield and the sight lines are just phenomenal. Everyone said it felt like you were closer to the field. Fans in the upper decks were impressed with their view and like how the incline wasn't nearly as steep in the old Busch. In the lower levels expect a cushioned seat. In the upper levels the seats have a higher back than before and feel more comfortable over the course of a game. In the lower levels I heard some fans complain the cup holders were in your knees. I didn't hear that upstairs, chalk one up for the folks in the cheap seats. The handicapped seating areas are great, too. They are free from other people walking around and bumping into them, with some great views.

Food

I'm a bit of a purist so I don't understand why one would need, for example, lobster Rangoon, Portobello fries, chocolate covered strawberries, carrot cake or roasted pork loin sandwiches at a freaking baseball game. I guess they are catering to the crowd that can afford the third highest ticket prices in the majors.

The good news: Most of the food prices have remained the same. A jumbo dog and a large souvenir soda will run you about $8-9. A lot more concession areas and wider concourses allow for passage while people wait in line. There is a good variety of your more typical ballpark fare, most of which tastes better due to newer facilities. Nachos: very good. Chicken philly: bad, really bad.

The bad news: The beer situation is outrageous. $7.75 for a 16 oz. draft beer. $8.25 for a 24 oz. can beer. What happened to the $9.00 32 oz. Large Beer!?!?! They even have the nerve to give you the 24 oz. beer in the old 32 oz. cup. Bill DeWitt might as well pee in your cup. No more topping off beers, gotta top off those concession revenues. I only saw beer men hawking plastic bottles. In some areas they have bars set up with top shelf mixed drinks.

Bathroom Situation

One bad part of the stadium. More restrooms than before, nicer restrooms than before, much more cramped than before. It's not easy to stand in line inside. Plus, there is a state law in MO which says there must be "potty parity" at sports stadiums, something that caught the team with their pants down, so to speak. So, they must fix the 39 toilet men's advantage in the near future.

Coolest Features

The street level plaza in left-center with concessions and vendors is awesome. The standing room only areas in the right field tower provide a great view. The jumbotron and scoreboard have the most incredibly clear pictures I've seen. Although, both were a little hard to read as the setting sun glared off them. The old manual scoreboard is now in place inside the concourse to act as a buffer between the stadium and the eyesore that is highway 64/40, which sits about 15 feet from the stadium. The attention to detail is evident in every part of the stadium, right down to the light fixtures. Lots of ways to get up to the seats: elevators, escalators, stairs and concourses.

Fans

This part didn't change, the best fans in baseball in the best baseball town in America. It still has that sea of red effect as you look around the stadium.

And yesterday, Oswalt got his bulldozer. Not metaphorically this time; like, for real.

"Each year, with our players, I ask them what their goals are," McLane said. "I said, 'Roy, what is one of your goals?' He said, 'To own a bulldozer.' That kind of took me back a little bit. I had never heard that before."

To be fair, Roger Clemens did once request to be called for a "Ditch Witch", though we think he meant a goatee trimmer.

Roy Oswalt, You Do Make Me Laugh [High And Tight]

Somehow, it's worse that they didn't just blow it up by just pushing a button. Honestly, this is like a snuff film to us.

Busch Demolition TimeLapse [Redbird Central]