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stay away from her, ashley!
Posts Tagged “
Chelsea
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stay away from her, ashley!
could jesus stop didier?
Drogba Blows Kisses, Hirshey Blows
Didier Drogba and Chelsea just finished off Arsenal at the Bridge 2-1, moving the home team in to second on the table. Drogba scored two goals in the second half to bring the Blues back from a one goal deficit. Chelsea now stands just five points shy of Manchester, and speaking of them... More »
david hirshey is the closer
Others Must Fail
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
I can't remember whether it was Gore Vidal or Big Daddy Drew who first uttered the line, "it's not enough to succeed, others must fail." I can't even remember who he was referring to, but I like to imagine it was my Spurs friend Relegation Zone Mikey. Suffice it to say, RZM texted me last night to say that he had never been "at a lower point, footywise." Words cannot adequately express you how good it felt to revel in a week that saw Arsenal drink from the nectar of the soccer gods while Tottenham lay bleeding to relegation death on the floor of the Prem.
claude makelele
Great Moments In Sports Agentry
The man pictured here is Claude Makelele, a midfielder for the Chelsea soccer team. He's married to some model named Noemie Lenoir; we think that's her in the photo, though honestly we have no idea. Anyway, another model says she's being having an affair with him. Who cares, right? Well, check out Makelele's agent's response to the rumors. More »
david hirshey is the closer
Mopping Up Chelsea's Mess
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
Remember the good old days when you could enter a men's room and not have to worry about some closeted Senator in the next stall subtly caressing your foot or, in my case, a drunken git accosting me on Saturday morning at Kinsale Tavern? First off, what kind of pervert takes a leak next to you when there are two free urinals on either end, especially since I have such a well-known wide stance?
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david hirshey is the closer
The Special Needs One
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer.
So that was one auspicious coaching debut by Roman Abramovich yesterday, huh? What's that? Avram Grant is Chelsea's new manager, not the modelizing meglomaniacal billionaire who owns the team and pulls the strings like Russia's own Jerry Joneski?
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soccer
Chelsea Are Your FA Champions
It must've been a rough morning for our pal David Hirshey. Not only did Chelsea get a 1-0 win when Didier Drogba scored in extra time, but it came at the end of a game that's been described as "rubbish football" and "cack." More »
david hirshey is the closer
Dancing On Chelsea's Grave
David Hirshey writes regularly for Deadspin about soccer. More »
soccer
Premiership Title Gift-Wrapped For Manchester United
Manchester United clinched the Premiership title this afternoon, on a day when they were not playing, their head coach was on the golf course, and two other teams tied. More »
premiership
Today in the Premiership...
• Manchester United 4-1 Bolton. Cristiano Ronaldo is as magnificent as he is handsome. He spent the day carving up the Bolton defense, setting up goals for Wayne Rooney (who had 2), and Ji-Sung Park (who also had 2). It was a dominating performance, but it didn't come without a price. Gary Neville somehow managed to cripple himself on an innocent-looking collision with Gary Speed. More »
soccer
Today In The Premiership...
• Liverpool 0-1 Manchester United. They were playing with then men. Liverpool was controlling most of the play. Things were looking up for Chelsea, who desperately needed Manchester United to stumble... but two minutes into injury time, Cristiano Ronaldo set up for a free kick, it deflected off goalie Jose Reina, and John O'Shea knocked it home. It gives United three huge points, putting them (for the moment, anyway) twelve points clear of Chelsea in the race for the league title. Quite a turn of events, and particularly satisfying for Sir Alex Ferguson after he told Jose Mourinho to shut his goddamn mouth (or something) yesterday. More »
soccer
Today In The Premiership...
• Fulham 1-1 Tottenham. American Clint Dempsey saw his first action for Fulham today, coming off the bench in the 81st minute and... well, I don't think he did much of anything. He's listed in the match report as "Clinton Dempsey," which I think shows a lack of international respect for his gangsta nature. They didn't get the memo about not treading on this. Fulham tied the game with a late penalty kick conversion from Vincenzo Montella. More »
soccer
Hirshey's Holiday Week Off
We are sorry to disappoint, but our main man David Hirshey is taking a week off from his weekly windings on the world of the English Premier League. (That's soccer, in case you forgot.) He sends the following explanation/report: More »
premiership
I'm Sorry, Goalie, But You Are Screwed
I missed this during yesterday's Premiership coverage, which necessitates doubling up on the amount of soccer posts this weekend. Many of you, I'm sure, hate this. And I'm sorry. But Portsmouth's Matt Taylor did something yesterday that is not normal, and I don't think we should ignore it. More »
soccer
Today In The Premiership...
• Sheffield United 1-2 Manchester United. Wayne Rooney put Manchester United on his back today and earned them a crucial 2-1 victory over Sheffield United. Sheffield led after a goal in the 13th minute, but a couple of clean Rooney strikes gave the Reds the win. I don't think Rooney's performance can compare, however, to the guy who bit off Sheffield United goalkeeper Paddy Kenny's eyebrow in a bar brawl on Monday, as if that guy's not ugly enough. We have to much to learn in America about brawling and supporting our favorite teams. More »
soccer
Oh. So THAT'S A Bung
The big "shocking" report from the BBC about a brewing soccer scandal in Europe has finally aired, and it turns out that the problem is ... bungs! More »
soccer
