The Steelers and Bears lost big games this weekend, and the frustration mounted to the point of manufactured controversy. On the Sunday Night Football broadcast, Ward opened up to Bob Costas:

This game is almost like a playoff game. It's almost a must-win. I could see some players or teammates questioning, like, 'It's just a concussion. I've played with a concussion before. I would go out there and play.' So, it's almost like a 50-50 toss-up in the locker room, you know? Should he play? Shouldn't he play? It's really hard to say. I've been out there dinged up. The following week, got right back out there."

Only problem is, Big Ben's brain doctor told him that his brain wasn't in playing shape. So today Ward apologized to Roethlisberger via Facebook, which is apparently what you do when you've got more than 140 characters to write.

I would never question a man's toughness playing in a STEELER unif. I didn't mean to cause such a stir. My frustration was based on the fact that this was a big game for us to stay in the playoff picture and having Ben out there gave us our best opp to win in Balt. I was frustrated because there was no indication of... Ben not being able to play because he practiced a normal routine this week (wed, thurs and fri)."

[snip]

"I know Ben wanted to play this game but the docs told him he's down, and with that we trust our docs with their decisions. We would never jeopardize anyone's health for a game of football. Life is way to precious. One thing about Ben, he is a WINNER. We just wanted this game so badly."

So, all's well in Pittsburgh. These things are easier to get past when you're probably playoff bound. But in Chicago, Urlacher had this to say (obliquely) about Jay Cutler:

I hate the way our identity has changed. We used to establish the run and wear teams down and try not to make mistakes, and we'd rely on our defense to keep us in the game and make big plays to put us in position to win...Kyle Orton might not be the flashiest quarterback, but the guy is a winner, and that formula worked for us. I hate to say it, but that's the truth."

Today, he was asked to clarify. He clarified very little:

I'm not taking a shot at Jay. I'm not one bit taking a shot at Jay. He throws it better, right? And we haven't tried to run the ball as much. That's true. But Kyle has won games. His formula works. So I'm not taking a shot at Jay or Kyle."

Let's translate athlete-speak into English. Urlacher had originally said "the team needs to stop throwing so much, because Cutler is a bust who can't stop throwing interceptions and is costing the team games." His carefully considered remarks two days later are that "the team needs to stop throwing so much, because Cutler is a bust who can't stop throwing interceptions and is costing the team games. But I'm not taking a shot at Jay."

The lesson: get yourself a Facebook page, Brian. As of press time, more than 1100 people clicked the little thumbs-up icon next to Ward's comments.

Hines Ward Facebook Page [Facebook]
Brian Urlacher Says Comments About Chicago Bears Teammates Not Meant To Be Derogatory [Chicago Tribune]

Pittsburgh's Zack Heddinger claims he was just chilling at Kitty O'Shea's bar in downtown Chicago after the Steelers lost to the Bears on September 20. He and his buddies participated in some good-natured ribbing with the locals that apparently got out of hand, until one of the Chicagoans offered Heddiger a drink as a peace offering. Side effects of the beverage included loss of vision and heart stoppage.

Not long after taking the drink, Heddinger passed out and was rushed to a nearby hospital, his heart stopping four times. At first, doctors thought he had too much to drink, but realized there was more to it.

"They thought it was antifreeze or something like that …because it was so strong," said Heddinger.

Heddidger's family even flew to Chicago because they thought he was going to die. He says his vision has still not returned and he may have suffered permanent brain damage. According to the report, doctors now say he might have been poisoned by "toxic grain alcohol," which is just ... wow. Who knows what that little kid put in Mean Joe Greene's Coke?

Not surprisingly, Chicago police have zero leads on what happened to the perpetrators or the rest of the Bears' season.

Steelers Fan Says He Was Poisoned, Left Blind At Chicago Bar [WTAE Pittsburgh]

Benson made some waves last week when he accused his former team of trying to blackball him around the league. (Fortunately, when your running back has just 10 touchdowns in three years it doesn't take much to convince people not to hire him.) Plenty of players have tried to amp themselves up for a big "revenge game" by talking a little smack—and then promptly gone out and laid a big egg on the field/court/rink, proving that the organization that cut/traded/demoted them was right all along. Yet Benson somehow found a way to deliver a career-high 189 yards and a touchdown in a 45-10 pounding of his former mates. While playing for the Bengals even!

Benson said after the game that " it wasn't a revenge day" but he wouldn't have made those comments in the first place if it wasn't. He want to stick it to the team that never believed in him and was one of the lucky few to make that dream of sweet justice come true. Of course, if Benson had ever come anywhere close to leading the league in rushing when he played for the Bears, he wouldn't have anybody to be mad at now. I guess it doesn't matter whose fault that was—indifferent coaches, lumbering o-linemen, noodle armed QBs, or Benson himself?—because the team he leads now looks like a maybe possibly legit sorta contender. For this week, anyway. And this week is all that matters.

So eat your heart out, whoever has played running for the Bears since Walter Payton retired! Those nameless hordes sure look pretty stupid now, huh?

Cincinnati Bengals' Cedric Benson basks in an I-told-you-so day [Chicago Tribune]
Bears humiliated by Benson, Bengals [Chicago Sun-Times]
Wasn't just good running [ESPN Chicago]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Ricky Stanzi: Mark Dantonio's patented prevent defense prevents the Hawkeyes from losing their first game of the season, and Iowa suddenly finds itself photobombing the national championship picture. Good for them. Jerks. [The Rivalry, Esq./Daily Iowan]

Terrence Cody: The Alabama nose guard blocked two field goals in the fourth quarter against Tennessee to save his team's season. That guy must be swimming in free textbooks right now. [Press-Register]

Manny Acta: After a disappointing season in Cleveland, the Indians decide that what they really need is a little of that Washington Nationals magic. And they actually had to steal it from the Astros! Geez, who do you have to sleep with to not get hired as a major league manager? [PlainDealer/MLB]

Dustin Doe: The Florida linebacker could have been remembered for one of the all-time bonehead mistakes—after being stripped of the ball while prancing into the end zone on an interception return—but was bailed out by a terrible replay review and instead got the game-cinching touchdown to keep his team undefeated. Yeah, I can't wait for baseball to get this stuff. [ESPN]

Philadelphia Phillies: Thanks to poor scheduling by MLB and a little help from God, the WFC got a nice long weekend at home, so now they're all caught up on Glee. [MLB.com]

And the Weekend Loser?: Boise State. After a 54-9 shellacking of Hawaii—on the road, even—the undefeated Broncos fell three spots in the BCS standings and will likely be shut out of the BCS games, never mind the national title. Yay, regular season "integrity"! [The Associated Press]

What's wrong with this picture? Besides the fact that someone would just be hanging around Soldier Field watching paint dry. Reader Matthew R. says his "friend" snapped this picture last week before the Bears final exhibition game. Great googily moogily! Why can't Jimmy The Groundskeeper read?

Fortunately, the Bears open at Green Bay so they still have an extra week to figure out what went wrong and hire a new painter. Or maybe, since it's Chicago, they can find a corrupt building contractor to pick up the entire stadium and move it five yards.

* * * * *

It's Friday. We're so close.

Why shouldn't the quarterback for the Monsters of the Midway look like he just got done playing touch football in Hyannis Port with the Kennedys?

I just demanded to be traded ... into Tartan!

Do you like Huey Lewis and the News? Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

A New Jay [Michigan Avenue Magazine]

1. Sometimes you suuuuuuulk, sometimes you buuuurn… Congratulations, Chicagoland. Cutlerfucker is all yours now. You get the total package: the mumbling, the arrogance, the glaring lack of charisma. This is the stuff leaders are made of.

Stefan Fatsis spent an entire training camp with Cutler, and he's always been vehement with me that Cutler is a total fucking prick no one likes, AND that Denver was right to get rid of him (I disagree). I keep asking Fatsis to go on the record with tales of the Frown Cannon's legendary dickishness. Fatsis always refuses, because he's "polite" and "a real professional." Whatever. Fuck that noise. Let's lay it bare. Jay Cutler is an emo-banged cocksucker who makes his teammates want to rape him with a rake. You don't have to like your QB to win a championship. But you do have to actively not want to stop blocking for him so that he'll get a massive spinal cord injury and then be airlifted back to Indiana and left for dead. That's key.

He's also maddeningly inconsistent. For every brilliant performance Cutler gave last year, he turned in an equally turnoverriffic choke job, particularly during the Broncos' now infamous three-game losing streak to close out the 2008 season in which he tossed four interceptions and averaged a passer rating of 73.9. And that was when he had GOOD receivers to work with. Chicago's best receiver is a great return man who has yet to show that he can convert, Steve Smith-style, to a real #1 wideout.

Also, Charger fans would like to point out that HE FUCKING FUMBLED! GOD DAMN HOCHULI, YOU FUCK!

2. 1985 was a long, long time ago. Has any franchise ever gotten more undue mileage out of a single championship? It's as if the Bears won three Super Bowl titles in 1985. Look, that was a fine team, even if they played in an era where someone like Mike Ditka could somehow manage to outcoach other people. But Jesus fucking Christ, they make it seem like every player on the Bears since that time has some genealogical tie to Richard Dent and Co. You've won one lousy Super Bowl, Chicago. Your team has been a fucking abortion ever since. When the Chiefs win a game (hypothetically speaking, of course), headlines in Kansas City don't scream SHADES OF '69?! Clinging to 1985 isn't gonna help you any, Bears fans. Speaking of beating dead horses…

3. Can we get a fucking moratorium on saying "Da Bears"? Seriously, quoting that sketch was old back in '92. There are certain "jokes" that take up permanent residence in the broadcasting lexicon (New York FOOTBALL Giants is another) simply because talk show hosts and studio analysts lack the imagination to think of something fucking different. I bet Robert Smigel is even fucking tired of hearing it. "Let me ask you dis! Ditka versus…" SHUT THE FUCK UP.

4. Deep dish pizza is disgusting. Chicago is probably my favorite city in the country, but god damn is that one fat population. People in Chicago are so fat, they're windproof. A 200 mph typhoon could whip through that town and not a single body would be lifted off the ground. Top culprit in the city's meatwave is the deep dish pizza. Yes, the pizza for people who are too fat and tired to ask for extra cheese. Three inches of mozzarella? Check. Soggy bottom crust? Check. Potential for lethal food poisoning? Check. It's not that deep dish pizza tastes bad. Of course it tastes good. It's Chicagoans' ludicrous insistence that deep dish pizza is the only acceptable form of pizza. That's beyond wrong if you enjoy things like texture and not dying by the age of 40. The fat has gone to your tiny little brains, people.

5. The readers have their say. From Nathan J.:

Fuck their history of thinking that a fucking middle linebacker is more important than any quarterback.

Fuck the Super Bowl Shuffle and anything that keeps that flash in the pan team relevant in "all time great team" conversations. We get it. You guys were characters. Ditka was "blue collar" epitomized. The Fridge was more than just a GI Joe action figure - he was a mediocre defensive tackle!!! Go the fuck away. These assholes are the '72 Dolphins for those of us cursed with living in Illinois. As soon as their always overrated defense shuts out a shitty Detroit or St Louis team, the 1985 comparisons start.

Fuck their "if you think that Tony Dungy is an overrated piece of soft spoken shit, get a load of me" idiot coach.

Fuck their Cover 2 defense. The shit has been figured out.

Fuck their philosophy of "defense wins championships" that made them ignore putting out something resembling an entertaining football team up until (probably) this year.

Fuck their "rivalry" with the Packers that gives that fat shit Berman a reason to be even fucking louder on Countdown for two sets of highlights per year. "Frozen Tundra!!! Lombardi!!! Halas!!! Starr!!! Ditka!!!" I get it. These two stupid fucking franchises played about 30 more years of NFL football than most of the others, so there's more history there. No one born after 1970 gives a fuck.

Reader (and Bears fan) Disco Choo:

1. Jerry Angelo's draft record:
2001—David Terrell (1), Anthony Thomas (2), Mike Gandy (3)
2002—Marc Columbo (1), Roe Williams (3), Terrance Metcalf (3)
2003—Michael Haynes (1), Rex Grossman (1), Charles Tillman (2), Lance Briggs (3)
2004—Tommie Harris (1), Tank Johnson (2), Bernard Berrian (3)
2005—Cedric Benson (1), Mark Bradley (2) (next pick was Kyle Orton in the 4th round—best draft ever?)
2006—Danieal Manning (2), Devin Hester (2), Dusty Dvoracek (3)
2007—Greg Olsen (1), Dan Bazuin (2), Garrett Wolfe (3), Michael Okwo (3)
2008—Chris Williams (1), Matt Forte (2), Earl Bennett (3), Marcus Harrison (3)
2009—Jarron Gilbert (3), Juaquin Iglesias (3)

2. The secondary might be the worst in the league: Tillman is out indefinitely, Nathan Vasher being good was a farce, and even the guys you haven't heard of keep getting hurt in camp. The depth chart from the team's site currently reads: LCB Trumaine McBride/Corey Graham; RCB Nathan Vasher; SS Kevin Payne; FS Danieal Manning. Aaron Rodgers certainly is quaking as we speak.

3. After Cutler dies, we got nothing: Caleb Hanie and Bret Basanez.

4. Matt Forte might die, too: he was heavily worked his rookie year, rushing the ball 316 times and leading the team in catches, and this year could be similar. And he was such a nice kid, too.

5. No fucking cheerleaders?: from 1977 to 1985, Chicago had The Honey Bears, whom former owner George Halas loved and said would be around as long as he lived. He died in 1983 and his heirs ditched them shortly thereafter. No sideline pussy since (if you don't count Curtis Enis).

6. Tailgating is a pain is the ass: from Bearshistory.com—"In 2004, the Bears banned canopies, open fires and deep fryers from the lots, so in order to get one of the extremely limited number of grass spots where you are able to use a canopy to block wind, plan on getting there before 7 a.m." Oh, and it's cold.

Wanna be part of the Deadspin NFL previews? It's simple. Just email me here and give me some reasons why the team you hate most sucks. If it's because you dated a fan of the team and she turned out to be some crazy bitch who keyed your car, all the better. I'll throw any good material into the post and give you proper credit.

Ah, the wisdom of children! It was bad enough when Cutler whined and cried his way to a trade to Chicago, but he crossed another line this week by proclaiming Denver fans to be less than passionate boosters.

"In Denver, we didn't have this many fans at all," he said. "We weren't even able to accommodate that many fans [at practice]. That's Chicago Bears fans for you. They're proud of their Bears.

"It's a lot [different]. Denver's like a 6 and Chicago's like a 9," Cutler said during the interview. "It's quite a bit different. Just the fans and how passionate they are, that's probably the biggest difference."

Well, this Denver fan has your 6 right here ... and oh, look at that ... now it's on fire! Jay Cutler may never take notice of this YouTube video and others that may follow, but that doesn't really matter. This is a cleansing fire, meant to burn away the scars and melt the icy shackles that the Bears quarterback has encased around Colorado hearts.

Bathe in the flames, Children, and you will be born anew!

I Believe the Children are Our Future [Slanch Report]
Jay Cutler rates Chicago Bears fans over Denver Broncos fans; Kyle Orton booed at practice [ESPN]

A reader enlightens:

Took this pic of a guy with a custom Bears jersey at a bar in Denver last weekend. Thought you might appreciate it.

I do appreciate it. I do indeed.

*****

Now, good morning. It's Tuesday. Rejoice.

These are the kinds of people you run into when you attend a Bear-sponsored motorcycle rally. (This is from Ruben Brown's Motorcycle Run, a charity ride for the Salvation Army.) The man's name is Glenn Timmermann, who apparently gets any current Bear and former Bear—and maybe a few Bad News Bears—that he's ever met to autograph his body and then he turns it into a tattoo. He's also not a fan of shirts.

I can understand the Ditka tat (sorta; not really) and maybe even the big Chicago "C" on the back of the head. But Tom Thayer? Shaun Gayle? Is there any Bear who isn't off the table? Paul Edinger? Erik Kramer? You have to draw the line at Sauerbrun, don't you? Or is that line already running down your thigh?

Ruben Brown's Motorcycle Run keeps on rollin' [Sports Pros(e)]

As you know, Miss Allison, a Chicagoish native, was Twittering about her Saturday night at Hub 51 with the Bears new quarterback, which resulted in disco dancing and a compliment about her headband. I communicated with Miss Allison over IM today and she wants Football America to know, for the record, that she did not bang Cutler that evening and, no, he wasn't smashed. He only had two beers, she says. She added that Mr. Cutler was surprisingly less stupid than many Denver Broncos scouts might have you think. "So he was actually quite witty, which is normal for the sorts of men with whom I spend time, but even more impressive given that he throws a ball for a living. Then again, I take photos of myself for a living - and not even particularly good ones - so who am I to talk?"

Splendid. The above photo of Julia is from that fateful night, but there are no photos of her and Cutler. Why? Cutler's bodyguard forbid it. Wisely, I might add.

But Miss Allison will be spending a good portion of time in the Chicago area this summer and does not rule out the possibility of mingling with Jay Cutler again while he off-seasons at various Chicagoland watering holes. Best of luck to those crazy kids.

According to numerous reports, Cutler spent the Easter weekend bonding with teammates (like Greg Olsen) at Chicago's Sub 51, boozing and boinking internet starlets, I assume as a way of decompressing from his messy divorce from the Denver Broncos. Why else would he be so young and foolish? HE'S RISKING A DIABETIC PATIENT'S LIFE.

Of course, Cutler could be kicking back with Diet Coke or a Mr. Pib, but wasn't Cutler's alcohol consumption one of the things that got him booted out of Denver? The Italian Fella at Pro Football Talk brought up that issue in late March, per Fox 31 in Denver's Broncos Insider blog:

"The source said there are concerns about Cutler's consumption of alcohol, and ‘that he's not that sharp.'

Well, the photo doesn't do much too disprove Cutler's lack of acuity.

Jay Cutler Will Make You Forget About Kyle Orton [Not Qualified To Comment]

According to the Sun-Times:

The Bears acquired quarterback Jay Cutler today for No. 1 draft picks in 2009 and 2010, a No. 3 pick this year and Kyle Orton, the Sun-Times has learned.

The Bears receive the Broncos' fifth-round draft pick this year.

Wow. Anyway, obviously, this also marks the end of the brilliant (for us) Kyle Orton era in Chicago. But lucky for him the winters are quite nasty in Denver as well, so the Neckbeard could possibly return.

Bears get their quarterback in trade with Denver [Chicago Sun-Times]

Chicago mayor Richard Daley is resurrecting his belief that his city has big enough shoulders to deserve a second NFL franchise, because the Cardinals used to belong to Chicago like 100 years ago and they are now playing in the Super Bowl so that proves that the city can support two winning teams.

The idea is ludicrous on its face—are there a lot of football-mad Chicago residents who just haven't quite warmed up to the Bears yet?—but I think it's this logic puzzle that baffles me most:

"We should have a second NFL team in Chicago. If San Francisco has two, New York has two, Florida has three teams … and when you take Washington, Baltimore and Philadelphia, they have three teams there in that region, we could easily support a second pro football team," Daley recently reiterated.

Interesting theory. OR! Perhaps Washington, Baltimore and Philadelphia can support three football teams because they are actually three distinct cities. Shocking, but true! At last I checked, the Chicagoland area is just slightly smaller than the state of Florida. Plus, East St. Louis is in your state, so it's practically like you own the Rams anyway.

Man, you put one Senator in the White House and suddenly you think geography doesn't apply to you.

Another football team in town? [Chicago Tribune]
[Image via Flickr]