It took a little time to get him acclimated to the system, though. I now know how those poor Dell help desk people feel anytime my father calls them when he gets his Turbo Tax stuck in the disk drive.

First Buzz popped into the Detroit de-pantsing story and waited for his cue. That resulted in some comical, frantic phone calls from him sitting in the Philadelphia Inquirer office where he cursed their computers and the whole comment system. "IT KEEPS TELLING ME TO FUCKING LOG-IN. I DID LOG-IN. WHY IS IT TELLING ME TO LOG-IN...?"

Nibbles is merciless.

He got the hang of it very quickly, though, and here's a rundown of some of his more colorful interactions with some of our finest commenters. Thanks to the shamelessly self-promoting Canadian, Gourmet Spud.

dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese-mac: Mr. Buzz, my question is twofold:

a. When can we expect the book The Assassination of Will Leitch By the Coward Buzz Bissinger

2. What actor would you want to play the role of Buzz Bissinger in the film adaptation?
Reply

Buzz: As I recall, Mr. Leitch was the one who cowered and stammered like a sissy boy. I think I should be played by James Gandolfini.

***

MarkKelsosMigraine: Buzz, what was the Grateful Dead's best touring year — 1971, 1972, or 1977? And were they better or worse after Pigpen died?

Buzz: I have to say 1971. Definitely better after PigPen died whoever the fuck he is..
***

FEAST: Brazzers, Bang Bros or Reality Kings?
F
Buzz: Reality Kings. It sounds the least offensive of the three, although I have no fucking clue as to what you are talking about

***
The Fan's Attic: Buzz, you shit pissing son of a bitch, your Wikipedia page says you split time between your homes in Philly and the Pacific Northwest. You live in Ruby Ridge, don't you?

Buzz: I did live in Ruby Ridge but I was considered too disruptive. Actually, I now live with Will Leitch. He cooks dinner for me. It's the least he can do since I made his fucking career.

***
Theodore Donald Kerabatsos:Who would win in a two-on-two street fight: Lebron James & 1985 Sylvester Stallone or Kimbo Slice & 1985 Dolph Lundgren?

Buzz: Did you actually use your brain to come up with this?

***
SavetoFavorites: What do you think about Joe Posnanski's claim that he would "mess you up, Juice-style, two times" in a liveblog race?

Buzz: This is the same Posnanski who has crapped out to Sports Illustrated and acted several weeks ago like he had discovered Dave Duncan when I wrote about him in Three Nights four years ago in much better depth and prose. That Joe Posnanski? He probably still believes in Moneyball? By the way, how did Billy Beane do this year? Or the year before? Or the year before? Biggest fraud in baseball. As for LaRussa, who you all hate, two world series and one division championship in five years.

***
Dany Heatley Speedwagon: Wish I wasn't so busy at work because this is a red letter day in deadspin interwebs history. Just wanted to say +1 to you for having a pretty big set to throw yourself at the mercy of the commentariat.

Buzz: Thanks Speedwagon. I'm hanging in there. Plus I am pissed I Baby Mangino beat me out for Man of the Year. The thing was fixed. Daulerio is a fucking crook and weasel.

***
Gourmet Spud: What would you say to endorsing a line of children's sleep aids called "Friday NiteLites"? Because I've drawn up this business plan...

Buzz: I love it. Send me the plan...

***
TimCouchFanatic: Buzz, in your opinion, is Deadspin still perpetuating the future or do you think the future has been completely perpetuated?

Buzz: Deadspin is where it's at as newspapers struggle and may well drown. Then again, if you're really a TimCouchFanatic you are quite hopeless.

***
Civil Negligence: In your loud yet humble opinion: best and worst sports media personality in Philly?

Buzz: Angelo Cataldi is by far the best. Ike Reese tries hard but who cares and Mike Quick is more of a homer than Leitch for the Cardinals.

***
Econdave: What are the similarities and differences between covering politics (A Prayer for the City) and sports?

Buzz: There are similarities in that both professions feature individuals who are endlessly competitive. But politics, as screwed up as it often is, requires far more dedication and work ethic and optimism than anything in sports. When I began A Prayer for the City I thought all politicians were full of it but I was wrong. Ed Rendell is deeply flawed, but his a magnificent politican and person.

***
***
EminentSmithDomain: BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Are you related to Buzz Aldrin? If so, did you walk on the moon too? Did LeBron walk on the moon with you guys?

Buzz: I thought the comment about Sunny in Philadelphia was stupid by Upstate but this is even more stupid.

****

Thanks again to Mr. Bissinger for playing along and thanks to you commenters for being your usual level of cantankerousness. Bless you.

Buzz will be lurking down below once he figures out how to comment. You'll know when he's in there.

Suggested discussion topics:

* LeBron as a co-author
* LeBron's mom
* Why didn't you just write the book yourself?
* Do you think LeBron will stay in Cleveland?
* Have you trademarked "pisses the shit out of me"?

Read the excerpt below and buy the book here.

Chapter 1: Mapmakers

I rode my bike all over Akron when I was small, going here, going there, just trying to stay out of trouble, just trying to keep busy, just really hoping the chain wouldn't break like it sometimes did. If you went high up on North Hill in the 1980s, you could tell that life was not like it once was: the obsolete smokestacks in the distance, the downtown that felt so tired and weary. I won't deny it-there was something painful about all of that. It got to me, this place in northeastern Ohio that had once been so mighty (at one point it was the fastest-growing city in the country) but was mighty no more. This place that was struggling to be something again.

It was still my hometown. The more I rode my bike around, and you could ride just about everywhere because it was midwestern small and compact, the more familiar I became with it. I rode along Copley Road, the main thoroughfare of West Akron, past the dark of redbrick apartment buildings with red-trimmed windows. A little bit farther up, I went past the Laundry King and Queen Beauty Supply. Riding along East Avenue, which took you from the western part of the city into the south, I went past modest two-story homes with porches and the brown concrete of the Ed Davis Community Center.

I descended into the valley of South Akron along Thornton Street, past the blond brick of Roush's Market and the Stewart & Calhoun Funeral Home. South Akron was a tough neighborhood, but still I rode, past Akron Automatic Screw Products and the aluminum siding of the Thornton Terrace apartments. Along Johnston Street I went into the east side, past simple homes of red and green and blue that looked like a rainbow. I turned south on Arlington, past the Arlington Church of God and Bethel Baptist and Allied Auto. I came to the Goodyear clock tower, towering high like the Washington Monument and the great symbol of what Akron had once been, the "Rubber Capital of the World," producing tires by the millions until all the great factories closed.

I biked up the north side into a section of the city known as the Bottom and went past the Elizabeth Park projects-my own home for a time-two-story apartment buildings in unsmiling rows, some of which had been condemned, some of which had been boarded up, some that had screen doors with the hinges torn off or the wire mesh stripped away. I headed back west and biked along Portage Path, a wealthy section of town with sprawling houses of brick and stone and shiny black shutters all perfectly aligned.

I knew I would never live there unless some miracle happened, something fell from the sky, a shooting star that landed on top of me and my mom and made our lives better and carried us up from the projects. But that wasn't the Akron I thought of anyway. Much of it was taken up by the neighborhoods that I went past on my bike, humble homes with tiny tufts of lawn that people tended and took care of. Because even in my darkest days growing up, and there were some dark ones, ones that left me up half the night scared and lonely and worried, that's what Akron always meant to me-people taking care of things, people taking care of each other, people who found you and protected you and treated you like their own son even when you weren't. With a population of about 225,000 when I was growing up, it was still small enough to feel intimate, a place you could put your arms around, a place that would put its arms around you.

There was something wholesome about it, the best of the Midwest, Cleveland without the 'hoods where you could go in and never come back out. One of my favorite spots in town was Swensons, which, straight out of Happy Days, still served up a burger and fries and Cherry Coke on a tray that was attached to the window of your car by a goofy-looking teenager still dealing with acne. I loved those burgers at Swensons, loved the scene and the smell and best of all the taste (order it with everything to get the full effect). But it wasn't until much later, when I was blessed with a skill I was able to develop, that I ever got much of a chance to eat one. A burger at Swensons? There was no way I could afford something like that.

Because Akron, for all its goodness of heart, wasn't soft. There were gangs and there were drugs and there were grim housing projects where sirens and gunfire went off in the night. There was an inner city, maybe not as bad as Cleveland or Chicago or Philadelphia. But it was there, and I know it was there because I spent a lot of my childhood living within it, hearing those sounds and just trying to keep going, just keep my head low and keep on moving. And maybe if there was anything that was really different about me from other kids growing up in similar circumstances, it was that idea:

Just keep on moving.

Growing up in the inner city is not the hardest thing in the world to do. What my mom Gloria went through-having me by herself when she was sixteen years old and trying to raise me and give me everything I wanted-was so much harder. But certainly it's also not the easiest place in the world to begin your life, particularly when you see so many people who never even get to the middle.

You definitely have no choice but to see and hear things you never want to experience and you never ever want your kids to experience-violence and drug abuse and the mournful music of those police sirens wailing. You lie in bed, and you just know something bad is happening, something heavy, and you just thank the Lord that it isn't you out there in it, and you lie in bed some more and just wait for those sounds to go away. Eventually they do. But it's hard to fall back asleep after that. Sometimes it's impossible. Was there just a terrible fight? Are the police busting for drugs again? What was that noise? No matter how much I tried to shut everything out, and I have always been good at shutting everything out, they have an impact. But maybe not the way you might be thinking.

Because it helps you grow up when you are an only child. It helps you to learn to take care of yourself. It also helps to motivate you-if you ever are lucky enough to find a way out of where you are, even if it's for a few hours, you are going to run with it as fast as you can.

Whatever I went through, I always loved Akron. Even back then, growing up in the 1980s and 1990s, there was one thing that always bothered me. In school, whenever I looked at a map of the United States-because you know how schools are, there is always a map of the United States in every classroom-the first thing I did was look at Ohio. There was Cleveland, of course, because everybody knew Cleveland, former home of the legendary Browns and Jimmy Brown, home of the Indians. On some maps there might be the state capital of Columbus. Or even Cincinnati. But where was Akron? How come there was never Akron?

Akron who? Akron where?

Akron nobody, as far as the mapmakers were concerned. That always got to me. Why wasn't my hometown there? I don't remember how old I was exactly, maybe eight or nine. But I promised myself, in the funny way that little kids make promises over things that nobody else in the world cares about, that one day I was going to put Akron on the map. Maybe not literally, because you could tell those mapmakers were a prickly bunch, but I was going to let the world know where Akron was. I didn't know how. I just knew in my heart I was going to do it.

Was I a dreamer?

Of course I was.

But if you wish hard enough, try hard enough, find the right group of guys to dream along with you, then maybe, because there is always a maybe with dreams, they can come true.

Now...engage. Talk to Buzz in the comments.

Yes, Mr. Bissinger has bravely decided that it's time to jump in the mud pit for some good ol' fashioned rapid-fire conversation with anonymous angry folk. Obviously, he truly believes in this book.

Chat starts at 3 p.m. Please be on your very best behavior and try to conduct yourselves with a certain level of decency. Do have fun, though.

This should be...enlightening.

Ninjas be watchin', yo.

And, awesomely, Buzz Bissinger is involved. Reports the Associated Press:

LeBron James struggled with sudden fame after appearing on Sports Illustrated's cover as a 17-year-old and admits he smoked marijuana during his junior year in high school.

In "Shooting Stars," written by James and co-author Buzz Bissinger, James said the SI cover and the media attention he and his high school teammates received was difficult to handle.

"We had become big-headed jerks, me in particular," James said, "and we are to blame for that, but so are adults who treated us that way and then sat back and smugly watched the self-destruction."

James also revealed he and his teammates smoked marijuana one night after getting access to a hotel room in Akron.

It's a little parable, you see. He "struggled" with fame and as a result indulged in a harmless and all but legal drug that has been used by roughly a hundred million Americans. It'd be like saying LeBron struggled with fame and as a result indulged in a bacon cheeseburger, except that bacon cheeseburgers are not actually harmless. This is not a story. This wouldn't be a story if LeBron rolled a joint as big as a horse's leg and smoked all of Humboldt County out of business. Yet somehow this is deemed newsworthy, not just by the Associated Press, but by an organization so allegedly holy that it won't cover a woman's rape accusations against a famous NFL quarterback. This is yet more wincingly stupid news judgment, and once again we're all witnesses.

James admits pot use in book [ESPN]

The latest is that Billy Bob Thornton has signed on as a co-producer. Writes the Hollywood Reporter:

Thornton, known to be a vocal Cardinals fan, will join Red Bird Cinema managing director John Loar in producing the picture. Writer-actor Kevin Pollak, La Russa and Bissinger will executive produce.

Thornton is known primarily as an actor and director, though he did produce one movie, the Tex-Mex romance "All the Pretty Horses," which he also directed.

There's a possibility he could take a role in the picture, but it likely won't be the La Russa part, Loar said.

Baseball projects like "Moneyball" have had a rough time in Hollywood of late, but the project's producers say they think "August" offers a refreshing take on the subject.

"There are a lot of baseball movies out there, and a lot of them are based on the won-loss component," Loar said. "What this does is go inside the day-to-day happenings of the locker room and how a manager thinks about all the decisions he has to make. It's going to be challenging, but Billy Bob has a good handle on it."

La Russa, Bissinger and Billy Bob Thornton. That's enough testosterone in one room to revive Sam Peckinpah. And just so you're clear: An ode to the technocratic brilliance of a baseball general manager? Get me rewrite, sweetheart. But an ode to the technocratic brilliance of a baseball manager? "Refreshing."

Billy Bob Thornton joins "Three Nights" team [Hollywood Reporter]

Buzz and I spend an hour covering a wide range of topics, including CostasNOW, the bankruptcy of the Philly Inquirer (where he won the Pulitzer), and more. You'll have to excuse my stammering at the beginning of the broadcast. I was thrown off by the fact that, if you listen closely, Buzz kinda sounds like David Stern without the light Jersey accent. It's uncanny, frankly. Here are some highlights:

On Artie Lange: "I think I'm off the hook."

On Peter King: "He's really good." I DISAGREE, BUZZ.

On Peter Gammons: "(He) was a wonderful reporter for Sports Illustrated, but increasingly all he does is trade in rumors that turn out to be false."

On steroid users: "They saved the game of baseball."

On Manny: "One of the stupidest blithering fucking idiots that ever existed…. I hope when he comes back, the Dodgers realize they don't need him."

On the intro to Three Nights In August: "Part of it was written, yeah, to piss (statheads) off, because they're fun to piss off, because they sort of flap their wings like the little geeky birds they are and, you know, get all indignant, and I sort of got my rocks off on that. I have to admit." YOU CAN'T PURPOSELY PISS PEOPLE OFF FOR FUN, BUZZ. ONLY I GET TO DO THAT.

To Peter Berg before he directed Friday Night Lights: "Look Pete, if you change the fucking ending of the book, and you have them win… then don't do the fucking book."

On Berg: "He did admit that in the final game against Dallas Carter, he looked for the biggest, hugest, meanest, you know, black guys he could find. And he knew they were all in their 30's and 40's. But he did that on purpose just to heighten the difference." Spike Lee's spider senses are tingling.

Was he pissed when Varsity Blues came out? "Yes."

On Leitch: "He could do a bit more reporting in his columns, he could actually TALK to someone… What really pissed me off about him the most was when he fucking knew who WC Heinz was… I'm the best thing that ever happened to him."

Buzz also pulls the David Eckstein card when talking about clutch hitting (Ken Tremendous will get you for that, Buzz), and he talks about financially supporting Boobie Miles long after Friday Night Lights was published, sometimes against his better judgment. Buzz never raises his voice to me during our conversation. Shit. Next time, I'll steal his lithium prior to recording.

This week's Deadcast is available for your listening pleasure right here. You can also find the new Deadcast in the iTunes Music Store here. Also, Buzz has written a new book with LeBron James that you can pre-order here. Got a question/comment you need read over the air next week? Send it to me here. Special thanks to Liberated Syndication for hosting us. Now sit back, relax, and listen as Buzz explains why Moneyball pissed the shit out of him.

UPDATE: Dan Levy pointed just now that, in the course of talking about the Ibanez story, Bissinger thought the Hugging Harold Reynolds blog was Harold Reynolds' actual site. Oh, Buzz.

UPDATED UPDATE: Buzz's comment: "As it turns out I may not be a horse—-— but I am a horse's ass. I did confuse Harold Reynolds with the website/blog/etc. HuggingHaroldReynolds. When I read the original article in the Philadelphia Inquirer, I glanced over Reynold's name and wrongly assumed it was him. I am not sloppy in my writing, or at least I don't think I am, but I was sloppy here. I apologize for the error and I also apologize to Mr. Reynolds."

He's now won the support of Countdown's Keith Olbermann, who seems to have an obvious anti-Buzz bias. So, to sum up: The Baby with the eyeliner mustache still leads the angry Pulitzer Prize winning journalist by a couple thousand votes right now.This seems inevitable, unless the pro-Bissinger contingent makes a healthy push tonight and tomorrow. [MSNBC]

After that local news hit yesterday and Bissinger's legitimately hilarious response — I, too, think that baby is likely full of shit — I suspect many of you are torn about whom to vote for. I feel your pain. Think it over. Big decision. Could change the molecular structure of the universe. So take your time.

Voting will be closed directly after the Steelers-Chargers game Sunday afternoon, so you have until then. You can also vote in this post. But it's a doozy: This is clearly the most fun SHOTY Final we've ever had.

What's most fascinating about the video to me is that Mrs. Lubbers has seemingly been following her son's Godzilla-like trouncing of all SHOTY comers up to this point. She seems genuinely excited about his potential victory, even though she or — let's face it — anybody else has any idea what this all means. I guess to her it simply means that she's the proud owner of a cute baby — a possible CHAMPIONSHIP baby — and that many other anonymous strangers on the internet tend to agree. Mrs. Lubbers also hopes that one day Coach Mangino will take the time to be photographed with young Bode. How hasn't that happened yet? If anything, maybe the publicity from this well-intentioned but utterly ridiculous tournament will make that dream a reality. And what does this mean to young Bode Lubbers? I think the image of him eating a plastic toy and drooling pretty much sums up SHOTY quite nicely.

Of course it wouldn't be fair to give Baby Mangino more time to win your votes, so I asked our other finalist, one H.G. Bissinger, if he had any thoughts on the Lubber's politicking. His response:

"Anybody who actually tries to drum up support for this is a bigger loser than the way Will Leitch looks in his Sporting News pic. Jimmy Olson on Percoset..."

Oh and...

"I'm just gonna say it right now. I think the Mangino baby is full of shit."

So, there you have it: Buzz has just dissed the baby, the baby's mom, and Will Leitch (again) in one fell swoop. For some reason, I feel this can only help him in this competition.

Your vote still counts and only you will be able to decide who takes home the SHOTY. Vote now.

It has been a winding road, but it's down to two: No. 1 seed Buzz Bissinger vs. No. 11 seed Baby Mangino. Voting will be open until next Sunday evening. Let's take a look at the competitors, one last time. We'll also check in on the voting as the week goes along as well.

No. 1 Buzz Bissinger
Opined.
Loudly.
Discussed.
Made up.
Entered the Hall of Fame.

No. 11 Baby Mangino

Existed.

So, make your voice heard. Who will join 2006 SHOTY Barbaro and 2007 SHOTY Isiah Thomas? It's on.

We have entered the final weekend of SHOTY voting, so we all thought we'd take a moment to remind you to vote, if you haven't, and update you on how voting is going. Polls will close at 12:01 ET Monday morning. Here's where the count stands:

Baby Mangino 75 percent, Isiah Thomas 25 percent.

And: Erin Andrews 55 percent, Buzz Bissinger 45 percent.

It's worth noting that at 5 p.m. Wednesday, Bissinger was up on Andrews by a Franken-esque two votes. At 7 p.m.? Andrews was up by 1,300 votes. Take from that what you will. But there is still time.

So vote. That's how we're all spending our weekend.

The Final Four begins today, and continues tomorrow. Voting is open until next Sunday, with the Finals beginning a week from today. So now, kids, the votes really count. (Note: Votes not ultimately changing earth.)

Today: It's No. 1 seed Buzz Bissinger vs. No. 12 Erin Andrews. A look at the nominees' 2008 resumes:

No. 1 Buzz Bissinger
Opined.
Loudly.
Discussed.
Made up.
Entered the Hall of Fame.

No. 12 Erin Andrews
Attacked by Bruce Pearl.
Angered Mike Nadal.
Showed up everywhere.

Vote! It only takes one hand!

So, we have No. 1 seed Buzz Bissinger vs. No. 12 seed Erin Andrews, and No. 7 seed Isiah Thomas vs. No. 11 seed Baby Mangino. It's gonna be a spirited battle for the title.

We're gonna hold off until next week for the voting, because it's Christmas, and though I might not have anything better to do, I suspect you do. So take a few days with the family, mull over your decision making process and be ready to vote on the last four next Monday.

You're going to have today and the weekend to vote on this one, so make it count. The Final Four will begin a week from Monday.

A look at the bracket to this point. (Thanks, Tick Crotch Jim Cooke.)

It's No. 1 seed Buzz Bissinger vs. No. 8 Mark Cuban. A look at the nominees' 2008 resumes:

No. 1 Buzz Bissinger
Opined.
Loudly.
Discussed.
Made up.
Entered the Hall of Fame.

No. 8 Mark Cuban
Ired by this site's former editor, for reasons unknown to anyone else.
Banned bloggers from his locker room, for reasons unknown to anyone else.
Pretended he had a chance to buy the Cubs.
Charged with insider trading, kind of.

I'm afraid to vote here, lest the one I choose (or not choose) come after me. But you don't have that problem. So vote.

Voting will remain open until the end of the first round ... nice and easy. 1-16. It's No. 1 seed Buzz Bissinger vs. No. 16 Mike Singletary. A look at the nominees' 2008 resumes:

No. 1 Buzz Bissinger
Opined.
Loudly.
Discussed.
Made up.
Entered the Hall of Fame.

No. 16 Mike Singletary
Flipped out.
Dropped pants.

Vote! It's all one can ask.

New York City Deadspin readers: Grab your chap books and gird your loins, because tonight is the Varsity Letters Reading extravaganza you've all been waiting for. Watch Drew Magary share the tiny, cloistered-off section of a bar to read from "Men With Balls" along side one-time nemesis and blog bloviator, H. G. "Buzz" Bissinger. Will they shake hands and lustily embrace? Will they share an awkward hot dog and beer together? Or will Buzz grab a coconut and bust it over top the head of the bastardly Big Daddy Balls?

Also appearing at this veritable sportsblog toss-off this evening — Washington D.C.s most famous bogger, Dan Steinberg.

Here are the details:

Happy Ending

302 Broome St
New York, NY 10002
Phone: (212) 334-9676

Show starts at 8 p.m., boob signing and frosty beverages immediately to follow.