Exchanging gifts and pranks is a tradition among Texas high school dance and cheerleading teams before football games. But the parents from Andress High School in El Paso said putting poison and laxatives in brownies and cupcakes and giving them to unwitting rivals is well beyond a prank.

Bea Saenz, whose daughter is on the Andress dance team, told the El Paso Times she wants the students from the school's cross-town rival, Chapin, to face criminal charges. "We felt like they weren't out just to play a prank," she said. "With all the stuff they put in there, it is like they were trying to kill them."

Nothing remotely funny about this, until you realize that the baked goods were confiscated before anyone ate them. Then you picture what the scene must have been like when Chapin cheerleaders were in the kitchen baking up their scheme. "Amber, you're using too much bleach!" "Shut up, Kayleigh!" (Metamucil fight ensues).

Nothing Tastes Better Than Rat Poison [Fan IQ]
Girls Allegedly Poison Rivals' Treats [UPI]

As well they should. But, even still, are Texas high school cheerleaders the Cincinnati Bengals of the high school sports community? Granted there are a lot more Texas cheerleaders but the arrest rate and criminal mischief seems about equal. Raise your hand if you're willing to do in-depth reporting on this plague.

More than two dozen cheerleaders get stuck in UT elevator [Statesman.com]

At least no one's mom killed anyone this time. Instead the lovely lasses of Morton Ranch High School are being investigated for, among other things, binding new cheerleaders and throwing them into the pool. Take it away anonymous cheer critic, "Once you duct tape someone's hands, blindfold them throw them in a pool, start flicking their body parts, that's way too far," she said. The Department of Justice disagrees. There are more details from ABC-13's investigation.

Including this great paragraph of investigative reporting.

"When a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl's head, that's just disgusting," said the sister of a Morton Ranch High School junior varsity cheerleader.

Oh, a girl was (BEEP) in her pants? Well, we can't have that. Clearly. Because I love y'all, here's a link to the Morton Ranch cheer squad's January 2007 performance on youtube.

Did HS cheer squad go too far? [ABC13.com]
HS cheerleaders give crap to JV squad-literally [SportsByBrooks]
Morton Ranch High School Cheer performance [Youtube]

Granted, Carmona is a "former" Song Girl so she's not going to lose her pom-poms over these photos as many cheerleader/dance girl types seem to do after similarly provocative drunk photos get pushed out there. But it's an alarming trend. Asylum magazine did a bang-up photo montage of this phenomenon already.Some of the most recent, after the jump.(All links and some photos after this jump are also not safe for work or church.)

July 2008: The Winnipeg Blue Bombers ladies shame Canada: After photos of the Blue Lighting, the cheerleaders for the CFL's football team popped up on The Big Lead, the Canadian press went wild with the story, deemed it a scandal and ultimately forced Blue Lightning cheerleader coach Dena Clark to resign.

April 2008: ASU gets Dirty Army'd: Originally, the rumor was that photos of the ASU cheerleaders posing in their underwear resulted in the program getting banned by the school. The university later came out and denied it, saying that the dissolution of the program and the photos were just coincidental.

March 2008: Hoosier muscle lassie goes all out: Don Chavez (who always seems to be sifting through Photobucket accounts looking for these things) comes across some extremely graphic photos of one Hoosier cheerleader supposedly playing porn star for her boyfriend. After the photos come out, the mother quickly comes to her daughter's defense and claims somebody "stole the photos from her daughter's computer."

Feb. 2008: Kings' Dancers get torched by Fox News : Thanks to photos of various members of the Sacramento Kings dance team throwing back champagne, showing off their g-strings, and, well, pretending they have giant candy cane shlongs, Fox News picked up the story and moral outrage rippled through the Kings' camp for a few days. Naturally, Ufford gets blamed.

Of course there are plenty of others that have made the rounds, but not been given the national mainstream exposure or created national controversies like the unlucky Blue Bomber gals. It's gotten to the point where most of these cheerleaders seemingly don't even care about this stuff getting out there. Hell, sometimes it results in a movie deal. The lines between public and private photos have severely been blurred, obviously, but you have to wonder if most of the cheerleaders are just dim-witted morons who are still confused as to how to keep photos of themselves in their underwear from public viewing or this is actually the desired effect. Right now, I'm convinced it's the latter.

What is a cubicle drone stifling an uncomfortable engorgement to do when the search for "Patriots 18-year-old Cheerleader" proves futile? Well, you can start by scouring the photos of her high school team and then try to find similar, identifying body parts.

This could take a while. First person to identify Rebecca Lucas wins an autographed copy of Chicken Soup For The Golfer's Soul and, of course, the purifying shame that comes out of such a scuzzbuckety endeavor.

*Thanks to the anonymous Deadspin reader who sent in this photo of young Becca Lucas. You are doing God's dirty work.

** And, of course, the well-oiled men at With Leather have come up with the requisite bikini photo. A sticky film crawls across the internet as this story unfolds....

Bareley Legal NE Patriot Cheerleader Makes Team [Busted Coverage]

The school's athletic director, Lisa Love, made the decision Thursday evening.The pictures on the blog feature 6 of the cheerleaders posing in nothing but their bras and panties. Although only six members of the squad are shown in the photographs, the entire 16-member squad will suffer the consequences, MyFOXPhoenix reported.

But who could possibly be against democracy?

UPDATE: ASU denies the photos were causal.

The Evil, Nasty Internet Claims Another: Reports Claim Arizona State to Cut Cheerleading Squad [The Big Lead]
Arizona State Cuts Cheerleading Squad After Racy Photos Surface On Blog [Fox News]
Arizona State Cheerleaders Update [TheDirty.com]

Seriously: These cheerleaders aren't messing around.

The Dodgers' No. 3 is Delwyn Young. The guy deserves such a tribute, we guess.

Chinese Baseball Cheerleaders [Home Run Derby]

On the eve of one of the most important games in Patriots history, a small group of Patriots cheerleaders were outsourced to China — how ironic! — for "teaching wannabe cheerleaders and promoting professional football in the world's most populous country." We suppose this makes sense; we suspect the Chinese had no idea why these scantily clad women were jumping up and down in front of them, but we doubt they minded all that much.

4 New England Patriots' Cheerleaders Now Owned By Chinese [Busted Coverage]

Little Bobby Thorn — that's him in the picture — just wanted to be a cheerleader, but he was not allowed on the team, even though he clearly was the best at kicking, jumping and sis-boom-bahing. So his mother got together with the Kentucky Commission on Human Rights and sued the school. And won.

In the settlement agreement, the school admits no wrongdoing but the commission has ordered mandatory training for the principal, teachers and coaches at the school. In addition, school administrators must submit an annual report to the commission for the next three years and include any additional complaints.

The school also agreed to pay $3,000 to Bobby's mother. "It was a long process, but I knew in my heart I did the right thing for my child to tell him not to back down," [the mom] said.

His mom got 3,000 clams. And little Bobby Thorn gets to be the guy whose mom sued the school to get him on the cheerleading team. Forever. That should work out well for him.

UPDATE: Evidently this is a huge story in Kentucky. Here's a video.

Boy's Family Settles Cheerleading Dispute [WXII]

Six of eight Ripon High School cheerleaders were suspended from school for two days over a cheer performed at a football game. The girls danced to a Britney Spears song and lifted their skirts at the end to spell out the school's nickname, Indians. Superintendent Leo Zuber said he couldn't discuss the issue because of confidentiality requirements on disciplinary matters. Parents can appeal suspensions, and Zuber acknowledged he has received one. He said he will investigate whether proper procedures were followed and whether suspensions were warranted.

Jesus Christ, what is this world coming to? Performing a routine to the music of Britney Spears is just fucking depraved. Oh and I'm still not entirely sure why these girls were suspended. And what the fuck happened to the other two that didn't get suspended?

Click here for the full story in convenient video form. And please try to refrain from the "yes, no" game in the comment section. After all, these girls are high schoolers and nobody really asked you anyways, dick.

Let's take a look, for example, at Randi. She's 19, she loves the UFC and her goal is to be a cosmetologist/esthetician. And thanks to the fine folks at HoustonTexans.com, with the push of one button, you can make her dance. You can also do the charming, respectful "360 View," which turns her around so that you might see her from all angles. We are actively surprised to not see Aubrey Huff anywhere on that page.

Randi 360 [HoustonTexans.com]
Texans Cheerleader Page Not Demeaning At All [End Zone Buzz]

This is what happens when you sign up obsessive compulsive cheerleaders; those banners can never ... quite ... be clean ... enough.

Wait Guys! There's Something Wrong With The Banner........Oh No...... [Awful Announcing]

The poll results clearly reveal that the cheerleading industry's dirty little secret regarding homely girls is standard policy in the NFL. "There's always one on every squad." said one of the survey winners, who spoke with us on the condition of anonymity and that we not come any closer. "Even in high school, we always had a plain girl, a chubby girl or maybe a pimply girl. We felt better letting them cheer with us."

The quote, of course, is fake. This photo of the Daily Redundancy's managing editor, however, is real.*

(* = Possibly not real).

Survey: Even The NFL Has Homely Cheerleaders [The Daily Redundancy]

David Miller, a member of the Citizens for Community Values (CCV), the group pushing for strict new regulations on Ohio's strip clubs, joined lawmakers peering inside as a Beachwood Democrat explained the contents. Inside: The definition of semi-nude used in the strip-club bill, which includes the phrase "the showing of female buttocks," a dictionary definition of buttocks, and a handful of pictures of the Cleveland Cavaliers dance team performing with their rear ends partially hanging out of their skimpy outfits. It was time for Budish's question: "How would this law not apply to the Cleveland Cavs dance team?"

After calling it a "bit of a stretch" to think the Cavs dancers would fall under the law, Miller conceded that his organization would entertain a change to the bill "so it does not cover the Cleveland Cavs dance team," as the standing-room-only crowd laughed.

Frankly, looking at that picture and the dance's team's Web site, we're not quite sure how they don't classify as strippers. Ah, Ohio.

Cavaliers Dancers Get Legislators' Attention [Cleveland Plain Dealer]
Cavs Girls Dance Team [NBA.com]

"For the past 6-7 years, ESPN and its nationwide networks have exploited cheer/dance teams all across the country. They do this by parking their TV cameras on these women for their own personal entertainment," an excerpt from one letter said.

A few of the letters were laced with insecticide, which is really just being lazy. The FBI believes the letter writer "may be directly or indirectly involved in some element of cheerleading and/or the television production/coverage aspect of collegiate athletics." Well, then we totally know who it is then.

FBI Seeks Letter Writer Who Complained Of TV Coverage [Associated Press]

But we didn't expect it to come to this: MSG is claiming that she's suffering from "hypersexuality."

In the sweeping counterattack, Garden attorney Melissa Rodriguez said Prince's behavior "is not surprising as she suffered from bipolar disorder, a classic symptom of which is hypersexuality."

The skaters claim Prince pretended to simulate sex on the ice during one practice and regularly coached skaters to appear more "fuckable." She also grabbed other skaters' breasts and used explicit terms to describe their anatomy, the skaters said.

God, aren't lawsuits just the best? They really bring out the best in everyone.

Hockey Cheerleader And Her Passion For Sex [WBRS Sports Blog]

Last week, the Denver Broncos held open auditions for women to join their cheerleading team. Two hundred and fifty women tried out for 34 slots. One of them was this woman.

Now, before you say anything: We'd like to call out Reuters photographer Rick Wilking as a potentially bad person. After all, he's the one who took this photo, with this caption:

A prospective Denver Broncos cheerleader performs a routine on the first day of auditions in Denver, Colorado March 25, 2007. Over 250 women applied for the 34 slots. REUTERS/Rick Wilking (UNITED STATES) ATTENTION EDITORS - MOVING A PACKAGE OF EIGHT PICTURES FOR ESSAY ON DENVER BRONCOS CHEERLEADERS AUDITION

We're just gonna guess the other seven photos in the essay were more, uh, traditional. Not nice, Rick; not nice at all.

Denver Broncos Cheerleader Auditions [Reuters]

We ask because NBA.com has launched its Las Vegas Dance All-Star Team, which allows fans to vote on the most, uh, qualified dancer to represent her squad in Vegas this February. Each dancer has a 30-second video biography to educate the electorate, and, well, turns out there are pictures too.

This is Katherine, from the Raptors Dance Pak. Thumbing through the voting page, we will confess amusement at some of the dance troupe names. The Bucks dancers? "Energee!" NOOCH? "Honeybees." Indiana? "The Pacemates." We would have preferred "Pacemakers," but whatever.

(Thanks to the heads up on this from Randball, which is starting to veer toward the indispensable.)

One of USC's spritely cheerleaders must have decided that since she was only scheduled to be seated at the bottom of the pyramid, there would be no harm in showing up for a nationally televised game without the protection of any kind of female undergarmets. I can only hope that she steered clear of doing any splits, because we all know how cumbersome it is to remove grass stains from your labia.

(Thanks to AwfulAnnouncing for the tip).

USC Cheerleader Forgets Underwear [YouTube]

The M Zone takes a moment away from screaming at the heavens and cursing Allah to bring us this video, from the USC-UCLA game Saturday — way to step up, Trojans, by the way — and the famous Unable To Figure Out When Is, In Fact, The Correct Time To Cheer cheerleader. She has a tendency to strike during the most damaging Trojans losses, it appears; we fully expect to see this woman in straight-to-video movies, shot in the Valley, in which she shows up to jump and yell every time the hero's girlfriend dies or the villain unleashes one of his henchmen to terrorize a small, defenseless child. "Go Leatherface!"

And as always, the reactions of the other cheerleaders are the best part. "Gawd, Amber! Like, pay attention, jeez!"

Now that the Michigan cheerleaders have adopted the red-hot Maxim-worthy image of soccer moms, it was only a matter of time until the sport itself would catch on.

I'm not saying that the Chiva girls, who have just released their new calendar, are the second coming of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, but perhaps if you happen to be on a Tequila bender, you can pretend. After all, we've been pretending for years that MLS actually plays Joga Bonito. And consider that since ChivasUSA has started playing that other beautiful game, it has gone from the laughingstock of the league to championship contender and pride of the Home Depot Center — or as the soon-to-be exiled Galaxy now think of it, the Homeless Depot Center. If only the Knicks City Dancers could work the same magic in New York.

Chiva Girls! [Chivas USA]

The M Zone points out a rather disturbing trend it has noticed with the Michigan cheerleaders: They're all dressed like soccer moms!

You half expected to see the Michigan cheerleader getting out of a minivan followed by her twin children, Oliver and Samantha. I mean come on! When did our cheerleading squad strike a clothing deal with the LPGA?!

We probably should have noticed something was wrong with they started chanting "O-P-R-A-H!"

Hail To Soccer Moms [The M Zone]

Not that the Buckeyes faithful didn't try, burning various reclining devices like couches, mattresses and heiresses, and riling up a bit of the Columbus downtown area. But the real fun came from George Karadimas, who rammed his car into a police control post specifically set up to deal with rioters. A fire chief, OSU's assistant vice president for student affairs and her husband were injured when Karadimas made it past the checkpoints and hit the three peacekeepers.

Best part about this: Karadimas is a Ohio State cheerleader. Hey: Gotta support the team!

So Tonight We're Gonna Party Like We're George Karadimas [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

Presenting the next member of the inaugural class of the Deadspin Hall Of Fame ...

The Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders. Final tally: 76.9 percent.

All inauguration speeches are encouraged. Obviously, many more to come.

(Plaque by Jim Cooke.)

Not quite. The details poured in as the days went on, with more pictures surfacing, full police reports, promotions at the infamous Banana Joe's, fierce (and LYING!) denials and, finally, a plea bargain.

The "they can't make money off this" provision in the final sentencing assures that the theoretical Penthouse pictorials will never become a reality, but there's little chance that a story involving two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders having sex with each other in the bathroom of a Tampa bar will fade from the public consciousness anytime soon.

But is it a Hall of Famer? Remember, 75 percent is the threshold. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Tuesday.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

Well, now the story can be told: A source close to the investigation tells us that our humble little site was dangerously close to being mentioned in official court documents. Witness.

So when the State began to prepare for trial, they searched for old internet articles relating to the arrest. The Defendant was charged with using a false ID, and the result of that use having ill effects on a third party. When the blonde got arrested and used her friend's ID, that friend's name was dragged through the mud on numerous blogs and newspaper articles, until the Defendant's real name came out. One of the articles that were prepared and marked as exhibits for trial? Deadspin's initial reporting of the incident, which linked to the newspaper articles that gave out the fake name given by the Defendant. Unfortunately, the Monday of Jury Selection, Miss Thomas chose to take the deal first offered by the bosses, which she initially refused, because she didn't like the "You can't make money off this" clause.

So, now that they've both pled out, and Miss Thomas is doing her Pre-Trial Intervention program, it's safe to let the cat out of the bag: Deadspin almost got mentioned in a criminal proceeding.

We can't think of anything that would have made our father more proud of us.

The Whole System Is Out Of Order [Deadspin]

Well, the actress who plays Phyllis is named Phyllis Smith, and she's got a fun piece of trivia: She's a former cheerleader for The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona St. Louis Cardinals. She was a dancer in the mid-80s, a cheerleader and burlesque performer, before she blew out her knee and became a receptionist for casting agencies. That ended up with her, by chance, being cast on "The Office" and becoming the most famous former Buzzsaw cheerleader we know. Plus, she knits.

We are told she looked somewhat different in the mid-80s. Though with the history of the Buzzsaw, we wouldn't be that surprised if she didn't.

Phyllis Went To Cleveland High School ... And Now Works At Dunder-Mifflin [St. Louis Post-Dispatch [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]

Celtics.com has covered the historic proceedings with this blog. Some of the judges included former Celtics Ernie DiGregorio and Dana Barros, along with current Celtic Tony Allen. I'm sure Tony's looking forward to getting to know some of these ladies better, and if you're Dana Barros, hey, why not take one more shot with the old, "Baby, I'm Dana Barros" line.

Photos from the auditions are here and here.

At Marshall University in West Virginia, a former female cheerleader — that is to say, she used to be a cheerleader; she's still a woman — is suing the university and the former cheerleading coach because of intense sexual harassment. And when you read the allegations, "intense" doesn't quite cover it.

"Male members of the cheerleading squad routinely made offensive actions toward female squad members, including exposing their genitalia, rubbing their scrotum on a female team member's face as she stretched on the floor, groping female members' breasts, shouting 'Throw the bitches up' and grabbing their genitalia area," the complaint says.

The complaint is very graphic, to warn; it's so graphic, in fact, it's rather shocking a daily newspaper printed so much of it. It's not every day you see the words "Beared clam (vagina)" over your morning cereal.

Former Marshall Cheerleader Says Squad Sexually Harassed Her [West Virginia Record]

(UPDATE: The Smoking Gun has the full suit.)

Actually, I agree with Dunn... I think it's a fine idea. I'm not someone who needs any other forms of entertainment to go along with my sporting events. For instance, I hate the guys at NBA arenas who babble through time-outs and hand-out free t-shirts, and I feel like anyone who cheers more for a free t-shirt than for the actual game should be dragged out of the arena and beaten to death will a ball-peen hammer.

But this is baseball. I wouldn't necessarily want to see them at a World Series game or at any important venture, but really, baseball lends itself to this kind of thing. There are so many pauses and stoppages in the action during the course of a game, and sausage races are only awesome the first few times. They play 162 of these things. A little bit of straggled ass is not out of line.

Cheerleaders in baseball? Reds give them a try [Cincinnati.Com]
Introducing the MDX Reds Crew [The Professional Cheerleader Blog]
Brewers/Klements Racing Sausages - A Historical Perspective [Milwaukee Brewers]
Beavers Forced To Lay Motionless [themightymjd.com]

With a whispered plea, a gobbledygook of legalese and a year's probation, the saga of the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders has come to a close. Renee Thomas, the blond cheerleader charged with punching a woman in the face, will serve 12 months on probation, pay $400 in restitution, serve 50 hours of community service and — and here, friends, is the rub — had to agree not to "have any monetary gain from this case."

So put away those dreams of the Maxim or Playboy spread. What happened in that bathroom, sadly, mournfully, will stay in that bathroom. We'll always have Banana Joe's.

Anger Management, Community Service For Former Panthers Cheerleader [Tampa Bays 10] (with VIDEO!)

"As long as my arms were functioning, I could do the fight song," the feisty Yamaoka told The AP by telephone Monday morning from Saint Louis University Hospital. She's going to be OK, by the way. Oh, and the Salukis won. (This type of thing happens more often than one might think).

Now that's freaking dedication. And it's something that whiskey-soaked Stanford Tree should think about before it goes off on another drunken escapade.

Saluki Cheerleader In Fair Condition At Saint Louis University Hospital [Saluki Athletics]

The brilliant minds at The Smoking Gun, fresh off their destruction of James Frey, have gotten a hold of the police reports documenting witness accounts of Carolina Panthers cheerleaders Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas having their way with each other in a Tampa nightclub bathroom. It's, um, a rather detailed report. A highlight, from victim Melissa Holden's testimony:

Holden said that defendent Keathley was standing on the toilet and her head was above the stall. Holden further stated that defendant [Thomas'] feet were facing inward toward Keathley's body. Holden stated that Keathley was making facial expressions and noises that were consistent with that of a person engaged in sexual activity.

The Penthouse Letters-esque report is corroborated by two other witnesses and is easily printed out for your own bathroom escapades.

In The Stall With Those Cheerleaders [The Smoking Gun]

Anyway, Angela — the "troublemaker" — pleaded out yesterday in regards to the charges filed back in November; she will receive six months probation, do 32 hours of community service and write a letter of apology to Tampa police, a letter we sincerely hope begins, Penthouse Letters-style, with, "Dear Tampa Police: I never thought something like this would happen to me, but ..."

Keathley and Thomas continue their blasted, wretched lies that there was, in fact, no sex in the bathroom, and are actually filing suit against Melissa Holden, the woman they punched, for saying there had been. We'd like to personally volunteer for the jury; we would like to hear Ms. Holden's testimony firsthand. Slowly, please, so the court reporter can get it all down.

Is it possible to ever get tired of this story? Probably not.

Ex-TopCat Accepts Probation, Service [Charlotte Observer]
Wrapping Up The Lesbian Cheerleaders Story [Deadspin]

"To me, this is a form of prostitution," said Barbara Rotary of Pontiac, who said she saw the calendar while Christmas shopping and alerted the group. "The Pistons are profiting from using women's bodies this way."

Pistons president Tom Wilson said the calendar is artistic and tasteful and contains "images anyone could see on the beach. The girls don't look sleazy or cheap."

As always, our questions are many:

1. To what Michigan beach is Wilson referring?
2. Does the calendar note foreign holidays?
3. Are the Pistons any closer to getting a solid backup point guard who can play perimeter defense?
4. Which month is the nudiest?

To all you Christian moms, we salute you. Keep up the good fight. And to you Christian dads, better hurry — only 22 hours left to bid.

Detroit Pistons Sports Calendar [American Decency Organization]

Holden is suing Thomas — but not Keathley — for $15,000, a small number to shoot for, if you ask us. Holden should ask for more money, because with Thomas' lack of a job with the Panthers anymore, she (and Keathley) might be forced to accept some of the alternative sources of potential income. But now we're just being unseemly.

By the way, we're informed Holden is not a professional cheerleader. No, really.

Whupped By A Panthers Cheerleader [Gambling 911]

Yesterday, Melissa Holden, the one who took the fist to the face from Renee Thomas after she interrupted their bathroom makeout session last month, has officially sued Thomas for $15,000 for damages.

We know Ms. Holden hasn't necessarily been the most public face of this whole story — perhaps because the face was all purple and bruised — but it's time to remember the true victims. Wait: This story has no victims. We support Holden's lawsuit; anything to keep the story hanging around.

Law And Order [Tampa Tribune]
Interview With Melissa Holden [Tampa Bay 10]

"She just wanted to make clear there was no sex," Keathley's lawyer said. "The blonde was comforting her."

Whether or not they actually had sex or not — and we of course know they did, they did, they did — clearly Angela continues to fail to understand the world as she now knows it. She says she doesn't want to lose her nursing job. Honey, we know how much nurses make. We assure you ... there's more money out there for you right now. A lot. So just tell the truth. We can take it. We're gonna need specifics, however.

Sounds In Bathroom Were Tears, Not Sex, Ex-Cheerleader Says [Tampa Tribune]