Deadspin: Chris Mortensen

Media Approval Ratings: Chris Mortensen

Leitch — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 13:35:11 EST

Mr. Mortensen, ESPN's NFL reporter who isn't a cranky old coot, has been on the air less and less in recent years. We always enjoyed him bickering with Bill Parcells, back when they were on NFL Countdown together. Mr. Mortensen certainly receives some credit for siring an actual, real live football player, and for being a former military man.

That is to say: He could definitely beat up Jim Gray.

Anyway, do you like the Chris Mortensen? Do you not like the Chris Mortensen? Let us know.

And by that, we mean, "Vote," because it's February, and it's a slow sports month.

Arkansas Weather Patterns Unhappy With ESPN's NFL Reporting

Leitch — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 12:35:24 EST

Some scary news from those storms in Arkansas: It appears everyone's favorite NFL scoopster lost his house.

Chris Mortensen woke up yesterday morning to learn most of his home and landscaping had been destroyed.

What was once a tranquil home for Chris Mortensen and his family, turned upside down during Monday night's bout with severe weather. "I didn't know what happened until I woke up in the morning. I looked around, and told my wife, 'you need to get up.' I don't think she was too excited to look at it all," says Mortensen.

It may take up to six months to clean everything up. But in the meantime, he says he will be better prepared the next time a storm hits. He says, "I'm a light sleeper, but you can't worry about this kind of stuff. God's in control, and he's protecting us."

We wish Mortensen luck in reconstructing his home; we've had family members' homes destroyed by tornadoes in the past, so we know how awful that can be. We just feel extra bad for Mortensen, because he had just reported that, according to sources, his house was going to be just fine. Hey, it happens.

ESPN Analyst's Home Damaged
Play Media [NWAhomepage]

(Note: "NWAhomepage" is, sadly, not about the old rap group.)

See? Michael Vick Has Never Smoked Pot, Ever!

Leitch — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 14:00:38 EST

At last, the pristine and sacred names of Michael Vick and Ron Mexico can be cleared, no longer to be sullied with such filthy innuendo: It turns out that everybody's favorite HSV Type 2 carrier didn't have marijuana with him on a planet last week after all.

ESPN's Chris Mortensen — who must be ecstatic that his career has progressed to the point that he's filing breaking news briefs about whether or not a 26-year-old man had some pot on him — reported yesterday that no marijuana was found in Vick's famous water bottle and that he will be "exonerated on all charges." This begs the question, of course: Why was Vick so damned concerned about giving up the water bottle in the first place? Does he disagree with our nation's policy concerning beverages on planes? Was he just extremely thirsty?

The world might never know, but at least we can breathe easier knowing that Michael Vick has nothing to do with the demon weed. Let's just focus on what's on the field, people; in that regard, Vick is without reproach. Totally.

Vick Will Be Exonerated For Miami Incident [ESPN]
If You Can't Stash Your Pot In A Water Bottle And Get On A Plane, The Terrorists Have Already Won [Deadspin

We Have To Ask ...

Leitch — Wed, 09 Nov 2005 10:27:10 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. NFL with Chris Mortensen: Any trade rumors today? Keep in mind that ESPN has hired a fact-checker, and he wants to see all your notes.
• 2 p.m. MLB Steroid Investigation: We heard that there was a Dog and Pony Show going on in here, but damned if I see any animals at all.
• 4 p.m. College BB with Steve Lavin: Are you hoping that if you wait long enough, the UCLA job will come around again?

We Have To Ask ...

Leitch — Wed, 02 Nov 2005 10:10:31 EST

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m.. NFL with Chris Mortensen: In emergency situations, do pilots of small aircraft have clearance to land on your head?
• 2:30 p.m. Snowboarder Ross Powers: Half pipe. Inverted 180. Gap jump. OK that's it, we're bored — next chatter please.
• 3 p.m. College FB with Beano Cook: The Penn State bandwagon's out of control, we're heading toward a cliff! For God's sake Beano, you have to jump!

We Have To Ask ...

Leitch — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 11:05:18 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. NFL with Chris Mortensen: OK, does it technically count as a trade rumor if you make it up yourself?
• 1 p.m. NFL Draft expert Mel Kiper: Each year in late April, I dress up a Ken doll to look like you and give it a mock beating. Just so you know.
• 4 p.m. College Hoops with Andy Katz: Forget Duke — how does Newton South High School look this year?

We Have To Ask ...

Leitch — Wed, 07 Sep 2005 11:49:39 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
• 11 a.m. NFL with Chris Mortensen: Our dream is to fight crime as an ESPN Insider. How can we join your elite ranks?
• 1 p.m. FB with Mel Kiper: OK, at this point your credibility is so low you may as well work for FEMA.
• 4 p.m. U.S. Open with Pam Shriver: Just what does "longtime doubles partnership with Martina Navratilova" mean, exactly?

We Have To Ask ...

Leitch — Wed, 10 Aug 2005 11:40:57 EDT

Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ...
· 11 a.m. NFL with Chris Mortensen: I see in the Madden '06 video game that you wander onto the field at one point and are decapitated during a Cleveland blitz. Do you get royalties for that?
· Noon. NFL with Gary Horton: What could we possibly discuss that wasn't covered by Chris Mortensen just an hour ago?
· 3 p.m. Page 2's Soul of Sports: We realize you have to promote your site's pointless features, but even you don't know what this is supposed to be, do you?