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Here's The Champions League Group Stage Draw

Now that the qualifying rounds are over, the Champions League can begin in earnest. The groups all look pretty even, with Manchester City’s Group D probably being the toughest and Chelsea’s Group G the easiest. Also, half the Round of 16 could easily be made up of English and Spanish clubs. » 8/27/15 12:55pm Thursday 12:55pm

Messi Turning Boateng Into A Folding Chair Voted Best Goal Of UCL Season

Ahead of the Champions League group stage draw today, UEFA handed out its award for best goal of last season’s tournament. Naturally, it went to this Lionel Messi stunner during that heavyweight fight that was Barcelona-Bayern Munich. I could stare at this GIF for hours: » 8/27/15 10:11am 8/27/15 10:11am

Here Are The Top 10 Goals From The Champions League This Season

The order of this list—which you’ll have to click through to view on Youtube because UEFA is a dick—is more than a little questionable (Messi turning Boateng into a 6’ 4” domino isn’t number one?), and how Andrés Iniesta’s length-of-the-pitch jaunt didn’t even make the list almost invalidates the whole thing. These… » 6/09/15 6:48pm 6/09/15 6:48pm

Barcelona's Perfect Season May Have Been Their Hardest

As we said after Barcelona took the (severely hobbled, it must be said) champions of Germany and ground them up into a fine powder to be mixed in with the mate the club’s South American contingent is always going on about, this team deserved to end the season surrounded by every trophy available. The football gods… » 6/08/15 3:46pm 6/08/15 3:46pm

Barcelona Carve Up Juventus, Score First Goal Of Champions League Final

All that talk about Barcelona’s terrifying front three and it’s actually midfielders Andrés Iniesta and Ivan Rakitić who combine to score the opening goal of this Champions League final just four minutes in. (Though to be fair, Messi and Neymar made the two key passes to open everything up.)
» 6/06/15 3:02pm 6/06/15 3:02pm

Cristiano Ronaldo And His Teammates Were Really, Really Sad About Losing

We all know how great Cristiano Ronaldo and his Real Madrid teammates are. But acknowledging that doesn’t preclude us from cackling maniacally when they lose, and especially at the distraught looks on their faces when it happens, like today against Juventus. So here are a bunch of pictures of just that! » 5/13/15 6:41pm 5/13/15 6:41pm

Barcelona Are Europe's Best Team; Now They Just Have To Make It Official

If the European Cup is worth its weight in silver and prestige, Barcelona should win it this year. That is to say, if the major competitions in this sport are designed to throw the best clubs in Europe into the most demanding possible gauntlet and, in the end, reward the one that’s proved its superiority, then a year… » 5/07/15 4:11pm 5/07/15 4:11pm

Lionel Messi Murders Bayern Munich

In what has been one of the greatest, most competitive games you’ll ever see, Lionel Messi reminded the world why he’s the greatest player to ever play the game. Barcelona came out dominating but couldn’t finish any of their numerous chances in a wide open first half, thanks mainly to a Herculean performance by Manuel… » 5/06/15 4:38pm 5/06/15 4:38pm

Bayern Munich's 6 Goals Against Porto Today, Ranked

Bayern Munich had their backs against the wall. Down 3-1 to Porto after the first leg and short most of their best players due to injury, rather than folding under the pressure, Bayern kicked the shit out of their opponents 6-1, including a 5-0 lead at halftime. Here are all six goals, ranked by a top-secret… » 4/21/15 6:19pm 4/21/15 6:19pm

Oh My God, This Iniesta Run And Assist To Neymar Is A Thing Of Beauty

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Andrés Iniesta just ran practically the length of the pitch, slaloming past defender after defender before sliding in Neymar for the opener in today’s Barcelona-PSG Champions League return leg. Iniesta has been pretty good this year, but who knew he could still do THAT? » 4/21/15 3:12pm 4/21/15 3:12pm

Holy Mother Carlos Tevez Just Bombed Germany With This Rocket Golazo

Juventus and Borussia Dortmund are playing today, right now. A few minutes ago, they kicked off. Then two minutes passed. Then Juventus's Carlos Tevez got the ball. Then he blew up Germany's hopes, and also Germany. No more high-quality vehicles for anyone. Because there's no more Germany. Germany's gone. » 3/18/15 4:04pm 3/18/15 4:04pm