Blackhawks Deny Rumors Of Locker-Room Strife

It's been a very weird week for the Blackhawks, which kicked off with a broken collarbone for Patrick Kane that will see their leading scorer out through May, closed with a pair of significant "we're going for it" trades, and in between saw some thinly sourced rumors take on a life of their own. It's gotten to the… » 3/01/15 2:11pm 3/01/15 2:11pm

Patrick Kane Injured, Could Be Out A Long While

If you're a Chicago sports fan, you are not reading this, because there's no way you're getting out of bed today. On the same night the city realized that Derrick Rose will never ever be the same again, Blackhawks star Patrick Kane went down with an injury that could reportedly keep him out deep into the playoffs. » 2/25/15 9:07am 2/25/15 9:07am

Patrick Kane Turns Marc-Andre Fleury Into A Pile Of Limbs In Shootout

Fine, shootouts are bad at determining the outcomes of games, but let's shelf that argument for another time and instead watch Patrick Kane punk Marc-Andre Fleury with the same effort required to put together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Actually, you probably exert more effort making a peanut butter and jelly… » 2/15/15 5:28pm 2/15/15 5:28pm

Blackhawks Fans Love Some Good Face Licking 

Apparently these fans like getting their face licking on at Blackhawks games, and it seems quite enjoyable judging by the man's orgasmic reaction. This seems like the appropriate time to remind all sports fans that you never know when the camera will be trained on you, so be cautious about doing weird shit at sporting… » 12/06/14 12:10pm 12/06/14 12:10pm

Cuba Gooding Jr. Is Good At Hockey, Stripping

For some reason Academy Award-winning actor and star of Snow Dogs Cuba Gooding Jr. took part in a puck shooting contest at the United Center Tuesday, during intermission between the Blackhawks-Red Wings exhibition game. Despite suffering from the severe competitive disadvantage of having taken a redeye flight to… » 9/23/14 11:31pm 9/23/14 11:31pm

Jonathan Toews And Patrick Kane Are Getting Paid, And They're Worth It

Today the Chicago Blackhawks announced identical eight-year contract extensions for forwards Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane. They will run through the 2022-23 season, and each will carry an annual cap hit of $10.5 million a year. This is a lot of money, and it's also almost painfully reasonable. » 7/09/14 2:09pm 7/09/14 2:09pm

The Kings Will Beat You At Their Game, Or Yours

A game can be a classic without being particularly good hockey. We haven't had a conference final Game 7 go to OT in 20 years, so Kings-Blackhawks qualifies as an all-timer just on sheer novelty, but it was ugly at times. Bad goaltending, lax backchecking, freak bounces on questionable ice, and goals upon goals. Take… » 6/02/14 9:35am 6/02/14 9:35am

Blackhawks Twitter Account Tells Mexican President To Fuck His Mother

Sort of! The poor sap who's running the Chicago Blackhawks Twitter account fell victim to the dreaded hashtag autofill trap and while trying to hashtag the above tweet with "#CHIvsLAK," they instead tagged it "#ChingueAsuMadreEPN." The explicit tag was likely an automatic prompt and they didn't even notice until after… » 6/01/14 10:18pm 6/01/14 10:18pm

The End Of The First Period Of Kings-Hawks Was A Goal Smorgasbord

I've re-written this sentence four times since I originally started this post, and I can't even remember what it was originally going to be about. Anyway, The end of the first period of Game 7 between the Kings and Blackhawks was bananas. With goals from Toews and Saad, Chicago jumped out to an early 2-0 lead and it… » 6/01/14 9:07pm 6/01/14 9:07pm