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Chilean Satire Mag Makes A Funny About Messi Getting Finger Up His Butt

“Get ready, Messi,” Chilean magazine The Clinical writes, riffing on Chile defender Gonzalo Jara’s recent finger-in-the-butthole move, as well as Lionel Messi’s oft-mentioned otherworldly abilities ahead of Saturday’s Chile-Argentina Copa América final. Pretty clever, you guys! » 7/02/15 4:32pm 7/02/15 4:32pm

"An Absolute Glitterbomb": Chile Takes Lead On Long-Distance Golazo

Chile launched Estadio Nacional into ecstasy when Edu Vargas landed an unreal screamer to put the host side up 2-1 on Peru just minutes after Gary Medel had equalized for the Peruvians in the Copa America semifinal. As you might expect, it sent beIN announcer Ray Hudson into orgasmic screams. » 6/29/15 9:01pm 6/29/15 9:01pm

Neymar Suspended For The Rest Of Copa América

Yesterday, we lamented the preliminary two-match suspension handed down to Neymar because of his actions at the end of the Brazil-Colombia game. We now know for (almost) certain that we have seen the last of Brazil’s stud for the Copa América, as his suspension has been increased to four games. » 6/19/15 7:47pm 6/19/15 7:47pm

What Should We Want From The USMNT In 2015?

It's still a little odd seeing guys like Michael Bradley, Clint Dempsey, Jermaine Jones—hell, even Jozy Altidore—in their USMNT jerseys and remembering that these are not the players they once were. It's tough to wean yourself away from, say, watching Altidore temporarily putting the U.S. up 2-1 on Chile last night… » 1/29/15 5:04pm 1/29/15 5:04pm

Chile Is Obsessed With Alexis Sánchez's Sex Life

New Arsenal star Alexis Sánchez has come into the Premier League and torn shit up. Naturally, his native Chile has been very interested in their local hero's exploits. And while there hasn't been too much to worry about in terms of his playing performance, the country's press has kept a close eye on his performance in… » 12/17/14 2:38pm 12/17/14 2:38pm

Chilean Striker Tattoos Himself With Image Of His Heartbreaking Miss

Mauricio Pinillia is not about to forget about how how close he came to bringing his team a stunning World Cup victory over Brazil. That's because the Chilean striker went ahead and got a picture of his golazo-that-wasn't tattooed on his body after the match. Some old guy must have said something vaguely meaningful… » 7/01/14 12:11pm 7/01/14 12:11pm

Brazil's Goalkeeper And Goal Frame Keep Them From Falling To Chile

The sport of soccer being what it is—a game of players, whose fates are judged on the last moments they leave us with—Brazil's goalkeeper Júlio César will go down as today's hero when his team outlasted Chile to win on penalties. But even as strong a performance as his should not overshadow the impact Brazil's goal… » 6/28/14 5:59pm 6/28/14 5:59pm

Chile Were This Close To Beating Brazil In Extra Time

I mean, really, you just need to listen to Ian Darke's screams and Steve McManaman's groaning to get an idea how close Chile came to ousting Brazil. Good lord. Chile and Brazil will settle this with penalty kicks now and it's quite possible Brazil, the country, will cease to exist. We will keep you posted. » 6/28/14 2:49pm 6/28/14 2:49pm

Hulk Goal Disallowed, Ruled A Handball

Hulk appeared to score a pretty athletic goal in the 55th minute but referee Howard Webb ruled it was a handball. Marcelo crossed a neat ball to Hulk and as he tried to corral it, the ball clearly hit him in the forearm/armpit area before he controlled it and swept it into the corner of the goal. Brazil and Chile… » 6/28/14 1:37pm 6/28/14 1:37pm

Chile Recover From Own-Goal To Equalize Brazil

The first half of Brazil-Chile was a bit of a nail-biter for the hosts. It ended 1-1, but Brazil could easily be down 2-1 or even 2-0. Brazil's first goal, off a Neymar corner kick, was initially given to David Luiz—which would be his first goal ever in 40 caps for Brazil—but it sure looks like it went off defender… » 6/28/14 12:59pm 6/28/14 12:59pm

Why Chile Can Beat Brazil And Make A Deep World Cup Run

This is South America's World Cup. It started with a flourish of Brazilian zest and color in São Paulo, with Brazil's opening day coming out party against Croatia. Then there was the Argentine invasion of the Maracanã, Brazilian soccer's spiritual home. And the brightest stars at the glitteriest of tournaments? Lionel… » 6/28/14 10:39am 6/28/14 10:39am

The Netherlands Smack Chile, Win Group B, Appear Unstoppable

The Netherlands played Chile today in the deciding match to see which country would finish atop Group B. The Netherlands demolished Spain in the opener, and dispatched Australia, but Chile had also won both of their matches, and it was reasonable to assume that the Dutch, who were without the suspended Robin van… » 6/23/14 3:28pm 6/23/14 3:28pm