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Cubs' And Marlins' Benches Clear, And Everyone Immediately Apologizes 

There were no punches thrown in the sixth-inning scrum during last night’s 7-3 Marlins win, and both sides quickly headed back to their own dugouts. In fact, it might have been one of the politest bench-clearings of all time, as the main instigator, Cubs outfielder Junior Lake, apologized unreservedly afterward. Heck,… » 6/04/15 8:50am 6/04/15 8:50am

Bryce Harper Mad He Flied Out, Actually Hits Home Run

Bryce Harper is on such a tear right now—with a .467 on-base percentage and .734 slugging percentage—that the Nationals outfielder’s flyouts turn into home runs, like the one he hit Tuesday night against the Cubs. Or, maybe Harper was angry that he didn’t hit the ball farther. He’s just always at full speed, man. » 5/27/15 10:30am 5/27/15 10:30am

Nick, The Cubs Threw Out Your Grandma’s Personalized Brick

Nick, my man, we have some bad news. Remember when your sweet grandma bought a commemorative brick to be placed outside of Wrigley Field, one that would stand as a testament to her love for you and the Cubbies forever? Well, the Cubs just made a sucker out of your sweet grandma, because they threw that brick in the… » 5/19/15 5:20pm 5/19/15 5:20pm

Pittsburgh Pirates Lose In Hilarious Fashion

After the Cubs blew a chance to win when Starlin Castro was easily thrown out at the plate in the bottom of the 10th, Chicago made good when Gregory Polanco was unable to handle a similar short popup with the bases loaded in the 12th. In classic baseball scoring fashion, it was declared a single. » 5/15/15 7:35pm 5/15/15 7:35pm

Pantsless Pervert Clark The Cub Stumps Jeopardy! Competitors

Nightmarish, perverted furry Clark the Cub is still struggling to catch on among piss-soaked Wrigley fans—and trivia nerds, apparently, as none of the three competitors tonight on Jeopardy! were able to respond correctly when prompted to name the team Clark represents during the Final Jeopardy! round. Perhaps Alex… » 5/07/15 11:22pm 5/07/15 11:22pm

Starlin Castro Mimics Kris Bryant's Throw, Confuses Anthony Rizzo

Starlin Castro messed around with teammate Kris Bryant on a routine grounder in last night’s game. The shortstop pretended to field the ground ball behind Bryant, who actually fielded it. Aw, they’re in perfect harmony. Castro actually confused first baseman Anthony Rizzo for a second, there. » 5/07/15 12:52pm 5/07/15 12:52pm

Addison Russell Is Here, And The Cubs Are Going For It

Everyone knew that Cubs super prospect Kris Bryant was going to be in the majors as soon as his service time could be gamed in the right direction, but not many people expected to see the Cubs’ other shiny prospect, middle infielder Addison Russell, with the big club before it even got warm in Chicago. But as was… » 4/21/15 9:03am 4/21/15 9:03am