Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: Who Will Tell The Children?

Last season, we learned that a fat guy who throws a baseball was much more than a fat guy who throws a baseball—the pitching performances of Bartolo Colon were nothing less than an ongoing assay of the human condition. One bad start against the Toronto Blue Jays was a sign that we live in a world without magic.… » 8/22/12 4:20pm 8/22/12 4:20pm

Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: The End Is The Beginning

It was a frightful beating that gave rise to Deadspin's ongoing search for the meaning of Bartolo Colon—the 38-year-old Yankees starter got knocked out of the first inning against the Blue Jays, surrendering 8 runs (3 earned), an outing so bad it raised questions about the pitcher's very purpose in this world.… » 9/28/11 4:35pm 9/28/11 4:35pm

Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: Roy Hobbs Meets Sisyphus

Things got better on Friday for Bartolo Colon, the Yankees' veteran starter and living parable. Yet things also got no better. Pitted against 28-year-old Angels ace Jered Weaver, the 38-year-old Colon found that his arm was fresh, his control everything he wanted it to be. "I feel like I did at the beginning of the… » 9/12/11 5:11pm 9/12/11 5:11pm

Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: It's A Fine Line Between Failure And Non-Failure

What did Bartolo Colon teach us about our place in the universe last night? Special philosophical correspondent David Roher was at the ballpark to witness the veteran Yankee's performance against Oakland, as Colon fell behind the A's 5-0—with two of the runs scoring after he'd left the game, on a double served up by… » 8/24/11 4:56pm 8/24/11 4:56pm

Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: The Annihilation Of The Self Into A Greater…

Veteran pitcher Bartolo Colon resumed his philosophical explorations yesterday afternoon, facing the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Angels! Emissaries of the divine! But Colon met the Halos with yet another stolid performance: 6.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 3 K. One more no-decision, in one more eventual Yankees victory. It's… » 8/12/11 4:57pm 8/12/11 4:57pm

Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: Boone Logan Ex Machina

New York Yankees starting pitcher Bartolo Colon threw himself-and all humanity-on the mercy of the universe Friday night, by daring to pitch against the Boston Red Sox. And the universe delivered a mixed verdict: 4.2 IP, 6 H, 2 R, 2 K, hooked for Boone Logan with the bases loaded in the fifth. The Yankees rallied to… » 8/08/11 4:03pm 8/08/11 4:03pm

Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: Hard Work Is Rewarded

Bartolo Colon, the Yankees' veteran pitcher and repository of ultimate philosophical truths, battled once more against entropy and meaninglessness on Saturday. Also against the Baltimore Orioles. A hit batsman and an error behind him put Colon on the ropes in the first inning, but he struck out Mark Reynolds with the… » 8/01/11 12:06pm 8/01/11 12:06pm