The video above is what it looks like when the 0-5 Detroit Pistons attempt to play defense. Yep, that's JaVale McGee taking the ball from the three-point line to the rim for an uncontested dunk. The Pistons somehow managed to out-JaVale JaVale.

John Calipari is once again coaching the Dominican national team, because he's John Calipari and fuck you. (Also: recruiting.) Olympic qualifying begins in a few weeks, so it's time to make some cuts. First up: one of only three NBA players on the preliminary roster.

So, there's apparently an effort to turn the Sacramento Kings into the Kentucky Kings.

Oh, please. No, Kevin Garnett probably shouldn't have called Charlie Villaneuva a cancer patient, but does it really warrant this spasm of pretend outrage?

Garnett issued a statement in response to Charlie Villanueva's assertion that KG told him he looked like a cancer patient. Actually: "My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact 'You are cancerous to your team and our league.'"

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

What you missed while taking your best gal out for a night on the town...

In need of a point guard, and realizing that free agents flock to Toronto like women flock to bloggers, the Raptors acquired a point guard in a trade last night. T.J. Ford heads north of the border, and Charlie Villanueva goes back the other way to play alongside Andrew Bogut in Milwaukee.