Eagle-eyed reader Casey sent this along, and correctly pointed out that we do not appear to be dealing with a regulation baseball field here. Either

a) we're looking from behind the plate at Comerica Park, where it appears to be 110 feet down the left field line, and the Green Monster has been transported to right field. Also the Fenway press box is in center. And there's a third foul pole in right-center. Or

b) we're looking from the right field seats at Fenway, where they appear to be playing a second game on a second diamond.

P.S. It's unlikely Hamels would be pitching in either of those stadiums.

P.P.S. Neither stadium will be hosting any more playoff baseball.

ColeHamels.com

Philebrity seems to think this is another step in the ongoing emasculation of Cole Hamels at the hands of his wife, the very pregnant stick-figure artist Heidi. I dunno. The photo's pretty much an ode to the man's virility.

Philebrity writes:

Words can barely do justice to this ad for The Residences At Two Liberty Place, in the current issue of PhillyMag. First off, is Heidi really pimpin' that baby bump for rent credits? [...] Secondly… Mommy is orange. Thirdly, Cole. God, Cole. Someone help him. This cannot go on.

Bad as the above photo may be, this one is infinitely worse:

It's a pleasant domestic scene marred only by the presence on the bed of two children who, as far as I can tell, do not belong to the Hamels.

No, Really: Now Will You Believe Us When We Tell You How Heidi Hamels Is Ruining Everything Beautiful That Was Once Cole Hamels? [Philebrity]
Oh No. Cole Lobs A Softball [The700Level.com]

Most of last night's episode about the life of "Baseball Wives"—who may be true, but are not from Hollywood—could have easily been cut and pasted into a Lifetime Original. It was a perfectly non-confrontational look at the life of someone married to a professional athlete. There was talk of meet cutes, adorable proposal stories, cuddly kids, and rousing on-the-field successes. Plus, there was the tear-jerking dark times. Drugs. Kids with head diseases. They even discussed David Eckstein without using the word "gritty." Then things took an ugly turn, when some dude decided to spill the beans about players' "extra curricular" travel activities.

Nice job, narc. Not that Heidi Hamels or Jennie Daigle (neé Finch) have to worry about that. Even Laura Posada is the type of lady whose man always comes home on time. But when Derek Jeter is your husband's designated wingman, anything is possible.

Of course this is a nice thing to do, and I give the Hamels' all the credit in the world for their heartfelt generosity and their desire to help children in need. But...Heidi would probably be better served keeping her rationale behind this life-altering decision to herself unless she wants to blow the whole deal.

Here's what Mrs. Hamels told SI during an interview for the expansive cover story on Cole:

We're in the process of adopting an AIDS orphan from Ethiopia. Maybe two. I'm so pumped. I'd adopt six if I could. When I was five years old-I grew up in a very rural town in Missouri, and I had never even seen a black person-they asked us to draw a picture of ourselves in the future, and I drew myself holding hands with a line of tiny black stick figures. I've always wanted this."

I believe "Tiny Black Stick Figure Family Appreciation Night" at Citizens Bank Park is actually something the Phillies' PR team is trying to pull together for the 2009 season. Should be a whale of a time.

Hamels' One-Ups Utley Plans To Adopt AIDS Orphan From Africa [The 700 Level]
Cole Hamels: Officially A Weird Rich Person [Philebrity]

Hey AJ. Thanks for posting that email and the story. You guys missed another one today about your boy Cole Hamels calling the Mets "choke-artists."

I got it from NJ.com. I don't know who got it first:

When asked whether he felt the New York Mets were choke artists, Hamels had this to say:

"Last year and this year I think we did believe that. Three years
ago we didn't because they smoked everybody, and I think we all
thought they were going to win it all. Unfortunately that didn't
happen. But, yeah, that's kind of what we believed and I think we're
always going to believe that until they prove us wrong."

Prompted by a final question on the subject, Hamels didn't hesitate to say:

"For the past two years they've been choke artists."

That's what they call bulletin board material. Also, does the World Series MVP really need to start shit-talking in December? I got this one from MetsBlog that D-Straw would not be disrespected like that.

Darryl Strawberry, regarding Hamels's quote, while co-hosting today on WFAN's Mike'd Up, said:

"That's sad… If we had a team say that about us – oh, no – they
were gonna be in trouble… I mean, it would definitely be hard if, in
the days us playing, if somebody said that, I mean, we'd have stuck
one right in his neck. We'd be fighting. There's no way any one
would be allowed to disrespect us like that, and that is what has
happened to the Phillies."

Thanks again,

Dan

Well, it turns out, the 28-year-old Strobel had a second trick up her sleeve to keep her Public Personality career in order; she married Phillies "phenom" Cole Hamels on New Years Eve. This is kind of impressive, actually; they met at a minor league game 2 1/2 years ago when Strobel was throwing out the first pitch. He had been on the DL at the time and just went up and asked her out.

Say what you will about Hamels, but you have to respect a guy who walks up in street clothes and asks out the attractive lady who's throwing out the first pitch. Hamels is 23, and Strobel is 28. We hope she knows how to effectively dodge batteries.

Cole Hamels Married on New Year's Eve [The 700 Level]

Tonight's victim: Star lefthander Cole Hamels, who is one of those scary "injury-prone phenoms," takes the hill against the Reds. The Phillies are just three games behind the Mets and are showing just enough promise to get Charlie Manuel fired come October.

How are the Phillies bloggers hanging in?

• Mash: "Is he the phenom who saves the ballclub? Is he the talented youngster thwarted by injury? Is he just happy to be here?"
• A Citizen's Blog: " I question the wisdom of sending a rookie out to pitch his first game on the road, and against a team leading the NL in OBP, slugging percentage, isolated power, and runs scored, in a park that was rated the second easiest park to score a run or hit a home run in. I think this is shaping up to be a disaster."
• Cole Hamels Owns Chuck Norris: "Cole is 100 feet tall. Sal Fasano is afraid of Cole Hamels. Hamels is a sure thing. Only some sort of freak injury or something could keep him from saving the franchise. And we know that will never happen. Cole K's men by the hundreds. And if HE were in the MAJORS (read: when he's in the majors), he'd consume the METS with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his arse. "

Yeah. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.

Cole Hamels Owns Chuck Norris [MySpace]
Cole Hamels Blog [Balls, Sticks And Stuff\]