Your morning roundup for May 5, the day a former vice president wants you to thank "enhanced interrogation" for the current president's visit to Ground Zero.

Because Tiger Woods doesn't have enough problems right now, being embroiled in a drug investigation should liven things up a bit. At least he should be used to the innuendo, speculation, and snickering taunts by now.

You might not have realized that Phil Simms actually has two football playing sons. The first is Chris Simms, of course, who was John Amaechi before it was COOL to be John Amaechi. But the second is Matt Simms, who is about to attend Louisville and has proven to be a bit of an asshead.

Now. We don't want to cast aspersions. We know how life in an NFL locker room goes. You're with each other for half the year, sweating, bleeding, killing yourself out there for the sake of a common goal. You develop a kinship that cannot be quantified by any conventional standards.