José Mourinho's Self-Regard Grows In Inverse Proportion To Chelsea's Record

Hey remember when David Moyes coached United for a year, everyone agreed it was an unmitigated disaster, and it became the standard by which to measure all EPL meltdowns? José Mourinho, the little tyrant man who will probably get fired from the USMNT someday, and Chelsea have started this season three points worse… »10/04/15 11:48amSunday 11:48am

Chelsea Players Starting To Rebel Against José Mourinho

It was inevitable that Chelsea’s astoundingly poor performances and results so far this season would lead to some level of internal strife inside the club. We now have confirmation of this, with sources in the team describing a rift between the players and José Mourinho to two different papers. »10/01/15 1:48pmThursday 1:48pm

Diego Costa And José Mourinho Are The Shitheads We Need

The more you think about it the more inevitable it seems that José Mourinho—the ne plus ultra of managerial shit-talking, barb-throwing, and incessant needling of rivals—and Diego Costa—his dispositional equivalent on the field, only with elbows substituted for verbal barbs as his projectile of choice—would combine… »9/21/15 4:53pm9/21/15 4:53pm

Remember When A Chelsea Player Waggled His Dick At Stranded Americans The Day After 9/11?

When the first plane hit the north tower of the World Trade Center, it was 1:45 p.m. in London; preparations were well underway across Europe for the eight Champions League matches set to kick off later in the day. The matches went ahead, but the next day UEFA postponed the week’s remaining eight Champions League… »9/11/15 6:05pm9/11/15 6:05pm

Have Manchester City Really Wrapped Up The Premier League Title Already?

Is this real life? We thought it was something last year when Chelsea became champions-elect by the start of November, but sweet Jesus, we’re only four games into the new season and it already looks nearly certain that Manchester City will lift the Premier League trophy come May.… »8/31/15 1:20pm8/31/15 1:20pm

Manchester City Stake Their Claim As The Premier League's Best Team

You wouldn’t exactly describe it as a shock. It was Manchester City, after all. Winners of two of the last four Premier League titles; armed with the best goalscorers in the country; with one of its twistiest, most creative talents; newly infused with the precocious abilities of England’s most promising young prospect »8/17/15 3:20pm8/17/15 3:20pm

Here's José Mourinho's Bullshit Excuse For Why He Demoted His Team Doctor

Earlier this week, José Mourinho demoted Chelsea’s long-serving team doctor, days after he publicly showed her up during a game last weekend. He’s rightly come in for criticism for the decision, so now “sources close” to him have concocted an excuse for the change: the players didn’t feel comfortable around a lady.… »8/12/15 6:46pm8/12/15 6:46pm

José Mourinho Demotes Team Doctor After Blowing Up Her Spot On Pitch

Eva Carneiro, the long-serving Chelsea first team doctor, has been a staple of the team’s matches over the years, rushing out onto the pitch as the first responder to any and all of their injuries. It’s very likely that one such attempt to treat a player on the field last weekend will be her last, however, because… »8/11/15 1:20pm8/11/15 1:20pm

Jose Mourinho Is In Midseason Form As Chelsea Barely Survive Swansea

Chelsea opened their Premier League title defense today with a topsy turvy 2-2 draw against Swansea City. As you can see, Jose Mourinho ain’t too happy about it. Our staff of amateur lip readers concurs that he’s dropping a “Fuck off Michael!”—directed towards referee Michael Oliver—but you could make the case that… »8/08/15 3:31pm8/08/15 3:31pm

The Best Of The Best: Our 2015-16 Premier League Preview, Pt. 3

You’ve made it to the third and final installment of our Premier League preview, and what lies below is a rundown of what we at Deadspin consider the six (6) least bad teams in all of England’s top flight. This thirdish of the league is important because this is where teams are fighting for all-important qualification… »8/07/15 12:29pm8/07/15 12:29pm

José Mourinho Has No Use For This Loser's Medal, Or For Arsène Wenger

Arsenal beat Chelsea 1-0 today to win their second straight Community Shield, and it appears Chelsea manager José Mourinho has about as much use for the match as the rest of us. Here he is avoiding congratulating rival manager Arsène Wenger and then throwing his second-place medal up into the crowd. »8/02/15 12:55pm8/02/15 12:55pm

José Mourinho Is Shitting On Managers Again, Which Means Soccer's Back!

We’ve seen preseason play and preseason brawls, and now that José Mourinho has broken out the ol’ charcoal grill and laid on a couple thick slabs of Arsène Wenger and Manuel Pellegrini tenderloin, the aroma of preseason beef means the Premier League season is just around the corner. »7/28/15 6:39pm7/28/15 6:39pm