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Posts Tagged “

Carolina Panthers

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sorry all out of tackles now

1st Round, Nineteenth Overall: Panthers Select Jeff Otah

Let's measure the Otah draft buzz throughout his career in decibels (dB):

1) Leaves JUCO as a lanky ex-basketball player; wins starting job at Pitt (10 dB; rustling leaves)
2) Stones Chris Long repeatedly in Virginia-Pitt game (70 dB; Space Shuttle launch in your kitchen)
3) Suffers minor injury in loss to Navy but writhes on the ground like an extra from Saving Private Ryan (30 dB; polite applause after a birdie at Augusta);
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5:19 PM on Sat Apr 26 2008
By mike tanier
2,699 views, 3 comments

how could you replace deshawn foster?

1st Round, Thirteenth Overall: Panthers Select Jonathan Stewart


Okay, where's Tanier going here? Is going to go the "Jon Stewart" route and make lots of Daily Show (or "The Faculty") references? Is he going to make fun of Oregon's Rejected Nickelodeon Teen Superhero uniforms? Maybe go old school for some Jimmy Stewart references?

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4:31 PM on Sat Apr 26 2008
By mike tanier
1,389 views, 14 comments

nfl

Tony Romo Distracted By Watching Marion Barber Run Through Linebackers

I'm sure everyone involved in the Dallas Cowboys organization would love to get home to their families by Sol Invictus, but they all have some unfinished business even after beating the Carolina Panthers 20-13 last night. More »

11:00 AM on Sun Dec 23 2007
By sussman
2,689 views, 16 comments

nfl

Jessica Simpson Won't Be In Romo's Head, More Like Against It

It might seem a skosh ridiculous that Carolina Panthers fans are going balls out on this Jessica Simpson cutout distraction thingy tonight against Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys, considering that Terrell Owens has said repeatedly that Simpson really isn't a distraction to the team after all. So the Cowboys should win easily, right? More »

5:00 PM on Sat Dec 22 2007
By sussman
7,343 views, 172 comments

what about lesbian cheerleader bachelor party?

What, No Facepaint?

For a franchise with such a short and unremarkable history the Carolina Panthers sure seem to attract an odd level of devotion. Most recently a curious young couple thought fit to devote their entire wedding ceremony to the team they love so much.
The bride wore a beautiful white wedding gown, and the groom was dressed in black with a Panthers tie. The maid of honor and the bridesmaids wore customized white team jerseys with the number 9 signifying the month, and either Maid of Honor or Bridesmaid on the nameplate. The best man, usher, and groomsmen all wore black team with the number 30 signifying the date, and either Best Man, Usher or Groomsman on the nameplate. The flower girl was a future Top Cat, wearing the traditional black and blue cheerleader outfit, and the ring bearer wore a blue number 30 Ring Bearer jersey.
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12:40 PM on Sat Oct 27 2007
By Unsilent Majority
2,412 views, 18 comments

Latest by How do you spell retard?: @Afino: Sadly, He Hate Me was number 32 with the Panthers (he was number 30 in the XXXXXXXTREEEEEEMEEEE Football League). But the sad thing given his current employment status, he could have served as minister. He was probably too busy more »

nfl roundup

Vinny, Vinny, Vinny, Everywhere

News And Notes From Week 6 In the NFL

• We're not going to harp on this, because it's just going to make us upset, but with a chance to go to 4-2 and have a full game lead in the NFC West ... the Buzzsaw lost to the Vinny Testaverde yesterday. And the Kurt Warner injury didn't make all that much difference; they'd have lost if he played as well. The NFC West winner very well might be under .500 this year.

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9:15 AM on Mon Oct 15 2007
By Leitch
5,517 views, 35 comments

my grandfather vinny

It Is, Once Again, Vinny Time

We really might have something exciting happening in Glendale this weekend, and we don't mean the dulcet stylings of the Pink Taco. Yes, we might see Vinny Testaverde starting for the Panthers on Sunday. More »

1:05 PM on Fri Oct 12 2007
By Leitch
3,018 views, 56 comments

nfl division previews

It's The NFC South Pants Party


To the NFC South! We don't want to speak out of turn here, but we think the NFC South might be our least favorite division in football. There's the Saints — that's Kenny Chesney in that picture, of course — and then ... ugh. More »

4:00 PM on Wed Sep 5 2007
By Leitch
3,819 views, 62 comments

Jake Delhomme. Bojangles chicken 'n biscuits. It's a match made in marketing heaven. (My tipster deftly notes how the black market biscuit dealer in the commercial resembles Vinny Testaverde. Somewhere, Gino Torretta is hocking imitation Sonic tater tots.) [Charlotte.com]

17 comments

nfl season preview

NFL Season Preview: Carolina Panthers

Believe it or not, folks, the NFL season is much closer than you can possibly imagine. So close, in fact, that, if we're going to fit in every NFL team preview by the start of the season, running one every weekday, we have to start this week. So there you have it.

Last year, we asked some of our favorite writers to opine why Their Favorite Team Was Better Than Yours. Ultimately, we found this constrictive, and it also might have killed James Frey. So this time, we've just asked them to just run free, talk about their team, their experience as a fan, their hopes, their dreams, their desires for oral sex. All our teams are now assigned; if you sent us an email and we didn't get back to you, we're sorry, and we accept your scorn. But today: The Carolina Panthers.

Your author is Dave Warner, the man behind Dave's Football Blog and a longtime resident of Durham, N.C. He also writes about the Carolina Panthers for The Fanhouse. His words are after the jump.

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1:35 PM on Wed Jul 25 2007
By Leitch
4,163 views, 73 comments

how do you feel now that you've taken my job?

Keyshawn's Final Moments As A Panther

If you want to relieve the sublime comedy of Keyshawn Johnson's "excitement" after learning that the Carolina Panthers drafted his "buddy" Dwayne Jarrett — thus securing his release from the team — the video above has the complete footage. It was funny at the time, but it improves considerably knowing what's going to happen three days later. Best part: Keyshawn pointing out that he advised Jarrett to stay in school, a decision that surely caused him to drop in the draft. Taking a guy's job seems like sweet revenge there.

5:00 PM on Wed May 2 2007
By Leitch
3,432 views, 60 comments

Latest by ArmansCopyOfSwank: @The Ghost of Luke Ward: Yeah, I tried that. Still no luck. more »

nfl

It Is Not Wise To Welch On Mayoral Bets

So here's a bad idea: When you're the mayor of a team that's playing in the NFC Championship game, and you're on the line with the opposing city's radio flagship, it's not a good idea to make promises you can't keep. More »

11:00 AM on Thu Mar 8 2007
By Leitch
1,384 views, 43 comments

nfl

Jeff Garcia Cannot Be Destroyed By A Mortal Man

From our experience, when Jeff Garcia is making this motion, and he's about to chuck it long and downfield, something bad is about to happen. We mean, it's Jeff Garcia! The last few years, his main purpose has been to be the target of Terrell Owens' sublimated man-on-man urges. More »

9:15 AM on Tue Dec 5 2006
By Leitch
482 views, 59 comments

nfl

Amazingly, This Is Actually An Important NFC Game

As insane as it might be to contemplate, the Philadelphia Eagles, a team that seemingly hasn't won in months, a team that is legitimately trying to figure out if they're going to start Jeff Garcia or A.J. Feeley, a team that its fans can't even muster up enough enthusiasm to hate properly ... this team, with a win tonight on "Monday Night Football" against the Carolina Panthers, can move into a tie for the final NFC wildcard slot. For all the talk about the difficulty of finding a good team in that conference, that's the best indictment we've seen yet. (Just a couple more wins, and the Buzzsaw will be back in the hunt!) More »

4:45 PM on Mon Dec 4 2006
By Leitch
264 views, 253 comments

Latest by Andie: Our lives are in danger, ya beatnik. more »

nfl

Not Exactly Thrilling NFL Action

We are always hesitant to grouse and grumble about the low excitement level of a particular NFL game and use it as an opportunity to make some larger statement about the game itself; one of the more random things about sports is that sometimes an individual game will just stink, and it's no reflection on the sport itself or the players participating. You can bring two good teams together, and sometimes, bad play will just result. That doesn't mean it's not fun; it's still sports, and it's still better than dealing in spreadsheets or doing a sales call. More »

9:15 AM on Tue Nov 14 2006
By Leitch
70 views, 48 comments

Latest by Chief Wahoo: Minor John Goodman threadjack here: I worked on a film with him years back. Every Friday at wrap he bought out a bar for the crew to drink in for a few hours on his dime. He would start more »

nfl

Look, It's Football On Monday! At Night!

If you're the type of entirely hypothetical person whose fantasy team has degraded to the point that Steve Gradkowski is your starting quarterback — see that? We got our Kornheiser on right there — you might be particularly fired up for tonight's Monday Night Football game between the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Carolina Panthers. Otherwise? Well, it's not as bad as Seattle and Oakland, but if you needed any more proof that NBC's getting the great games on Sunday, and ESPN's making do with what they thought would find halfway decent, well, it won't be as much fun an open thread tonight as the Rutgers game was Thursday, we'll say that. More »

5:10 PM on Mon Nov 13 2006
By Leitch
465 views, 194 comments

Latest by Critic: Sports descends to this? Well....it is entertaining when MNF becomes fluff. more »

nfl

The One Person Who Enjoys Berman's Nickname For Delhomme

There's at least one woman out there who couldn't care less about the Manning/Brady hype. She has eyes only for Jake Delhomme, and those eyes are very, very crazy. More »

1:45 PM on Sun Nov 5 2006
By mjdeadspin
342 views, 19 comments

nfl

Mess With The Catman, Get The Claws

If we've said it once, we've said it a million times; when football broadcasters are allowed to attempt humor — especially at Fox Sports — it's all of us who suffer. Coming out OK in the end, though, was Carolina superfan Greg Good, known to all as Catman. Let's wrap up the details for you once again. It was on August 24, during Carolina's preseason game with Miami, that Fox broadcasters thought they'd play a joke on Carolina's No. 1 fan. They told him that he had won a free car ... and then filmed the hilarity as sideline reporter Tony Siragusa handed Catman his prize, which was a toy car. More »

1:15 PM on Mon Sep 11 2006
By rickchand
197 views, 40 comments

Latest by Koronkadonk: There are still far fewer live-ins than with a log cabin truck. more »