Charles Trimble, who happens to be a Reds fan, took his wife and 4-year-old grandson to see Cincinnati at Pittsburgh on August 23. He had seats, but scalped tickets so he could trade up to the club level—probably not that hard to do in Pittsburgh—and ended up seated near Dr. Christopher Post of Allegheny General Hospital. When Trimble turned white and slumped over, Post leapt into action, signaling Pirates staff who quickly grabbed the team's portable defibrillator. With the help of an EMT and a nurse who were also seated nearby, this rag tag group of medical heroes saved Trimble's life and got him to a hospital alive, where he made full recovery. The survival rate of someone whose heart stops outside of a hospital is less than 10%, so yeah, he's pretty freaking lucky.

The Pirates lost the game, natch.

Fan's Heart Stops At Pittsburgh Pirates Game [WTAE Pittsburgh]

Arroyo says in a must-read interview with USA Today that he's pretty sure that he's on The List of failed tests from 2003, because he "took androstenedione the same way I took my multivitamins." And the guy takes a lot of multivitamins.

"I take 10 to 12 different things a day, and on the days I pitch, there's four more things. There's a caffeine drink I take from a company that (former teammate) Curt Schilling introduced me to in '05. I take some Korean ginseng and a few other proteins out there that are not certified. But I haven't failed any tests, so I figured I'm good."

Yeah, that sounds fine. Most of the things Arroyo takes are over-the-counter "remedies" that are not on the approved list of supplements that Major League Baseball has endorsed. So it's pretty much a miracle that he hasn't failed a test yet. But he started taking supplements when he was five and hasn't looked back.

But there's more! Arroyo basically calls out everyone—saying owners care way more about making money than they do about winning (probably true!), Americans who fill their bodies with junk food couldn't care less about steroids (also probably true!), and nobody gives a crap about what Manny Ramirez or Bronson Arroyo do to their bodies.

I can see where guys like Hank Aaron and some of the old-timers have a beef with it," Arroyo says. "But as far as looking at Manny Ramirez like he's (serial killer) Ted Bundy, you're out of your mind. At the end of the day, you think anybody really (cares) whether Manny Ramirez's kidneys fail and he dies at 50?

Arroyo concludes by claiming that he regrets nothing and no one else should either. He's basically saying what everyone else secretly believes—even if they won't admit it. Players will do whatever they can to gain an advantage, they continue do it despite all the furor, and nobody really blames them. Also, fans want their teams to be better and don't really care how that happens. Most importantly, Bronson Arroyo doesn't give a fuck about anything.

That's a direct quote: "I don't give a fuck." I'm glad we cleared that up.

Reds' Arroyo is gambling on supplements, despite risk [USA Today]

There is no timetable for his return, either, but MLB.com reports some positive news that Votto was seen milling around team batting practice in street clothes on Friday night. Votto dodged reporters, who would have peppered him with needling questions like "How ARE you?" , but Dusty Baker did get a couple of mumbles out of him and the toothpick-chomping manager said that he was "encouraged" by what he heard. Still, there's no indication when Votto will be back and Baker seems to indicate that Votto hasn't even looked at a bat over the past couple weeks:

"He hasn't hit in a while," Baker said. "He's a natural, but he's not that natural. There's no indication on when he'll be doing any baseball activity. I wish I had more to tell you, but I don't."

Votto was batting .357 with 8 homers and 33 RBIs before he came down with The Sadness.

Red readying to remain without Votto [MLB.com]
What Is The Matter With Our Fragile Baseball Players? [Deadspin]

Baker was fill-in coach for Darren's 10-under NorCal Travel Ball baseball team during this past weekend's Fall State Championship Tournament at Twin Creeks Sports Complex in Sunnyvale, Calif. Your intrepid reporter was on the scene — it was either this or a matinee showing of Beverly Hills Chihuahua — as Baker's team, Hard 90 Pastime out of Roseville, fought to an exciting 27-7 victory in game one of a doubleheader.

From what I could tell, Baker's duties consisted mainly of: Coaching first base; signing autographs; and helping players put condiments on their hot dogs.

"This is a lot of fun, and something I never thought I'd be able to do until Darren was older," said Baker, who may have disappointed many fans by not wearing wristbands for the gig. Instead he rocked the track suit and the Nike Air Maxs. "My dad coached me in Riverside when I was 15, so it's great to be able to do this with Darren. I'm enjoying it; being back in the San Francisco area and all that. The kids are great."

The biggest challenge in coaching nine-year-olds?

"Getting them to focus," Baker said. "Sometimes you wonder if they're listening." So, just like the Reds!

The players weigh in:

Ross Strider, 10: "It's awesome have Dusty Baker as our coach. He gives us great tips, like how to block out the sun on a fly ball, and how to tell which way the wind is blowing."

Brian Goad, 10: "It's really fun; he makes us want to play harder. But after awhile you forget he's Dusty Baker. He just seems like one of the dads."

Alex Rose, 9: "Darren is a good friend, and he's really fast. He thinks he's faster than me, but nope. He isn't."

Dusty Baker Gets Fall Coaching Gig — His Son's Team [Sacramento Bee]

We had high expectations for the 2008 season. Unfortunately the team has not played up to our expectations and we have sustained injuries to key players within our starting lineup and rotation. We opted to trade Ken Griffey Jr. and Adam Dunn at this time because we believe it provided the best outcome for the long-term success of the organization. By executing these inevitable changes now, we secured more players as part of our focus towards building a deeper, stronger inventory of young talent.

As we near September, we will continue to provide valuable playing time to our young players and new acquisitions who we feel can become significant contributors at the Major League level. We ask your continued trust and patience as we build the roster that will get us back on top. We appreciate your support and look forward to seeing you at the ballpark.

Full letter here. The Cubs beat the Reds on Tuesday 5-0.

Elsewhere in painful regret:

• "Sorry for any future coke binges with Lindsay Lohan. It really can't be helped." — Michael Phelps

• "Sorry, but we'll be there too." — Mary Kate, Ashley Olsen

• "Sorry for all the drunken Beijing shenanigans. Hey, I'm British." — Bradley Wiggins

• "Sorry for the panties." — Disney

• "Sorry for using all the LEGOs to build a mini-LEGO Olympics." — LEGO User Group

• "Sorry; you'd think with all the fuss, I'd be a lot better." — Alicia Sacramone

• "Sorry in advance for all the illegal shit that's about to occur. Should be any day now." — Chris Henry

A Letter To Reds Fans [Cincinnati Reds]

From the Cincinnati Enquirer:

It would be easy to assume, in the wake of the trade of Adam Dunn to Arizona, that the Reds are in a long-term rebuilding mode. But the team's chief executive officer, Bob Castellini, said Monday that's not the case. Asked if the team could win next season, Castellini said: "Absolutely." If that's the case, the Reds must win with a very different cast of players than the one they started with on Opening Day.

Fun facts about Adam Dunn: He's tied for first with with Ryan Howard of the Phils and Carlos Quentin of the White Sox for the major league lead in homers with 32; his 198 homers from 2004-2008 are second only to Alex Rodriguez (199); is fourth on the Reds' all-time home run list with 270, behind Johnny Bench (389), Frank Robinson (324) and Tony Perez (287). Griffey and Dunn were the two longest-tenured and highest-paid players on the Reds, and had combined for 70 home runs and 199 RBI last season.

A likely starting lineup for the Reds tonight against the Pirates will feature no player over the age of 28. That looks like rebuilding to me. Cincinnati is 2-14 since July 25, including losses in the past six straight games. They're cutting their losses and (possibly) looking toward next year. Please turn to the Florida Marlins chapter of your textbooks for further details. Well, fortunately the Reds have a strong minor league system and help should be on the ... uh oh. Um, never mind.

Meanwhile, another team with a baseball-headed mascot isn't doing very well either; specifically in the bullpen area. But we'll delve into that at another time.

Bring Me The Head Of Mr. Redlegs [Deadspin]
Power Lost: Reds Retooling [Cincinnati Enquirer]

Per the Dayton Daily News, here's the crux of the dispute:

Griffey is angry over different comments Brantley made and said one of them was, "He said I'm pouting because the Reds haven't picked up my option ($16 million) for next year. If I was that concerned about money I wouldn't have come here in the first place."

Brantley said he never said that and the subject wasn't broached until Brantley and Griffey sat down in the players dining room early Sunday, "And I think he's upset that I said something about the defense of the corner outfielders (Adam Dunn, Griffey)," said Brantley.

Call me old-fashioned but if the throat slash is involved, shouldn't the person you're signaling have some idea why you want him dead?

Griffey bristles at broadcaster's comments [Dayton Daily News]

Ken Griffey throws a throat slash towards Jeff Brantley's booth [Big League Stew]

Griffey, a resident of Orlando, Fla., has a no-trade clause but would be interested in waiving it if he could be dealt closer to home to a contending team, SI.com reported, citing the unnamed sources. The 39-year-old right fielder is hitting .256 with seven homers and 30 RBIs this season. He is making $12 million this season and has a $16.5 million option for next season.

Dealing Griffey makes sense: Just look at this photo. The Reds would save thousands in wristbands alone. And Tampa needs both a right fielder and a DH (sorry, Cliff Floyd fans). Anyway I guess the Marlins are out, since signing Griffey would quadruple their payroll.

Griffey Reportedly Mulling OK For Deal To Rays [NBC Sports]

Chicago is 2 1/2 games head of second-place St. Louis in the NL Central, and losing Pujols (16 homers) for any significant amount of time really sucks for the men in red. But hey, at least they're getting Joel Pineiro back! Pujols suffered the injury while running out a ground ball, the Cardinals going on for a 7-2 win. He was flown to St. Louis Tuesday night, where he will have tests done today. Grow, calf, grow! Griffey was 0-for-3 with a walk in his first home game since hitting his 600th career home run Monday in Florida.

• C.C. Rider. C.C. Sabathia threw a five-hit shutout as the Indians beat the Twins 1-0. Ryan Garko's double in the first drove in the only run. Fun fact from the blog Castro Turf: The Twins haven't had a starting pitcher record a victory since May 29.

• Let The Willie Randolph Death Watch Resume. Chris Snyder's homer in the eighth led Arizona to a rain-delayed 9-5 win over the Mets; New York's fifth straight loss. Orlando Hudson, Stephen Drew and Conor Jackson also homered for the Diamondbacks. Mr. Met still recovering, unable to comment.

• Cubs 10, Braves 5. Tom Glavine (elbow strain) joins John Smoltz on the Braves' unable-to-perform list.

• Huff Said. Aubrey Huff, who entered the game 1-for-7 with three strikeouts against Boston reliever Hideki Okajima, had fours hits — including a two-run single off of Okajima — as the Orioles won 10-6.

• D-Train Takes Slight Detour. The Tigers have sent Dontrelle Willis to Class A Lakeland to "work on his control," to which we at MLB Closer snarkily reply, what control? Willis (0-1) has walked 21 batters in 11 1/3 innings, giving up eight earned runs, walking five, in 1 1/3 innings on Monday against Cleveland. The good news for Willis is that he arrives in Lakeland just in time for All-You-Can-Eat Night, as the Flying Tigers take on the Brevard County Manatees tonight at 7 p.m.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Day. Reed Johnson, Chicago Cubs. This catch actually doesn't seem wandworthy in real time, but the replay proves that there was some sort of wizardry afoot. There's no way that ball should have landed in that glove. Wizard Cat gives this catch: Four wands, although Indifferent Ape remains unimpressed.

Contact Wizard Cat at Wizardcat@live.com

Griffey became the sixth player in history to reach 600 homers, getting it off of Mark Hendrickson in the first inning of the Reds’ 9-4 win. He joins Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron, Babe Ruth, Willie Mays and Sammy Sosa as the only players to reach the mark. And as one might expect, there's controversy over who got their hands on the ball first, and lawyers are now involved. God bless America's pastime.

So at age 38, one has to figure that Griffey has a shot at bigger game: Sosa at 609*, Mays' 660, Ruth at 714, Aaron 755, Bonds at whatever number* Bonds is at (don't make me look it up). But one gets the feeling that Junior has already had his greatest moment: That day in 1990, Sept. 14, when he and his dad hit back-to-back homers for the Mariners. "My father hit 152 home runs, and that’s who I wanted to be like,” said Griffey. Yes, it can be that simple. Ken Griffey Jr. has always been someone who was easy to root for, and I hope we all get to do that just a while longer.

• Isn't Back-To-Back-To-Back Physically Impossible? Speaking of the long ball, the Rays had an embarrassment of riches on Monday, as Evan Longoria, Willy Aybar and Dioner Navarro hit consecutive home runs in Tampa Bay's 13-4 win over Anaheim/Los Angeles/California/U.S./Planet Earth. Longoria added another homer in the ninth.

• Good Job, Cliffy. Ryan Garko's three-run homer in the first helped Cliff Lee earn his 10th win, as the Indians beat the Tigers 10-2. Now witness the starting pitching stylings of Dontrelle Willis: Eight runs, all earned, three hits and five walks in 1 1/3 innings. Now witness Leyland picking up a large circus mallet ...

• Nick At Night. Say "switch-hitting Swisher" three times fast. Nick Swisher homered from both sides of the plate (there are only two, right?) as the White Sox completed a four-game sweep of the Twins, 7-5.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Game. Pittsburgh Pirates bullpen. Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson and Pirates' hitter Doug Mientkiewicz exchange angry words in the 3rd, and both benches empty. But look how long it takes the Pirates' bullpen to cross the outfield to get to the action ... especially that last guy. It's like watching Lawrence of Arabia cross the Nefu. Wizard Cat gives this journey: Two wands.

As you might have heard, Ken Griffey Jr. hit his 600th homer last night, becoming only the sixth man to do that. It's pretty impressive, even if he did it in Florida.

Of all the praises of Griffey we hear, perhaps our least favorite is that he "did it the right way." The implication, of course, is that Griffey hit all his home runs without steroids, unlike Barry Bonds and (presumably) Sammy Sosa. This seems more an insult to Griffey than to the alleged users. Praising Griffey by denigrating others' accomplishment doesn't allow Griffey to stand on his own, turns him into a martyr rather than the upper echelon Hall of Famer he is. Griffey should not be defined by others. He should be defined by being one of the best pure baseball players we've ever seen. He should also be defined by jock straps.

Because the Reds might well find him a place to be traded now that he has 600 — though the Mariners idea is looking less likely — here are his best homers as a Red.

Utley of course is unconscious, with his homer on Tuesday making it seven homers in his past eight games (he already had a stretch of seven homers in seven games April 17-23). More Utley adulation over at Phillies Nation, including a nice photo of one of his diving catches. And The 700 Level also chips in right here. They're declaring him the frontrunner for NL MVP, and who are we to argue? Although Chipper Jones is still hitting over .400 (2-for-4 to increase his average to .407 in the Braves' 7-5 win over the Marlins). Meanwhile, the Reds' Ken Griffey Jr. sat out the game with "general soreness," remaining at 599 career homers. As I recall, didn't it also take him forever to go from 499 to 500?

• The Hat Squad. Um, what the hell is up with this?. Don’t know; don’t want to know. Baltimore beat Boston 6-3, as the Red Sox lost David Ortiz to the 15-day disabled list with a partially torn tendon in his left wrist.

• Jason And The Argonauts. The pinch-hit grand slam, thought to be extinct in the wild, was discovered in St. Louis on Monday when Pittsburgh's Jason Michaels did it to tie the game 4-all. Jason Bay then doubled home the winning run in the eighth.

• Mighty Casey. Casey Blake single-handedly saved your fantasy team with two homers, a bases-loaded double and seven RBI — the most by an American League player this season — as Cleveland beat Texas 13-9.

• Wizard Cat Defensive Player Of The Game. Michael Cuddyer, Minnesota Twins. Wizard Cat hates greed, like when friends come over and try to muscle in on his Tender Vittles. Let this be a lesson to Derek Jeter, who tried to double down on the Twins' center fielder and was met with Epic Fail. Boom goes the dynamite! Wizard Cat gives this play: Five wands.

Constant MLB.tv ads have featured the following copy:

“Willie Mays, September 22, 1969…600.
Babe Ruth, August 21, 1931…600.
Hank Aaron, April 27, 1971…600.”



Then the screen flips to Griffey, who sits at 599, and he says, “Ken Griffey Jr…. keep watching.”

This ignores, of course, Sammy Sosa and that Bonds guy, who actually reached a rather lofty milestone just last year. (And it really was just last year.) The big question has been how MLB would handle the steroid era, and we're already getting a pretty good idea: Just ignore it. Boy, doesn't Tim Forneris feel even dumber now?

As Griffey Approaches 600, MLB Whitewashes History [Wicked Good Sports]

The Reds promoted the 21-year-old outfielder from Class-AAA Louisville on Tuesday, designating first baseman Scott Hatteberg for assignment. And the debut was almost as big as the hype: Bruce going 3-for-3 with a double, two walks, two RBI and a stolen base as the Reds beat the Pirates, 9-6. Bruce, a center fielder, was hitting .364 at Louisville with 10 homers. He had been named Minor League Player of the Year while with the Bats in 2007.

The Legend Of Bruce began when he was playing for his high school team in Beaumont, Texas.

As a sophomore in high school, playing on the West Brook varsity, he hit a home run that made his coach's jaw drop. "The field was 310 feet down the right-field line," said Jacob Walton, the West Brook head coach who was an assistant when Bruce played there. "They had another field facing us. There were about 50 feet from that fence to the next fence. He hit the ball way to the first-base dugout. It was 500 feet easily. I was like, 'Oh, my God.' It was the farthest home run I think I've ever seen him hit. That clicked right there that we had something special, that we needed to get him going, get him trained the right way."

Of course there's no way to tell if Bruce is the Next Big Thing, or the Next Clint Hurdle. But it's fun to speculate. Perhaps Max Mercy can dig up a few more facts on his background.

Bruce's Premiere Premier [Cincinnati Enquirer]

We know, we know: This is not exactly Beckett-level humor here. But we're talking about a Major League Baseball clubhouse. You should take what you can get.

Anyway, Griffey owed Fogg $1,500 for some reason or another, and he paid it in pennies.

“I’m a man of my word,” said Griffey. “And when you owe a man $1,500, you pay him. And I’d like to thank the lovely people at National City Bank for helping me with this joke. There isn’t a whole lot you can do with pennies. Just think, each box weighs 16 pounds, so the man has 60 bowling balls in his locker.”

We've asked everyone to appreciate Griffey before, and this seems as good a time as any to remind. He's still that kid with his hat backwards; soon he'll be in Seattle again, and we'll all relive it again. Can we get Randy Johnson, Edgar Martinez and A-Rod back there too?

150,000 Pennies For Your Thoughts [Dayton Daily News]Ken Griffey Jr. Knows How To Deal With Hecklers [Deadspin]

The day's oddest moment came not from Perez but the Reds, who batted out of order in the ninth inning after an earlier double switch. Sorting it all out resulted in a 10-minute delay. Outfielder Corey Patterson was charged with an out when backup catcher David Ross came to the plate instead of him in the No. 8 spot and lined out. Ross had to hit again, and this time he singled.

All those poor, poor fans who were keeping their scorecards in ink; they're the ones who suffered most. Carlos Beltran and Ryan Church had back-to-back homers in the fifth — the second straight game the Mets have done that — Luis Castillo had a run-scoring triple (you may disagree, but I thought Griffey horribly misplayed it) for New York, which has collected 11 or more hits in four of its past five games.

• When Dan Uggla Ruled The World. Homer Simpson once called it "America's Wang," but nobody's laughing at Florida now. Which team has the best record in baseball? The Marlins, of course, at 23-14 (.622) after a 5-4 win over the Nationals on Sunday. Dan Uggla had two homers, the second of which, in the eighth, provided the winning run. It was Florida's seventh straight win. Uggla had seven RBI and three homers in the final two games of the Marlins' three-game sweep, including a grand slam and had five RBI on Saturday.

• Meanwhile, On The Left Coast ... Tampa Bay isn't in first, but at 21-16 the Rays are five games over .500 for the first time in franchise history.

• Where's Borat When You Need Him? First of all, I like this photo. Secondly, it's too bad that Pamela Anderson's breasts have jinxed Hiroki Kuroda. The Dodgers' starter took a no-hitter into the seventh against the Astros on Sunday, then watched as Houston collected seven hits and six runs against the bullpen in the eighth in an 8-5 victory.

• It's Alive! The two-headed closer who replaced Eric Gagne proved a success in its first outing for the Brewers, as Solomon Torres and Brian Shouse combined in the ninth to hold on to a 5-3 win over the Cardinals. Jeff Suppan (seven innings) got the victory, and Ryan Braun homered twice.

Unfortunate mishap ... or murder? View the persons of interest in the baffling Mr. Redlegs case, and judge for yourself:

• Gapper. Reds mascot and former carpet remnant was driving the vehicle, was last person to see Mr. Redlegs alive.

• Ghost of Marge Schott. Late Reds owner once vowed to strike at Mr. Redlegs from the grave.

• Mr. Red. Co-mascot felt marginalized by more popular rival, may have been bitter over lack of mustache, health benefits.

• Ken Griffey Jr.. Wants out of Cincinnati, will go to any means to achieve it.

• Marty Brenneman. Cranky octogenarian Reds announcer will tolerate no juvenile antics; once ordered Mr. Redlegs to get off his lawn.

• John Fay. Cincinnati Enquirer Reds' reporter may have been involved in contentious love triangle with Mr. Redlegs and actress Tina Yothers.

• Robert Weintraub. Despite handlebar mustache and 19th century-style baseball cap, Mr. Redlegs refused to talk in Purple Prose.

• Wizard Cat. Hates costumes.

The Zapruder Film of the 21st century:.

Mr. Redlegs Loses His Head [Bugs & Cranks]