Holy Mother Carlos Tevez Just Bombed Germany With This Rocket Golazo

Juventus and Borussia Dortmund are playing today, right now. A few minutes ago, they kicked off. Then two minutes passed. Then Juventus's Carlos Tevez got the ball. Then he blew up Germany's hopes, and also Germany. No more high-quality vehicles for anyone. Because there's no more Germany. Germany's gone. » 3/18/15 4:04pm 3/18/15 4:04pm

José Mourinho Gets Philosophical In Rant Directed At Haters In The Media

"The world is a bit strange. Maybe because of diets, and maybe because of the quality of produce we are eating, I think memories are getting shorter," José Mourinho begins his wild, metaphysical ride that somehow ends with him basically calling certain members of the media jealous cowards. » 3/13/15 11:04am 3/13/15 11:04am

PSG Overcome Controversial Red Card, Boot Chelsea From Champions League

Schalke's nearly-heroic comeback yesterday put everyone on upset alert, and on cue, Paris Saint-Germain went and made good on its own upset bid with today's 2-2 draw against Chelsea, knocking the English club out of the Champions league. Despite a questionable red card on Zlatan Ibrahimović early on, PSG fought back… » 3/11/15 7:23pm 3/11/15 7:23pm

Racist Chelsea Fans Stop Black Man From Boarding Train, Chant At Him

The video below was shot at the Richelieu-Drouot station of the Paris Métro today, according to The Guardian, before Chelsea took on Paris Saint-Germain in a Champions League clash at the Parc Des Princes. You can see a black man attempt to board a car that has a bunch of singing Chelsea fans in it, only to have… » 2/17/15 8:09pm 2/17/15 8:09pm

Three Defenders Combine For Game's Nicest Move To Put Chelsea Up On PSG

After a cagey start to today's Champions League headliner—Paris Saint-Germain vs. Chelsea—the Londoners dusted off some of the silky skills they've shown all season. One Blues player collected the ball out wide, sent a peach of a cross into the box, where a teammate deftly flipped it over the defense with the outside… » 2/17/15 3:49pm 2/17/15 3:49pm

Neymar Belter From Distance Puts Barcelona Up 2-1 On PSG

Barcelona decided to break out a completely new formation for today's crucial Champions League match against Paris Saint-Germain. It was a sensible but risky choice, since the club has the parts to play three at the back but hadn't yet proved it could come together. Well, when Neymar struts through the heart of the… » 12/10/14 3:43pm 12/10/14 3:43pm

Sad Liverpool's Champions League Exit Leaves Them Screwed Twice Over

It's still hard to judge just how hard we should come down on this Liverpool team when they inevitably find ways to muck up golden opportunities. On one hand, it's mind-boggling that Liverpool, the reigning Premier League runners-up, could fail to advance to the Round of 16 in an obscenely favorable Champions League… » 12/10/14 12:05pm 12/10/14 12:05pm

Anderlecht Player Celebrates Goal With Unique Romantic(?) Gesture

We're familiar with the thumb-in-mouth celebration (usually aimed at the scorer's child), and the point-to-the-stands one (usually in acknowledgment of the scorer's friends and family), but Anderlecht striker Aleksandar Mitrović's cunnilingis-inspired ode, ostensibly targeted to the lucky lady(s) in his life is a new… » 12/09/14 5:19pm 12/09/14 5:19pm

Manchester City's Messiah Sergio Agüero Pulls Another Resurrection Act

Twenty minutes into Manchester City's crucial home Champions League match against Bayern Munich on Tuesday, it looked like everything had broken right for the English champions. Earlier in the day, in the other matchup in City's group, Roma somehow contrived to draw a game they really should've won, greatly expanding… » 11/26/14 1:27pm 11/26/14 1:27pm

Here Are All 71 Of Lionel Messi's Champions League Goals

Stop us if this sounds familiar: Lionel Messi played soccer the other day, dragging Barcelona to victory with two crucial goals and winning him yet another goalscoring record, this time as the Champions League's joint all-time scorer. The video above shows each one of his 71 goals, from the first one against… » 11/07/14 4:10pm 11/07/14 4:10pm