To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, we've commissioned Commenting Guru Rob Iracane to write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week.

Mr. Iracane is the guy who approves and deletes comments around here, and the fellow to whom you should address any comment account requests, and he will explore issues involved in commenting, what makes a great comment thread, what's working, what isn't, answer your questions, so on. We want the place to continue to be as much fun as it is every day, and it's not an execution thread like our friends at Gawker do. We like to be inclusive here, because if we're not, we'd be forced to rely on our own wit and knowledge, and that's a scary thought indeed.

So here's this week's column, in which the Combudman in Chief addresses the Commenartiat and assures us that our threadly union is strong. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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I come to you today to reassure you about the security of our commentariat. What happened last week was an unfortunate, but still isolated, incident. Rest assured that your thinly veiled biases and jokes about rape are still safe behind the ironclad protection of that clever little play on words you've created as your worktime alter ego. Chickens.

What's that? You have no idea what I'm referring to? Good. Let me explain in the most ambiguous way possible to protect the identities of the innocent:

Let's say that Writer A contributed a column to Deadspin and Commenter B left a comment on said column, to which Writer A took offense. So Writer A contacted the boss of Commenter B, whom we'll call Boss C and complained about Commenter B. So now Commenter B has retreated into the shadows because Boss C is monitoring his Internet usage. Commenter B was a longtime member of the Deadspin community and will be sorely missed. Deadspin Editor W got involved and kindly asked Writer A not to fuck around with his commenters anymore, and then politely asked Combudsman R to write a column about the whole incident, with this vital piece of information: Writer A already knew Commenter B's sekrit identity because they have a history of correspondence outside of Deadspin.

Does that clear it up? No? My point is: nobody has access to your personal information. Neither Will nor Rick nor I can identify you, nor would we if we were privy to your personnel file. As as tipster or commenter, your secret identity is safe so long as you don't share your information with the Deadspin world. So feel free to keep sending anonymous tips to Will and Rick about wacky goings on at ESPN; feel free to keep making rude comments about ugly people. The Deadspin commenting box should be a safe place for those of us who make our full names known and those of us who wish to remain anonymous.

These commenters, however, would shun their anonymity for a day to receive their Comments of the Fortnight trophies:

•Re: Barack Obama striking the Heisman pose
blackheartededitor: Obama looked frantically around the room for a way to cover up his embarrassing boner...

•Re: Bryant McKinnie, escaping on a bus
Doyle McPoyle: Unfortunately B-Mac's troubles were extended when he realized the vehicle he jumped into was actually the BangBus.

•Re: Bill Walton and Will Ferrell play HORSE
Weed Against Speed: Huh. You would think since Walton was involved, they would have played a game of H-Y-P-E-R-B-O-L-E.

So here's this week's column, on the new YouTube-in-comments feature, is after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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Gawker Media pater familias Nick Denton recently had the Gawker Tech folks enable a video-embedding feature in our comment section, and then he blogged about it. It seems as if you can simply copy and paste a YouTube link directly into the comment box and the video clip will show up when your comment is published. What a brilliant application of technology! Videos embedded in comments! This certainly will not lead to absolute anarchy and irritate the combudsman or those readers who share the combudsman's sense of aesthetics!

Believe it or not, your faithful combuddy endorses this practice! There are many hilarious and/or poignant videos on the tubes that would be completely relevant to some of the posts on Deadspin. Sometimes, Will gives us a pertinent clip in the main section of his blogpost, but sometimes, it's up to us as the commenteriat to help him out with an appropriate (or occasionally inappropriate) video. Commenter CardinalRedOctober gives us a good example of proper usage in the Greg Gumbel Media Approval Ratings post, as he directs us to a clip of a sentimental Gumbel tearing up after the final NFC game broadcast by CBS. Gold star!

Still, I urge other commenters to take pause before embedding a YouTube clip in a comment: does this relate at all to the topic? If not, is it at least the funniest video in Deadspin history? If the answer is still no, then please, just make a standard dick joke.

I am glad, however, to let my column today serve as a sort of training ground and rehearsal space for both appropriate and inappropriate uses of this new commenting feature. Consider it a sacrifice. And for those of you who cannot see YouTube videos because of the filtering software at your place of business or education, I still don't care.

I do care deeply, however, for those commenters who provided us with the Comments of the Fortnight:

Re: The Pro Bowl fan with a bag of Jello shots
ArkansasFred: Jello shot guy's colostomy bag full of mudslides is even more unsettling.

Re: Spielberg Pulling Out of Olympic Ceremonies
UkraineNotWeak: This is a rarity. A Jew turning down Chinese.

Re: The Disturbing Image of the Thrashers' Mascot
Camp Tiger Claw: This looks like that time I fucked Phyllis Diller.

So here's this week's column, about how to appropriately comment on Closers, is after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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I had an Abraham Simpson moment recently. I sat down and started writing a letter to Will:

Dear Mr. Editor, There are too many closers nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.

Having three consecutive closers that early in the morning, I thought, led to a general malaise amongst commenters and didn't quite prepare us to be funny for the afternoon onslaught of crazy videos and wacky news stories. Yes, some of us like the NBA and some of us enjoy college basketball and the really insane among us want their own special place to comment about the NHL, but all too often, the discussions become rote "my team is better'n your team" arguments or ridiculous "no love for my favorite team" questions. Before I licked the envelope, however, I paused to think: What if all these closers actually provided us with a chance to be funny and we're just fucking it up?

How can I scientifically check to see if the closers are being funny? I needed to count the jokes, so I sat down and analyzed all three of the major closers (Hirshey and his footie closer got a pass; I couldn't figure out what was a joke and what was a shameless book plug) and found that the joke-per-sentence ratio actually equaled the joke-per-sentence ratio in almost every other Deadspin post over the past three months. They're setting us up with a chance to be funny!

Will only hires the best of the best bloggers to write the daily closers; we've seen a steady rotation of excellent writers telling us what happened last night in the NBA, NHL and college basketball. And soon, Associate Editor Rick will once again grace us with tiger attack references in his MLB closer.

So let's follow their lead and build some comedy pyramids. If the College Basketball Closer makes a joke comparing Eddie Sutton to Count Chocula, then let's hear some jokes comparing Tubby Smith to Boo Berry. We don't need to hear that your favorite cereal is Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That's just a dry, humorless statement unless you add the comedy milk. If the NBA Closer doesn't mention the Memphis-Toronto game, don't tell us the score and express your joy about the Raptors' win. Make up a funny Chris Bosh abuses children joke or something. If the NHL Closer goes past 1500 words ... well ... you're on your own with that one.

I tore up that letter to Will. Was it because I finally appreciated all the humor inside these closers? Maybe. Was it because I trust that our comments will be funny from here on out? Possibly. Was it because I ran out of stamps? Definitely. These folks, however, never run out of postage because their jokes got delivered as the Comments of the Fortnight:

Re: Kool Aid sneakers
Suss—: If you ever get in a fistfight with the Kool-Aid man, the best hiding place is to jump inside him.

Re: Larry Johnson's expensive watch
Sh!tshow: "What time is LJ?" "It's Trade Me to a Contender O'Clock."

Re: Committing to the racist stereotype
KarenUhOh: And I just spent twelve dollars learning to walk like an Egyptian.

So here's this week's column, on proper commenting relative to photos, is after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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Sometimes, Will and Rick (and our many closers) deign to grace a blog post with a notably hilarious photo. I'm not talking about the times when the picture IS the blog post, but rather, the times when the photo is relevant to the accompanying story. Certain personalities make news rather frequently and their faces will show up in odd ways, paired with odd folks. We, as commenters, have no choice but to attack these photos with fervor. But please, this is Deadspin, and the number one rule is to be funny.

Captioning a picture can be great. Hey, Gawker is even using the concept as a vehicle to harness the collective power of the commenter. For a recent example, let's look at a comment by perpetual r.o.y. about Amare Stoudamire's latest attempt at business casual attire. Oh, I get it. But there are other ways to make jokes using the photo, some good, some shitty. Lend me your ear and follow my rules:

First and foremost, identifying lookalikes in the background of photos is hack. It's not even a joke! This may be hard for our Minnesotan commenters to hear, but not every black man in America is Martin Lawrence. Why isn't this practice funny? Think about it: do I come to your place of business and tell you that the co-worker in the next cubicle looks like Sandra Bullock or that your boss looks like a tall version of Jason Alexander? No, because nobody cares that I have the ability to match regular quotidian faces to those of celebrities. I also have no idea where you work.

On the other hand, the "has really let one's self go" meme is a commenting crutch that even I use because it can still be amusing. You just have to pick your spots and choose the right celebrity. "But Rob, you just told me not to identify lookalikes!". True, but if you make us laugh, you can break any combudsman code you want. Remember, rule #1 of Deadspin is "be funny".

Somebody told me last year that LOLcats would be so over by 2008. Well, somebody was wrong because we're almost a week into 2008 and the LOLcat meme keeps getting funnier. How can they be used on Deadspin? Well, just a couple weeks ago, commenter neckbeardedclam gave us this gem on a Woody Paige item. It's true, he's very hungry!

These commenters, however, didn't leave me hungry because their Comments of the Fortnight filled me up with hilarity:

Re: Chris Jessie grabs a loose fumble
Dany Heatley Speedwagon: I thought Radio was black?

Re: Zhang Bin's Wife and Her Wacky Accusations
ProtectYourNeckBeard: Eating crow won't be too much of a hassle for her. I hear it's a delicacy.

Re: Kansas' citrus-y victory
Weed Against Speed: It that's what oranges looked like, we would all have scurvy.

Yep, Jason Gurney at Ballhype has actually put together the total list of "+1"s given amongst Deadspin commenters. We do not know why he did this, we do not understand it, but we salute him nevertheless. Here's how seriously he took this:

I printed out each post from 2007, divided them up among 5 monkeys, and had them count up all of the +1's, +2's, +10's, and other variations that commenters have awarded each other—you know, in lieu of comment voting. (See footnote for a few caveats.) Before we get to the final tally, here are a few other nuggets we were able to extract:

* Most points awarded in a single comment: a hundred quadrillion.
* Fewest points awarded in a comment: 0.4 (S2N), 0.7 (Skeets)
* Most plusses received from the combudsman: 3 each for Camp Tiger Claw and UkraineNotWeak
* Most generous with the plusses: Signal to Noise (61), BigTenObsession (44), Gourmet Spud (42), MrRedDevil (40), Camp Tiger Claw (39)

OK, ya'll just crazy now. Nutty world, kids.

More Sports Blog Geekery: Top Deadspin Commenters 2007 [Ballhype]

So here's this week's column, on comment memes our combudsman would like to see go away, is after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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I've been combudsmanning around these parts for nearly eight months and deadterning for just over a year. What have I learned?

Commenters are simultaneously the funniest part and the most frustrating part of Deadspin. No worries: out of all the people who audition for comments, the unfunny ones can sometimes amuse me just as much as the funny ones. As for those of you who are already approved, I've been laying down rules and regulations all year long, so to fully get in the holiday spirit, here's more! I give you the top ten commenting memes of 2007 that I'd like to see dead in 2008.

These items are irritating enough to stick in my craw but not really column-worthy on their own accord. That being said, I'm not putting an outright ban on these memes. Feel free to keep firing away your comments related to these topics as long as you understand how much it gives me the red ass. Here we go, in no particular order:

1. Tim Hardaway Hates Gay People: We get it. A male is acting effeminately. Tim Hardaway hates gay people. Move on.

2. Bill Simmons Has Gotten, Like, So Bad: You may not agree with everything he writes but telling everyone that he's a hack is just...hack.

3. People Telling Us What To Listen To On Satellite Radio: I admit it, I do this too sometimes but XM's baseball coverage is by far superior to Sirius' football programming. (Also, Ron and Fez, noon to three)

4. Duke-bashing: We as sports fans can hate whomever we want, but as Deadspin commenters, we are encouraged to be creative in our antagonism. Duke-bashing, like Boston-bashing, has become trite.

5. Referring to Posts as 'Threads': This isn't some koffee klatch email between hausfraus about all the adorable things your children do. It's a blog post and we make funny comments. Well, most of us do.

6. A-Rod/Jeter/Anyone is Gay: I blame the hilarious Dugout for this meme, but really, sports fans have been jeering their enemies for years by calling them 'fags' or 'queers'. Bad news, folks: Derek Jeter is straight (and dreamy!) Save your homophobic slings for the real gays, like John Amaechi or Brady Quinn.

7. The Underpants Gnomes Bit: (1) Hack Comment (2) .... (3) Make Rob sad.

8. Complaining About Being Fired After AJ Posts Salacious Pictures: Although I suppose this won't be a problem anymore now that Daulerio is about to retire the Oddsmaker column. Is that what happens when you run out of column ideas? Hm...

9. Baiting Supermike: He's the commenter everyone loves to hate and secretly hates to love. He's smart, funny, and quick with the reply. But when poked with a stick, he becomes ornery and risks getting banned for the twelfth time. Please don't make me ban him again. I like having a foil.

10. Kige Ramsey: 'Nuff said.

This has been Rob Iracane for Deadspin sports. If you want me to have a happy new year, remember this list in 2008 and stay away from the crap.

These commenters, however, never bring us crap because they are My Favorite Commenters of the Year:

• Camp Tiger Claw: He had a streak of hilarity reminiscent of Christmas Ape in 2006.

• ArkansasFred: He is filthy-mouthed and roots for Philly teams, and I don't think that's a coincidence.

• Suss—: Yes, he's an employee of Gawker Media and a man of many blog-hats, but he remains one of the most consistent commenters since day one. Kudos!

  Folks, who are your favorite commenters?

So here's this week's column, on repeating jokes, is after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

I inherited two interesting traits from my ancestors, both of which I've been desperately trying to reverse over the past few years. The first trait is an urge to interrupt someone telling a story by telling my own story that somehow relates to the topic at hand. I am often so anxious to relate a hilarious anecdote that I stop listening to the person talking to me and wait for him to take a breath so I can start yapping. It's usually not a big problem, though, since most people just aren't very interesting anyway.

The second trait is a unconscious disposition to tell my friends stories that I've already told them multiple times. After the third or fourth telling, my Gawker Stalker moment with Josie Bissett loses its luster. Yes, the oral tradition of my Italian forebears has passed down through the generations; the only difference between them and me is that I use 50% less hand gestures and speak 50 percent better broken English. Still, I have important things to say and I expect that you pay attention to me.

What does this have to do with commenting on Deadspin? First off, we must stop making jokes that have already been made. I realize that we've been adding up to 100 comments on each post and I don't expect everyone to read every single one, unless you are going to jump into the conversation and add your own. Nothing gets my goat more than reading a hilarious joke at the beginning of the comments and then seeing the exact same joke two pages down and ten minutes later. Yuck! Excuse me for sounding like your tenth grade driving instructor, but commenting is a privilege and not a right, and that privilege can be taken away from you at any time, especially if you drink a gallon of margaritas and stay up until 4 a.m. talking to yourself in the Up All Night post (right, Skeets?). Read the comments. Savor them like a 15-year-old glass of scotch.

Sometimes, however, you'll make a similar joke at the exact moment as someone else, and both comments will appear at the same time. How cute! You two are twinnies! Jinx! Someone owes someone else a beer! But you don't need to post another comment telling us how disappointed you are that you weren't first with that hilarious quip. You got beat fair and square and you lost your chance to win Commenter of the Fortnight, as opposed to the fine folks below:

Re:Dog bites cornerback
Tuffy: Once an Alabama police dog, always an Alabama police dog.

Re:Devil Rays' new nautical stadium plans
Doyle_McPoyle: Not to be outdone, the Mets new stadium will fully collapse every September.

Re:Devil Rays' new nautical stadium plans
Gourmet Spud: Not since Vanity Smurf have I seen a bluer flame.

Also, every single pun that Suss made.

So here's this week's column, which fully explains the whole "friend" commenting stuff our Gawker friends have brought us ... after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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Will, Rick, and the weekend daddies may be the ones who sign their names to the posts around here, but we know who really brings the magic: Supermike. No, I'm kidding of course; it's every commenter except Supermike who make Deadspin run as smoothly as Brian Westbrook through the Redskins' secondary. But if you're like me and you want to follow Supermike's every move, you are in luck! Yes, it's finally true: you can now follow your favorite commenters and see their most hilarious retorts, even on the front page of Deadspin!

Here's how: First, log in using your comment ID and password in the boxes at the top of the page. If you don't have an ID already, click the "new user" to sign up. Once you're logged in, click on your comment ID displayed at the top of the page where it says "welcome." This leads to your commenting home page, and along with updating your picture and screen name here, you can see all your comments, clipped posts and view your current friends and followers.

How do you get friends? Well, it's just like real life. When you see a commenter you'd like to befriend, click the little plus icon next to their name. You've got a friend! And your new friend has a new follower: YOU! Like I said, it's just like real life. Next time I'm out at my local watering hole, I'm going to try pressing someone's "plus" icon if I'm feeling a bit lonely. Hopefully I won't get punched in the face.

Now that you have friends and/or followers, how can you use this to your advantage? Well, you'll be able to read your friends' comments right on the front page of Deadspin, interspersed with Will's usual posts about Barbaro or YouTube videos with wacky pratfalls. You'll see your friends' comments from other Gawker Mediaís blogs, too, so you can follow all the wacky stuff Unsilent Majority says over at Fleshbot.

The only thing more fun than adding a friend is breaking up with one. If you want to ditch someone because they've become about as boring as a Dolphins game, just click the "x" next to their commenter name. (Again, just like real life.) They'll disappear faster than the Lions' postseason plans. I'm putting as many professional football similes in this column as the Redskins blow late leads.

Finally, if you want to totally take this social networking thing to the nth degree, click on someone's commenter name, check out their profile page, and leave them some hilarious feedback. Look, I just did it right this very minute! Ferreals! If you have any problems with this awesome new technology, send an email to commentguru AT Deadspin DOT com so I can compare your inadequacy to that of the Cincinnati Bengals.

The main thing is the "Friends" feature. If you think the anonymous human you keep laughing at (or, we suppose, with) is someone of the sort you'd like to track, just hit that little "+" sign, and you'll have a friend. If you click your own commenting name, you'll be able to see all your friends. After you have friended someone, links to their latest comments will begin appearing on the front page of the site mixed in between the regular posts.And everyone will be able to follow along and have a grand old time.

So, you know, it's like Facebook, except with more jokes about penises. And if you're not a commenter, email Rob Iracane at commentguru@deadspin.com and state your case. And he'll explain it more on Monday. If we can help you get time away from your family this holiday week, we are pleased to oblige.

So here's this week's column, about the prevalence of your favorite team in the morning closers ... after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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With the triumphant return of Rick's NBA Closer and the unexpectedly stellar debut of the NHL Closer, we commenters are treated to a daily helping of selected game recaps from around the two major professional indoor sports. Say what you will about games played in arenas (and the less creative ones among you still can't stop saying "hoc-key?") but for people like me who don't watch "SportsCenter," these two Daily Closers keep me abreast of these non-football, non-baseball sports. Still, I check the Knicks score every morning because they are my favorite NBA team. If Rick doesn't write about them, it's no skin off my back. I probably wasted two hours the night before watching them lose. Why then would I compose a bitchy comment asking why there is no love for my favorite team?

Yes, I'm talking about you, Mr. These-Five-Game-Recaps-Are-Not-Enough-For-Me. (potential commenter name alert!) I understand that you have devoted your life to following a particular group of gentlemen who all happen to wear the same outfit to work, and I salute you for purchasing a replica of said work garment. We all have our preferred franchises; that is what makes Deadspin a general sports blog and not a team-specific blog (even taking into account the extra Buzzsaw coverage). You may think comment readers want to know how fantastically well Player A performed for Team B, or how amazingly clutch Team C is now under Coach D, but really, you're not following the most important rule of Deadspin commenting: be funny, and do not not be funny. We get it. Your team is great. Move on.

On a personal note, my skin literally crawls and I get a horrendous case of douche chills every time I see a comment that begins with the words "no love for?" In fact, I'm not sure which concept offends me more: complaining about a lack of coverage for one's team of choice, or the actual phrase "no love for." Cliches are difficult to get past when commenting; I've had to give 110%, bring my A-game and be more consistent just to avoid them. If we could get rid of this one, however, it's one step towards commenting perfection.

These commenters take us three more steps further with their Comments of the Fortnight:

• Re: Eric Lindros' farewell
strangeffect: according to wikipedia, the Flyers management essentially tried to kill him. Then again, wikipedia also says I'm a 9 foot tall pterodactyl.

• Re: Troy Williamson's lack of paycheck
Big Daddy Drew: A funeral is about the only thing Williamson can catch these days.

• Re: Ricky Williams' yoga class
Matt_T: Sure Ricky may know the downward facing dog, but Vick can teach him the electrocuting the shit out of a dog.

So here's this week's column, on what it means to be "banned" ... after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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As the official Deadspin commenting intern-slash-guru-slash-ombudsman, I get to read both unpublished comments and emails from the folks who are submitting them. Ideally, everyone would get a chance to make hilarious comments on our Web site; unfortunately, most of what I read in the unpublished queue is not quite on par with the witty repartee that our regular commenters contribute on a daily basis. That's quite a damning statement, too, because some of our regular commenters are not exactly Woody Allen circa 1965 in the humor department.

Still, if you want to become a Deadspin commenter and you have no idea what you're doing, go read this FAQ and then come back and read some of these hints:

So here's this week's column, featuring Rejected Commenter Theater ... after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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In an effort to educate those of you who wish to become commenters, to entertain those of you who are already commenters and possibly to offend everyone in the process, I give you Rejected Commenter Theatre. Every day, tens upon tens of Deadspin readers audition to become commenters. My job as combudsman is to sift through these pending comments and separate the hilarious wheat from the tedious chaff. Today, I will present that chaff and attempt to reveal my reasons for rejecting it. Let's go!

From Unsilent Majority's recap of the huge Stanford upset over USC, pending commenter BrokenPlayScramble gives us this gem:

If losing at home when you're a 40 point favorite is cool, consider me senator Larry Craig.

I don't get the joke; it reads like a mixed metaphor to me. Unless BrokenPlayScramble is actually United States Senator Larry Craig, in which case I feel bad for snubbing such an esteemed congresscritter.

From the story of Jacksonville U's backup running back planting weed in the starting tailback's dorm room, pending commenter Anthony_C has this witty remark:

This kid really took the low road on this one. I dont understand why he would plant the weed on his rival and then confess to doing it. Doesnt that defeat the purpose. Maybe he can be a starter on the prison team. If you havent checked out REDACTED WEB ADDRESS give it a try. I'm loving it!

I'm still trying to figure out if Anthony_C is a real live human being or a spammy commenting robot that speaks in sentence fragments. Note: If you are a real human being and you want to suggest a website, make sure it's either relevant to the post or high quality free pornography.

From Will's quick Illinois celebration leftover, pending commenter TideDruid deigns to grace us with this outburst:

Aw heck, I can't resistÖ B-A-M-A, Bama all the way!

Next time, resist that urge. Feel free to root for whoever you want, wear your heart on your sleeve, and don't let me stop you from supporting your team of choice, but if you want to comment at Deadspin, give us something funny. Also, I prefer Auburn.

From the Chris Henry's stolen rental car post, pending commenter BengalsFan says:

OKA, NOW AS MUCH AS DIS MITE HURT BUT YU GUYS ARE LAME YU HAVE NO LIFE LEAVE CHRIS HENRY!!!! LIVE YO LIFE HOP OFF OKA!!!!!!!!!LOZERS ^_^

and then follows up with these words of wisdom:

YU ARE LAME HE IZNT A THEIF I DON LIKE YOUR DUMB COMMENTS

This happens from time to time. Weeks after a post appears on Deadspin, someone stumbles upon it and does their best impersonation of an AOL commenter. This was one of those moments. I have no advice for you, BengalsFan. I'm only posting your comment for laughs.

Finally, I'd like to spotlight someone who I rejected based solely on his or her commenter name of choice, SuckItIcarane. I ain't got no quarrel with people who want to take a jab at me, but can you at least spell my goddamned name right?

These folks not only know how to spell, they made the Comments of the Fortnight:

• Re: Rockies fans tinkling in the bleachers
Decided Schematic Advantage: Piss Cam > Kiss Cam

• Re: Brad Miller's shiny new cornrows
Camp Tiger Claw: It's the most efficient way to find the lice.

• Re: Indians Vs. Yankees Playoff Pants Party
MitchKayak: In Cleveland, Joba would be considered a model.

So here's this week's column, about "outsourcing" and post length ... after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

The concept of a "blog" is almost 10 years old. The word "weblog" was coined by noted Joycean scholar and all-around kook Jorn Barger in December 1997, when he began to log the web as he surfed. His site, Robot Wisdom Weblog, appears to be nothing more than a list of extremely short descriptions of a wide variety of links, but that notion created by Barger indirectly birthed the entire blogosphere. Ten years later, blogs have blown up enough that people actually make full-time careers out of blogging, and sometimes, they even publish longer pieces written by other brilliant people.

Our fearless editor Will Leitch is one of those full-time sports bloggers; he, along with associate editor Rick Chandler regale us with their hilarious takes on news stories, gossipy items and embedded viral videos five days a week, eight 10 hours a day. The least that we, as commenters, can do is to let these guys use their extensive "connections" in the media to bring in some fantastic writers, some on a regular basis, to entertain and educate us with extended, think-y features. Yes, sometimes these guest bloggers shit the bed in a historically painful way. Most of the time, however, we can truly be rewarded by reading the entire goddamned blog post before submitting a careless and unfunny "Wah, wah this is too long!" or "Wah, wah Will is outsourcing Deadspin!" comment.

I can't force you to read every single word of these pieces nor would I stop anyone from critiquing them in the comment section. I can, however, implore you to either read the whole post before commenting or simply sit one out. Take a breather. Go get a Boku or a cookie and come back when Blogdome is posted.

This whole idea really gets to the heart of commenting. If we don't have something positive to contribute, whether it's funny, thought-provoking, funny, titillating or funny, we shouldn't post anything. Whenever I email an invite to a new user, I tell them that we stress quality over quantity with comments at Deadspin. I'd still like to be able to type that with a straight face.

My face was anything but straight when I LQTM'd at these Comments of the Fortnight:

• Re: The Sacrificial Burning of UM Hats
Hit Bull Win Steak: It's funny how people in Michigan are always burning things they no longer like. That explains why Detroit looks like it does.

• Re: Tiger shitting in the woods
Weed Against Speed: "Don't pinch it off just yet. Tiger may have just went number two but he is number one in the FedEx Cup standings."
/Jim Nantz

• Re: Bill Wirtz kicks the bucket
Shawon-O-Meter: This just in: Wirtz left the Blackhawks to Leona Helmsley's dog.

• Re: Cubs World Series tickets
Suss—: Game 4's pitching matchup is Dewey vs. Truman.

Are you a Deadspin commenter having trouble logging in and posting comments? Are you a wannabe commenter wondering why your comments aren't showing up? Are you some jerk who enjoys clicking on the new FLAG link? Then read ahead, this column is for you!

The Gawker Media IT folks have once again upgraded the backend to our humble sports blog, and by "upgraded the backend," I mean, "messed with our collective psyches." If you're an active commenter having trouble posting comments, try to login on the gray box at the top of the page. You might still have to login every time you re-open your web browser, but that should be fixed soon.

If you've been auditioning to become a commenter over the past few days, hold tight. Your comments are in the hopper, waiting to be either published or flushed down the terlet. The comment approval engine is just getting back on its non-existent feet so you should know very soon if you're funny enough to hang with Camp Tiger Claw, et al.

Also, you may have noticed the new FLAG link that sits next to each comment. Anyone, both commenters and casual readers alike, can click on that link, which will automatically send an email to your friendly combudsman, alerting him to a questionable comment. If you are seriously offended by someone's comment, definitely flag it. But please be cautious when using this feature; if my inbox gets clogged with too many emails notifying me about Anchorman quotes or Nibbles references, I may miss out on Supermike's latest attempt to get banned.

So here's this week's column, about not liking certain sports ... after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

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I must admit, I am not much of a fan of college football. The sport is rooted in stale tradition, is tarnished with recruiting scandals and features a championship system that rewards teams based partly on the opinions of idiotic sportswriters. Worst of all, compared to the NFL, the quality of play is amateurish and downright boring. Also, I went to a college where the two most important aspects of Saturday games were wearing ties and date rape. I hate college football, but I still respect your right to enjoy it.

As any of our weekend editors can tell you, college football is overwhelmingly popular on Deadspin, especially on Saturday game days. If I was a real dick, I could slink around the Hugh Johnson Project posts and type out angry comments decrying all that Darren McFadden bullshit or those Dan Shanoff missives about the Florida Gators. But I'm not a real dick, I just play one when I write these columns. Therefore, I will not post comments saying "College football sucks" or "I'm bored let's talk about Vanessa Hudgens." I defer to those of us who really enjoy the sport to make the funny and relevant comments.

So let's do ourselves a favor and expand that level of respect to cover all sports. Don't bust into the "Daily Closer" and talk shit about baseball. Don't mess with Hirshey's column and insinuate that soccer players are effeminate. And for the love of God, if the NHL ever ends their bitter three-year labor dispute and if Will ever live-glogs a Stanley Cup final, let's not use that awful 'hoc-key?' cliche. It is tired and it is not funny.

These commenters recognize the diversity of sports and also made the Comments of the Fortnight:

• Re: Stu Scott is the Moderator of Rap Wars
AlumniGonzo: Stuart will be there because they need someone who can see both sides of the argument.

• Re: The Ascension of Lorenzen
Jose Reyes The Roof: Byron Leftwich cut, Lorenzen starts... It's the circle of lipids.

• Re: Fatheads
Unsilent Majority: I don't have a Fathead but I did get a Will Leitch Wallbanger. It's added a whole new element of brooding emotion to my apartment.