Deadspin: chessboxing

Rook To Queen's Knight One, Bitch

rickchand — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 12:55:08 EST

If only chessboxing had come along a couple of decades earlier, we could have had some of the most entertaining championship bouts known to mankind. "Holmes is attempting to move his queen while still wearing his boxing gloves; pieces are flying everywhere! Spinks believes his bishop is made of chocolate ... and now he's eaten it! And that's the end of round two!"

A 37-year-old policeman, "Anti-Terror" Frank Stoldt from Berlin, won the first Light-Heavyweight World Championship title in chessboxing after defeating American David "Double D" Depto at the Berlin Tape Club yesterday. After a grueling battle, a checkmate in round seven produced a clear victor.

Hey, "Anti-Terror" is my nickname!

That chessboxing is sweeping the world should surprise no one; ESPN televises it, and there are even youth leagues cropping up. But the sport will never really catch on until they address the many hygeine issues. If I wanted to play an indoor game with a fat sweaty athlete, I'd take on Curt Schilling in World of Warcraft.

Germany Is The World Champion! [WCBO]

"Cut Me, Doc, Cut Me. Oh, Check, By The Way"

Rick Chandler — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 11:45:45 EDT

While everyone is focusing on the World Cup, another big event being hosted by Germany is tragically being ignored: The European Chessboxing Championships. The only board game which requires talcum and a cut man begins on April 21 in Cologne with two fights; the first between German middleweights Stefan Dittrich and Jan Mielke. Then the main event, with 'Anti Terror' Frank Stoldt from Berlin vs. Zoran 'The Priest' Mijatovic from Pulla, Croatia. That last nickname is either terrifying or very sad, we haven't decided which. The winner will qualify for the world championship fight, which will take place by the end of 2006.

Oh, and don't forget that the World Foosball World Cup is coming up May 22-26 in Hamburg, Germany. Yeah, as if you didn't know.

World Chessboxing Federation
Title Fight Proves Brains Beats Brawn [Sydney Morning Herald]
Presenting The Stupidist Sport Ever [Deadspin]
International Table Soccer Federation

Presenting The Stupidest Sport Ever

Leitch — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 12:15:56 EDT

We were pretty sure that the end of civilization was near when we discovered Korfball. After a close examination of Korfball, it became very clear that humans have too much time on their hands, and it would be better for everyone if we just gave everything back to the lower mammals, letting them start the evolution process all over again.

Now meet Chessboxing, which is even more pointless. It's what one might imagine — wherein opponents square off in alternate rounds of boxing and chess. Played exclusively in Europe, the sport is organized to the point where there's a world champion, and devotees claim that it's headed to the U.S., having already made inroads through — wait for it — the Wu-Tang Clan.

Well, bring it on, chessboxing. We'll grind you under the heel of our future national pastime, the competitive staring contest. And, of course, Calvinball.

Chessboxing [Official Site]
Staremaster [Official Site]