•Between the NBA All-Star game and the Super Bowl, Dallas police are expecting six figures worth of prostitutes to flood the Metroplex. Thankfully, (tonyromo) the star athletes of the city (joshhamilton) would never (dirknowitzki) get involved with women of ill repute.

•Know the name Anze Kopitar yet? You probably should. The breakout Slovenian superstar led the Kings to a dominant victory over the Stanley Cup champions, announcing their legitimacy and teaching me that Slovenia is apparently a wholly separate country from Slovakia.

•Are the Cavs even a top three team in the east? They didn't look like it last night, falling to the Bulls. Tonight will be interesting, as they travel to New York where LeBron will see his future. (Whether that future is his team dominating opponents, or losing with the Knicks depends on your point of view.

•Baseball's hot stove league kicked off in earnest, with Jeremy Hermida going to Boston, Bobby Abreu staying in Anaheim, and Jason Bay and Matt Holliday making their intentions to blow town clear. For all those teams looking for a power bat in the outfield, let me remind you that Barry Bonds is still available.

•Here's a list of the top 10 sideline reporter bloopers. Your clear number one involves double penetration, and it's not even a Vikings sideline reporter!

•Pittsburgh safety Ryan Clark is unlikely to play Monday night in Denver, because of a rare sickle-cell trait that makes exertion in high altitudes dangerous. Should the Broncos win, expect dome teams to pump a little oxygen out of their stadiums when the Steelers come to town.

•Finally, I would be remiss in shirking my duty as a conduit for your Yankee hatred. Here's a collection of celebration videos, capped off by the most touching: a man and his crazy West Indian mother.

•At least one of the six umpires was actually paying attention, but bad calls wouldn't have made a difference anyway. Cliff Lee was nigh unhittable, and Philadelphia takes the opener.

•Had your fill of high-and-mighty Pennsylvanians yet? Sidney Crosby had a hat trick by the second intermission, and the Penguins have the best record in the east. But don't expect to hear about it from the fans; they can't hop on while their Steelers bandwagon is still moving.

•The Chiefs suspend Larry Johnson for two weeks, which is really just one game and the bye week. Normally teams are loathe to lose the production from their star, but I'm not sure they'll notice his 2.7 yards per carry when it's missing.

•Maybe it's foolish to panic after two games, but...maybe LeBron should start panicking after two games. His triple-double goes for naught as Toronto sends the Cavs to their first 0-2 start since his second season.

•Orlando Thomas: not dead! Which is good. He's still battling ALS though, which isn't good.

•The Buccaneers name first round pick Josh Freeman their starter, because what's the point of benching your talented young QB when you're not winning anyway? Apparently the Titans also have a young rookie they should be starting, one Vince Young. Haven't heard much about him.

•Finally, it's been making the rounds all day: the behind-the-back touchdown pass.

Club promoter Edward Givens filed a police report stating that he was given a black eye outside a Cleveland nightclub last night. The suspect's name was not given in the report, but Givens had no problem telling the Cleveland Plain Dealer that it was Edwards—and also that Givens' face was merely a proxy for Braylon's jealousy of mutual acquaintence LeBron.

Here's Givens' side of the story:

"After the club closed, I was outside greeting and saying goodbye to people. Braylon comes up and started saying things, degrading me. He said if it wasn't for LeBron or the Four Horsemen, I wouldn't have what I have, nor would I be able to get girls. Everyone knows Braylon has a problem with LeBron. So I had to speak up for myself. The conversation started to escalate. As some of his teammates started to pull him back, he punched me. I have a black eye and a cut. I'm not a violent guy.

"As long as I've known Braylon, I've allowed him and his friends to come into our events free of charge. Whatever jealousy he has with LeBron, he felt he needed to take it out on me."

Edwards—obviously amped up after his zero catch performance against the Bengals—then allegedly got involved in another disturbance that police had to break up, although it appears that he was not arrested for either incident. The whole story is a nice little capper to the Browns 0-4 start and Braylon's anti-LeBron violence can only further endear him to already swooning populace of northern Ohio. I believe that earlier in the evening he also sent a text to Bob Feller telling him to "get bent."

Cleveland man accuses Browns Braylon Edwards of assault [Cleveland Plain Dealer]

UPDATE: Lebron responds, calls Edwards "childish." [ESPN]

UPDATE 2: Braylon (maybe?) responds: "I have no issue with LeBron. I respect and admire him." [Twitter]

Update: Finally the important details:

West was actually carrying three guns: a Beretta 9mm in his waistband, a Ruger .357 strapped to his leg and a shotgun in a guitar case slung over his back, said Maj. Andy Ellis, a spokesman for the Prince George's County Police Department. ... Ellis said it was unclear where West was going and why he was armed.

I'm confused? So now he's playing in a band?

[Washington Post]

In the past, this was the kind of shot that happened against the Cavs. Jordan's jumper in 1989 over Craig Ehlo eliminated Cleveland from the playoffs- a punch-in-the-stomach moment burned into the psyche of every Cleveland fan.

Well, James is changing everything around here. [Tom Withers, AP Sports Writer]

It followed the arc of Carlton Fisk's home run in 1975, of Doug Flutie's Hail Mary in 1984, of Garfield Heard's turnaround jumper going up and Magic Johnson's baby hook hovering over the Big Three and Michael Jordan's last shot going down. It traced along the arc of those memories and by the end of its flight it had created a memory of its own. [Ian Thomsen - Sports Illustrated]

You have to understand; things like this don't happen for Cleveland. They happen to Cleveland. But what we Witnessed last night will go down as one of the greatest plays in the history of sports. And it's ours to savor forever....

No one should be carrying around the woebegone Cleveland sports fan mentality anymore. No one can ever, ever again say that LeBron James is not clutch. This one shot changed all of that....

Orlando, you just plucked yourself a nice, fat no leaf clover. I'd stay away from the train tracks in the future, if I were you. [Turkmenbashi, Fear The Sword]

It had to happen, and as shocking as it was, you could only be so surprised. But isn't that what makes LeBron so ridiculous? He's conditioned us to not only expect the impossible, but take it for granted. Step back, get some perspective on that, and try not to faint or laugh so hard they send you to an asylum. [Bethlehem Shoals, Sporting News' The Baseline]

The pain I felt for the Magic having nearly guaranteed a Finals appearance was tempered by the joy of a renewed basketball faith. That tiny Cavs fan expects LeBron to put up 50 a game, dunk every play, and win every night. With one second left on childhood's ticking clock that three pulled our little fan from the brink of reality. The make confirmed all was right with the world. The Tooth Fairy isn't your parents, the Easter Bunny does lay colored eggs and Santa doesn't drive a yellow '85 Honda Civic. ["karchcoon", commenter on same post]

The truth birth of LeBron James as heir to Michael Jordan's throne ... With the momentum of LeBron's shot and the greatest player in the world on their side, there is no question in my mind that they will get it done and move onto the Finals. [JRod, Midwest Sports Fans]

Which is where James' fast-twitch muscle fibers, perhaps some of the fastest fibers in human history, allowed him to change course and get a few inches of freedom as he headed toward the top of the key. [Brian Windhorst, Cleveland Plain Dealer]

The Bulls' Michael Jordan shook a double-team from Larry Nance and Ehlo to make an improbable shot at the buzzer. Everybody who is a Cleveland sports fan remembers where they were when it happened, like the Kennedy assassination or Sept. 11.

That's not to compare significant tragic events to a sporting event, but sports mean so much to so many people. "The Shot" has its own Wikipedia entry: No. 23 hitting an improbable jumper at the top of the key on Cleveland's home floor as the buzzer sounds in a playoff game. And James on Friday finally gave it another meaning, to the delight of a hard-luck franchise and a city that hasn't had a championship team since Jim Brown was running for the Browns in 1964. [Scott Kendrick, Florida Times-Union]

"He was born to do that. I would lie if I said I didn't expect that. I kind of expected that. That's what he does. He makes all kinds of shots in practice. ... I believed. I think all our fans believed, too." [Sasha Pavlovic, Cleveland Cavaliers guard]

But we should not miss the message from Friday night. We are seeing a legend under construction here. [Mike Lopresti, Gannett]

Was that the greatest shot he had ever seen?

Hank Egan paused.

"No," Egan told him. "It's tied for the greatest."

....He says LeBron James tied Sean Elliott only in dramatics. [Buck Harvey, San Antonio Express-News]

Something has certainly been missing from his resume and perhaps even his mindset, but this shot could be the turning point for James. He will now have the confidence of knowing that he can do it and should make him even more dangerous in late game situations from now on. James looks as if he is developing the ability the legends have of willing their teams to victory and not accepting failure in the process from themselves or anybody else....

Most importantly is the city. A city that has had no succes to speak of. A city that has long been plagued by anti-heroes and its teams' failures experienced somethind different. They can now go into the future knowing that nothing is impossible and that they will always have a chance to win with James on the team. They have finally had their faith rewarded and that by itself will change a city that for too long experienced only the feelings of failure. After that shot failure seems a distant prospect, because Cleveland fans know that James will do everything in his power to carry this team across the finish line with a championship the perfect ending. [Ashwin Ramnath, ButtaBall.com]

Remember those days when the Cavaliers weren't going to lose before the NBA Finals? It looked like Cleveland had finally gotten back on track — can you get back on track after one loss? — last night against Orlando in the first half, but then it just about blew the game when Hedo Turkoglu swished a 15-foot runner with 1.0 seconds left.

Ballgame, Magic. We're headed to Orlando!

All of the sad, young, LeBron-loving men were on the verge of tears until... well, you know.

And that slow motion, black-and-white video was only topped in melodrama by the lede from the AP game story:

Michael Jordan no longer has the most famous buzzer-beater in Cleveland sports history.

The Shot has been topped.

LeBron James made one better.

But yeah, it was pretty cool. Amazing, even. And now we have a series.

LeBron James 3-pointer For The Win [Sad Fans]
James' dramatic buzzer-beater drops Magic [ESPN]

*****

Good Saturday morning. Big sports day today: NBA and NHL playoffs, MLB interleagues, Duke Lacrosse! Yeah, the intern's got the keys to this place today, and I'm taking it for a joyride. Buckle up for some hoodrat things. Here's to hoping nothing breaks.

The Cavaliers had been sitting for eight days after sweeping the first two rounds, but that didn't seem to matter when they rolled out to a 15-point lead in the first half. Then the second half happened, and somehow when the final buzzer sounded LeBron and company were not ahead on the scoreboard. What the....?

Well, for starters, Rashard Lewis made his three pointers and then Dwight Howard started breaking things, while everyone else on the home team not named James did not. LeBron had 49, which sounds really good, but down one with 10 seconds to go, he gave up the ball and didn't get it back. Then he limped off the court, defeated, and that's why he's not Michael Jordan yet. Cleveland only lost two games at home all year, but now the home court advantage belongs the Magic and everyone should panic right now! They might actually have to do some work to win this thing.

Cavaliers finally face test and come up short [NBA]
Dwight Howard Dunks and Pulls Down the Shot Clock [The Hoop Doctors]

Cleveland sent a message—even though they don't send messages—by destroying the Celtics in an (almost) completely meaningless regular season clock burner. Boston, playing without Kevin Garnett, will still finish second in the East and still won't have home-court advantage if and when they run into the Cavs in the playoffs. But depending on your interpretation of the 31-point blowout, the defending champs have been humbled by this passing of the torch ... or for the first time all season they have been given a reason to give a crap.

When the Cavs reserves pushed the lead to 30, James, Mo Williams and Delonte West boogied together during a timeout as Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" pumped through the arena. The trio wasn't shy about things as they mugged for TV cameras to the roaring crowd's delight.

At the other end of the floor, the Celtics sat stoically while watching the Cavs' clown around.

"I'm always going to remember that," Ray Allen said. "If I beat a team, as happy as I may be in victory, I'm always going to stay humble and always remember that there's another day. We play each other too much. Those are great motivational thoughts for me."

Allen was also thrown to the floor by Anderson Varejao earlier in the game and responded with a timely elbow to the groin, so you know at least one Celtic is pissed off. LeBron James tried to defuse the situation—even though he was clearly talking trash the whole game—by saying his team wasn't trying to send a message because they already know they're awesome and the NBA is all about respect.

"We're not trying to disrespect any team or show up any team," he said. "We're all professionals. If you take it as disrespectful, then you got to do something about it."

Right. Because nothing says "professional" like backhanded insults and dancing to Rick Astley.

Cavaliers clobber Celtics 107-76 [AP]
Cavaliers ace a late-season test, while frustrated Celtics just get testy after 107-76 blowout [Cleveland Plain Dealer]
Celtics beaten but not bowed [Boston Globe]
Ray Allen's Elbow To The Varejaos [You Tube]

(*Yes, Pearl Harbor was on cable this weekend. Why do you ask?)

The NBA politely reminded the Miami Heat last weekend that these disgusting displays of personal expression are not allowed on their courts, and while that may seem like a case of fussy old white men taking all the fun out of pro basketball, this was actually a necessary corrective meant to restore competitive balance.

Wade was named February's Eastern Conference Player of the Month after being "aided," no doubt, by his fancy adhesive bandages. Yes, he's scored 87 points in his last two games without the performance enhancing strips, but his 41 last night against Cleveland still left him one point shy of opponent LeBron James—and the Heat lost to the Cavs.

Obviously wearing a custom Band-Aid on your face is good for one free throw a night. And no matter how many fans get excited about the craze or start buying the bandages for charity, that's just too much of an edge for Wade. Problem solved!

Cleveland vs. Miami Highlights [NBA.com]
NBA bans Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade's stylish Band-Aids [Miami Herald]
NBA Cracks Down on Personalized Band-Aids just in Time [The Sports Union]

Actually, that's only half-right. Cleveland inexplicably found itself trailing lowly Indiana with 0.8 seconds left in their game last night, when the Cavaliers decided to try an alleyoop inbounds play to LeBron. Danny Granger had the balls to try and intercept the pass and appeared to get between James and the ball and deflect it with minimal contact, but he was called for a foul. James sank both free throws to tie the game with 0.4 on the clock.

Well, Indiana decided to call the referees' bluff. The Pacers tried the exact same thing on their inbounds play, with LeBron guarding Granger. James deflected the ball, there was minimal contact ... and amazingly they called a foul on him with 0.1 seconds to go. Granger made one of two. Pacers win.

But at least Cleveland coach Mike Brown kept things in perspective.

"That last call, on the run, is the worst call that I have ever been a part of," Brown said. "I cannot imagine another worse call than that. It was an awful call and for him to take away a basketball game from a team with .4 seconds on the clock is irresponsible...

"I don't care if I get fined. It is what it is. I saw the two plays; just a bad call determined the outcome of that game. If they want to fine me for telling the truth, fine me. This isn't me. I never do this....

"It was predetermined from the call that was made at the other end of the floor, and it is very unfortunate," Brown said. "We got the game taken away from us. Absolutely horrible."

I also saw the two plays—they were exactly the same. Yet, LeBron was equally perplexed:

"The last call against me was not questionable at all," James contended. "No contact was made. The pass was short. You couldn't go to the rim. I was able to get a hand on it."

Oh, yeah? These 23 citizen journalist YouTube videos taken from the 15th row say different.

James' late foul costs Cavs in loss to Pacers
Cavs-Pacers Finish [NBA.com]

That's right—the charming backyard game that fans have been clamoring for years to finally liven up the tired All-Star festivities has been corrupted before it even happens. Not that anyone should be the least bit surprised, but are they seriously going to make NBA players try and spell Geico on live TV? That should really be its own challenge, right? Will one of the insurance company's Cavemen get a bye into the finals?

In other dribbling news, San Antonio is playing Boston today, but no one cares, because LeBron James and Kobe Bryant will fight for the the MVP Award and the NBA title later. After their dual beatdown of the Knicks this week—a quality challenge for both, of course—they decided to face each other to settle this properly. They are just going to give it to the winner and spare us five months of playoffs, right? That would free up a lot of time for everyone.

So basketball fans can discuss their favorite sport here and if it gets more comments than the NHL post, their sport wins.

NBA Players To Play 'G-E-I-C-O' Not 'H-O-R-S-E' [Sporting News]

The New York Knicks were pretty excited about this "Dream Week." Sitting just on the cusp of the eighth playoff spot and winning six of their last seven, they had three home games in five days against the three best teams in basketball—the Lakers, the Cavaliers, and the Celtics. So far they are oh-for-two with two ridiculous star performances too boot. And it's even worse because it happened at MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, which makes it more significant because there was a circus there once.

It's also another chapter in the current "can you top this?" battle between Kobe and LeBron. Knicks coach Mike D'Antoni even seemed to believe that LeBron went for it on purpose, because scoring 62 would have been too simple or something. (It was the first triple-double since 1975 to also include 50 points.) And the Knicks still could have won! But they didn't. Because they are terrible.

But at least Knicks fans cheered for the Knicks this time! Except for Spike Lee. He wouldn't do that to a friend.

King James wears different crown [NY Daily News]
D'ANTONI CREW CAN'T OVERCOME TRIPLE-DOUBLE [NY Post]