-Buck announces that it's not quite as wind chilly as it was. Fuck you very much, Joe.

-The Giants receivers are really starting to run free, now Eli has to hit them.

-Oops, he hit Al Harris instead. But that should probably be an interference call.

-Check that, make it illegal contact. It's still Giants ball, but now it's first down.

-Elisha had his pass batted right back at him, but Collins yanked the quarterback down for the roughing call. Weeeeak.

-Plaxico strikes again. Eli released it before Plaxico turned in and the defense never had a chance. Has Plaxico been practicing or something?

-Jacobs takes the ball inside the five yard line. On that note, why does Joe Fuckhead think Jacobs is playing so poorly? 15 carries for 50 yards is nothing to criticize at this point in the game.

-Here's a 3rd and inches inside the two for the Giants. Jacobs picks up the first down, but not the touchdown before the ball came loose. The called it a fumble and a recovery by Boss, but I could have sworn I heard a whistle when his forward progress was halted. But what the fuck do I know?

-Now they just keep throwing flags. I need another fucking beer.

-STOPPING JUMPING THE COUNT YOU GINORMOUS ASSHOLES! I bet they didn't even move the ball on that second "half the distance to the goal" call.

-TOUCHDOWN, BRANDON JACOBS! Suck on that, Buck! Wait, I'm rooting for the Packers. FUCK!

New York 13 - Green Bay 10

-Big return for Tramond Williams! Green Bay will start their drive within striking distance of the end zone. Of course the last time they scored was from 90 yards out, so I guess they're always within striking distance. I'll stop now.

-Hey Michael Jordan, stop lumping yourself in with my man Mello to sell your shitty shoes. He's a good boy and you're a bad influence you evil fuck.

-Packers ball, first down Ryan Grant, who still exists.

-A brilliant personal foul penalty by Sam Madison gave the Pack a free first down and Favre responds with a pass to a wide open Donald Lee. Buck and Aikman seem to have Lee's third step confused with his second.

Green Bay 17 - 13 New York

-Another good return, this time by New York, sets Eli and company up to try to retake the lead. They should probably just throw to Plaxico over and over again.

-Ahmad Bradshaw picks up a first down with an easy trot through the Packers front seven.

-Eli hits Amani Toomer down the left sideline for a beautiful catch. They're challenging the catch, but they just showed a great angle of Toomers toes scraping the turf on his way down.

-Manning to Toomer once again. The Giants are inside the Green Bay five.

-TOUCHDOWN, AHMAD BRADSHAW! And we've got ourselves a shootout.

New York 20 - Green Bay 17

-Favre and Grant are bringing it right back at the Giants. The Packers have moved the ball up to midfield as we head towards the fourth.

-For some reason Favre heaves the ball downfield into triple coverage. Did he think it was the end of the second quarter? Damn you, opiates!

End of the Third Quarter

Start of Fourth Quarter

-Driver found a hole in the secondary and Favre delivered with ease. THey have a first down at the 30.

-INTERCEPTION, RW MCQUARTERS! On a truly awful play by the old Brett Favre, but IT'S FUMBLED AND RECOVERED BY GREEN BAY!

-First down for the Packers, and god damn are they lucky. They still have the ball and they're inside the 20.

-The drive ends there, but Mason Crosby ties it up with his second field goal.

Green Bay 20 - 20 New York

-Hixon delivers another good return and Crosby is forced into tackling duties. The Giants will start at their own 40. This is turning into quite a game, no?

-Plax cannot be contained. Does he know these are the playoffs? Can somebody remind him?

-The Giants could attempt the long field goal, or go for it. They elect the latter.

-Pass interference! Automatic first down for New York. Woodson got there a bit early and he hit Toomer in the head just a bit. The Giants are inside the thirty...almost intercepted by Al Harris at the goal line.

-After nothing happens the Giants miss a field goal, Packers take over.

-The Packers can't do anything with the ball, so they give it right back. We're just under the six minute mark and Joe Buck just mentioned the wind chill for the 29th time (approximation).

-New York is putting the ball in the hands of Brandon Jacobs and I can't say that I blame them. He just made an excellent run out of nothing to get within an inch of the first down mark. Manning sneaks it and they give him the first down. 4:40 left to play.

-Troy seems to think that the GIants are trying to run down the play clock despite the fact that the ball is at midfield and the game is tied. That's good analysis.

-Big third down sack by KGB, and the Pack will get it back with less than three minutes to play. This drive could hold some historic value one day.

-They're playing Kanye in Green Bay!

-FUMBLED AGAIN, BY RW MCQUARTERS! Boy does he suck a big dick! Green Bay had all sorts of shots at that one, but Hixon recovers it for the Giants. FIrst down inside of the 50.

-And the offenses are both going completely inept. 3rd and long for the Packers, and they barely get anything. Timeout New York, they'll get the ball back with 2:30 to play and they should have excellent field position.

-Bradshaw's running free, but it was assisted by a hold. No touchdown, 1st and 20 at their own 42 with the two minute warning approaching.

-mmm... chili

-Eli finds Steve Smith over the middle, great pass and a great catch to match it. First down, inside the Packers 40. Lawrence Tynes just lost all bowel control.

-Call me crazy, but I don't remember Archie looking away in terror when Peyton was in this position.

-And the day belongs to the rookies! Ahmad Bradshaw and Steve Smith do it all to get the Giants into position for the win. Lawrence Tynes is lining up from 36 yards for the win.

-Timeout

-BAD SNAP, THE KICK NEVER HAD A CHANCE! We've got OOOOO-VERTIME! Holy shitballs!

-Green Bay wins the toss, but statistically that doesn't mean all that much.

-My car doesn't return the favor. I think I'm doing it wrong.

-INTERCEPTION, COREY WEBSTER! And that pass was downright Favrian! The Giants are back in business and The Sports Guy is already penning the newest chapter in the Ewing Theory.

-Oy vey.

-Nothing doing for the Giants and it's Tynes Tyme again.

-FOR THE WIN....IT'S GOOD, GIANTS WIN!

Congratulations to the Giants and the Patriots, I'm sure two weeks of "Brady vs. Manning... no, the other Manning" stories won't make any of us want to stab ourselves in the throat. But hey, it's not Favre

I hope everyone enjoyed themselves, because that game was quite a bit of fun. Oh fuck, I forgot about Strahan. Oh well, at least Tiki can't get a ring and Shockey can't play. Fucking Giants.

Go Redskins.

Seriously though, I have to give it up to Eli, Plax, and pretty much everybody else. I never thought the Giants had anything resembling the makeup of a conference champion, but they certainly did it. So what do you say, let's set the line at Patriots -50.

Goodnight internet, it's been fun.

First Quarter

-Alright Eli, just try not to vomit.

-And he completes his first pass to Plaxico, who appears to be begging Al Harris not to touch him.

-Eli is is now 5/6 for 53 yards. Holy shit.

-Al Harris is trying to do everything he can to make Plaxico uncomfortable. Hey Al, try showing him your cock 'n balls!

-Manning goes to Kevin Boss in the endzone, but it wasn't to be. On 3rd down he nearly took a sack before nearly throwing an interception to a very large man. A near touchdown, a near sack, and a near pick all in two plays? Eli does it all!

-The field goal by Tynes is good and the Giants take an early three point lead, kind of like the underdogs in that last game...

New York 3 - 0 Green Bay

-The Packers put up a quick three-and-out and Eli's wishing he had more time to sip hot chocolate.

-Amani Toomer just dropped the easiest pass he'll get all day. It's like two weeks ago all over again. He must have a headache.

-Feagles looked like he got a decent amount of his boot on the punt, but it really didn't seem to go anywhere. In other news, I put on some socks but my feet are still a tad chilly... but I'm battling through it.

-Plaxico keeps reeling in catch after catch and Al Harris keeps talking shit. Despite this impressive defensive tactic, the Giants are moving the ball right down the field on the Packers.

-Hey, now David Tyree is misplaying passes. Tynes is lining up for another field goal, and he's got it.

New York 6 - 0 Green Bay

Second Quarter

-San Diego though they could settle for field goals.

-I hope Koren Robinson didn't fall off the wagon in between quarters.

-AND THERE GO THE PACKERS, TOUCHDOWN, DONALD DRIVER! Wow, he discarded of his man at the line of scrimmage and then just tore ass down the sideline. That was impressive to say the least.

Green Bay 7 - 6 New York

-They really came out of nowhere to score that 90 yard touchdown. The Giants best be responding right about now.

-The Green Bay secondary is getting ridiculously physical with the Giants receivers, and it ultimately results in a stop on 3rd down.

-But the Pack offense can't do anything with it, nice drop on third down there buddy.

-The Giants start their next possession backed up deep in their own territory, and the Packers are making it tough on them. Poppinga must have about 6 tackles by now. He's been everywhere it would seem.

-Manning got rocked on 3rd down and here comes Feagles. A 20-yarder won't help things much here, he needs to put the Packers back near their side of the field.

-And so it is, the Packers start at their own 47 yard line with an excellent chance to build on their lead.

-The Giants had a chance to get the ball back with a good amount of time left, but the Pack was bailed out by a big illegal contact call on Johnson. First down for Green Bay, perhaps they'll rediscover Ryan Grant.

-And they do! I'm all-knowing!

-No Joe Buck, that pass wasn't "slinged" it was "slung." That was a disgusting play call! Nice play though.

-I love that nobody even bothered to plow the streets in "downtown" Green Bay.

-Somebody needs to locate the New York fan who keeps screaming in proximity to a hot mic. Locate him, and destroy him.

-Greenland is icy and Iceland is green? Thanks for that little bit of third grade trivia, Mr. Buck.

-Antonio Pierce just busted up a screen like an old school strike-buster going through the Writer's Guild.

-The Packers settle for a field goal and Mason Crosby delivers.

Green Bay 10 - 6 New York

-If you'll excuse me, my girlfriends dog is barking because I won't scratch his belly. I'm just going to stick him in the microwave for a few seconds.

-The Giants don't seem to be in too much of a hurry, but with Plaxico they don't need to be. The big receiver makes his biggest catch of the day by far. With around a minute to play in the half the Giants are now in Packer territory with a real shot to take the lead back going into the half.

-Plax just got huge separation from Al Harris but he couldn't hold on as he hit the ground. That would have put them near the goal line. On the next play Eli runs instead of throwing it away. Does he know they don't have any timeouts. All of a sudden it doesn't look like they'll be getting anything out of this. 4th and 8, they can throw to the sideline and then kick a field goal.

-Instead it's a sack, and it's halftime.

Halftime Score: Green Bay 10 - 6 New York

...something tells me that Strahan and Favre wouldn't mind going into a neutral locker room for a few minutes of that tender, passionate, alone time.

I'll see you in about a half hour in an all-new post.

-New England's red zone defense clamps down again, and again it's Nate Kaeding for the three pointer.

New England 14 - 12 San Diego

-Finally New England's offense decides to participate in the fun. Kool-Aid Maroney is moving them down the field with ease.

-After a great drive Brady tossed an easy interception to Cromartie in the endzone, who proceeded to return the ball to all of five yards. Nice move dumbass.

-Marmalard's got the ball and he wants a lead.

-But not bad enough. Pats ball, which means the Chargers chances of scoring a touchdown just tripled.

End of the Third Quarter

-Holy shit, it's freezing outside. I thought it was only cold in New England and Wisconsin!

Start of the Fourth Quarter

-And the Pats start driving immediately.

-They got the ball down the field but I was in the bathroom, now it's in the red zone.

-TOUCHDOWN, TOM BRADY TO WES WELKAH! And Patriot nation rejoices with their ivory gods!

New England 21 - 12 San Diego

-Marmalard just kind of flipped it in the general direction of Darren Sproles, for some reason the Pats fans cry for grounding. Oh I know why, they're the spoiled fucking brats of sports fans.

-There's a big 3rd conversion for the Chargers. Once again they look to Antonio Gates. That makes three looks and 2 catches. I'd recommend more of both. Turner keeps things going with another first down, and we see a replay of Marmalard diving like Gregorio Paulisetti. What a competitor! /Mike Patrick

-Rodney Harrison just decked Marmalard for roughly the fifth time. His transition from safety to defensive end sure went smoothly. The Pats are getting it back.

-Maroney continues to run wild on the Chargers defense, which just makes me think of this ridiculous TBL post from a while back and laugh like a little girl (don't forget to check the comments!).

-If Massholes were better people they would have loved Kevin Faulk for the last decade the way they've loved Wes Welker for six months.

-Maroney and Faulk keep doing their thing. Maybe LaDainian should just take the helmet off already.

-You know what's fun to do during the commercials? Download porn! Apparently the internet is full of the stuff.

-Another first down for Maroney, and this one is over. These fucking cocksuckers don't even have the decency to cover the spread. Get fucked, shitheads.

Final Score: New England 21 - 12 San Diego

First Quarter

-Everybody is all caught up in this Marmalard injury, but what they aren't mentioning is that he blows at full strength.

-Yes, Shannon Sharpe is stupid, can we go to the stadium now?

-And we're underway! San Diego gets the ball and Marmalard is ready to lead his men into battle!

-Apparently Rodney Harrison and Junior Seau once played for this San Diego franchise. That's a helpful reminder if you happen to have been born in the last ten years.

-His first throw lands at the receivers feet. We're heading for puntsylvania.

-Antonio Gates is heading for the locker room already. He either forgot his mittens or his crutches.

-Three-and-out for Golden Boy.

-And LaDainian's not coming back onto the field. Yep, this is shaping up to be a classic.

-Gates is back on the sideline and the Chargers are starting to move the ball a bit. Michael Turner is going to be very rich very soon.

-Bill Simmons is positive that Miami and San Diego were out to destroy New England when they made the Chambers deal.

-Yep, it was the mittens

-LT's back but the drive stalls out. Pats ball when we return after this Bud Light commercial.

Dude Dude Bro Dude!

-WELKAH!

-Brady sees some pressure and misfires to his hot receiver. The Chargers are getting it back.

-Phil Simms is hyperbolic when referring to his own hyperbole. It's quite a feat.

-And LT's on the bench again. GO TURNER! Michael, not Norv.

-The king of the backup running backs carries the ball into New England's territory. You know, this whole run the shit out of the ball might just be a good idea. It takes Norv all of one play to abandon the strategy. It's what he does, people.

-Big 3rd down here, and Seau's got himself a sack. See Norv, if you had run on 2nd and 7 instead of telling Marmalard to float the ball over Vinny Jackson's head you wouldn't have been in that position. Dick.

-INTERCEPTION, QUENTIN JAMMER! Holy crap Tom, even the secret fetus living in Giselle saw that one coming!

-On a side note, the name Quentin Jammer always reminds me of the SNL skit in which Quentin Tarantino is hosting a talk show for directors. The whole skit he just asks whether or not a particular directer "jammed" their leading lady.

-Back to the game, San Diego got a turnover like everybody said they would. 2nd and Goal, don't fuck up Marmalard!

-He fucked up.

-Ooooh, Marmalard had time to look around and he gave Chambers a chance at catch in the back of the endzone, but he was all over the line.

-FIELD GOAL is good. So Nate Kaeding's guaranteed botched kick is still exists somewhere in the near future.

San Diego 3 - 0 New England

-Matt Cassel might want to start getting loose.

-Moss finally gets to touch the ball and he breaks free on a reverse. The containment forced him back inside but he had enough room to pick up a first down. That's followed up with a big run around the left side by Kevin Faulk.

End of First Quarter

-Beer me that beer.

Second Quarter

-The Pats go jumbo on 35d and short and Maroney converts in a big way. On the next play Faulk takes a dump-off down inside the one.

-TOUCHDOWN, LAURENCE MARONEY. Nice and easy behind the fullback and right guard.

New England 7 - 3 San Diego

-Give that man some Kool-Aid and a washcloth!

-Marmalard's moving his men right back down the field on the Pats defense. 2nd and goal... broken up, intended for Gates.

-And the 3rd down attempt never even had a chance. Another short field goal for Nate Kaeding.

New England 7 - 6 San Diego

-Has a kicker ever broken his foot on a frozen ball?

-Both teams are starting their drives in great field position, and now they've both shown the ability to move the ball with relative ease (like the Pats are as I type).

-So much for that. Jammer just smacked a 3rd down pass like the ball owed him money.

-Kelly Washington was pretty awesome in college, but he was like 23 at the time. Now he's the fifth or sixth receiver for the Patriots and he just made an awesome play on a downed punt. All of a sudden the field position isn't so great for the Chargers.

-Marmalard to Sprightly Sproles for a key third down conversion. If they hadn't gotten that the Patriots would have had five minutes to operate with ideal field position.

-INTERCEPTION, ASANTE SAMUELS! Vrabel got in Marmalard's personal space in a hurry and the quarterback threw up a 50/50 ball. When corners drop interceptions they say "if he could catch he'd play offense" but they don't say the opposite when a wide receiver can't play a bit of defense.

-TOUCHDOWN, JABAR GAFFNEY! Go Gators! That was quick. Two plays, 24 yards, and a touchdown on the heels of the turnover. The analysts were right, turnovers will play a role!

New England 14 - San Diego 6

-The Chargers absolutely cannot let the Patriots get the ball back with more than a minute to play. That means they need to mount a solid drive right now.

INTERCEPTION, ELLIS HOBBS! Nice hangtime, Marmalard!

-The Pats have a 3rd down with a few yards left to gain as we come to the two minute warning. San Diego needs a stop like I need a some slippers. It's drafty in here!

-They get the stop and get the ball back in a good spot. They have the timeouts but they'd be wise to keep it on the ground.

-Hey, they called a draw on first down and it worked for positive yardage. Norv is a genius!

-A huge run by Sprightly Sproles takes San Diego deep into Pats territory. He fumbled at the end but he was called down, the guys upstairs would like a word with the officials.

-He was clearly down, Chargers maintain possession and waste no time getting the ball in Antonio's hands. Gates, not Cromartie. Two Antonio's and not one Bassanio? Can a Jew get a Shylock?

-I can't even blame Marmalard, New England's defense is just really really good when they're backed up.

-Belichick freezes Kaeding and Jim Nantz urges us to watch. God I can't wait for the CBS coverage of the Masters.

-Kaeding just won't fuck up! The field goal is good!

New England 14 - 9 for San Diego

-Marmalard heads to the locker room early and he doesn't even question the sexuality of any fans on his way. Good thing too, we're in the midst of a powder keg of douchery.

End of the First Half

Our Favre,
Who art in Lambeau,
Hallowed be thine arm.
Thy bowl will come,
It will be won.
In Phoenix as it is in Lambeau.
And give us this Sunday,
Our weekly win.
And give us many touchdown passes.
But do not let others pass against us.
Lead us not into frustration,
But deliver us to the valley of the sun.
For thine is the MVP, the best of the NFC,
and the glory of the Cheeseheads,
now and forever.
Go get'em. Amen.

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