The name of the school has been redacted in the document, but judging by the football team's record and the conference, it isn't hard to figure out which school we're talking about. Anyway, dude is working out in the gym, and then finds four guys in Colorado State jerseys rifling through his gym bag. Fun ensues.

I once again told the guys that this was my bag. One of them stepped towards me and raised a fist. He told me, and I remember this very clearly, "Get the fuck out of here before I whoop your punk ass." It was then that another student entered the isle. The four guys quickly bowed their heads and walked the opposite way out of the isle, leaving my bag. I checked the bag and nothing except a few emergency dollars I keep in one of the side pockets had been taken. I was obviously upset, but considered the situation done. I put on my swim trunks and headed out to the pool, but with my backpack. After a half hour swim, I called it quits and headed to the shower.

While in the shower, I had something thrown at me. It was a waded up wet cluster of toilet paper. It wasn't until later that I realized that it was wet because it was soaked in urine. Right after it was thrown at me, I spun around to see two of the guys from before standing in the entrance of the shower room. They stood laughing at me for a second, and then one of them said, "Thought you were safe, didn't you,you little bitch?" Then the other guy told me to watch my back and not say shit to anyone. After that they left.

The letter gets more frenzied and indignant as is progresses.

I pay the $21,000.00 out of state annual tuition to attend this university, and what do I get in return? I get stuff stolen from me and I get a urine-soaked wad of paper thrown at me while being threatened by a group of athletic thugs that you probably sought out to come to this school. Great job to whoever scouted these guys. Did he find them in the local penitentiary? And for that matter, our football team has stunk to high hell ever since I have been here. Last year we were 7-6, which is a pathetic record in the Mountain West.

Big finish ...

And if I may offer you some recruiting advice for future years; if you are going to fill our football team roster with shit athletes that are dumb and slow, perhaps you should make sure that they aren't also criminals.

Getting a toilet paper pee wad thrown at you is one thing, but losing to Air Force on top of that? Just unacceptable.

College Football Players Harass Student In Shower Room [Boosh]

This security guard tackling plumbing at the Colorado-Colorado State game, somehow, has a reasonable explanation.

This stunt was part of a promotion by Denver Water to promote awareness of fixing running toilets and water conservation.

It must be depressing, sometimes, to be the guy in the mascot costume. Kids keep kicking you, it's impossible to convince anyone it was actually you inside there and, you know, it's kind of hot. But being the toilet guy? That's the pinnacle of the profession, we'd think.

Running Toilet Tackled By Security [Detroit Free Press]

[Police] said Kilby pulled out a small revolver after he and Aguilar argued in the living room, pointed the gun at Aguilar's head and then pointed the gun at a couch and discharged the weapon. [Police] said teammate Stephan Gilling was in the living room, and two other people were in the apartment at the time.

[Police] said Aguilar left the apartment after the shooting and went home and called police. Officers arrived at Kilby's apartment and arrested him without incident.

See, isn't that just the way it works. You fire a gun right next to your teammate's head, and he waits until he's safely back at home for the evening to rat you out to the po-po. How's that supposed to foster team unity, Aguilar?

Player Accused Of Pointing Gun At Teammate [AOL Sports]
Must Be Something In Northern Colorado [Signal To Noise]

We don't mean to imply that maybe four-year-olds shouldn't be on the field during college football scrimmages ... but yipes.

The boy's father described a sickening thud, and instantly feared brain damage. Fortunately, four-year-olds are indestructible, and he only needed 30 stitches. The team signed a football for him — gee, thanks! — and the kid seems OK about it: "It was kind of scary 'cause I got bonked by the football," the boy said, hugging his own football. "It kind of hurted."

Boy Needs 30 Stitches After Being Struck On Sideline [ESPN]