crazy-people Page index.xml - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Future Florida Man Luis Suárez Allegedly Cheated On Italian Citizenship Exam
Luis Suárez is destined to play for Inter Miami. It might not be happening now, even though there were reports of talks last month to make it happen, but the universe eventually needs Suárez to assume his final form as a Florida Man....
Report: Some Guy Broke A Teen's Head For Not Properly Respecting The National Anthem
From the moment “respecting the flag” became a piece of gristle floating in the soupy brains of people who watch a lot of Fox News and burn their Nikes, we began heading towards this moment. At long last, someone has allegedly assaulted a teenager over perceived disrespect for the flag and national ...
Max Scherzer Is An Intense Weirdo
Max Scherzer, like all pitchers, goalies, kickers, and other solitary sportsmen, is a lunatic. Sometimes he’s growling at his coaches. Sometimes it’s at no one in particular. Scherzer was on one last night, striking out 14 over seven innings as the Nationals beat the Dodgers 2-1. And if you are both...
This Woman Might Convince You That Your Energy Drink Was Made By Satan
I mean, you can't argue with facts. "Bottoms up, and the Devil laughs."...
A Field Guide To American Truthers
There were no truthers back in the 20th century. I grew up in the Golden Age of Kennedy Assassination Conspiracies, but the word "truther" was never used to describe Oliver Stone or any of the other folks who decried the Magic Bullet theory. (DISCLOSURE: I saw JFK when I was in high school and took...
Can Dennis Rodman Survive Retirement?
Originally published as "No Rebound" on June 1, 2003, in The New York Times Magazine. Footnotes from the author are included throughout the story....
Thin Air: In The Mountains With Steve Carlton, Armed Conspiracist
Originally published as "Thin Mountain Air" in the April 1994 issue of Philadelphia Magazine. The story appears in The Best Sports Writing of Pat Jordan published by Persea books. A postscript with thoughts from both the author and editor follows....
Ole Miss Football Coach Hugh Freeze Told Anyone With Evidence Of Him Cheating To Send An Email To Ole Miss Compliance, Crazy People Obliged
Ole Miss pulled in a great recruiting class this year with Laquon Treadwell, Laremy Tunsil, and Robert Nkemdiche. Many ranked the last, Nkemidche, as the best recruit in the nation. All had offers from practically every school in the country, and all chose Ole Miss, despite the fact that it is and h...
North Korean Heir Is Basically That Guy You Knew In 1996 Who Always Wore A Toni Kukoc Jersey
Kim Jong Il is dead. In 2009, we met his youngest son and presumptive heir, Kim Jong Un—a basketball fan, it turns out. Originally published July 16, 2009....
What The Hell Did Crazy Dennis Rodman Say In The Bleeped-Out Portion Of This Interview That So Terrified The Interviewer?
Dennis Rodman was on Yahoo's In Depth with Graham Bensinger recently to touch on a few issues. Issues like, how is he still alive at 50 years old? (No one knows.) Is he still batshit? (Yes, definitely.) And is he still partying his giant nose ring off? (See below.)...
Dolphins Linebacker Channing Crowder Retires At 27 To Spend More Time With His Own Crazy Thoughts: A Tribute
Miami released Crowder, its trash-talking linebacker, two weeks ago, and Crowder decided to retire today....
New Jersey Man Threatens Lawsuit Because His Daughter Didn't Make The All-County Softball First Team
A high school softball player hits .571 (which was not, by the way, the best average on her team) with nine homers and 46 RBI, and she doesn't make the all-state team. Tough shit, homegirl, most would say. We've all had our disappointments, especially in high school. But our fathers never sued....
Listen To Unreliable Apocalyptist Harold Camping Talk About Sports
May 21st has passed without the Rapture, much to the chagrin of Harold Camping and his followers. But Camping is not just a one-trick Horseman: he talks about all kinds of non-apocalyptic stuff on his Family Radio station. Play the above clip to hear what he has to say about how sports interfere w...
Obama Released His Birth Certificate In The Face Of Unrelenting Pressure From Tommy Tuberville
Tuberville, appearing Tuesday on Sean Hannity's TV show: "We've got enough controversy going on in this country. I don't know why he wouldn't just step up and say, ‘Here it is.' Obviously, there's got to be something on there he doesn't want anybody to see." [Lubbock Avalanche-Journal]...
Luke Scott Is Still A Gun-Humping Birther Survivalist Lunatic, Chickenshit ESPN Story Won't Say
Luke Scott is a gun-humping birther survivalist lunatic who keeps a pistol in his sofa cushion and throws plantain chips at a black teammate when he acts "like a savage." Sounds like an asshole, right? But things aren't so simple, ESPN's Amy K. Nelson tells us in her recent profile of Scott, and she...
Tom Jackson Is An Insane Person
Okay, so here's Tom Jackson saying he picked New England this weekend to motivate the Jets. When did Jackson become a fucking nutbar?...
Skiing Through New York Blizzard At 40 MPH Is Exhilarating, Terrifying
The Snowpocalypse looks even more like a Mad Max wasteland when you tow a dude on skis down Park Avenue at high speed....
Former Basketball Player Ends Congressional Bid As It Began: Crazily
Remember Kevin Millen? The former Georgetown basketball player no one remembered who ran for Congress in Tennessee on a campaign of paranoia and family values and batshit insanity? He lost. But at least he's fired off one last batshit insane email....
Last Night's Winner: Boston's Sociopaths
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the inspired weirdos who populate the Celtics' roster and who, drooling and howling and pounding the floor, gave their team a very big victory last night....
Let's Listen In As The Crazy People Talk About Obama's NCAA Bracket
"'From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.' If that is your mantra, why would you watch college basketball. ... Obama should only watch sports where they do not keep score. Socialists are hipocrits." [Free Republic]...