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Colombian Heavy Metal "¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" Clocks In At 37 Seconds

Yeah, so Colombia took an early lead on the U.S. in tonight’s Copa América third-place match, but that means we once again get to check in on the cybernetic-lunged “El Cantante del Gol,” Javier Fernández. Tonight’s heavy metal “¡Gol!” spanned 37 seconds of uninterrupted, uh, “¡Gol!”-ing. I can’t even hold my breath…

Idiot On The Field Leads Slapstick Chase Through Copa America Match, Eventually Gets Bodyslammed

Chile vs. Colombia was exciting during the first half, nonexistent for the next two hours, then soggy and boring for the second half. Thankfully, stoppage time featured an amazing moment in Idiot On The Field history, as this enterprising dumbass managed to escape a sizable horde of the security team, run the length…

God, I Love Watching Tobin Heath Humiliate Defenders

For some, it’s probably difficult to pick a favorite USWNT player, what with our overflow of world-elite talent all over the place, and especially at striker, where our backup’s backup’s backup would most likely start for any other national team in the world. For me, though, the answer’s pretty easy. It’s attacking…

Colombian Police Find Half A Ton Of Cocaine Hidden In Buses Transporting Soccer Fans

Two packed buses set out from Cali, Colombia this weekend heading towards Santiago, Chile to deliver dozens of soccer fans to the site of the two countries’ World Cup qualifying match. Unbeknownst to the fans, they were accompanied by over 1,000 lbs. of cocaine, discretely hidden underneath the seats and floor.

Wambach Blows PK After Colombian Keeper Sent Off; U.S. Score Anyway

Abby Wambach botched a penalty kick awarded after Colombian keeper Catalina Pérez earned a red card for bringing Alex Morgan down on the inside edge of the box, and a lackluster performance by the U.S. seemed to have its lacklustiest moment until a lucky break when Morgan snuck one past replacement keeper Stefany…

Colombia's Star Player Is Ramping Up The Shit Talk Ahead Of USWNT Game

Colombia aren’t afraid of anybody. They weren’t afraid of France (who they beat in the group stage), they weren’t afraid of England (who they lost to while still looking pretty damn good), and after making it to the Round of 16 and drawing one of the tournament’s favorites, they aren’t afraid of the USWNT, either.

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English Keeper Flattens Colombian, Robbing Us Of A Brilliant Team Goal

We have a soft spot in our hearts for scrappy little Colombia, who entered this group as long shots but have impressed with the overflowing technical ability of their players. So you can understand our frustration as Las Cafeteras were all set to cap off the team goal of the tournament before the English keeper went…