The standard athlete-busted-for-misdemeanor-weed-possession story is one that's rarely fun to study. The drug in question is less harmful than lots of legal substances, and the details hardly shift (cop pulls someone over, cop smells something, etc.) in each case. But every so often there's a magical detail—the…

And it got started because Zack Meisel, a reporter for Indians.com, tweeted that Perez was "arrested for drug possession," and that police in Rocky River, Ohio, "confirm" it. One problem: It wasn't true, and Perez may not be involved at all.

There is, perhaps, no unhappier player than a closer on a crappy team. His one marquee statistic, saves, is all-important come contract time. But if a team's not winning, he's not getting the opportunities, and that'll hurt him in his free agency winter. So Craig Calcaterra's theory that Chris Perez is just openly…

Oh, Chris Perez. Back in May, when the Indians really were in first place, Perez called out Cleveland fans for their lack of support at the gate. Oddly, he also tends to puke on the mound on occasion. And yesterday, in Oakland, a tipster named Mark says Perez was getting heckled by an A's fan during batting…

Didn't we do this, like, a month ago? "Guys don't want to come over here and people wonder why," and "Nobody wants to play in front of 5,000 fans," and so forth. The Indians closer actually got a standing O the next time he entered the game, and Cleveland is just a measly half-game out of first, so we thought all was…

Indians closer Chris Perez has been lights-out this season, and handcuffed St. Louis today in locking up a 4-1 Cleveland win. He did this, it seems, while suffering some degree of gastrointestinal distress—though given that he's done this before, maybe it's some kind of gross calling card.

Your morning roundup for May 18, the day your bros realized they shouldn't have done that, man. Above: Chris Perez makes his case to be the real-life Kenny Powers. Video via The Dugout Sports Show.