Griffey, a resident of Orlando, Fla., has a no-trade clause but would be interested in waiving it if he could be dealt closer to home to a contending team, SI.com reported, citing the unnamed sources. The 39-year-old right fielder is hitting .256 with seven homers and 30 RBIs this season. He is making $12 million this season and has a $16.5 million option for next season.

Dealing Griffey makes sense: Just look at this photo. The Reds would save thousands in wristbands alone. And Tampa needs both a right fielder and a DH (sorry, Cliff Floyd fans). Anyway I guess the Marlins are out, since signing Griffey would quadruple their payroll.

Griffey Reportedly Mulling OK For Deal To Rays [NBC Sports]

Chicago is 2 1/2 games head of second-place St. Louis in the NL Central, and losing Pujols (16 homers) for any significant amount of time really sucks for the men in red. But hey, at least they're getting Joel Pineiro back! Pujols suffered the injury while running out a ground ball, the Cardinals going on for a 7-2 win. He was flown to St. Louis Tuesday night, where he will have tests done today. Grow, calf, grow! Griffey was 0-for-3 with a walk in his first home game since hitting his 600th career home run Monday in Florida.

• C.C. Rider. C.C. Sabathia threw a five-hit shutout as the Indians beat the Twins 1-0. Ryan Garko's double in the first drove in the only run. Fun fact from the blog Castro Turf: The Twins haven't had a starting pitcher record a victory since May 29.

• Let The Willie Randolph Death Watch Resume. Chris Snyder's homer in the eighth led Arizona to a rain-delayed 9-5 win over the Mets; New York's fifth straight loss. Orlando Hudson, Stephen Drew and Conor Jackson also homered for the Diamondbacks. Mr. Met still recovering, unable to comment.

• Cubs 10, Braves 5. Tom Glavine (elbow strain) joins John Smoltz on the Braves' unable-to-perform list.

• Huff Said. Aubrey Huff, who entered the game 1-for-7 with three strikeouts against Boston reliever Hideki Okajima, had fours hits — including a two-run single off of Okajima — as the Orioles won 10-6.

• D-Train Takes Slight Detour. The Tigers have sent Dontrelle Willis to Class A Lakeland to "work on his control," to which we at MLB Closer snarkily reply, what control? Willis (0-1) has walked 21 batters in 11 1/3 innings, giving up eight earned runs, walking five, in 1 1/3 innings on Monday against Cleveland. The good news for Willis is that he arrives in Lakeland just in time for All-You-Can-Eat Night, as the Flying Tigers take on the Brevard County Manatees tonight at 7 p.m.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Day. Reed Johnson, Chicago Cubs. This catch actually doesn't seem wandworthy in real time, but the replay proves that there was some sort of wizardry afoot. There's no way that ball should have landed in that glove. Wizard Cat gives this catch: Four wands, although Indifferent Ape remains unimpressed.

Contact Wizard Cat at Wizardcat@live.com

Griffey became the sixth player in history to reach 600 homers, getting it off of Mark Hendrickson in the first inning of the Reds’ 9-4 win. He joins Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Willie Mays and Sammy Sosa as the only players to reach the mark. And as one might expect, there's controversy over who got their hands on the ball first, and lawyers are now involved. God bless America's pastime.

So at age 38, one has to figure that Griffey has a shot at bigger game: Sosa at 609*, Mays' 660, Ruth at 714, Aaron 755, Bonds at whatever number* Bonds is at (don't make me look it up). But one gets the feeling that Junior has already had his greatest moment: That day in 1990, Sept. 14, when he and his dad hit back-to-back homers for the Mariners. "My father hit 152 home runs, and that’s who I wanted to be like,” said Griffey. Yes, it can be that simple. Ken Griffey Jr. has always been someone who was easy to root for, and I hope we all get to do that just a while longer.

• Isn't Back-To-Back-To-Back Physically Impossible? Speaking of the long ball, the Rays had an embarrassment of riches on Monday, as Evan Longoria, Willy Aybar and Dioner Navarro hit consecutive home runs in Tampa Bay's 13-4 win over Anaheim/Los Angeles/California/U.S./Planet Earth. Longoria added another homer in the ninth.

• Good Job, Cliffy. Ryan Garko's three-run homer in the first helped Cliff Lee earn his 10th win, as the Indians beat the Tigers 10-2. Now witness the starting pitching stylings of Dontrelle Willis: Eight runs, all earned, three hits and five walks in 1 1/3 innings. Now witness Leyland picking up a large circus mallet ...

• Nick At Night. Say "switch-hitting Swisher" three times fast. Nick Swisher homered from both sides of the plate (there are only two, right?) as the White Sox completed a four-game sweep of the Twins, 7-5.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Game. Pittsburgh Pirates bullpen. Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson and Pirates' hitter Doug Mientkiewicz exchange angry words in the 3rd, and both benches empty. But look how long it takes the Pirates' bullpen to cross the outfield to get to the action ... especially that last guy. It's like watching Lawrence of Arabia cross the Nefu. Wizard Cat gives this journey: Two wands.

As you might have heard, Ken Griffey Jr. hit his 600th homer last night, becoming only the sixth man to do that. It's pretty impressive, even if he did it in Florida.

Of all the praises of Griffey we hear, perhaps our least favorite is that he "did it the right way." The implication, of course, is that Griffey hit all his home runs without steroids, unlike Barry Bonds and (presumably) Sammy Sosa. This seems more an insult to Griffey than to the alleged users. Praising Griffey by denigrating others' accomplishment doesn't allow Griffey to stand on his own, turns him into a martyr rather than the upper echelon Hall of Famer he is. Griffey should not be defined by others. He should be defined by being one of the best pure baseball players we've ever seen. He should also be defined by jock straps.

Because the Reds might well find him a place to be traded now that he has 600 — though the Mariners idea is looking less likely — here are his best homers as a Red.

Utley of course is unconscious, with his homer on Tuesday making it seven homers in his past eight games (he already had a stretch of seven homers in seven games April 17-23). More Utley adulation over at Phillies Nation, including a nice photo of one of his diving catches. And The 700 Level also chips in right here. They're declaring him the frontrunner for NL MVP, and who are we to argue? Although Chipper Jones is still hitting over .400 (2-for-4 to increase his average to .407 in the Braves' 7-5 win over the Marlins). Meanwhile, the Reds' Ken Griffey Jr. sat out the game with "general soreness," remaining at 599 career homers. As I recall, didn't it also take him forever to go from 499 to 500?

• The Hat Squad. Um, what the hell is up with this?. Don’t know; don’t want to know. Baltimore beat Boston 6-3, as the Red Sox lost David Ortiz to the 15-day disabled list with a partially torn tendon in his left wrist.

• Jason And The Argonauts. The pinch-hit grand slam, thought to be extinct in the wild, was discovered in St. Louis on Monday when Pittsburgh's Jason Michaels did it to tie the game 4-all. Jason Bay then doubled home the winning run in the eighth.

• Mighty Casey. Casey Blake single-handedly saved your fantasy team with two homers, a bases-loaded double and seven RBI — the most by an American League player this season — as Cleveland beat Texas 13-9.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Game. Michael Cuddyer, Minnesota Twins. Wizard Cat hates greed, like when friends come over and try to muscle in on his Tender Vittles. Let this be a lesson to Derek Jeter, who tried to double down on the Twins' center fielder and was met with Epic Fail. Boom goes the dynamite! Wizard Cat gives this play: Five wands.

Constant MLB.tv ads have featured the following copy:

“Willie Mays, September 22, 1969…600.
Babe Ruth, August 21, 1931…600.
Hank Aaron, April 27, 1971…600.”



Then the screen flips to Griffey, who sits at 599, and he says, “Ken Griffey Jr…. keep watching.”

This ignores, of course, Sammy Sosa and that Bonds guy, who actually reached a rather lofty milestone just last year. (And it really was just last year.) The big question has been how MLB would handle the steroid era, and we're already getting a pretty good idea: Just ignore it. Boy, doesn't Tim Forneris feel even dumber now?

As Griffey Approaches 600, MLB Whitewashes History [Wicked Good Sports]

The Reds promoted the 21-year-old outfielder from Class-AAA Louisville on Tuesday, designating first baseman Scott Hatteberg for assignment. And the debut was almost as big as the hype: Bruce going 3-for-3 with a double, two walks, two RBI and a stolen base as the Reds beat the Pirates, 9-6. Bruce, a center fielder, was hitting .364 at Louisville with 10 homers. He had been named Minor League Player of the Year while with the Bats in 2007.

The Legend Of Bruce began when he was playing for his high school team in Beaumont, Texas.

As a sophomore in high school, playing on the West Brook varsity, he hit a home run that made his coach's jaw drop. "The field was 310 feet down the right-field line," said Jacob Walton, the West Brook head coach who was an assistant when Bruce played there. "They had another field facing us. There were about 50 feet from that fence to the next fence. He hit the ball way to the first-base dugout. It was 500 feet easily. I was like, 'Oh, my God.' It was the farthest home run I think I've ever seen him hit. That clicked right there that we had something special, that we needed to get him going, get him trained the right way."

Of course there's no way to tell if Bruce is the Next Big Thing, or the Next Clint Hurdle. But it's fun to speculate. Perhaps Max Mercy can dig up a few more facts on his background.

Bruce's Premiere Premier [Cincinnati Enquirer]

We know, we know: This is not exactly Beckett-level humor here. But we're talking about a Major League Baseball clubhouse. You should take what you can get.

Anyway, Griffey owed Fogg $1,500 for some reason or another, and he paid it in pennies.

“I’m a man of my word,” said Griffey. “And when you owe a man $1,500, you pay him. And I’d like to thank the lovely people at National City Bank for helping me with this joke. There isn’t a whole lot you can do with pennies. Just think, each box weighs 16 pounds, so the man has 60 bowling balls in his locker.”

We've asked everyone to appreciate Griffey before, and this seems as good a time as any to remind. He's still that kid with his hat backwards; soon he'll be in Seattle again, and we'll all relive it again. Can we get Randy Johnson, Edgar Martinez and A-Rod back there too?

150,000 Pennies For Your Thoughts [Dayton Daily News]Ken Griffey Jr. Knows How To Deal With Hecklers [Deadspin]

The day's oddest moment came not from Perez but the Reds, who batted out of order in the ninth inning after an earlier double switch. Sorting it all out resulted in a 10-minute delay. Outfielder Corey Patterson was charged with an out when backup catcher David Ross came to the plate instead of him in the No. 8 spot and lined out. Ross had to hit again, and this time he singled.

All those poor, poor fans who were keeping their scorecards in ink; they're the ones who suffered most. Carlos Beltran and Ryan Church had back-to-back homers in the fifth — the second straight game the Mets have done that — Luis Castillo had a run-scoring triple (you may disagree, but I thought Griffey horribly misplayed it) for New York, which has collected 11 or more hits in four of its past five games.

• When Dan Uggla Ruled The World. Homer Simpson once called it "America's Wang," but nobody's laughing at Florida now. Which team has the best record in baseball? The Marlins, of course, at 23-14 (.622) after a 5-4 win over the Nationals on Sunday. Dan Uggla had two homers, the second of which, in the eighth, provided the winning run. It was Florida's seventh straight win. Uggla had seven RBI and three homers in the final two games of the Marlins' three-game sweep, including a grand slam and had five RBI on Saturday.

• Meanwhile, On The Left Coast ... Tampa Bay isn't in first, but at 21-16 the Rays are five games over .500 for the first time in franchise history.

• Where's Borat When You Need Him? First of all, I like this photo. Secondly, it's too bad that Pamela Anderson's breasts have jinxed Hiroki Kuroda. The Dodgers' starter took a no-hitter into the seventh against the Astros on Sunday, then watched as Houston collected seven hits and six runs against the bullpen in the eighth in an 8-5 victory.

• It's Alive! The two-headed closer who replaced Eric Gagne proved a success in its first outing for the Brewers, as Solomon Torres and Brian Shouse combined in the ninth to hold on to a 5-3 win over the Cardinals. Jeff Suppan (seven innings) got the victory, and Ryan Braun homered twice.

Unfortunate mishap ... or murder? View the persons of interest in the baffling Mr. Redlegs case, and judge for yourself:

• Gapper. Reds mascot and former carpet remnant was driving the vehicle, was last person to see Mr. Redlegs alive.

• Ghost of Marge Schott. Late Reds owner once vowed to strike at Mr. Redlegs from the grave.

• Mr. Red. Co-mascot felt marginalized by more popular rival, may have been bitter over lack of mustache, health benefits.

• Ken Griffey Jr.. Wants out of Cincinnati, will go to any means to achieve it.

• Marty Brenneman. Cranky octogenarian Reds announcer will tolerate no juvenile antics; once ordered Mr. Redlegs to get off his lawn.

• John Fay. Cincinnati Enquirer Reds' reporter may have been involved in contentious love triangle with Mr. Redlegs and actress Tina Yothers.

• Robert Weintraub. Despite handlebar mustache and 19th century-style baseball cap, Mr. Redlegs refused to talk in Purple Prose.

• Wizard Cat. Hates costumes.

The Zapruder Film of the 21st century:.

Mr. Redlegs Loses His Head [Bugs & Cranks]

After all, considering the considerable steroid haze surrounding Bonds and (to a somewhat lesser extent) Sosa, one could make the argument that Griffey is the first "legitimate" player to reach the mark since Mays. And when you consider how much time Griffey has missed because of injury — injuries that, theoretically, could have been avoided a bit if he had bothered to use steroids — he probably should have reached this mark years ago.

But there's not much rigmarole or pomp for Griffey, and it's likely he'll be traded not long after he hits 600 anyway. People can say all they want about the "horrors" of steroids. We still focus more on users' accomplishments than of those who never touched the stuff, and paid the price.

Where's All The Hoopla For Ken Griffey Jr.'s 600th Homer? [Sportaphile]

Wednesday, during the Cubs-Reds game, some Cubs fans threw some baseballs on the field after a Reds homer. Marty was not pleased. Full audio here.

This is the kind of thing, quite honestly right now, is the type of thing that makes you want to see this Chicago Cubs team lose. Among all baseball fans, and I can't attest for the Yankees or the Red Sox, because we don't see them with any degree of regularity, but far and away, the most obnoxious fans in baseball are those that follow this team right here. This is so typical of Chicago Cubs fans. You still root against them.

Huzzah, Marty! As much as we might like to join in on a Cubs pile-on ... well, Marty, the reason that Cubs fans are more obnoxious than Reds fans is because the Cubs actually have a few fans at the park. And you can't tell us that the Reds fans wouldn't do this exact same thing.

We'll let it go, though. He's old, and you can't get mad at old people when they say something dumb. (Even if your upbringing has forced you to secretly and subconsiously agree! Shhh!)

Marty Brennaman Audio [Chicago Tribune]

Reds blogs are calling him the next great arm for Dusty Baker to ruin, and just about everyone thought he was too short to make it in the majors (he's 5-11). But I first noticed him last season when he played for the Class-AA Chattanooga Lookouts, where he struck out 77 in 61 innings despite wearing this hat. And after Thursday's debut, we're hearing Fernando Valenzuela comparisons. So do the Reds have a companion piece for their Other Next Great Thing, Homer Bailey? We'll see.

• Show Your Royals Love. Kansas City is 3-0, so stop talking about how the Tigers are choking and start giving the Royals some respect. Alex Gordon and Mark Teahen both homered in a 4-1 win over Detroit (team payroll $138.7 million). Kansas City is 3-0 for the first time since winning its first nine games in 2003. The Trey Hillman Magic is only beginning.

• Dogs And Cats, Sleeping Together! Now time to check in on the greatest rivalry in all of sports: Cubs vs. Brewers. But what's this ... Ryan Dempster a starter? Kerry Wood a closer? Aramis Ramirez hitting the ball!? Ramirez homered, Dempster got the win and Wood his first career save as Chicago prevailed, 6-3. That's one in a row, doubters!

• Thanks For Dropping By, Mike. Mike Hampton's comeback was postponed when he injured a chest muscle during warmups (is anyone surprised by this? Anyone ...?) so the Braves went to Plan B: Using seven pitchers and losing to the Pirates in 10 innings, 4-3. Xavier Nady drove in Nyjer Morgan with a single to win it. Following the game the Braves placed Hampton on the 15-day DL and called up the sometimes reliable and always amusing Jo-Jo Reyes. So, how to keep Hampton from being injured next time? May I suggest the bacon bra?

• Walk This Way. There's nothing like a walkoff walk; I guess it's equivalent in the NFL would be if you got called for intentional grounding in the end zone during sudden-death overtime. Jesus Colome walked Jayson Werth to force in Jimmy Rollins with the winning run in the bottom of the 10th, giving the Phillies an 8-7 win over the Nationals. Sweep avoided — whew!

In fact, our pick makes our stomach turn over a bit, but alas. We think this division's going to be a lot better than people think.

1. Chicago Cubs. We're not ready to go with the "they win the World Series in the 100th year" business, but the lineup is starting to scare us a little.
2. Milwaukee Brewers. These guys reek of slow starters, followed by the firing of Ned Yost, followed by a crazy run to the wild card.
3. Houston Astros. This franchise is absolutely dead in two years. Their last gasp will push them into third place. Congrats, guys.
4. St. Louis Cardinals. The lineup should surprise — watch Brian Barton, kids — but man, is that really Todd Wellemeyer in the rotation? Heavens.
5. Cincinnati Reds. No longer will these guys sucker us in. It'll be fun to see who Griffey goes to, though.
6. Pittsburgh Pirates: Yes, yes, the Pirates are still around. Nice stadium too.

We type all this through gritted teeth. Your thoughts? Tomorrow, the National League West.

Cue the math!

I marked it at 502 feet horizontally and 65 feet above field level. On a calm, 70 degree day, a player would have to hit the ball at 134.5 mph off the bat, which is beyond the realm of possibility using MLB baseballs and MLB bats.

With a 15 mph tail wind and a 90 degree day, a hit of 122.7 mph would reach the truck. That is in fact possible by someone like Alex Rodriguez, or maybe Wily Mo Pena, but I doubt a lefty could hit one that hard in that direction. Also, at 500 horizontal feet from home plate, that's quite a lucky shot to go in just the right direction. And by the way, last year one home run was hit at GABP in wind of 15 mph or greater. It just doesn't get that windy at game time there...

Red Reporter points out that it "might as well be on the moon," which gives us an idea: If anyone at Yankee Stadium this year hits a home run that goes through our apartment window, we will give one lucky fan $500 and a package of leftover Peeps from Easter. Also: We will sell our soul to Satan.

Monster Trucks for Reds, Redux [Red Reporter]

(UPDATE: The Reds respond!

Rick,
Thank you for your email. I will make sure it gets passed on to the appropriate people. While we recognize that the truck is hard/impossible to hit, please know that we will be giving away the truck at the end of the season to a lucky Reds fan.

Clay Travis writes the ClayNation column for CBS Sportsline. His words are after the jump.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

Let's be honest, the Cincinnati Reds are not going to win anything this year. They're going to lose. Probably by late July you'll realize that you have no real reason to go to the games. The last time the Reds were in the postseason was 1995. Yep, 13 long years ago. That was back when finding pictures of naked women required real work and cyber sex was still just two fat men from Troy, Michigan's wildest dream.

So if you go to Cincinnati you're going to need something to do to keep yourself occupied when the Reds aren't trying to scrape together their first winning reason since 2000. With that in mind I've alternated a painstaking analysis of the 2008 season with things you can do in Cincinnati when you're lamenting another losing season.

1. 2008 will be the first season since 1944 that the recently deceased Joe Nuxhall has not been associated with the Cincinnati Reds. Before I start taking shots at everyone, Joe Nuxhall was the reason I ended up a Reds fan. The Reds games were broadcast on our local Fox affiliate in Nashville and on my first trip to Cincinnati at the age of 8, I met Nuxhall in the lobby of the downtown Hyatt (where the Reds gift shop was.) Nuxhall was sitting a table wearing a polo shirt, plaid shorts and white socks up to his knees. After much prodding from my dad I shook Nuxhall's hand and said we enjoyed watching the Reds games he and Marty Brennaman called. Nuxhall looked at me and said, "Hell, son I didn't know we were on in Nashville." He'll be missed.

2. Visit Kentucky. At some point you'll be wondering around in downtown Cincinnati at 8 at night and think you're in Pyongyang and Kim Jong-Il has just been assassinated. Every cab driver you meet will sing the praises of night life in Kentucky. You'll go to Kentucky. This says volumes about Cincinnati.

3. Dusty Baker is now the Reds manager. Hooray. I've always felt what every major league city needs is an old man who still wears batting gloves and wristbands. Fortunately for Baker he'll likely have five right-handed starting pitchers to run into the ground by the All-Star break. Seriously, five starting right handers?

4. Take a riverboat cruise on the Ohio River. Because, trust me, there's much more to the Ohio River than the murky brown water you can see from the shores of Ohio and Kentucky. For instance you might get lucky and see Joe Morgan on the bow of the boat and get to hear him say, "Clay, did you know that Pete Rose told me that rivers such as the Ohio used to be really important to our nation's commerce? Because, you see, there were no interstates back in the 1800's. People couldn't even drive their cars anywhere. They kept them in barns...or sometimes large silos."

5. Franciso Cordero is the latest Reds savior having been recently signed as a closer to a 4 year, $46 million dollar deal. Using the same math that brought Ken Griffey, Jr. such big money success on the banks of the Ohio, this roughly equates to $4 million dollars per save. Or to make the analogy clearer, what Rob Dibble spent on transvestite hookers each year in the Nasty Boys era. Cordero is also listed at 32 and from the Dominican Republic. This means he's actually older than Jack Armstrong.

6. Pretend you are a native Cincinnatian and participate in a race riot.

7. Brandon Phillips, Ken Griffey, Jr. and Adam Dunn each hit 30 home runs last year. Phillips and Dunn are 26 and 28, respectively. This is very promising. And Philips at four years for $27 million is either going to turn out to be a tremendous steal for the Reds or one of those deals that other teams in the NL Central laugh about for the next half-decade. There will be no middle ground.

8. Go to the Underground Railroad Museum next door to the Reds Stadium. Just for fun keep asking Joe Morgan where to buy your ticket.

9. Joey Votto is rumored to be the next great thing at first base for the Reds. Formerly rumored great Reds first baseman Hal Morris thinks Joey Votto isn't smart enough to play basketball for the Bearcats. This is an ominous sign.

10. Head to the zoo. I hate to say it's an indictment of a city when the zoo is a top tourist attraction. But...it's an indictment of a city when the zoo is a top tourist attraction.

11. Ryan Freel has an imaginary voice in his head he calls Farney. This is the man who replaced Ken Griffey, Jr. in center field because "it gives us a stronger defense up the middle." Baseball stars die slow and cruel deaths.

12. Eat Skyline Chili. Or just stick your finger in your asshole and rub it on ramen noodles. Bingo, you've experienced Cincinnati's finest cuisine.

As originally pointed out by King Kaufman of Salon, Baker told the great Hal McCoy how he makes his major lineup decisions as a manager. It's a complicated process.

Baker said he sometimes sits in his office staring into space, pondering and pontificating over things of this nature, "And sometime I just sit here and nothing comes."

Oh, yeah: Pontificating. That's it. That's what he's doing.

By the way, Homer Bailey's arm is going to be a shredded noodle by midseason. Enjoy, Reds fans.

Who's 1, Who's 2? [Dayton Daily News]

Everybody's favorite, uh, something or other, is going to blast the Mohegan Sun in Connecticut with his unique brand of, well, whatever he does. His official site doesn't have much about his music, but it does feature him almost exclusively in a Red Sox uniform, which we suppose makes sense.

We can't think of much more that would inspire us to gamble, though, than hearing Arroyo's face-melting Creed covers.

Bronson Arroyo, Mohegan Sun Cabaret , Uncasville, CT [Ticketmaster]

In describing the abdominal injury he suffered against the Giants on Tuesday, Griffey said: "The best way I can describe it is it felt like somebody bungee jumped off my right nut." Wow. Step off, George!

You know what happens with stories like this. It won't be long before some adventurous idiot actually tries it.

Griffey Update [Cincinnati Enquirer]

Specifically ... he's one of those guys who probably should have left baseball years ago but never did. So much so that, when he got the call to the majors ... he was sleeping in a camper outside AAA Louisville's center field fence.

Shearn was staying in a camper beyond center field in Louisville so he could save a month's rent in Louisville. Last night Rick Sweet called him and asked him where he was was, walked across the field and told him he was headed to the big leagues. Instead of staying in the camper, Shearn drove to Cincinnati. The hotel looked booked, so he called Gary Majewski and asked if he could stay on his couch, they stayed up going over the scouting report and Shearn finally went to bed.

Shearn: "There were a couple of times, I asked myself what I was doing," Shearn said. "I have a little girl right now, I could be home right now. I have great support, my family told me not to give up. This is my fourth or fifth year in AAA and it was getting a little tiresome, but I had great coaches in AAA and it all worked out.

Our favorite part of the story: Once he was woken up to find out he was going to Cincy ... he just went ahead and drove to Cincinnati. That drive must have been awesome. Congrats, man. Baseball's just the best sometimes, isn't it?

Redfish Vs. Bluefish [Cincinnati.com]

A Lesson In Bad Baseball Nicknames. Conor Jackson's 2-run home run was the turning point in the Arizona Diamondbacks's 3-1 win over the Chicago Cubs. But the real story here was MLB.com's front page headline, which referred to him as "CoJack." Ew, God, please don't make that his nickname.

The Other Innings, However, Were Pretty Good. So There's That. Tim Hudson was cruising against the St. Louis Cardinals in the first four innings. But then came the fifth, where he allowed five straight singles. ("Five straight singles" is sometimes used to describe five friends who watch Star Trek.) In that fifth inning, St. Louis scored all five of their runs, which was enough for a 5-4 win over the Atlanta Braves.

Wang Jokes Are Never Not Funny. So, Roger Clemens is allowed to leave the team during road trips, and everybody complains and cries favoritism. But Chien-Ming Wang leaves Friday night's game (that lasted until 3:30 in the morning) early so he can pitch the next day, and nobody says a word? What a pro-Asian bias this country has. Wang got his precious rest and stifled the Detroit Tigers' offense in a 7-2 win. At one point, the Yankees had back-to-back triples. That tends to help too.

Oh Let The Sun Beat Down Upon My Face, Stars To Fill My Dream. So, you know which team it always sucks to play in late August or September? That'd be the Devil Rays, because they're always out of the playoffs and the young'uns are playing out of their heads because they don't know any better. In a 14-3 win over the Oakland A's, Tampa Bay's Scott Kazmir struck out 13, and his offense scored at least 10 runs for the second straight night. Perhaps manager Joe Maddon should just inform his team they're always out of the playoffs, even in April of next year, and continue the lie even if they have a 10-game lead over the Red Sox and Yankees.

Because when Pete Rose talks, everyone listens.

"It was a complete embarrassment," said Staff Sgt. Steven Tischer, commander of the Colerain-Highland Ridge U.S. Army Recruiting Station that sponsored the baseball camp for 7- to 14-year-olds. "You don't swear in front of kids, that's just common sense. He dropped the F-bomb and the S-bomb. He told them winning is everything and if you get second place you're just losers."

"His comment that he was (bleeped) off that Marge [Schott] didn't leave him any money in her will and that she left it all to the zoo. His comment about how Marge loved to smoke and she would have smoked in her sleep if someone was there to hold her cigarette all night. His comment that he saw Joe DiMaggio in the shower and he saw more of him than Marilyn Monroe ever did. His comment on a good friend of his that was a gambler - and how I could go on."

Pete Rose ranting about Joe DiMaggio in the shower to a baseball camp. We think we might like hire him and just have him follow us around, commenting on our daily life. Everyone should have a Pete Rose as a friend.

Potty-Mouth Pete Strikes Out At Camp For Kids [Cincinnati Enquirer]

This guy darned near made it.

"To our knowledge, no one's ever made it outside the ball park with a seat," Reds' spokesman Rob Butcher said. [Bradley] Hosler, listed as 6-foot-8 inches tall in the police report, apparently broke the seat portion - the part where fans sit - of his chair and decided to take it home as a souvenir. He was arrested at 4:15 p.m. Sunday just outside the 1000 Main St. stadium.

Well, he is 6-foot-8; we supposed there's some extra room there. But still. Maybe he stuffed it in a cornhole somewhere.

Fan Charged With Taking Seat [Cincinnati Enquirer]

Here's a bit of a recap of what my fiance had to tell me about her experience at the ballgame the other day:

"Well I had fun, but you know the Reds' catcher, Ross? He wasn't playing (no surprise there) but he was down in the bullpen about 4 feet from us the whole game and he was so gross. First he just kept staring at us like a possessed pervert and would just stare and stare and not look away. Then he threw me and Hope a ball and no one else. Even little kids that were begging him for a baseball all game and he just ignored them and ended up giving two more baseball's to girls that flashed their tits at him. He kept staring at me and Hope kept telling me he was and I would look over quick and try and catch him doing it but there was no need. He was staring with no shame, like a typical asshole ballplayer. Then I said 'what a pervert' and he just started laughing and kept staring, and undressing us with his eyes. He wasn't wearing his wedding band either. Then after those two girls that flashed him got thrown out of the ballpark, he went to the spot in the bullpen where he could still communicate with them and they exchanged information and he looked to get their number."

Guys that are barely hitting .200 get flashed. Hm.

It's time to roast the world's worst hitter David Ross [Diamond Hoggers]

The tide has turned — it helps that he's healthy and, you know, not much of a steroid user — and now he's talking about returning to Seattle as a hero.

Would I [come back]? Yeah. For the simple reason that this is the place where I grew up. And I think I owe it to the people of Seattle and to myself to retire as a Mariner.

We're not sure this will happen in any way other than one of those "sign him up as a Mariner for one day so he can hold his press conference and retire" things that you see every once in a while, but after the guy passed Mark McGwire in homers yesterday, it's pleasant to go back to loving Ken Griffey again, like we used to, way back in the day. Even if he throws jock straps to fans.

Griffey: "I Owe It To The People Of Seattle To Retire As A Mariner" [Enjoy The Enjoyment]
Ken Griffey Jr. Knows How To Deal With Hecklers [Deadspin]

According to The Jaunt, a man in the Chavez Ravine stands was mercilessly (but harmlessly) heckling Griffey, to the point that the future Hall of Famer noticed. Then, according to the fan's MySpace page, the real fun began.

Well, by the 2nd inning he was looking right at me giving me the looks. When he walks in from the 6th inning he decided he had enough and came over to talk some smack. He called me some fat references which was hilarious and then he told me I couldnt touch the threads on his jock...

I then told him to show me what he's got, that he talks a big game and then I told him to limp back to the dugout where he belongs and I even said some things about his Mom. I told him I might be fat, but I could still play center field:) It was an incredible exchange to say the least. After the 6th inning he walks out and stops to talk to me holding a brown paper bag in his hand. He motions to throw it to me and I told him no, I know that trick. He laughs and says catch it, so I put up my hands and he tosses it over. He wouldn't leave until I opened it and when I finally did, the whole place erupted with laughter. Griffey throws me his jock...

Seriously, the full report of this is amazing. That's how you deal with a heckler, friends: Throw him something stained and sweaty. He'll love it, he really will.

Ken Griffey Jr.'s On My Jock [MySpace]
Just How Big Is Your Ken Griffey Jr.? [The Jaunt]

Look, guys: We didn't pick the Cardinals! (We still think they'll win the wild card.) Yes, our flirtation with the Brewers continues; we actually picked them to win the wild card at midseason last year. So there's that.

1. Milwaukee Brewers. Best pitching staff in the division, with potential for big power. We're scared.
2. St. Louis Cardinals. Everyone's concerned about the rotation, but we think that'll be fine; we're far more concerned about that, ugh, outfield.
3. Chicago Cubs. Seriously, they should just cut Wood and Prior right now. Everyone will feel better.
4. Houston Astros. We think this might be the worst Astros team of the last few years. We almost wanted to put them behind the Reds.
5. Cincinnati Reds. Boy, Ken Griffey has just been a godsend, hasn't he?
6. Pittsburgh Pirates. If we were more of a real man, we'd act on our hunch about this team. But we're not.

See? No Cardinals! No reverse jinx! Nope! Tell us what you think, if you're more of men and women than we are. And you are.

His admission of nightly betting came up only because, before he came on the air with us, I had repeated the standard history of his gambling while Reds' manager: that he never bet against his own team, but that he often didn't bet at all on their games. This, to me, was as great a transgression as the gambling itself, because it left open the prospect that he wouldn't use his closer or would rest his key players during the games in which he had no wager. To me that was a kind of passive-aggressive game-fixing.

Rose was correcting me. Used that term. The emphasis was not "I BET on the Reds every night," but "I bet on the Reds EVERY night." To me, that takes a little of the sting out of the process. At least Pete Rose the manager wasn't subservient to Pete Rose the compulsive gambler. At least the game outcomes weren't affected because he was saving John Franco until a night he had $500 riding on the result.

Remember, that's the point of all this: Whether Rose could have fixed a game. The perception of the interview does seem to skew a bit from its actual content. We do respect Rose's devotion to his team, though; we think he actually bet on the Reds to win that interview.

In Defense Of Pete Rose [The Newshole]

Well, we're less than a month away from the start of baseball — spring training is here! — so it's time to do the same thing in the baseball world. Every weekday until the start of the season, a different writer will preview his/her team. We asked a gaggle of writers, from the Web, from print, from books, to tell us, in as many or as little words as they need, Where Their Team Stands. This is not meant to be factual, or dispassionate, or even logical: We just asked them to riff on why they love their team so much, or what their team means to them, or whatever.

Today: The Cincinnati Reds. Your author is Clay Travis.

Clay Travis writes the Claynation column for CBS Sportsline. His words are after the jump.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—--

Nashville was the Triple-A affiliate for the Cincinnati Reds when I was growing up, and every season the Reds would play an exhibition game against the local Nashville Sounds as they made their way north for the start of the season. Each year, come early April, that was the highlight of my major-league fandom. I'd scream with reckless abandon for Billy Hatcher to sign my scuffed up baseball. Mortgage my soul to eternal hell if only my idol Barry Larkin would come anywhere near the left-field bleachers, where I was hanging over the railing. And if Eric Davis tossed a baseball into the crowd? It was the equivalent of a steel-cage death match in the steel bleachers. I was too young to know about the survival of the fittest theory, but in the dirt beneath those bleachers, I firmly grasped the concept. Those were great days.

Once Rob Dibble spit tobacco juice or something he was chewing that looked pretty nasty within an inch of me and then refused to sign my baseball card because it incorrectly identified him as "Ron" Dibble. "I don't sign errors," Dibble said, before waving his hand to dismiss me, "Lesson learned, kid." I was 10. Yeah, the lesson is you're a dickhead, Ron.

We were also fortunate enough to get lots of the Reds baseball games on our local WZTV Fox television station. Once I met Reds announcer Joe Nuxhall (the youngest pitcher in Major League History at 15) and told him that I liked watching the games. "We're on in Nashville?" he asked, incredulous. And if we didn't get the televised games, my dad and I would turn on the radio and try to catch the 700 WLW Cincinnati signal flying across the night sky. Often, we could. I still remember falling asleep the night in 1988 when Tom Browning pitched a perfect game. I was nine and too tired to stay up late enough for the entire game, and my dad did his best to wake me up in the eighth inning whereupon I groggily listened to the pitcher without a chin retire the final six batters in order. Now that I think about it, being only 27, and having memories of listening to a fading and inconsistent signal for radio baseball games sounds so antiquated that I can't even believe I used to do it. But I did.

For all of my youth the Cincinnati Reds were my sports idols. Which ended up working out pretty well since, as a group, they were pretty moral and kept the gang-rapes to a minimum. What didn't work out so well was that he Cincinnati Reds players were also my fashion idols, men whose style I hoped to emulate.

Even if they did so many goofy and ridiculous things, looking back on them makes me want to cry. So I've decided to juxtapose the fashion errors of my youth with a preview for the 2007 Reds. This is going to be horrible. Enjoy.

1. It's hard not to be optimistic when Bronson Arroyo is one of your two staff aces. Wait, did I just write that? Was Rick Mahler not available anymore? Can we get Jose Rijo back? Arroyo has never won more than 14 games in a season. And while he and Aaron Harang are not a bad one-two punch, you get the feeling both guys would rather be doing back-up vocals for a band at Bonnaroo.

2. Wristbands with your own picture on them. I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find baseball wristbands that could be made with my picture on them. Seriously, wristbands with my own picture on them. How in the world did this ever catch on? Every Reds player had these. Because nothing makes hitting a baseball easier than looking down and seeing a cartoon rendition of yourself on your wristbands. Especially if those wristbands feature a copy of your autograph as well. This is one of the dumbest trends ever.

3. Twenty-year-old pitching phenom Homer Bailey is waiting in the wings. Which is important. Because evidently the Reds are building their team around pitching now. This makes sense. Especially with a cavernous ballpark like Great American where no runs are ever scored. Wait, that's not the case. This makes zero sense.

4. Eric Davis' Cincinnati Reds pendant on a gold chain. Man, Davis looked so cool with his Reds pendant. So cool, in fact, that my fifth grade Christmas present was a gold chain with a Reds pendant. My Service Merchandise catalog street cred was at an all-time high at Brick Church Elementary School. Especially when I ostentatiously tucked away the pendant before kickball games. After all, I didn't want to be flashy.

5. Will Griffey Jr. be willing to make the move to right field? Will he recover from a nasty Bahamian family-wrestling match that resulted in a broken left wrist? As is par for the course since his return to Cincy, questions loom. What's almost certain is that he won't play in more than 145 games. Since he hasn't yet in seven seasons with the Reds. And that he'll still have buckteeth.

6. Chris Sabo's prescription goggles. These things were too expensive for us to be able to afford so, instead, I had regular glasses with a Sabo-esque band to hold up my glasses. And this was cool. Or so I thought. Now I'm amazed other kids didn't hold me down and shove Big League Chew into my mouth until I choked to death. Thanks Chris Sabo.

7. New general manager Wayne Krivsky is a madman. At any point he might decide to trade the entire starting outfield for Wesley Snipes because he's got him confused with Willie Mays Hays and thinks he's getting a steal.

8. Eric Davis's high-top cleats. These were rad if you were a slim athletic black man capable of gliding across the outfield like a colt in a clean-cut meadow. Not so much if you were a short and pudgy third baseman whose idea of gliding was going to the local Wave Pool on a boogie board. Whatever, at least I had the best ankle support in little league.

9. Adam Dunn will continue to swing for the fences with reckless abandon. He'll probably hit 40 home runs again, but hopefully he can manage to hit better than .234. I always picture Dunn out bar-hopping as a regular guy. The moment he arrives in any bar I see him walking up to the hottest girl in the place, throwing out his best possible game, and either banging her while the coat check girl fondles his taint or saying, "Screw it, let's move" and doing the exact same thing next door. They don't call him "The Big Donkey" for nothing. And just think, on some level, Tampa Bay's Chris Simms is responsible for all of this since his starting at Texas is what led Dunn to focus solely on baseball.

10. The Cincinnati Reds turtleneck. Yep, I had it in bright red with a white Reds logo. And I wore it. Everywhere. The moment the temperature dropped below 75 degrees you could count on my neck being toasty. I'd be playing basketball in the hot sunshine, sweat rolling down my face, gloriously swept up in the turtleneck's tight cotton embrace. This was a great addition to my fashion repertoire because it hid all the hickeys I was getting from girls in seventh and eighth grade. Or none of them at all. Because there were none thanks to the stupid Reds turtleneck. Whatever, it's not like I'm bitter or anything. Reds rule.

Time Before Baseball Practice
"I am here for two months before i head back up north. I have this morning before practice.....looking for a woman to enjoy the morning with. Can be married or single, disease free is important. I am 5 9 180 short hair and blue eyes, in shape, of course."

Doing the math, they've decided it's Reds utilityman Ryan Freel ... or Farney, anyway. Allotting for the fact that it could have been anyone, you, us, Howard K. Stern, who put that ad up there, we agree with Freel, or whoever the anonymous poster is: Disease free is important.

Baseball Player Takes To Craigslist Seeking Early-Morning Sex Romp To Ease Spring Training Tension [The Big Lead]
Ryan Freel's Little Friend [Deadspin]

What were the playing, "red hands" with a ball-peen hammer? Or maybe Griffey was doing something ultra-dangerous, something that's been known to be hell on a man's body. Something like, oh, I don't know... playing centerfield.

He'll have this throwing hand in a cast for three weeks, at which point the doctors will re-evaluate him and probably break his tibia in the process. There's no word yet on whether or not he'll be able to participate in spring training in February, but there is plenty of time for him to slam his arm in a car door or be attacked by a pack of wild swamp rats. His dazzling smile remains unaffected.

Griffey suffers another injury [The Plain Dealer]
June Comes Early: Griffey Hurts Himself. (But He Won't Say How) [Seattlest]

In what appears to be a leak from the usual iron-lockdown world of MLB Properties, it seems that both the Arizona Diamondbacks and Cincinnati Reds are changing versions of their logos next year. The logo message board — yes, such things exist — at SportsLogos.net posted them over the weekend, and they have been confirmed from outside sources.

The new logos for the Diamondbacks are more radical, and, all told, we're really not that impressed; the letters seem awfully small. The Reds made a more minor change, mostly with the font on the front of the uniform.

We are still waiting for Cubs to switch to pewter, by the way. Hey, can't hurt.

New Diamondbacks Logos [PhotoBucket]
New Reds Logos [PhotoBucket]

On September 30 — the last weekend of the regular season — Great American Ball Park will feature a simulation of a "full-scale terrorist attack." The team is looking for volunteers to play "Fucking Terrified Citizen" and is offering them vouchers for two Reds tickets in 2007. It's actually not a bad deal, if you can get up early; volunteers will be there from 7:30 until about 10 a.m.

If anyone is able to go, we discourage people from screaming in hysterics and running to freedom, and instead suggest they leave the park in a calm and orderly fashion, if just because you'll lose your free tickets otherwise. If you're need motivation for the "terror" expression, we suggest thinking, "Danny Graves." Should help.

Reds Seek Volunteers For Simulated Terrorist Attack [Cincinnati Business Journal]

He also, apparently, is batshit crazy.

Ryan Freel said not even Farney believed that Freel made the stupendous diving catch on Albert Pujols Tuesday.

Farney? Who's Farney?

"He's a little guy who lives in my head who talks to me and I talk to him," said Freel, acting as if he finally crashed into too many walls, ran into too many catchers and dived into too many dugouts. "That little midget in my head said, 'That was a great catch, Ryan,' I said, 'Hey, Farney, I don't know if that was you who really caught that ball, but that was pretty good if it was.' Everybody thinks I talk to myself, so I tell 'em I'm talking to Farney.' "

OOOOOOO-kay then ....

Fantastic Catch Earns Rave Reviews [Dayton Daily News]
Hrumph... [Cardinals Diaspora]

Well, Reds general manager Wayne Krivsky isn't happy. He claims that, before his infamous Austin Kearns trade last month, that Bowden hid details of reliever Gary Majewski's shoulder injury (he's now on the DL) and then didn't call him back when Krivsky asked him about it. Bowden says he never received a call and that he gave the Reds all the information they needed.

Krivsky, perhaps realizing he made a terrible trade and hoping he can spin it in a "they didn't tell me their guy was hurt!" type of way, is still mad.

"Hopefully, when people are dealing with us, they feel like we're being straight up," Krivsky said. "I want people to feel like they're being dealt with honestly. For me, Wayne Krivsky, credibility is paramount."

Careful, Krivsky: Any more referencing of one's self in the third person like that, Bowden's likely to get pissed off, get shitty drunk and run your ass over with a car. Just watch yourself, that's all we're saying.

Bowden Fires Back At Reds [Cincinnati Enquirer]

Meanwhile, on the football front, John Gruden has revealed that the Buccaneers' offensive unit is no longer using the name Halle Berry as an audible, and has now changed to Jennifer Aniston and J-Lo. Said Gruden:

Halle Berry? Let's be honest, she is a fox and our players never forget that one. That one's used up, so we're on to Jennifer Aniston, J-Lo and Pam Anderson. We like to use girls once in a while, but in the regular season we have our basic audibles that we'll continue to use.

Going For Bo [Cincinnati Enquirer]
Sound Off [Tampa Tribune]

I admire the voice that Dunn used for the call, and I've got a feeling he's seen Napolean Dynamite a couple dozen times. It's probably not going to get him an invite to sit down and do an interview with James Lipton, but it's inspired nonetheless. Kudos to Redleg Nation for the find.

Adam From Milwaukee (mp3)

Redleg Nation Radio, Episode 2 [Redleg Nation]