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Colombian Heavy Metal "¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" Clocks In At 37 Seconds

Yeah, so Colombia took an early lead on the U.S. in tonight’s Copa América third-place match, but that means we once again get to check in on the cybernetic-lunged “El Cantante del Gol,” Javier Fernández. Tonight’s heavy metal “¡Gol!” spanned 37 seconds of uninterrupted, uh, “¡Gol!”-ing. I can’t even hold my breath…

Hater-Ass Diego Maradona Is Lowkey Shit-Talking Argentina's National Team Again

Argentina, you may remember, just Hulk-smashed the USMNT in the Copa América Centenario earlier this week to earn a spot in the Copa final—the third consecutive tournament title match the Albiceleste have competed in. Understandably, someone asked former Argentina great and current waterlogged gremlin Diego Maradona…

Idiot On The Field Leads Slapstick Chase Through Copa America Match, Eventually Gets Bodyslammed

Chile vs. Colombia was exciting during the first half, nonexistent for the next two hours, then soggy and boring for the second half. Thankfully, stoppage time featured an amazing moment in Idiot On The Field history, as this enterprising dumbass managed to escape a sizable horde of the security team, run the length…

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Holy Shit, The USMNT Is In The Copa América Semifinals!

When we learned that the USMNT would be playing Ecuador—a team whose relatively middling reputation on the international scene belies their legitimate talent—for the right to compete in the Copa América semis, we were hopeful about the U.S.’s chances to progress but also a little worried about the specter of a blown…