Well, this is horrifying. Street vendors in China have taken to using something called "gutter oil"—quite literally the oil gathered from gutter runoff, dumpster sludge, garbage juice, and untreated fucking sewage fuck fuck fuck—to cook food for human consumption. And then unwitting humans are consuming that food. …
Here is a very incomplete list of places in our great nation where you can watch sports while eating Chinese food today—as suggested by you, our readers. If you have more ideas, please let us know in the comments. All endorsements sic'd.
Christmas is on Sunday, and while most public activity shuts down so the Christians and semi-Christians can worship American consumerism and baby Jesus, our nation's Jews will be eating Chinese food and watching hoops like it's just another Hanukkah weekend. What a world!