Connecticut Cops Delivered Christmas Toys In This $250,000 War Machine

On Christmas Day the police department of Manchester, Connecticut roamed the streets in their eight-ton armored personnel carrier decked out in Christmas lights bearing gifts to needy kids. Cute community outreach initiative or subtle "scare 'em straight" operation? » 12/27/14 10:54am 12/27/14 10:54am

Dads With Drones Are Ruining Christmas

Lots of thoughtful people gave their father a drone this Christmas, because they had already gotten him a Kindle last year and an iPad the year before that and you sort of stall out on gift ideas from there. But! Drones can be difficult, and dads can be clumsy*, and the result has been nationwide terror. » 12/26/14 10:12am 12/26/14 10:12am

How the U.S. Military Turned Santa Claus Into a Cold War Icon

You've probably heard the story by now: On Christmas Eve 1955, a young boy in Colorado Springs dialed a Sears-sponsored hotline that let kids talk with Santa Claus. But instead of reaching Santa, he was connected to the red phone at CONAD, the military command center charged with patrolling the skies for any nuclear… » 12/24/14 9:15am 12/24/14 9:15am

The Prison Forger's Christmas Miracle

I learned to love Christmas and see the good in all mankind on Christmas Eve 2006, which I spent in Greenhaven, a maximum-security prison in New York State. Two years of heroin addiction culminating in five convictions for armed robbery had brought me there, and it was already my fourth holiday season inside. The… » 12/23/14 1:26pm 12/23/14 1:26pm

How To Make Eggnog, The Festive Holiday Booze-Shake

In the abstract, the notion that some people don't want to drink eggnog makes sense: diabetics, say, or the lactose-intolerant or egg-allergic, or those principled self-denying oddballs who prefer not to replace their entire body mass gradually with dietary fat and cholesterol until they resemble nothing so much as… » 12/20/14 1:51pm 12/20/14 1:51pm

Get Your Christmas Crap The Fuck Out Of This Bear's Face, Please

It's almost Christmas, and you're in the holiday spirit, so it's understandable that you want to go around decking the halls and whatnot. But please try to remember that bears don't care about Christmas, because bears are not vapid and materialistic creatures, so don't go putting your plush Santa in a bear's favorite… » 12/19/14 4:47pm 12/19/14 4:47pm

Frank Caliendo Does "The Night Before Christmas" As 10 Different ESPNers

Frank Caliendo was on that radio show with the two guys with the same name this morning, and he busted out many of his ESPN impressions to read "The Night Before Christmas." At this point, his voices are so good, you'd think he locked up all these personalities in his basement as part of an elaborate scam! (We can't… » 12/19/14 11:06am 12/19/14 11:06am

How The NFL's Forgotten Christmas Albums Almost Made One Man Rich

For the entirety of my childhood, my brother, mom, and I spent one day a year—usually a Saturday two or three weeks out from Christmas—being serenaded by the 1970 Oakland Raiders. Specifically, we would spend the day putting up our Christmas tree while Daryle Lamonica, Jim Otto, and others mooed Christmas carols from… » 12/16/14 3:16pm 12/16/14 3:16pm

The NFL Shop Ruined A Lot Of Christmases

We received an email from a reader looking to vent. They purchased a jersey from NFLShop.com on Dec. 6 as an intended present, since the site promised—in large, bolded text—that it would arrive before Christmas. It still hasn't shown up. If that was an anomaly, it'd be understandable, even excusable. But our reader… » 1/03/14 3:56pm 1/03/14 3:56pm