He actually wrote Williams a full letter.

Dear Roy,

We heard that you haven't been tipping pizza delivery drivers, but recently chatted with one of our drivers and decided you need to start tipping. When a Pizza Hut pizza arrives hot and fresh, it's easy to be distracted by all the deliciousness you're about to enjoy, and our drivers certainly appreciate you taking the time to tip.

But what about all the drivers who missed being tipped in the past?

We'd like to issue you a challenge. Agree to work as a delivery driver for Pizza Hut for just one day in Detroit, and we'll forgive all your previous tipping transgressions.

Furthermore, we'll collect all the tips you receive and donate them to the World Food Programme as part of our World Hunger Relief Week, which is kicking-off October 14.

So, Roy, what do you say? There are a lot of hungry fans out there waiting.
Sincerely,
Scott Bergren
President, Pizza Hut

We appreciate the clever bit of promotion here, particularly in Little Caesar's backyard, but we think Bergren is missing the real point here: It's all about the cash. You're gonna give money to charity? You know who you're dealing with here, right?

Roy Williams: Showman, Wide Reciever, Pizza Delivery Guy [The Angry T]
Ladies, Line Up For Roy Williams [Deadspin]

ESPN: "This suit is without merit and we deny the allegations.
Atlantic Video: "This lawsuit is without merit, and we deny the allegations. This matter will be vigorously defended."

Someone's following their talking points! (Though this is not the first time Paige has been accused of something like this.)

Seriously, though: Explain to us how Paige is defended here while Harold Reynolds was canned for allegations that were far less egregious than these. It's almost as if Norby — Norby! — was playing favorites or something. Wonder if it has anything to do with HR being a Mark Shapiro guy, and Paige being more of a Norby — Norby! — guy. Just a thought. Wild guess, really.

ESPN, 'Cold Pizza' Producer Sued For Harassment [Dow Jones]
Woody Paige Sued For Sexual Harassment [Deadspin]

A woman who worked on the set of the ESPN talk show "Cold Pizza" is suing the sports network, claiming she was fired after complaining about sexual harassment by the show's host and one of its regular panelists. In the lawsuit, which also names ESPN host Jay Crawford and sports commentator Woody Paige, Rita Ragone claims that Paige pinched and fondled her and she was subjected to crude sexual comments from Crawford.

Ragone, a makeup artist and hair stylist from the Bronx, claimed Paige once grabbed her backside so forcefully, she was "propelled forward and into the air."

Now THAT'S a pinch! (Paige denies the claim.) We're not sure how one grabs someone's buttocks so hard that it propels them into the air, but if anyone could figure it out, man, it would have to be Professor Paige.

NYC Makeup Artist Sues ESPN, Claiming She Was Sexually Harassed [Associated Press]

According to a source close to ["Cold Pizza"], it has been renamed 'ESPN's First Take,' and will depart the Big Apple on May 4. ... This marks the first time in the history of television that a show that moves its location, does not take the majority of its staff, it's name and it's original format is not canceled. ESPN refuses to use the "C" word, but they've canceled the show."

"ESPN: First Take." We still think they should have called it "Skip Bayless Makes You Choke On Your Oatmeal." But that's us.

Cold PIzza Gets A Name Change [The Big Lead]

In the most exciting bit of pregame Super Bowl XLI hype yet, Duncan and Bayless got into it after Duncan accused Bayless of being a poor analyst, and then Bayless accused Duncan of being a bandwagon jumper. Then, Duncan put his hand on Bayless's junk and cured a bladder infection.

You can download the audio right here. That last part might not have really happened.

While you're trying to process the visual image of Skip Bayless and Michael Clarke Duncan hanging out together at the pool ... it's hard to call a winner in this one. In Bayless's favor, it really didn't seem like Duncan could name a non-Grossman or non-Urlacher Bear. In Duncan's favor, Skip Bayless is Skip Bayless.

But then again, if that "Ron Grossman" thing is true ... well, game, set, match to Skip Bayless. If it's not true, though, then Skip Bayless is just a gigantic asshole.

"Cold Pizza" Fight [Online Sports Guys]
Michael Clarke Duncan's "Cold Pizza" Rant [OSG Sports Radio]

And perhaps we should enjoy "Cold Pizza" as much as we can, while we can, because if a recent memo from a "Cold Pizza" coordinating producer fired around the office can be believed, times are even tougher over there than we thought.

Please be judicious with your use of the Cold Pizza index cards. We have used twice as many of these cards in the last couple of months as we have in the past ... and they are expensive. These cards are essentially for on-air talent questions/scripts items and they look good on camera. Please use regular index cards for off-air research, bullet points and production needs.
Thanks.

The memo fails to include: "Also, the post-it notes Woody Paige uses for his slapstick predictions segment are specifically chosen for how well they reflect off Paige's face on camera. They are very expensive. Please use the generic brand Post-It notes ... and try to limit yourself to one. Oh, and all staffers attempting to speak with Mr. Bayless off camera should stop. You are upsetting his concentration."

"Cold Pizza" [ESPN]

This morning, we went to go see Rocker. Like, in person. But we're not going to get into that until this afternoon. We do have to point out that Rocker was scheduled to be on "Cold Pizza" about half an hour ago, until host Jay Crawford came on the air to say the following (reported by The Mighty MJD):

"John's involved with a new show which I will not name the name of now, and I won't tell you where you can see it or when you can see it."

"We had a nice conversation about baseball during the commercial break, and then he asks me politely, "Hey, you're not going to get into the stuff about the New York comments," well, yeah, John, we are. That's part of who you are. So he went over to the other side of the studio, and he was sitting like a four-year-old child, his lips were pursed, the next thing you know, he stands up and stomps out of the studio, right after we tease that he's coming up on the show. He just doesn't get it."

"If you do watch the show, John told me he's on it on weeks 3, 7, and 10, so just don't watch those weeks."

Much, much more on Rocker's invasion of Manhattan later this afternoon. But when you piss off Jay Crawford, you're only tempting fate.

It's fascinating to hear Jay Crawford talk about bloggers as if they were way far down on the evolutionary food chain. That might, in fact, be true. But, you know... it's Cold Pizza. Anyway, they got around to mentioning a few blogs you might be familiar with, including the Bode Miller experiment on NoobSports.com, the imaginary NBA one-on-one tournament on YAY!Sports, and a mention of the upcoming dunk contest on a spellbinding little site called themightymjd.com.

And no, there was no mention of Deadspin. And, as far as I know. no one here is bitter, but when Will gets back from his tour of Caribbean brothels (I think that's where he is), he might just want to kick Mister Irrelevant's ass.

Another Delicious Slice of Cold Pizza [Mister Irrelevant]
The Hotness Continues: Noob Sports Appears on ESPN2's Cold Pizza! [NOOBSPORTS.COM]

The newest (and most unexpected) version of our man Clinton Portis' fractured persona spoke to Dana Jacobson this morning (bless her for making sure to refer to him as "Coconut"). What's Coconut's deal? Well, though Jacobson obviously had no idea how to deal with him, we deciphered that he has flown in from Hawaii to serve as Troy Polamalu's "spiritual healer" to help him overcome his sprained ankle.

"Cold Pizza," forever brilliant about the taste of America's sports fans, gave Coconut about 45 seconds of screen time. We love the shells, ourselves.

Clinton Portis Archive [Deadspin]

(Update: A half hour later, he showed up as "Sir Lend-Me-A-Hand" and bit the head off a rubber chicken. We're not sure what that was about.)

But no. Montana was talking about actual high blood pressure, which he apparently has. More specifically, he was discussing Lotrel, a high blood pressure drug that Montana, not surprisingly, has an endorsement deal. At no point was this deal mentioned; the host (not Dana) just said, "How did you deal with the pressure of the Super Bowl?" and Montana said, essentially, "Lotrel!"

We know that the only reason anyone goes to the Super Bowl is to promote something ... but along with that ridiculous FedEx ad, is Montana, like, hurting for money right now or something?

Cold Pizza [Official Site]

"Cold Pizza" is, of course, barely a morning show at all anymore; by the time it's airing now, you could go out and buy yourself a new, crisp, hot piece of pizza. (Or you know, a sandwich, whatever.) Eventually, it's gonna get moved back all the way back to midnight; we're not sure the temperature of the pizza at that point.

"Cold Pizza" [Official Site]

But the timing on Paige's decision is curious. See, "Cold Pizza" officially announced Friday that it will indeed be moving to 10 a.m. start time after the new year. "Mike And Mike In The Morning" will hold the 6 a.m.-10 a.m. slot on ESPN2, with "Cold Pizza" coming on afterwards and replaying again at noon. This means, of course, that "Cold Pizza" is no longer a morning show; it's, at best, brunch for the unemployed. At 8 a.m., maybe you catch some people before they go to work. At 10 a.m., it's filler; we will now see if it's possible for "Cold Pizza" to get lower ratings.

In other words, it's pretty plainly the beginning of the end for the show. Enjoy New York, Mr. Paige, and keep that resume handy.

Time Has Come For You And I To Turn The Paige [Denver Post]
Woody Paige Sees All [Deadspin]

The best of the rest after the jump. Enjoy.

Woody Paige Sees All [Deadspin]

(Thanks to the folks at YAYSports! for their PhotoShop help.)

By the way, we've had this idea for a while that we could come up with some pretty funny stuff to say on Paige's chalkboard using PhotoShop, but, honestly, we're really bad at PhotoShop. Anybody out there want to give it a shot?

Oh, also: We're hearing all kinds of rumors that "Cold Pizza" is considering a switch from its current 8 a.m. timeslot to a 10 a.m. timeslot. So at least they're not getting fidgety over there, what with them just being a year removed from a first time change, and, you know, the always stable rotating cast.

Woody Paige Archive [Deadspin]

The Unification Church, if you're behind on your fringe religions, believes Jesus appeared to Rev. Moon at Easter in 1936, asking him to help with work left unfinished after his crucifixion. He also once said that the Holocaust was "punishment for killing Jesus." (He later backed off that statement, which, was, you know, nice.) And he is, essentially, the guy who collects the cash from commercials on "Cold Pizza."

His views on Woody Paige are unknown.

Moonie Fronts [Freedom Of Mind]
Atlantic Video Changes Leadership [Washington Business Journal]
Unification Church [Wikipedia]

Needless to say, we think this guy is the greatest person we've ever known. We happily pass the mic to the man to tell the tale of his morning.

Getting up at 5:30 a.m. in mid 30s weather is usually not my idea of a good time, but it was well worth it. We hit a snag when we first got there as they wouldn't let you into the little fenced-off area behind the set if you had a sign on a stick — no worries, though, because we were able to stake out the sweet spot just over Skip's right shoulder.

After seeing Skip & Woody up close and in person, I'm completely convinced that Woody is mentally challenged. Seriously. The guy has problems that require professional help. I don't know if you caught my buddy's "SKIP BEATS HIS WOODY" sign, but when Woody came down to shake hands and sign autographs (total of one), he saw the sign, shook his head and said, "Skip's a dick!" Quite funny. When Woody got back up on the set, he tapped Skip on the shoulder and pointed at our sign; Skip just shrugged his shoulders and said, "It's true." You can't make up that kind of comedy.

I don't know if you caught the other side of my sign — the "Roll Tide" with the Deadspin link below it. I just watched back a little on Tivo and you could make it out pretty good, but not as good as the one you've got up on the site. Please show the rest of the country that yes, the South does have the Internet, and yes, we are a bunch of idiots who get up before sunrise to go watch Cold Pizza live.

We salute William Hocutt, University of Alabama law student and a True American Hero. We heretofore promise that any other reader who gets the name "Deadspin" on national television will be given a similar forum to this one. And beer. We'll send you some beer.

What a fun day this has been; it almost makes up for "Arrested Development" getting cancelled. Thanks, William!

Earlier: Yeah, Eat It, Bayless [Deadspin]

"Cold Pizza" [Official Site]
Cold Pizza Archive [Deadspin]

Host Jay Crawford: You left the Devil Rays, and now you're with Mastercard. What's your relationship with them, Lou?

Lou Piniella: I'm teaming up with Mastercard and Hyatt for their Faster Free Nights Program. Gold passport members who use their Mastercard at Hyatt destinations get one free night for every two stays. I encourage yourself, Jay, and your cohorts to use this program to get yourself some free nights.

Jay Crawford: Free nights. Always a good thing.

Honestly, somebody please give Lou Piniella a new job. It hurts us to see him like this. He's talking like a captured journalist in Iraq.

"Cold Pizza" [ESPN]

Cold Pizza [ESPN]
EARLIER: ESPN2 Ratings Shoot Through The Roof [Deadspin]

(Oh, and we know that picture is of the old "cast," and that it doesn't include new anchor Dana Jacobson. It cracks us up anyway.)

Instead, ESPN2 is playing the same "SportsCenter" that's simultaneously playing on ESPN. Twenty bucks says ESPN2 is getting higher ratings right now than the usual Tuesday morning. No, thirty bucks.

"Cold Pizza" [ESPN]

(Careful of that site, by the way: That hasn't been updated since last week either.
UPDATE: The show has been cancelled for the day. Anybody know what happened?)