Luana Belletti holds the deadly combination of being of Italian ancestry and Brazilian birth, a mixture that typically renders men incapable of resisting her charms. (Translation: "She's a babe.") Since she could have any man in the world, she naturally chose the most famous man in her brother's chosen field, who also happens to work for his organization's hated league rival. At least the boys will have something to talk about on the field next season!

Incredibly, one version of the story claims Juliano fixed the two up—the all speak Portuguese, you know—which means the guy is either immune to jeering insults about his sister's virtue, or she's a spy planning to lure Ronaldo into a daze of lover's bliss and then dump his heartsick ass the day before the next Chelsea tilt at Old Trafford. Hey, I've seen Footballer's Wives.

And thus concludes your daily WAG update. Was it good for you too?

Cristiano Ronaldo's latest WAG is a Chelsea player's sister! [The Spoiler]
CRISTIANO RONALDO DIVES IN TO SISTER OF CHELSEA STAR [People.uk]

The team doesn't even seem that upset about the 93rd minute game-tying goal from Andres Iniesta—although that definitely had to sting. (A tie equals a win for Barca thanks to the "away goal" rule. We're learning so much about soccer!) It's mostly the feeling from Blues players and fans that the DutchNorwegian referee, Tom Ovrebo, was in the tank for the Spanish team. The ref in question also had a feeling that he might be murdered by hooligans after the match and had to smuggled out of the country like a fresh pound of Amsterdam'sOslo's finest.

Chelsea's coach says there were at least four non-penalty calls that went against his team, including two in-the-box handballs. Michael Ballack nearly lost his mind after one (I could watch this all day) and Didier Drogba got carded after the match was over, when he came back from the locker room to challenge Ovrebo. Then he got caught shouting, "It's a fucking disgrace" at live TV cameras, a crass, unprofessional move that teammates support 100%. Defender José Bosingwa was even quoted after the game as saying "This referee was bought. I do not know if he is a referee or a thief." Of course, that was translated from his native Portuguese by British tabloids, so that may not be entirely accurate.

On the other hand ... it's difficult for Chelsea to cry about officiating when they were the beneficiaries of the worst call of the match—a red card on Barcelona's Éric Abidal for standing too close to Nicolas Anelka as he tripped over his own feet. That gave them a 25-minute power play that they failed to capitalize on and you can't blame a referee for that. However, the idea that UEFA would mess with Chelsea just to avoid a second-straight all-England final is still completely reasonable because fuck those guys, right? David Stern would be proud.

Chelsea backing for Didier Drogba's foul-mouthed rant [ESPN Soccernet]
Angry Chelsea Goes a Finger Too Far [NY Times]
Blues condemn death threats [Sport Box]
Andres Iniesta - The Most Deserving Barcelona Hero [Goal.com]
Hiddink screams Blue murder [The Sun]

How did Chelsea make such easy work of Liverpool in their Champions League showdown this week? It might have something to do with their secret synchronized swimming practices. I assume that whatever the hell these players are doing here is some sort of team building exercise or maybe some kind of low-impact injury-free training. I don't really want to ask questions that I'm not prepared to hear the answers to. Putting silk ties on shirtless dudes is a vital practice technique, however.

Remember—you're not angry with him, you're just pointing.

Behind the scenes with Chelsea FC [Sports Crackle Pop]

First he poached the former World Cup winning manager for Brazil, Luis Felipe Scolari, from his follow-up gig, then he made two of the EPL's (suck it, Barclays) splashiest summer signings by bringing in Deco from Barcelona and Jose Bosingwa from Porto. But if there's anything Abramovich can't stand, it's being outspent. Even if it's by himself.

The Monopoly-money waving oil oligarch appears to be continuing his raid on the Iberian peninsula as Chelsea are on the verge of completing a £29M (~$58M) deal with Real Madrid for Brazilian Robinho. Now, just to prove that the only person capable of one-upping Abramovich is Abramovich there is also an £80M bid in to nab A.C. Milan's ace Kaka (also Brazilian) before the transfer window closes up for the summer. The latter was denied about 5 minutes after in appeared in print. But denials are only as good as the 1's and 0's they are encoded in.

If Abramovich is trying to buy all of Brazil, he should just do the whole thing at once. He might get a bulk discount. But as he makes himself the EPL's blancmange—only instead of winning Wimbledon he means to win every fucking trophy available—the rest of us are reduced to waiting for Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Brainsample to come eat him.

Anyway, if any of you are Russian billionaires and want to help level the playing field, there are 19 other EPL teams that might take your call. Oh wait, 18, Liverpool have already decided they don't want competent rich people running their show.

Chelsea to sign Real Madrid's Robinho in next 48 hours [Telegraph.co.uk]