How To Tell Your Folks You're Not Coming Home For The Holidays 

No matter how old you get, there’s some news that’s hard to break to your parents. Nobody ever wants to trigger another “we’re not mad, we’re just disappointed” situation. The holidays especially hold a lot of emotional weight, so making plans can get complicated, especially when you’ve got ... other plans. And… »Today 3:54pm12/01/15 3:54pm


Five Liquors For Your Friend Who's A Lush But Not A Concerning Lush (Yet)

Booze is good. Booze-snob culture is ... less good. Don’t let that put you off buying booze for yourself and people you like and, hell, people you don’t like this holiday season! Here are some of our recommendations, none of which will put you much out of pocket and none of which will shame you if your asshole… »11/23/15 12:20pm11/23/15 12:20pm

Things To Learn Because Your Fantasy Football Team Flamed Out

Your fantasy team is dead. That one guy—the one you don’t like—has everything on lock. On the one hand, that’s too bad for you and for your friends, who are in your league and whose teams are also dead; on the other hand, it presents you and your friends with the opportunity to take up new interests. What might those… »11/19/15 1:52pm11/19/15 1:52pm

How the U.S. Military Turned Santa Claus Into a Cold War Icon

You've probably heard the story by now: On Christmas Eve 1955, a young boy in Colorado Springs dialed a Sears-sponsored hotline that let kids talk with Santa Claus. But instead of reaching Santa, he was connected to the red phone at CONAD, the military command center charged with patrolling the skies for any nuclear… »12/24/14 9:15am12/24/14 9:15am

The Prison Forger's Christmas Miracle

I learned to love Christmas and see the good in all mankind on Christmas Eve 2006, which I spent in Greenhaven, a maximum-security prison in New York State. Two years of heroin addiction culminating in five convictions for armed robbery had brought me there, and it was already my fourth holiday season inside. The… »12/23/14 1:26pm12/23/14 1:26pm

How To Make Eggnog, The Festive Holiday Booze-Shake

In the abstract, the notion that some people don't want to drink eggnog makes sense: diabetics, say, or the lactose-intolerant or egg-allergic, or those principled self-denying oddballs who prefer not to replace their entire body mass gradually with dietary fat and cholesterol until they resemble nothing so much as… »12/20/14 1:51pm12/20/14 1:51pm

Get Your Christmas Crap The Fuck Out Of This Bear's Face, Please

It's almost Christmas, and you're in the holiday spirit, so it's understandable that you want to go around decking the halls and whatnot. But please try to remember that bears don't care about Christmas, because bears are not vapid and materialistic creatures, so don't go putting your plush Santa in a bear's favorite… »12/19/14 4:47pm12/19/14 4:47pm

Frank Caliendo Does "The Night Before Christmas" As 10 Different ESPNers

Frank Caliendo was on that radio show with the two guys with the same name this morning, and he busted out many of his ESPN impressions to read "The Night Before Christmas." At this point, his voices are so good, you'd think he locked up all these personalities in his basement as part of an elaborate scam! (We can't… »12/19/14 11:06am12/19/14 11:06am

How The NFL's Forgotten Christmas Albums Almost Made One Man Rich

For the entirety of my childhood, my brother, mom, and I spent one day a year—usually a Saturday two or three weeks out from Christmas—being serenaded by the 1970 Oakland Raiders. Specifically, we would spend the day putting up our Christmas tree while Daryle Lamonica, Jim Otto, and others mooed Christmas carols… »12/16/14 3:16pm12/16/14 3:16pm