Neymar Belter From Distance Puts Barcelona Up 2-1 On PSG

Barcelona decided to break out a completely new formation for today's crucial Champions League match against Paris Saint-Germain. It was a sensible but risky choice, since the club has the parts to play three at the back but hadn't yet proved it could come together. Well, when Neymar struts through the heart of the… » 12/10/14 3:43pm 12/10/14 3:43pm

Sad Liverpool's Champions League Exit Leaves Them Screwed Twice Over

It's still hard to judge just how hard we should come down on this Liverpool team when they inevitably find ways to muck up golden opportunities. On one hand, it's mind-boggling that Liverpool, the reigning Premier League runners-up, could fail to advance to the Round of 16 in an obscenely favorable Champions League… » 12/10/14 12:05pm 12/10/14 12:05pm

Anderlecht Player Celebrates Goal With Unique Romantic(?) Gesture

We're familiar with the thumb-in-mouth celebration (usually aimed at the scorer's child), and the point-to-the-stands one (usually in acknowledgment of the scorer's friends and family), but Anderlecht striker Aleksandar Mitrović's cunnilingis-inspired ode, ostensibly targeted to the lucky lady(s) in his life is a new… » 12/09/14 5:19pm 12/09/14 5:19pm

Manchester City's Messiah Sergio Agüero Pulls Another Resurrection Act

Twenty minutes into Manchester City's crucial home Champions League match against Bayern Munich on Tuesday, it looked like everything had broken right for the English champions. Earlier in the day, in the other matchup in City's group, Roma somehow contrived to draw a game they really should've won, greatly expanding… » 11/26/14 1:27pm 11/26/14 1:27pm

Here Are All 71 Of Lionel Messi's Champions League Goals

Stop us if this sounds familiar: Lionel Messi played soccer the other day, dragging Barcelona to victory with two crucial goals and winning him yet another goalscoring record, this time as the Champions League's joint all-time scorer. The video above shows each one of his 71 goals, from the first one against… » 11/07/14 4:10pm 11/07/14 4:10pm

The Brits Are Tearing Shit Up In Madrid

It's comforting to know Americans aren't the only ones known for loud and obnoxious behavior when abroad. Our cousins over in England are similarly famous for heading over to mainland Europe and bringing the ruckus. Hence these British fans in Madrid ahead of today's Liverpool-Real Madrid match, and their beer-fueled,… » 11/04/14 2:06pm 11/04/14 2:06pm

Paris Saint-Germain Are Bullshit

We can't keep letting PSG do this. Yesterday, the French giants took on Cyprian giants/world ants APOEL in Champions League play. This was a match even schizophrenic PSG couldn't muck up, right? No. Instead of a dominating performance on a day full of them, we saw another typically lackadaisical display from the… » 10/22/14 12:47pm 10/22/14 12:47pm

Bayern Munich Are Beating The Motherfucking Brakes Off AS Roma [Update]

This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to be the best Champions League game of the day, where we found out whether AS Roma, Italy's second-best team, could match or even best visiting German champions FC Bayern. After 38 minutes and five Bayern goals, the answer is quite clearly "nah." » 10/21/14 4:05pm 10/21/14 4:05pm

Cristiano Ronaldo Likens Ugly Tackle To Rugby; Rugby World Turns Stupid

Cristiano Ronaldo was none too happy about his early exit from last week's Champions League match between Real Madrid and Ludogorets, necessitated by this late challenge in the final minutes. After the game, the winger described the tackle thus: "It was a very ugly tackle and it seemed as if we were playing a game of… » 10/06/14 6:18pm 10/06/14 6:18pm

Turkish Soccer Fans Chuck Flares At Arsenal Supporters

While it's probably true in most sports, saying that a home team "welcomes" away fans to their stadium is especially inaccurate in soccer. Case in point: the chant-war waged in the clip above between Arsenal fans and their visiting Galatasaray counterparts. The flare-chucking might be a little much, though. » 10/02/14 1:33pm 10/02/14 1:33pm

How Hulk Became The World's Most Underappreciated Superstar

If there's one good thing about the handful of great players plying their trade in Russia—and it would be the only good thing, mind you—it's that their home Champions League ties often start a few hours before the rest. That timeslot gives their abilities at least a modicum of the attention they deserve yet so often… » 10/01/14 10:06am 10/01/14 10:06am

Polish Fans Hoist Giant Anti-UEFA Banner

Legia Warsaw fans are still salty after getting DQ'd from the Champions League for fielding a suspended player, despite beating Celtic 6-1 on aggregate. So today, two days after Celtic were themselves knocked out, Legia fans raised this display: a big fat pig surrounded by the UEFA logo, with the caption "6<1 Because… » 8/28/14 5:05pm 8/28/14 5:05pm